Previously on "True Blood," Sookie and Jess (who just murdered a truck driver) were looking for Bill, Sam was looking for his birth parents, Eric was looking to unload all his V, Jason was looking into his soul after murdering Eggs, and Bill was looking to get medieval on some werewolves (but not the cool kind). And that's about it. Onto this week's episode, "Beautifully Broken."The episode opens with Bill having already kicked the asses of all the werewolves (for the most part). Seems as though you don't even have to use silver to kill these werewolves. And they can change back-and-forth at will. So I'm not even sure why they're werewolves. MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
The poster for "Mad Man" season 4 has hit, and it's clear that Don Draper needs a chair. If these are his new office digs for the new agency then I have to say kudos. With that view he can probably see so many people having sex in adjacent apartment complexes.In this new season, Don's getting a divorce from Betty and starting his own company at the same time. Someone get this eligible bachelor on a 60s gameshow, stat. He could impregnate an entire female audience with one smoldering glance.Season 4 of "Mad Men" premieres July 25 on AMC. (Ausiello)
Lola Glaudini is your friendly neighbor police/federal agent actress, either tracking down sociopaths in "Criminal Minds" or taking on the mob in "The Sopranos." With this summer's TV series "Persons Unknown," she gets another chance to show off her talents (and legs) as Kat, one of several mysterious people trapped in a ghost town.A word from Lola:"All the patterns are based off real patterns."Kind of like how these snozzberries taste like snozzberries… Very interesting. That's fine detective work, Glau Glau.Track down more pics of Lola after the jump.
A Moment of Eloquence With Denis Leary – Watch more Funny Videos Denis Leary is known for his potty mouth, and his show "Rescue Me" on FX about New York City firefighters is the perfect forum for his tirades. The above montage exemplifies the eloquence of the program, stringing together the terms c*ck, balls, tits, bl*w jobs, and balls again in a profound fashion. If Shakespeare was around to witness this evolution, I'm pretty sure he'd throw up in his mouth. And Leary would give him sh*t for it. Laugh your balls off when the sixth season of "Rescue Me" premieres next Tuesday June 29th on FX at 10PM/9C.
Do you like horror films? Do you like 80's Nostalgia? Do you like big boobs?If you answered yes to any of these questions, good news: "Elvira's Movie Macabre" is returning to the small screen. Everyone's favorite large-chested lady-ghoul is back, and will once again begin hosting her weekly horror program this fall.The show, which began in 1981, was a blatant "Vampira" knock off. But because Elvira, played by Cassandra Peterson, showed such wonderful cleavage, no one seemed to mind. Here's hoping that legend about vampires aging slowly is true, because those same cleavage shots won't be so wonderful if they stretch all the way to her kneecaps. (Dread Central)
Lauren German is a hot female movie heroine but with balls to boot, as she demonstrats in Hostel Part 2 when she cuts off a guy's balls. Catch her now on TV's "Happy Town" while ABC runs out the remaining episodes. A word from Lauren: "A drink offer is like a contract—it doesn’t mean you have to sleep with someone, but it does obligate you to talk to them."AND pretend be interested. Don't just like eye the bar for superior company or IM your friends about the loser you're talking to. We know, okay. And it hurts. Brush up on your German after the jump.
Have you ever wondered what it'd be like if a major rap star decided to make a song about an HBO show and then posted the video on the internet? Well wonder no more friend, cause Snoop Dogg has got you covered. The legendary rapper's new music video, "Oh Sookie," has hit the interwebs. Set in Bon Temps, the song features characters from HBO's hit show, "True Blood," including everyone's favorite "Fang Banger," Sookie Stackhouse. While making a video based on a TV show might not be considered "gangsta," at least Snoop isn't stooping to Ice Cube-levels with a crappy sitcom on TBS (Very Funny…but not "Ha Ha funny…funny sad). Watch Snoop Dogg perform "Oh Sookie" after the jump.
Natalie Zea made several guest stints on "The Shield" (one of the best shows ever!) playing a love interest to Michael Chiklis's Det. Vic Mackey. This would be the first time a television drama has taken the "Really Hot Woman Loves Fat Guy" conceit seen in almost every sitcom. She then showed her bare breasts in "Hung" while getting banged in a restaurant bathroom by Tom Jane, and is now Timothy Olyphant's ex-wife on "Justified." She looks amazing in a pencil skirt. A word from Natalie: "I have wonderful large cleavage with a contract and all the amenities… or I'm eating hummus." Whatever floats your boat. I'd be glade to share a tub of Sabra with you any day.More sophisticated pics of Natalie after the jump.
Marisa Millers Banned Guitar Hero Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosVictoria's Secret model Marisa Miller shot a commercial back in 2008 for Guitar Hero that was banned from television. If you have an issue with four half-naked Maria Millers dry humping guitars while their bosoms heave than you're probably a Socialist and I want nothing to do with you or your repressive ways.
UPDATE: HBO, Starz, and FX are also interested in this project. Everyone wants Kool-Aid!!!Kevin Spacey wants you to drink his Kool-Aid. The actor, who doesn't do a half-bad job of portraying psychos, is in talks with Showtime to star in a series called 'The Crux', in which he would play the leader of a high-profile cult. Rod Lurie, the writer-director of the underrated jailhouse flick The Last Castle, would pen the pilot script and most likely exec-produce the series.Spacey would have to wedge the show into his already full schedule of movie roles and being the artistic director for London's Old Vic Theatre. See, this is why you never take a job at some artsy-fartsy live stageshow joint. It restricts you from doing things people care about. Oh sure, educated people adoooooore the theater, but really, who talks that much in one room? (Vulture)
Daniel Tosh is back as master curator of viral videos. He chooses, pokes fun at, and even parodies some of the distractions you wait for your co-workers to IM you on a daily basis. One such video that I'm sure you helped infect the internet with is the Worst Wedding DJ Ever. The guy basically plays the bongos on a woman's floppy boobies. So why wouldn't Tosh get Motley Crue drummer and known lothario Tommy Lee to reenact that? Check out Lee beating away on some "cymbals" after the jump. "Tosh.0" premieres tonight at 10:30PM/9:30c on Comedy Central.
The oil spill destroys yet another beach.In today's economy, job security is almost non-existent. This is even true for those of us who get paid to be a raging douche bag and/or herpes spreading skank.TMZ is reporting that at least half the cast of "Jersey Shore" is facing the chopping block after MTV executives were "underwhelmed" by their performances this season. Obviously, this means there's been an overall decline in the number of teenage viewers renouncing Jesus Christ as their lord and savior, and someone at the network needs to be held accountable.The cast members in question are Lenny, Squiggy, Amerigo and "The C-Word." (TMZ)
Turtle takes a hit while covered in gasoline, the dummy. Uuuuuggghhhhh. "Entourage" is coming back and it looks like "Entourage." Vince is having complications with a movie he's starring in (wank), Drama can't get work (wank, wank), Turtle's trying to be an entrepreneur (wankity wank), E's trying to find grown men's suits that fit him and getting all gaga over Sloan (wankity doo), and Ari is yelling at people about agency expansion, growth, and erections (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank). These are what we at SJ like to call "rich man problems." Not having enough water to fill your cup of Ramen Noodles up to the indented line, that's a poor man problem. Unless your Turtle. I guess for him that could be a considered a rich man problem. The kid's gotta eat. "Entourage" premieres on HBO Sunday June 27th at 10:30PM EST. Check out the trailer after the jump…
Behold the awesome power of the laugh track. When added to the dark drama "Breaking Bad" it magically turns it into a sitcom about a zany father who won't leave his house. My favorite part of the video is the title sequence. They did a great job of cutting together the wackier character moments of the show. After that, the laugh track works in some parts, but I wouldn't exactly say there's a whole lot of set-up/punchline riffing. Let's not forget, the show is about a guy who sells meth and whose lung cancer is in remission. Cue the chuckles! Check out the "Breaking Bad" sitcom after the jump…
Danny McBride is back as Kenny Powers in September on HBO, but this teaser for the second season of "Eastbound & Down" isn't going to give you one lick of a look at him. If you like skulls though, it's pretty tight.Spend the rest of your time cuddled up with these links.Breaking Bad Is The Best Show On TV (TVSquad)World Naked Bike Riders Boycott BP (Asylum)Old Spice Actor Scores Big TV Deal (PopEater)WB To Do Don Quixote, Drink Terry Gilliam's Milkshake (FilmDrunk)How To Threaten a Coworker (HolyTaco)Christopher Walken: The Early Years (Unreality)Bro Getting Iced While Skateboarding (BroBible)Sit-Ups Have Never Looked So Good (TotalProSports)Canadian Cuties (Maxim)UFC 115 Fight Was At Risk Of Being Cancelled (CagePotato)10 DC Comic Characters That Should Of Been Adapted Before Jonah Hex (EgoTV)Two Sentence Movie Reviews (Smosh)Boobs And Superheroes (Pajiba)The Worst Stay-At-Home Dad (Atom)Most Expensive Soccer Ball Ever (MadeMan)
Hey gang. I've been tapped by my pals at SJ to cover "True Blood." Not because of my sterling prose or daring wit, but because I have HBO. So you're stuck with me. I'll keep it light and try to hit the key points of each episode. It will not be a shot-for-shot breakdown. Other sites handle that better than I could and if you wanted that, well, you could just watch the show, right?MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
We got to see a preview of some of the actors in zombie makeup for Frank Darabont's "The Walking Dead," and now AMC has sent over the first official production photo. The pic looks cool enough, but I would have preferred to see one of the walkers, you know, WALKING. This lame-ass zombie is doing a whole lotta crawling, reaching out for brains she sure as hell isn't gonna snag with her decomposing belly scooting along the grass. Perhaps it's cruel that the photographer is teasing her with these delicious cupcakes."The Walking Dead" premieres this October on AMC.
"Breaking Bad" is returning for a 4th season on AMC, Variety is reporting. The critically acclaimed show which chronicles the wacky misadventures of a cancer-ridden, meth dealing high school teacher, is one of the most expensive shows on basic cable. The $3 Million per-episode cost threatened to derail a fourth season, but a compromise was reached in which AMC agreed to chip in if the show goes over budget.Four years with terminal lung cancer? Either it's a very slow moving case, or my grandpa was a total pussy.
We've seen the teaser and the first trailer for HBO's "Boardwalk Empire," and now there's a new trailer that is by far the most gangsta. The show, created by "The Soprano's" writer Terence Winter and exec produced by Martin Scorsese, who also directed the pilot, looks like "The Soprano's" but with fedoras, speakeasies, and hot lather barbershop shaves. Steve Buscemi is the new Tony Soprano, so we're trading in a weight problem for a dental one, but he appears just as menacing and short-tempered as the wheezing Mafia boss. He plays "the undisputed ruler of Atlantic City and town Treasurer, Enoch “Nucky” Thompson, who is described as “a political fixer and backroom dealer who is equal parts politician and gangster and equally comfortable in either role." Get ready for "Boardwalk Empire" to come at you like gangbusters this fall on HBO. And for God's sake, hide your barrels of bathtub gin. I recommend the bathtub. Check out the new trailer after the jump.
An Apology from HBO Marketing – TrueBlood-Online.com – Watch more Funny VideosI'm still waiting for an apology for that drawn-out Maryann plotline from last season."True Blood" season three premieres THIS SUNDAY at 9pm.
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Comedy Central announced today that they will roast actor/singer/burger spokesman David Hasselhoff this summer. The special will air on August 15th as part of a themed block with showings of "Taking Candy From Babies" and Shooting Fish. In the press release, Hasselhoff affirms his willingness to accept money for tauntings:"I'm honored that Comedy Central is going to get 'Hoff' on me. I have always been a major fan of Roasts, dating back to the days of the 'Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.' Laughter is the best medicine. Bring it on! I’m ready to take the heat."This is too easy. How can we be certain that this isn't an elaborate ruse engineered solely for the capture of Norm MacDonald? Is OJ behind this?? (CC Insider)
I've never been a fan of fast zombies. There's just something wrong with the idea of a corpse who can keep pace with a Vespa. Luckily, Frank Darabont subscribes to that school of thought and will present "The Walking Dead" stiffs exactly the way they are billed — walking. In an interview with AMC, Darabont cited Night of the Living Dead's zombie zero as the mold."For our zombie show I'm calling that the Book of Genesis, and whenever there's a question about zombie behavior, I go back to 'Night of the Living Dead.' Here's my favorite thing: the endless debate among the fans about how fast a zombie can move. There are the folks who just can't stand seeing zombies running. I'm kind of in that camp, but if you look at the very first zombie in 'Night' – the one in the cemetery chasing Barbara, he gets up to a pretty good jog. I'm keying our zombie behavior off of that film: Whether they're in a very languid state or they're on the attack, they'll move no faster than that first zombie in 'Night of the Living Dead.'"Okay. I can live with zombies getting up to a light jog, but nothing more than that. Something around a 3 or a 4 on the "Rushing to the Bathroom Scale," is permissable. But by no means should they get up to a cotton-touching number like 7 or 8. (via Dread Central)
This show will have more hair jokes than "Glee." After the season finale of "Breaking Bad" this Sunday, stay tuned for a preview of AMC's new drama "Rubicon" starring James Badge Dale, the guy who looks like the teacher from "Glee." The conspiracy thriller is about "an analyst at a New York City think-tank who is thrown into a story where nothing is as it appears to be." I realize that tells you absolutely nothing, but the fun of the series is the **wiggles fingers** myyyyyystery. I read the script for the pilot and liked it quite a bit. You have to pay close attention as the main character uses his knowledge of crossword puzzles to uncover a mass conspiracy, but the hook of the four-leaf clover grabs you from the start. I hope they don't go the "LOST" route and choose an obvious ending. I'll be so pissed if a clan of leprechauns is behind the whole thing. "Rubicon" premieres August 1st at 8/7c with a sneak preview this Sunday. Check out the trailer and poster after the jump…
Network: AMCCast: James Badge DaleSynopsis: An analyst at a New York City think-tank who is thrown into a story where nothing is as it appears to be.
Yes, they made it, okay? They made a porn parody of "The Golden Girls," that show about four old women, three of which have passed, and the other who the Internet won't leave alone. You all walk around with your heads held high like you're sooooooo superior and don't have a GILF fetish. Now if it were called "Golden Shower Girls" I'd understand why you wouldn't want to watch. Except for the sickos, of course. Not that there's anything wrong with watching old women get peed on. No, I take that back. This may bite me in the ass when I run for political office, but I stand by the belief that it IS wrong to watch old women get peed on. Unless they're dead. Roll the footage!
I've already written about pornstars and Muppets this morning. What else is left to cover but giant space robots!After years of rumors and indecision, plans for a Voltron movie have been scrapped. However, fans need not worry, as they'll soon be able to get their nostalgia fix on the small screen. A reboot of the popular 80's cartoon is underway. The new series will air on Nicktoons, and will be rolled out alongside a brand new toy line.As cool as these new toys sound, times are tough. If you find that money is too tight, construct a homemade "Voltron" robot using wire hangers, your cat, and a soldering iron. But make sure your cat is either asleep or dead before you start the soldering, or it's going to get really pissed off. I recommend using Benadryl and a brick, respectively. (Cinema Blend)
Chillest family ever.Thanks to Kate Hudson, when you think Matthew McConaughey you don't automatically think comedy. You think beach yoga and Rogaine treatments. That hasn't stopped FX from picking up "Kick Ass Militia" from the bare-chested actor's production company J.K. Livin.Based on an idea from McConaughey's long-time friend JR Reed, "Kick Ass Militia" is a single-camera comedy about two brothers who butt heads on their Malibu compound. One is a survivalist and the other a free-loving cult leader. Think of it as "Two and a Half Men" with Ted Nugent replacing Jon Cryer. After hunting him for sport, of course. (Deadline)
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Those concerned that the second season of "Jersey Shore" will be a played out attempt by network execs to squeeze more money out of their runaway hit, can rest easy. The first ten minutes of the second season is now online, and we learn quickly that the cast reunite for reasons much more shallow than money. Namely, free tanning. That's right. The combination of record snowfalls and Obama's 10% tax on tanning has sent the cast south to Miami for the winter. In this first glimpse, we find out what the newly-minted celebrities have been up to (banging), watch Paulie D and the Situation play with explosives, and Snooki take pickles to a whole 'nother, WHOLE 'NOTHER level. THIS SEQUEL DEFINITELY WON'T SUCK. CHECK IT OUT AFTER THE JUMP…