Forbes reports that Simon Cowell is stacking that cheddar, son. Oh sorry. That wasn't Forbes. That was 4BZ, my rap-loving neighbor. What Forbes actually said is that British grump Simon Cowell is the top-earning man on U.S. television with an estimated income of $75 million dollars last year. WOW.Coming in second place is Donald Trump with an estimated $50 million. Question. Why can't the two wealthiest men on television afford a decent haircut? (THR)
Tonight on TV we have cavemen, criminals, and trustafarians. Evolution has not been pretty. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC
(Photo credit: Patrick Schumacker)The Twitter phenom Sh*t My Dad Says is making the leap from the very small screen to the slightly larger screen. The uproarious tweets that relay the musings of a 73 year-old San Diego man have spawned a book deal and now a script commitment with CBS in the four months since its creation by ex-Holy Taco writer Justin Halpern. Halpern will be handling the writing duties along with former Screen Junkies writer Patrick Schumacker as they are supervised by Will & Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick.Today is a happy day here at Screen Junkies as two of our own leave the nest to enter a career where pants-wearing is an expectation. Patrick and Justin, keep an eye on the mail as I have sent each of you a copy of Dr. Seuss's "Oh, The Places You'll Go!"With my headshot tucked between the pages of course. (THR)
It's so great when celebrities act silly overseas for money. In the above commercial for Nespresso, George Clooney walks out of a shop and gets a piano dropped on his head by an off-screen Road Runner. He then travels to heaven and–wait, John Malkovich is dead?!Enjoy these links with a nice cup of coffee. Best Football Celebration Dances Ever (HolyTaco) Fight Breaks Out During High School Girls Soccer (TotalProSports) Ship Made from World Trade Center Steel (TheChive) Coolio Replaces DMX in MMA Fight (FilmDrunk) 15 Worst Bootleg DVD Covers of All Time (SuperTremendous) Top 8 Werewolf Movies of the Last 30 Years (Pajiba) Jessica Alba Gets a Spankin' (CelebJihad) There's a Calvin in All of Us (Unreality) Guys Don't Find Skinny Women Attractive (Asylum) Will Jenn Sterger eBay Her Breast Implants? (BustedCoverage) What Does Your Bar Tab Say About You? (RegretfulMorning) You're Dating a Gold Digger (MadeMan) Earnhardt Losing Streak Reaches 55 (AllLeftTurns) Women Freaks Out On Live TV (NothingToxic) Intercourse with a Vampire (Atom)
Tonight on television we get a double-shot of Thicke. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
This weekend, Mad Men wraps it up and Taylor Swift hosts SNL. Kenan, get to work on your Fat Kanye.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC
J.J. Abrams is getting back in the saddle to direct the pilot for his television project Undercovers over at NBC. Not since the jaw dropping pilot for LOST has Abrams taken a seat behind a camera that's in front of a set constructed specifically for a small screen airing. The top brass is being very ellusive on the plot of the show, only saying that it's a mix between Mr. & Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity. Hmmmm, two spy movies? When you take two things that are pretty much the same thing it's not really a mix. That's like blending katsup and marinara, cutting it with tap water and calling it reimagined buttered noodles topping. Or in my household: dinner. [THR]
A sexy vampire, racist puppets, the Rise Of The Machines, and the Fall of Buddy Lembeck. Tonight!CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC
Leslie Bibb plays a b*tch well. She played a stuck up high school b*tch in Popular, an overbearing NASCAR b*tch in Talladega Nights, and now she's playing an emasculating wife b*tch in The League on FX tonight. I'm not saying she's typecast, I'm just saying she knows how to make a man thank the heavens that he's single. Oh wait, she's hot. Nevermind all that.A word from Leslie: "Jesus did grow up."Yes, into a fine young man, Leslie. That's what happens when you drink your milk.See why white gold does a body good after the jump.
You may have noticed Big Bird's junk on Google today and thought to yourself, "What in blue blazes?!! I'm writing a letter!" Well, put down that pen, nerd. Big Bird's balls are all over Google because it's his 40th birthday and he has friends in high places. Hard to believe that Big Bird is now officially middle-aged. Then again I'm not really sure what the life expectancy is for a gigantic, ambiguously gay, yellow songbird. So…. Happy Birthday you big freak! (Associated Content) Have a piece of birdseed cake and check out these links… Hot Chicks Love the Top Gun Song (HolyTaco) Tim Tebow Makes For Quite the Halloween Costume (TotalProSports) The Amazing Mambo Dancing Dog (SuperTremendous) Avatar Crew Can't Stop Congratulating Itself (FilmDrunk) The Voices in Steve Guttenberg's Head (Pajiba) Michael Jackson Pees for Children (CelebJihad) How to Make a Convincing Chewbacca Noise (Unreality) Halloween at the White House (Asylum) Stacy Keibler Back to Selling "Used" Bikinis (BustedCoverage) Reunited with Dad (RegretfulMorning) iPhone Owners Make Bad Girlfriends (MadeMan) Danica NASCAR Deal Close (AllLeftTurns) Phillies and Yankees Fans Fight (NothingToxic) Hot Bawls Gets You Amped (Atom)
Tonight, Robert Downey Jr. in blackface, Man Vs. Food in over his head, and Elisha Cuthbert in very little clothing. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC
Hollywood's biggest night. Also, the night that Rob Schneider stays home and cries.
This morning Variety reports that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will be double-teaming the 82nd Academy Awards. Oscar co-producers Bill Mechanic and Adam Shankman didn't waste much time in snagging the duo as we told you yesterday that Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. had turned down the offer to co-host. Martin has the experience of both hosting and having had worked with Shankman in the past on Bringing Down the House. Sounds like two pretty solid hosts but oh, how we do wish that Baldwin were splitting hosting duties with Tracy Morgan.BALDWIN: "Are you excited to be here tonight, Tracy?"MORGAN: "I'm gonna get Oscar pregnant!"BALDWIN: "Ha ha. Now Tracy, stick to the script."MORGAN: "Sure thing, Alec B.. (long pause) I wanna break Helen Mirren's water!!"
Tonight on television you'll find out who's had more work done, the lizard aliens from ABC's V remake or aging lesbian Rod Stewart.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Grab your bowl of sugar cereal and pop a squat in front of the computer! Jaroo.com launches today and you can watch all kinds of cartoons on it! According to The Hollywood Reporter: Jaroo launches with 50 TV series and 500 episodes, though it is digitizing its library of 6,000 episodes to ensure fairly rapid growth, said Ken Locker, senior vp digital media. Like Hulu, the Web site features TV shows that can be watched for free. Each 22-minute episode contains up to 90 seconds of commercials that cannot be skipped. But unlike Hulu, Jaroo content, including the commercials, is aimed at kids ages 4-12.4-12 my ass. I think we all know that cartoons transcend age brackets. Especially Inspector Gadget. We here at Screen Junkies were just reminiscing about how waiting for the next episode of Gadget was a true test on our childhood patience. And now all you gotta do is click a button and blond, pigtailed Penny can be yours whenever you desire. Oh Penny, how you stirred up emotions inside of us that we wouldn't understand until many years later…
Tonight David Caruso pulls a Zach Galifianakis and the New York Yankees earn their paychecks.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Psychics, psychos, zombies, slashers, vampires, and chain-smokers abound in your Halloween Weekend TV Preview. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC
If you'd like to know absolutely nothing about what's happening on the next and final season of LOST then watch the teaser trailer below. It'll give you so much of nothing that you'll be begging for more nothing. According to E! Online: I’m hearing from Lost sources that every single shot of the first few episodes are so revealing that the producers have convinced ABC to NOT SHOW A SINGLE FRAME before the new season airs. No promo scenes, no photos, no nada! So you will be completely in the dark, but it is for good reason: The twists they’re planning are so good, you will WANT to be surprised. Trust me. Your mind gonna go kaplewey. Alright, if the lack of information and footage is because they're readying a twist that's going to turn my world inside out than I'll wait semi-patiently. But if Jenna from 30 Rock from last night has the inside scoop, than apparently the whole thing is Hurley's dream. Watch the teaser after the jump.
You may better know Tiffani Thiessen as Kelly Kapowski, Zack Morris' Polish, frizzy-haired main squeeze on Saved By The Bell, that is until that slut Stacey Carosi came into the picture. Well now she's all grown up, taking sexy photographs to break free from her innocent image, and starring in White Collar, a fantastic new drama on USA. Seriously, watch it. For Tiffani and for your entertainment.A word from Tiffani: "I learned how to smoke from Mark-Paul Gosselaar on Saved by the Bell. He's the one who taught me, and we smoked together"Tisk, tisk, Zack Morris. How did you expect Tiffani to resist your charm and stonewashed jeans when you peer pressured her into smoking with you? You'd think someone who narrated their life to an outside audience would know better.Come on, just try the pics after the jump, they won't hurt you, we promise.
Network: USACast: Matt Bomer, Tim DeKay, Tiffani ThiessenSynopsis: About the unlikely partnership of a con artist and an FBI agent who have been playing cat and mouse for years.
Tonight's TV Preview is full of Halloween 'sodes. Including a haunted Office and Goths On A Motherf***ing Boat. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
A blast from the past! A middle school fascination. A reason to "borrow" periodicals from the local Walgreens. Kathy Ireland used to be the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition it girl, and now she dances the mambo on television for charity dollars. Let's hope that money goes to the kids whose fingers bleed as they sew together the items in the Kathy Ireland Worldwide Catalogue.A word from Kathy: "At the moment of conception, life starts."I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole…Here are some Pro-Licious pics after the jump!
Last night on his late night show, Jimmy Fallon welcomed famed WWF wrestler Hulk Hogan and pop song parody master Weird Al Yankovic. As proof we're not lying, watch Weird Al sing his classic Good Old Days:
Three roommates — a vampire, werewolf, and ghost — stop being polite and start getting real.
The hit British paranormal dramedy Being Human has been picked up for a second season by BBC One. In addition, Syfy has picked up the project and plans to create an American version. For those unfamiliar with the series it tells the story of three twentysomething roommates — one a werewolf, one a vampire, and the third a ghost — and finds out what happens when they stop being polite and start getting real.No writer has been attached but Syfy prez David Howe stressed that Syfy does not intend to "slavishly replicate the British version." Which is showbiz-speak for "We're making a supernatural version of Big Bang Theory." (THR)
Teen Wolf Pug commands you to watch these fine programs tonight. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
HBO's True Blood is prepping for its third season and it seems that creator Alan Ball is looking to bring some more batsh*t characters to Bon Temps. Michael Aussiello at EW posted the official show casting notice. Sorry fellas, looks like next season is going to be an undead sausage party. Check out a rundown of the cast-to-be: Tommy Mickens – Sam's long-lost brotherTalbot – a sarcastic vampire named after a shoe storeJesus Valasquez – "an unordinary orderly with a heart to match his good looks"Franklin Mott – a vampire that befriends TaraCoot – leader of the rednecksJen and Missy – two college girls looking to partyYvetta – a Czech stripper with designs on EricReverand Daniels – a holy man who is going to bang the crazy out of Tara's mom We'd like to make a suggestion for the casting of unordinary orderly Jesus Valasquez: Dun dun duuuuuuuuuunh!
Who gives a twirling sh*t if Joanna Krupa can dance? I certainly don't. Hey ABC, get a pole up on that stage and watch your ratings skyrocket. Joanna is one of the sexiest woman alive, which is clearly evident by the aurora borealis of "daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!" above. No tap shoes required. A word from Joanna: "I get so sick of wearing lingerie for shoots that I don’t even go to Victoria’s Secret" Lingerie is overrated anyway. Nothing always works. Or bath bubbles. Personally, I prefer the Robocop brand of liquid suds. You have ten seconds to comply with the pics after the jump.
Dudes, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the final season of Lost is going to be c-blocked by the Winter Olympics. Also your mom and I are taking things to the next level.According to Carlton Cuse, Lost will take a break after the first few episodes while NBC airs the Winter Games. The show is expected to return in March.This news comes as a total bummer but on the brightside we won't care much anymore come March. We can get through this together, you guys. (IGN)
Network: ABCHost: Tom BergeronSynopsis: Celebrities partner up with professional dancers and compete against each other in weekly elimination rounds to determine a winner.