EDITOR'S NOTE: This isn't really written by LeVar Burton. But seeing as how so many of the people commenting are wondering, or are calling it defamatory, let us make it clear: LeVar Burton did NOT write this piece. It was meant to be a joke. Because the real LeVar Burton would never in his right f**king mind write something like this. If Mr. Burton doesn't like this piece, then we apologize. He has not contacted us requesting that we remove it. If he does request we do so, then we will out of respect. We love LeVar Burton. We also like reading, and hope that the "literary arts" stay strong for all time.
Bear wrestling, busty women, outlandish costumes, and tragedy. Tonight's TV Preview reads like Mickey Rourke's day planner. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Pedophiles and giant creatures of the deep. This weekend's TV Preview is like an octopus. All hands. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Werewolves, a Coen Bros classic, and MTV's Guy Block. The 15 year-old me is LOVING tonight's TV Preview (as is the modern-day me). CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Chimp exposed to Magic Goes Apesh*t – Watch more Funny VideosIt turns out that after the age of ten you have to be a monkey to still find magic fascinating. The bandana-sporting simian in this clip is literally going apesh*t over these tricks, and it's so damn adorable! The constant slide whistle sounds and florescent squiggly lines don't hurt the effect either. David Copperfield, I believe you've met your match. Bring on the wind machines and erotic monkey assistants! Vegas can't wait for this act! [via Buzzfeed] Lauren Jones And A Pink Bikini (Gorillamask) 7 People Who Will Be In Your English 101 Class (Holytaco) Soul Train: The Movie: Electric Boogaloo (Filmdrunk) 25 Sexiest Celebrity Cowgirl Photos (Manofest) Rubik's Cube For The Blind (Walyou) The Five Scariest Movie Clowns (Pajiba) 15 Most Baffling Boasts In The Rap Game (Cracked) 12 Dumbest Convicted Athletes (Coedmagazine) Maxim's 12 Hottest Swimsuit Videos (Maxim) K. Fed Looks Pregnant And Yellow (Celebjihad) Ed Hardy Must Be Stopped (Mademan) Emelianenko Vs. Rogers For This Fall (Cagepotato) 15 Toughest NES Games Of All Time (Unreality) Stop Masturbating So Much (Regretfulmorning) Jason Biggs Attacked By Monkey (Asylum) Texas A&M Football Talent Show Is Quite Gay (Bustedcoverage) 2009 AFC West Preview (Moondogsports) Idiot Breaks Back After Bridge Jump (Nothingtoxic) A Different Sort Of Beer Goggles (Atomfilms) New 'Jennifer's Body' Poster And Featurette (Filmofilia)
Reckless driving, incarceration, bad food, tattoos, and strippers. Tonight's TV Preview echoes a weekend in Vegas. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
The above clip from is just one of many pantaloon-crappingly funny japes pulled by amateur mountebanks on the new MTV show, "Pranked!" It's all part of MTV's new-look "Guy Block Thursdays," which debuts Thursday, August 27th at 9PM ET/PT. And "Pranked!" is but one of four programs designed to tickle your manly bone, which is different from an erection. They have pay-per-view and 99% of the internet for tickling that. Guy Block Thursday also includes three other shows:
Kate Mara popped up on Entourage this weekend as E's assistant, Brittany, and boy are we glad to have some new, fiery, red-haired blood pumping through that show. If there isn't a consensual tryst between those two gingers at some point then we're changing the channel. Managers and their assistants gotta bang. It's like Hollywood law. They GOTTA! A word from Kate: "I think I'm so normal. People relate to the regular-looking person." Kate, if you're regular-looking than we're downright circus freak material. Take a look at some more "regular-looking" pics of sexy Miss Mara after the jump!
Sadomasochism, a dead moon, spawn, super smart horses, and Mark Wahlberg. Tonight's TV Preview contains plot elements from the next Stephen Sommers movie. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!
Petty crime, murder, woman's underwear, an unbelievable investigation, and ninjas. Tonight's TV Preview reads like the final hours of David Carradine. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Steven Seagal- Lawman- Coming Soon – Watch more Funny VideosThe gods have been kind to us today. Here we have a first look at the new A&E reality series Steven Seagal: Lawman. Now that he's run out of C-Level rappers to co-star with, Seagal has been moonlighting with a New Orleans Sheriff's Department between film roles. And this fall we get to go on a ride along. Although the show is probably heavily staged, it's still more exciting than the alternative idea they were tossing around, Steven Seagal: Catsitter. You can take these links to the bank. THE BLOOD BANK. Zach Galifianakis goes to Dinner with Schmucks. (Empire) Supernatural Season 5 preview. (Dread Central) Shuttah Island gets pushed bahck. (Reuters) 30 Rock pornocized. (TV Squad) The many hairstyles of Nic Cage: A Celebration. (Latino Review)
The Aikido-master holds down the law in Parish County, New Orleans.
Network: MTVBlock of Shows: Nitro CircusBully BeatdownRob Dyrdek's Fantasy FactoryPranked
Ghosts, POWs, British accents, "power animals", and A SELF-DESTRUCTING WHALE. This weekend's TV Preview will coat you in blubber. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
In these hard economic times, Hollywood is hurting. Movie actors are having to stoop to TV. TV regulars are being relegated to guest star spots. And guest stars are having to join the circus or something like that. Celebrities endorsing ads has become a great way of supplementing their paltry incomes so they can keep up the mortgage payments on their respective chalets. Just witness current It Girl Zooey Deschanel in this ad for Cotton™. Yes, now that the material has Zooey's approval, the Cotton industry has hope of surviving. So WHAT IF ad agencies 'round the world stopped caring even more and went crazy with celebrity endorsements? Well, maybe this (fake) sh*t:
Self-mutilation, regular mutilation, prostitutes, and Chris Rock. Tonight's TV Preview's just like Jerry Seinfeld's secret party life.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
The wait is almost over. Season 4 of Adult Swim's fan-f**kin-tastic "Venture Brothers"is back for another season of action, adventure, sex, hilarity and intentional themes of epic failure around every corner. Join Dr. Venture, Hank, Dean and (maybe) Brock Samson(unless he really quit the Ventures). If you haven't seen Team Venture in action, do yourself a favor and rent the past three seasons on DVD (Season 3 is available on Blu-Ray. You won't regret it. Seriously… about a hundred times more pop culture jokes than in Juno, only actually funny and somehow more credible. Here are today's IN-credible links! Jessica Canizales Doesn't Like Her Shirt On (Gorillamask) Thoughts On The Disappearing Russian Cargo Ship (Holytaco) Bootleg Avatar Trailer Exceeds Expectations (Filmdrunk) 10 Bustiest Page 3 Girls Of All time (Manofest) Brew Fresh Coffee For Two Weeks Straight (Walyou) 50 Funniest Scenes In The History Of Film (Pajiba) 27 Playboy Playmates Who Twitter (Coedmagazine) Offices And House Music Don't Mix (Sickpigs) Brett Favre's Playbook Doodles (Maxim) The Time Traveler's Awful Wife (Celebjihad) 13 Ways To Have A Threesome (Mademan) Wilks Likely For UFC 105 Against 'The Immortal" (Cagepotato) Saw VI Poster Is Weird Boxing Glove Hands (Unreality) Dissolving Bikini Offers So Many Possibilities (Asylum) Hooters Girls, Golf, And Mr. Belding (Bustedcoverage) Weird Gallery Of Creative Drinking Cans (Uncoached) 2009 AFC South Preview (Moondogsports) Horses Fly When Cars Hit Them (Nothingtoxic) The Shaman At Comic-Con (Atomfilms) The Fourth Kind Trailer And Pics (Filmofilia)
Synopsis: The warped misadventures of a former boy genius turned washed-up, middle-aged mad scientist Dr. Rusty Venture; his moronic teenage sons; their maniac bodyguard; and the Doctor's arch-nemeses, incompetent super villain The Monarch and his masculine paramour, Dr. Girlfriend. And OH SO MUCH MORE!!!Network: Cartoon Network (Adult Swim)
A sh*t ton of kids, explosions, muscular women, a boa constrictor, and clown tears. Tonight's TV Preview is my 12th birthday all over again.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
The spiciest season yet of Top Chef premieres tonight on Bravo, and we can't wait to see what kind of foodie antics host Padma Lakshmi doles out in Sin City. This could quite possibly be the season where a naked Quick Fire Challenge gets things all hot and sweaty in the kitchen. Sure, it's unsanitary, but a nude Padma bossing those eager chefs around is too appealing of an idea to worry about E. coli. A word from Padma: "In India, we like healthier, more voluptuous types."Amen, sister. You gotta have something to grab on to. Check out a few more pics of Padma and all of her voluptuousness after the jump!
Network: BravoHosts: Padma Lakshmi, Tom ColicchioSynopsis: "Top Chef" offers a fascinating window into the competitive, pressure-filled environment of world-class cookery and the restaurant business at the highest level. The series features aspiring chefs who compete for their shot at culinary stardom and the chance to earn the prestigious title of "Top Chef."
Hey there, modern gentlemen of the 1960s! Have you heard what's all the rage in prime time entertainment fifty years from now? "Mad Men," that's what! Why, on Sunday, 8/17/2009 (last sunday for us future folk), the Season 3 premiere enjoyed 2.8 million viewers. And that's basic cable, friend! What's basic cable you ask? Why, it's something that the entertainment industry will invent years from your time to dump off all the hooey, the likes with which respectable sponsors like Mutual of Omaha would never dare associate!
If only it could be January year round.
Mr. Janus, Mr. T, and Mr. Kotter. Tonight's TV preview is very polite when applying monikers.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Messy homes, nudity, super-strength, and a man-eating catfish. Tonight's TV preview reads like a raucous meth binge. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Let's get you squared away for the weekend. Tainted meat, spoiled pets, college hijinks, plane crashes, Neil Diamond, and Lucy Liu: Vampire Hunter round out what you should be watching. I should also note that you don't want to miss the return of Battle Whale.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Death metal, explosives, corny jokes, and injections. Tonight's TV preview reads like a night in the life of Jackass star Steve-O.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Blindfolds, bickering, shackles, mounds of snow, and serious daddy issues. All things you might find in Pamela Anderson's bedroom. Your TV preview begins now!CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Whale extinction, stem cell research, sustainability, and Nicolas Cage. Tonight's TV Preview are all causes once championed by Jerry Bruckheimer. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
The Jonas Brothers, Steve Harvey, Paul Giamatti and the return of Sgt. Slaughter. Not only are they all on TV tonight but they were also all in my dream last night. The recurring one where I lead a rag-tag football team to victory in the All-City Championship. Go Warthogs!CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!