Lauren Conrad will be on the next episode of "Family Guy" and she looks hot – much hotter than real life. This takes air brushing to a whole new level. Speaking of hot, the teaser on YouTube is white hot and funny as "hill." See how I did that? I replaced the word "hell" with "hill." Ya know, cuz it's witty and stuff. This spoof contains one of the best sight gags for Quagmire I've ever seen. I'll give you a hint. Finish the sentence, "As long as I have a face…" There's dog poop sex talk and a love triangle straight out of "The Hills…of Kentucky." See? I did it again! Rightin's easy. Of course all of this does beg the question, "Which show is the real cartoon?" Check it out here…
Metallica may have slowed down after their outright domination of 80's metal, but Lars Ulrich still pounds the skins with authority, Kirk Hammett still shreds, and James Hetfield growls and spits like a bulldog. You'll know what I mean when you watch Timewarp tonight, which has the whole band in super slo mo, so you can finally learn that 'Ride the Lightning' solo. Also, Lost is only 4 episodes away from leaving your fragile little lives. Your preview after the break.
Bauer, fresh from a seizure, is getting pumped with drugs to get him back to normal. He barely manages to tell Agent Walker to get an APV out on Tony Almeida, and she puts one out. Cut to Almeida, who walks up to an FBI vehicle, shoots two guys in it, and steals the whip.Bauer returns to a bit of normalcy. "Tony was working with Galvez all along."–"Are you saying that Tony killed Larry?"–"…Yes." Bauer then goes into a self agonizing rant about how it was his fault all this happened. Almeida pulls up to an undisclosed motel. Knocks, and Galvez lets him in. Galvez hands over the canister for money. But as Almeida looks into the backpack with virus box, Galvez pulls a gun. "Who's the buyer?"–"You don't want to do this." Then Almeida chucks the bag at him. A fight ensues. Alemida manages a pretty awesome kick to Galvez's teeth. And then starts suffocating him with the shower curtain, yelling "Where's the canister!"
Gear up in your yellow tights and grab your utility belt, the Heroes season 3 finale is tonight, and why not invite some of your comic book crazy friends over to send off the show in style? Also, tonight is notable for a Jack Bauer interrogation with a post heart attack, bed ridden Jonas Hodges (Jon Voight), the evil CEO of StarkWood Corp. Sure hope Bauer doesn't seizure up while he's squeezing the truth of Hodges. Your preview after the break.
Dewitt’s personal friend, Margaret Brashford, enlists the Dollhouse services as a post-mortem client seeking to uncover the secrets behind her own murder. Life After DeathMargaret Brashford rears up on her favorite horse to tell her husband to be good. Jack is sitting with his buddies, mulling over whether or not they should play tennis or drink long island iced-teas. Jack’s wife is a millionaire and has better than 30 years on him. A lot of assumptions can be made about their marriage, based on their age difference and her affluence. But Jack smiles lovingly as his wife rides off and continues to joke with his buddies. The smiles fade from their faces when Margaret’s horse returns without a rider. Topher activates Echo. When she sits up Adelle is standing there.“What’s wrong?” Echo asks.“Margaret, I am sorry to be the one to tell you: you’re dead,” Adelle replies. Apparently, Echo has been activated with Margaret’s persona.
The episode starts with that dorky guy from Hustle and Flow trying to buy some ice from Badger (who by the way is one of my favorite characters). It appears Heisenberg has cornered the market and jacked up the price. After the dorky guy assures Badger that he’s not a cop, he buys some glass…then arrests Badger. Hook up side note: Jesse got a little skin from his building manager Jane. In other news, Hank’s having a minor meltdown because Tortuga got his head blown up on that tortoise. So Walt goes over there to try to talk some sense into him. Walt tells him that “fear us the enemy” and that he should kick those responsible for the explosion right in the teeth. Once again, Jesse and Walt are short on payments from their underlings. Guess who’s short, good old Badger. They find out that Badger got busted. Badger is in an interrogation room getting hounded by that dorky guy (I refuse to imdb his name). And in busts Bob Odenkirk of Mr.
This weekend's coming in hot. A bunch of babes get their brains re-programmed and complete various secret missions in Dollhouse, Bob Odenkirk from Mr Show guests on Breaking Bad, and I hope your not flying anytime soon, because discovery is running a 2 hour marathon of devastating plane crashes on Sunday night. Right after the break, check out a portly foreigner on a beach who's surprised to see a 747 make a water landing right in front of him.
Domestic disputes, botched tracheotomies, stolen vehicles, and Tom Sizemore make for another interesting episode in this week’s installment of Southland TherapySherman begins his day by sharing a few words with his shrink. She’s moved from her private practice and it’s only her second day with the department. They talk about private school, and Sherman mentions that he used to attend private school until his father walked out on his mom. Then he went to public school. He reveals his family history for those of you who missed it last week. Sherman’s father was a defense attorney who had some seedy clients. At age ten his father split, but one of his clients visited Sherman’s home and beat up his mother while the boy watched.
The show opens with Liz Lemon and Jack and at a jewelry store where Jack informs Liz that he is buying Elisa an engagement ring. Liz is surprised but Jack informs her that Elisa is 'The One'. Pulling a classic Lemon, Liz then drops the ring down a heating vent. It then cuts to the TGS crew standing around with Kenneth explaining to them that they cannot bring in a box of donuts because of the risk of food allergies, including his own severe allergy to strawberries. It turns out that the box of donuts was actually just a prank to scare Lutz, who ends up falling back into a TV monitor and hurting himself.As Liz enters her office she finds Elisa who, unknown to Jack, has actually been back in town for three weeks. Elisa tells Liz that she has a terrible secret and cannot marry Jack. She asks Lemon to break the news to Jack, gives her a pretty unnecessary but awesome kiss goodbye, and is gone.
The episode opens, as the others have, with Leslie outdoors with some children. But this time, to digress from the other episodes, they are on a pre-teen nature hike (it used to be a teen nature hike, but they changed the name after a girl got pregnant, confesses Knope), where she unwittingly eats a poisonous plant for no apparent reason, and as her tongue begins to swell, the credits kick in. Welcome to Pawnee!
Tonight's Thursday night TV, packed to the brim (on NBC) with new episodes for three glorious hours, is your chance to start giving Parks and Recreation a chance. Yeah, it started a little slow, and sure isn't getting any love anywhere, but it's got a Poehler-load of potential and it's leaps and bounds funnier than other shows out there (plus, Rashida Jones is a BABE). So give P&R a whirl, and check out the full preview after the break.
J.D. struggles with the realities of being a part time father when he learns that Kim is now dating Sean, Elliot’s ex-boyfriend. Meanwhile, Turk busts some balls to get promoted to the position of Chief of Surgery. Car SexElliot and J.D. are in the car on the way to Kim’s house to drop off Sam. Kim answers the door and adjusts J.D.’s collar. On the way home Elliot makes J.D. pull over for car sex so she can mark her territory. Elliot's possessive nature forces her to get intimate with J.D. if Kim so much as touches him. J.D. has found a way to make this work to his advantage. The next time he drops Sam off, he places a piece of fuzz in his own hair so that Kim will reach into it and pluck the fuzz, sending Elliot into a frenzy. Before leaving for car sex, Kim introduces her new boyfriend, Sean, who is Elliot’s ex and J.D.’s arch-nemesis. Making It Happen
The incredible turn around South Park has in commenting on current issues continues with Cartman deciding to take up the life of a pirate, as 'Captain Fatbeard'. Also, instead of a new Lost, ABC is running a retrospective giving us viewers a bit of break and a little explanation. Yarrrrrr preview after the break.
Check out this heartfelt promo that ran on Fox featuring Mary Lynn Rajskub from 24 reminding us all that going green is a group effort. GO GREEN WITH GIRL FROM 24 – Watch more Funny VideosI hope that Mary's 24 residuals are enough to cover her food, water and utilities in the cave she'll be hiding in for the next ten years so that angry Greenpeace types don't find her and strap her to a Killer Whale. Yes, that is precisely how Greenpeace exacts their revenge upon public figures like Mary, who've obviously been contractually forced to participate in these sorts of misfires, well meaning as they may be. That's why Greenpeace's slogan is "No mercy."
Mitchell Hurwitz, the genius behind Arrested Development, is back with a new animated show this Sunday on FOX. Former 'Developers' Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Henry Winkler lend their voice talents along with Cheri Oteri, Keenan Thompson, Will Forte, Nick Kroll and Kristen Chenoweth. Catch the pilot right after The Simpsons, and cross your fingers for more brilliance from Hurwitz and co. Also, Prison Break is back on after a near 4 month hiatus, with the first of it's last 5 episodes. Your preview after the break.
Charles Miner delegates more responsbility to Dwight, causing his loyalties with Michael to be called into question, and Andy decides to help Jim out because he's obviously not doing well with Pam at all. (Clearly.) It's another fantastic Office this week, and it's right after the jump.
The episode opens similar to the last one, with Leslie (Amy Poehler) in a sunny park with children, being a moron. Maybe cold opens in the park will be a weekly feature. Either way, she’s dressed as a bunny (slightly creepy) and participating in an Easter egg hunt with the children of Pawnee. She remarks that it seems very difficult to find the eggs, at which point Tom (Aziz Ansari) confesses to the camera in an interview that he forgot to hide the eggs, while a montage runs of children becoming increasingly upset, crying, throwing down their baskets, etc. All in all, not a bad Easter for Pawnee.After the opening, Leslie goes to visit her mother, a higher-up in the local government, whom she has a slightly unhealthy amount of respect for (she compares her to Mother Teresa), and sets up a dubiously addressed subplot of vying for her mother’s approval and affection, but to no avail (probably due in no small part to her wide-eyed incompetence). She tries to brag about her subcommittee, and is met with apathy on the subject from her mother, before heading off to a small meeting with Mark and Ann (Rashida Jones).
TV's famous peacock owns the Thursday night airwaves. The ultra-reliable duo of The Office and 30 Rock is complimented well by two promising new shows. One has Michael Scott in female form (Amy Poehler) and I Love You, Man babe Rashida Jones, while the other has O.C.'s 'Ryan' trying his hand as a rookie cop in LA. So pull up a chair, prop those feet up, and let the NBC peacock blow your mind for 3 straight hours. Your preview after the break.
About time we got a Miles episode. In this one, we dive into more of his background and exactly how he came to the island. He and Hurley also form an unexpected friendship back in 1977, as they discuss Miles and his father. Meanwhile Roger Linus isn't resting easy over the loss of his son, and Kate makes a blunder that could cost her and her friends their preciously kept secret. This week's Lost is right after the jump.
Last week’s friction comes to climax with our favorite doctors, while the guy who cleans up after them gets hitched. Yup, She’s Still PissedKelso gets himself set up at the bar by handing the bartender his travel bag and ordering a Bahama-mama. He’ll be at this bar for most of the episode. Things are still heated amongst lovers from last week’s episode, and not in a good way. Elliot is pissed at J.D. for not telling her how much he loves her, Jordan is pissed at Cox for pretending to have had work to do in order to prove to her she’ll miss him, and Turk is mad at Carla for refusing to take a break from her role as mommy. Sea Creatures
Bill Lawrence, writer/creator of Scrubs, guests on his own show tonight as a goofy pastor who marries the Janitor and Lady at a ceremony down in the Carribbean. The trials and tribuluations on Ben continue on Lost, everyone's favorite character on South Park goes to great extents to make sure his son wins the Pinewood Derby. Your preview after the break.
The show opens up to Olivia snuggled up with her niece reading a bed time story. The picturesque scene is interrupted by a phone call. It's Peter on the line and quick to jump to conclusion Olivia assumes the worst, it is late at night and it is Peter so I don't fault Olivia for thinking that it was work related. It turns out that he was calling for her sister, Rachel. Thank God Olivia doesn't have to lie on a daily basis because her face just gave away everything she was holding, Olivia is jealous. She reluctantly gets back to reading the story, a tale of a bear and a monster. "Aunt Liv ….monster's are not real, right?"
Tonight, the world's craziest crabbers are back in action as the 5th season of Deadliest Catch kicks off on Discovery Channel. On Fringe, a PETA-like organization accidentally turns loose a Chimera-like creature that gives the crew some serious problems. You preview after the break.
All you aspiring TV writers out there constantly searching for hard to find TV pilot scripts, look no further than "Pilot School," a treasure trove of TV literature in easily downloadable and digestible format. Now you can finally throw away that copy of The Secret and read something worthwhile (Don't throw away the DVD version, because the first few minutes are high comedy).Oh, and if you're also just into TV script arcana, Pilot School has innumerable unsold and unfilmed material as well. I highly suggest you check it out online, and then get back to your cigarette smoking and typewriter tapping or whatever aspiring screenwriters do, aside from run movie and TV blogs.[via the awesome JohnAugust.com]
The Family Guy loves to give a good skewering, especially when the butt of the joke is a celebrity. The paparazzi prey doesn’t necessarily deserve it because they’re pompous or ignorant – although those types are certainly shown no leniency – but simply because all limelight hogs can afford to be taken down a peg or two. We here at Screen Junkies salute Family Guy for tackling superstar satire in their trademark no-holds-barred, consequences-be-damned manner by featuring 15 celebrity cameos (real or impersonated) that cut right to the core. They’ll make you laugh and think, but most importantly they’ll make you say to yourself, “Yeah, that is an over-the-top yet surprisingly accurate depiction of that particular person.”
Angela Petrelli is front and center this episode, as she relates to her family the terrible events that led to the destruction and death they see at Coyote Sands, including her relationship with the sister Alice no one ever knew she had. It's a Heroes episode that's a little bit light on the action, but heavy on some great Petrelli family moments, and it's after the jump.
While Tony's sneaking around the base, he sees a truck pull in. He gets a call from Bauer telling him that the President has called off the air strikes for some reason, and that he's got to get out of there. Then Almeida takes a closer look at the truck, and sees that it's is a gas tanker holding would-be fuel for surface-to-air missiles. Bauer says he'll get in contact with the President.Madame President admits that Hodges is blackmailing her with the missiles. Bauer explains how Almeida can get inside the bunker and blow up the fuel tanks with C4 he's got in his utility bag. At first she is ardently reluctant. "How long did they give you to live?" she asks Bauer. "They don't know."–"Then there's not much I can do to stop you." She hangs up.Bauer takes that as a indirect order to go ahead with the plan to have Almeida go in, and so he transfers the order to Tony, who has the utmost confidence in himself that he can complete the mission and blow up the missiles and bio-weapons. He holds up one Hodges' goons, and heads down into the fuel tanks.
Now that you capped those horrendous 40 days without footlong hotdogs, sit down and indulge with your old pal TV. Tonight, there's only 3 episodes left before the Heroes go on summer vacation, and 24 promises you a clock stopping episode replete with Jon Voight's killer Congolese virus. Your preview after the break. Heroes 9/8c on NBC
The Sarah Connor chronicles comes to a chilling conclusion tonight, but doesn’t fail in explaining major pieces to the origins of a story conceived 25 years ago. Watching the NewsAgent Aldridge reiterates Sarah’s rights, but it’s a speech she’s heard many times before. He then lists the details of her incarceration; the murder of Miles Dyson, the destruction of a Los Angeles Bank, and a firefight resulting in a young girl’s kidnapping and five dead, two of which are law enforcement officers. Sarah’s crimes cover a range of time extending from ten years into the past up until this Monday, just before her apprehension. Aldridge wants20to know where John Connor is. Sarah is adamant that her son is dead: he died in the bank explosion.