I always knew Cookie Monster was meant for greater things, like a heavy metal German rock band that enjoys pyrotechnics.Don't. Don't hate. Don't hate these links.Flowchart to Determine If You Can Have a Mistress (HolyTaco) Hot Brazilian Bikini Roller Boxing (TotalProSports) Natalie Portman Photoshoot (TheChive) 10 Most Depressing 'My Life is Twilight' Entries (FilmDrunk) Five Best UK TV Shows of the Aughts (Pajiba) Rachel Uchitel Says She's Top Slut (CelebJihad) Gallery of Sweet Custom iPod Docks (Unreality) 7 Guys Who Lived Much Longer Than They Should Have (Asylum) All-Time Scariest Playboy Playmate (BustedCoverage) Nada Surf 'Popular' Cheerleader All Grown Up (RegretfulMorning) Maintain a Mistress Better Than Tiger (MadeMan) NASCAR Unveils New Video Site (AllLeftTurns)
MTV sets Italian-Americans back to pre-Colombus with tonight's 2-hour premiere of Jersey Shore.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Those lucky bastards in the UK have it all. Fantastic cuisine, excellent dental care, reasonably-sized ears, Australian layabouts, and now David Cross's hilarious Channel 4 sitcom The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. We've posted a clip (featuring Cross, Will Arnett, and Spike Jonze) below that sets up the premise of the series. Arnett plays an arrogant boss who spits out the grandest cuss-strings since Rip Torn. He mistakes Cross's Todd Margaret as a man of action and immediately trusts him to be his ambassador. Check out the NSFW clip: Did you like it? Did you like the noodles line?? Yeah, thought you would. Want to see more? Well, if you live in the UK you can watch the entire episode at this link. Lucky limey bastards…
CAST: David Cross; Will Arnett; Russell ToveySYNOPSIS: Mistaken to be an alpha-male, lowly office drone Todd Margaret is employed to sell a sketchy energy drink in the UK by his psychotic boss.
2009 in Auto Tunes – Watch more Funny Videos The above video provides a hip, T-Pain-esque summary of this year we just all lived through together. On Tuesday December 8th, VH1 is bringing us 2009: That Really Happened?! In true VH1 fashion, the show will provide a look back at the year that subjected us to Jon & Kate Plus 8, Susan Boyle, Lady GaGa, Chris Brown (the fighter, not the lover), and many, many more things we wish we could erase from our memories. All topics will be delivered by a unique panel of journalists, comedians, and pop culture aficionados that always deliver a good skewing. Here are today's links. Oh Look! A Tiger Woods Flash Game! (HolyTaco) 20 Pics of Chicks That Will Kick Your Ass (TotalProSports) Celebrities and Their Most Famous Roles (TheChive) Wanna Hear Mickey Rourke Rap? (FilmDrunk) Time Lapse of Monster Worms and Sea Stars (SuperTremendous) Another 100 Great Quotes from The Wire (Pajiba) Tiger Woods' Mistress Releases Texts and Voicemail (CelebJihad) 20 Examples of Anime Gettin' Naughty (Unreality) 10 November Headlines That Should be TV Movies (AOL) Increase Your Chances of Getting Laid (Asylum) Jillian Beyor is Your New WWE Diva (BustedCoverage) Cute Russian Singer Falls Off Stage (RegretfulMorning) Older Women Vs. Younger Women (MadeMan) Real Diary of a NASCAR Driver (AllLeftTurns) Drunk Redneck Takes KO Plunge Off Swingset (NothingToxic) Teens, Booze, and a Hote Tub (Atom)
Network: VH1From Twitter to Twilight, Speidi to Susan Boyle. It's 2009: THAT REALLY HAPPENED!?!, VH1's look back at a wild 12 months — chock full of celebrities, pop culture trends, hook-ups, break-ups, scandals and of course, Lady Gaga.
Tonight, Steven Seagal takes the law into his own hands. Literally, this time.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Kelly Carlson is best known for playing porn star/plastic surgery lover/Christian Troy addict/meth user Kimber Henry on the FX show Nip/Tuck. She's just one character and has been through all that crap. No wonder the show is FUBAR this season, they've jumped like twenty sharks! But damn if it doesn't entertain.A word from Kelly: "There are actual people that are in your house and I don't know who they are. They say something to me and it usually makes no sense, like, I picked an orange today…"There are ghost orange pickers in my house?! I knew it was a bad idea to build on an orchard/Indian buriel ground. Thank you, Psychic Kelly.Check out more pics of a brick sh*thouse after the jump.
Meredith Baxter, the actress who played Elyse Keaton on TV's Family Ties, revealed on this morning's Today Show broadcast that she is a lesbian. "I am a lesbian, and it was a later-in-life recognition," Baxter told Matt Lauer. After three failed marriages Baxter realized her attraction to women and has been in a few same sex relationships since. Baxter is currently in four-year relationship with a woman she met through friends. She had this to say about her partner, "Oh, It's like I started breathing on the night we kissed. And I can't remember what I ever did before. What would we do baby, without us? What would we dooo baby, without us? And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through. What would we do baby, without us? Sha la la la." And Matt Lauer kinda just sat there. See for yourself in the video below.
Jane Austen's regency classic Pride and Prejudice got an undead facelift last year with the remixed novelization Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The book's Twitter feed announced today that the tale is being adapted for the small screen as a six-part miniseries. No word yet on which network it will air, or on casting for that matter. Though I'd like to nominate Kiera Knightley. She's got the experience of playing Elizabeth Bennet and the physique of a zombie. Basically any role in this thing is hers for the taking. (via io9)
Tonight, scantily-clad supermodels prance about the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Also, the President gives a speech or something.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
A&E launches the single greatest reality series about an aikido champion/actor turned cop this Wednesday with Steven Seagal: Lawman (aka Fat Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans). For those not in the know, Steven Seagal has volunteered with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Department for the past 20 years. This show chronicles his main duties giving martial arts training to the officers as well as assisting with arrests. It's almost just like COPS, the only difference being the perps are arrested by the man on the poster they have framed in their living rooms. Have a look at an earlier preview or check out the brand new, extended preview below. I'm looking forward to the cliffhanger season finale when Seagal's rogue tactics require that he hand over his badge, never ending donut bowl, and gun.
Tonight's television has got beers, bellies, stop-motion, and a pregnant woman impaled on a microphone stand.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
If things didn't pan out so well for you at the local technical college, you may still be in luck. The upcoming Blu-Ray release of LOST: Season Five will include the LOST University feature. Go Polar Bears!For those not well-versed in fictional colleges, LOST University is a Blu-Ray extra that allows you to study subjects pertinent to the LOSTverse such as Physics of Time Travel, History of Hieroglyphics, New Physics with Daniel Faraday, and of course, Jungle Survival (better pay attention Sayid). You can enroll now on LOST University's official site. On the off-chance that you are not accepted, there's always University of Subway.
Matthew McConaughey needs to get his core in shape because he's producing an animated series with FOX based on his brother's life. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other, but if you're going to just keep living (Matty's motto), you need a tight core."Rooster Tales" follows the world of a beer-swilling, redneck sheriff who marries a much younger woman from Mexico. The man soon realizes, however, that he's gained not only a wife but an entire clan — 114 members and counting.Here's what McConaughey had to say about it:"My brother's life is so unbelievable, we had to animate it." I got news for you Matthew, if everyone's life that's unbelievable was animated we'd have a sh*tload of Seal cartoons.How did that guy marry Heidi Klum?!(via Variety)
This Thanksgiving weekend, television is thankful for strippers.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Having struck merchandising and ratings gold with Blue Harvest, Family Guy is now releasing their Empire Strikes Back parody Something, Something, Something, Darkside. Looks amusing enough. Not sure why Billie Dee Williams isn't involved with this project though. He's done worse. The farce is strong with these links. What Other People are Thinking When You're Traveling (HolyTaco) One Hard Hitting Six-Year-Old (TotalProSports) Girls Flashing the Duckface Pose (TheChive) 'Old Dogs' Publicity Still is a Joke (FilmDrunk) How to be a Pool Hustler (Manofest) Six Worst Movie Sidekicks (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus Fan Eats Pussy Cat (CelebJihad) Facebook in Star Wars Land (Unreality) 9 Signs It's Time to Lock It Down (Asylum) 2009 Hooters Dream Girls Photo Shoot (BustedCoverage) 7 Memorable Tom Cruise Bromances (RegretfulMorning) How to Sail Around the World (MadeMan) Jeff Dunham on NASCAR (AllLeftTurns)
A winner is crowned on tonight's Dancing With The "Stars."CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
CREATOR: Seth MacFarlaneCAST: Seth MacFarlane; Alex Borstein; Seth Green; Mila Kunis: Mike Henry; Danny Smith; Patrick WarburtonSYNOPSIS: In a wacky Rhode Island town, a dysfunctional family strive to cope with everyday life as they are thrown from one crazy scenario to another.
I don't want to ruin last week's episode of Dexter by telling you everyone dies in it, so I'll just say it was the best episode in a stellar season of the show about a domesticated serial killer. Fact: John Lithgow makes everything better. If you're not watching Dexter you need to start RIGHT NOW. Okay…go! Here are a couple clips to settle the monster down inside of you that can't wait until Sunday's new episode.
Shiny Suds Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosWe're obviously used to glistening, happy bubbles cleaning our tubs and sinks, but did you know those bubbles can turn into perverted suds? Next time you step foot in the shower, do it with caution. Click on these links liberably. 5 Things Your Family Will Talk About at Thanksgiving (HolyTaco) Kobe Bryant Makes a Sick Shot (TotalProSports) These Books Actually Exist (TheChive) More Pictures from 'The Hangover' (FilmDrunk) 10 Funniest SNL Commercial Parodies of All Time (SuperTremendous) Twilight the End of Cultural Civilization? (Pajiba) Kelly Clarkson is Seriously Not Fat (CelebJihad) 10 Best Call of Duty 4 Trailer Mashups (Unreality) Grow a Mustache, Get Made Fun Of (Asylum) Katelynn Johnson Knocked Out in Water Bottle Accident (BustedCoverage) Passing a Sobriety Test Unsober (RegretfulMorning) How to Choose Cologne (MadeMan) Vickers Worst Chaser in History (AllLeftTurns) Philly Catfight Brings Out Every Car on the Block (NothingToxic) Dan Levy Presents: Stunt Man (Atom)
Katee Sackhoff returns to nerd-bonering tonight. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!
First off, what's happening in the above picture? Moving on, this past Saturday Joseph Gordon-Levitt performed "Make 'Em Laugh" from Singin' in the Rain on Saturday Night Live, and while he didn't put the stellar Donald O'Connor to shame, he did complete some awesome wall flips. The kid's got spunk, I'll give 'em that. If you didn't watch Joseph's monologue, take a look below. It's guaranteed to make you possibly chuckle. (via /Film)
This weekend, the Seinfelds reunite!!!CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
The survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 have finally landed… on a date for the premiere of their sixth season. Exec producer Carlton Cuse announced via the tweets that the show will return to f*cking our minds on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 at 9PM. No word yet on whether the plot-line will pick up where we last left off or if we'll see a new, alternate time-line in the final season. Regardless of what goes down, I'm sure it will get all mucked up by Sayid when gets tricked or caught in some kind of rope trap. He consistently screws everything up but remains a fan favorite. HOW?! I hate that tanktop-loving dope. (TV Overmind)
Tonight on TV, hot chicks and Lucifer – the original douchebag.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
In celebration of the 20th season of The Simpsons, a contest was held to create a new character. The winner of the 25,000+ received entries is 52 year-old Peggy Black of Orange, CT. Her character, Ricardo Bomba (pictured below), is a handsome, smooth-talking, hot-blooded lothario who's set to liquify the town's panties on the January 31st episode."Rrrri-carrr-do Bomba," Black said when describing the character, extravagantly rolling the "R's" in Spanish-language fashion. She then added, "You look mah-velous!!!" Soon after, her spinning bowtie went awry and cut her chin up pretty badly. (Yahoo)
Tonight's TV has some big name guest stars. And Skeet Ulrich.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
This public access show out of Austin, TX was intended as an instructional video for non-English speakers. I speak English and find it confusing. And why is there a drunk man in his house?I link you to these links so you can be linked. 7 Untelevised Football Sideline Moments (HolyTaco) How To Destroy A National Anthem (TotalProSports) Jackasses Who Shave Their Eyebrows (TheChive) Twilight Fans Love Signs (FilmDrunk) 25 Funniest Kitten Photos (SuperTremendous) Movies about "The Last…" (Pajiba) What if Celebrities Were Fat (CelebJihad) Hooters Dad Goes Bust (Asylum) Sammy Sosa's Face Celebrates Birthday (BustedCoverage) Russian Guy Destroyed by Seesaw (RegretfulMorning) Foods That Slow Aging (MadeMan) Paul Medard, Your Destiny Awaits (AllLeftTurns)
After tonight's episode of Melrose Place, it will be perfectly acceptable to call Heather Locklear a bitch again. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!