I loved Teen Wolf as a kid and even played werewolf with my little buddies. I’m fine with the idea of a serious reboot in name only. I’m not so nostalgic I can’t enjoy that drama. Unfortunately, this “Teen Wolf” is just a typical slick MTV show with no character.

I almost thought it would cold open with the wolf out in the mirror, but no it was just a fake out and a silly intro of Stiles (Dylan O’Brien). They want to go find a dead body? That’s something high schoolers do? That’s when Scott McCall (Tyler Posey) gets bitten by a wolf, so it’s a totally ordinary rehash of The Wolf Man.

I don’t see why they had to lose the whole family history. That would be even more interesting in a drama. A wolf bite is just random and you lose the generational relationship where he could learn from or repeat his father’s mistakes. I think this Scott has a single mom, because that’s more relatable to today’s broken homes. The case of the body keeps coming up and sounds stupid like teen CSI.

Well groomed kids walk around school looking at hot cars, ignore lame teachers and talk about fashion. The background soundtrack of “TRL” hits makes it sound like an MTV vehicle, which is all it is. At least a house party looks like a long lost episode of “The Grind.” They even drop references to changing a song on your iPod. It’s very forced to sound like it’s in touch with the youth culture who have these crazy devices that distract them from driving. I know I’m no longer attuned to how teenagers talk, but I know bad writing. It only gets worse when Scott starts describing his wolf symptoms.

The powers are the same only now his super hearing picks up distant cell phones. Oh, and when a whistle hurts his ears, it’s a coach’s whistle. Okay folks, the reason the dog whistle hurt Michael J. Fox’s ears was to demonstrate he could hear nonhuman frequencies. The coach’s whistle just causes discomfort. There’s nothing creative or dramatic about that. Scott throws furniture around when he gets angry, so this truly is no more interesting than puberty and dealing with body changes.

I don’t mind changing the sport to lacrosse. I grew up in a lacrosse town so I know it’s a big deal. The show seems defensive about it though. They keep trying to tell you how cool lacrosse is. Visually, it’s not as striking to see Scott catch lacrosse balls as it was to see Fox dribble and dunk. If they eventually have wolf Scott with fur sticking out of a lacrosse uniform, that will be awesome. The wolf himself looks like you’d expect a TV makeup job to look. Cable TV, not network level makeup like “Buffy.”

The characters are so stupid. There’s the hyper pepped up coach, the sensitive hottie Allison Argent (Crystal Reed), the juiced up jock. The introduction of wolf hunters only promises more clichéd subplots. This Scott works in an animal clinic. Come on, guys. Those aren’t creative developments. It’s not ironic that he works with animals and then he becomes one. Or maybe it would be if it was important to his personality, but it’s just a job they inserted into his character profile on the screenplay template.

This show is so stupid. Maybe it’s trying to cram too much into a pilot, but I won’t watch any more to find out. I’m pretty confident this is the artistic direction of MTV’s “Teen Wolf.”

“Teen Wolf” premieres June 5 at 11.