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Olivia Dunham Will Kick Your Ass
Wednesday, January 21 by

The show opens with Olivia being held captive by five men in a secluded lab down by the docks. Yes, it's a typical kidnapping with guys in masks and her being tied down to a gurney. What's not typical is the female in distress, Olivia in this case, kicking, punching and shooting her way out. Yup, Olivia opens up this episode with quite the can of whoop-ass, check out what she does next after the jump.

7 Best Paternity Results Reactions
Tuesday, January 20 by

FROM: HOLY TACO. Why someone would want to be confronted with paternity test results on national television is beyond me. But then I'm also not addicted to meth, Aqua Net, and Value Cigarettes. Click HERE to witness some of these amazing reactions.

Inauguration Extravaganza TV Preview
Tuesday, January 20 by

Barack Obama and his Super Friends take over all the stations for prertty much the entire day and night. You have every channel commenting on every single gesture everyone makes, with interspersed shots of really excited people screaming and jumping to be seen on TV at the biggest bash of all time. What, you're not drunk yet? I'm trashed! Surprisingly, FOX is running their regular schedule, which includes the return of Fringe. Welcome to the age of Obama!

Presidential Motorcade Gatling Suburban
Tuesday, January 20 by

I've been watching the MSNBC inauguration coverage out of the corner of my eye today. With the few delays– like Ted Kennedy having a seizure and a few gaffs– like Chief Justice John Roberts bungling the inaugural oath, it's been a pretty amazing day in DC, and the anchors have done a solid job. They spent some time talking about how cock-diesel the new Presidential Limo is. 5 inch thick blast proof doors, chemical attack-proof oxygen system, and other things we'll never know about. But what they didn't mention was that this bad-boy gatling gun suburban rolls behind it in the motorcade parade that's currently taking place. Hope and change are important and all. But if things go south, spraying a wall of lead is a nice backup plan. Check this video.

Painless
Monday, January 19 by

Tonight’s episode is about pain. Well, not all about pain, but mostly about it. The patient suffers from intense chronic pain that nobody can cure. House suffers ever-increasing pain in his legs, and he is starting to wonder if this pain will ever leave.  Ohhh, and a pipe breaks in House’s home, leading to an extended metaphor for House’s physical condition. Along with this main theme of pain are the smaller sub-plots that make House one of the best shows on television. Thirteen and Foremon discuss their kiss, Taub and Kutner fight about the ethics of suicide, and Cuddy gets approved to be a foster mom.  It is these little sub-plots that have me tuning into House every week. That and House’s sarcastic banter. I love that sarcastic banter. The Patient

24 Recap: 12PM-1PM
Monday, January 19 by

Matobo and his wife, locked into the safe room, hang tight while Jack, Tony, and Emerson try and figure out a way in. Agent Walker, fresh from interrogating Tanner, speeds towards Matobo's house. But Larry Moss calls her enroute, asking about her methods of interrogation. "So you tortured him?"–"I got the information we needed." He demands that she come back, but Walker's stubborn, and tells him that she's got to make things right.

MLK Day TV Preview
Monday, January 19 by

Here's a sobering MLK DAY factoid for you: 2000 was the first year all 50 states recognized it as a Federal holiday after it was passed as law in 1986. Ponder that a little bit, try to figure out why people wouldn't want a day off work, and then give yourself over to the TV. House is back in action tonight after a 4 week holiday break, and some terrorists are going to piss off Jack Bauer by flying planes into eachother. Your TV lineup after the jump.

I Knew You When
Monday, January 19 by

Hello all you Panther fans out there, this is Slammin’ Sammy Meade here welcoming you to another season of Dillon High School football. The first episode tied up a few loose ends left after the strike shortened last year’s team. Smash Williams hurt his knee in a devastating playoff loss, and lost his scholarship. His hopes are still high as we first encounter him doing calisthenics with the legendary Coach Taylor. Toward the end of the summer, Tyra and Landry also apparently called the whole thing off. They remain friends though, which may indicate a willingness to rekindle. Buddy’s ex-wife ran off with the kids to northern California to live with the environmentalist health food nut, leaving Lyla to live with her father. I must say I like this move, and that Buddy is better off without her.

A Good Opportunity
Sunday, January 18 by

It's business time once again from the Middle-Earthian duo Flight of the Conchords. Season two starts off with a meeting between Jemaine, Bret, and their manager Murray, who is more invested in hitmaking machine "The Crazy Dogs" (who have such hits as 'Doggy Bounce,' 'Doggy Dance,' and 'In the Pound') than the struggling Conchords. They fire Murray, who in anger double stuffs Jemaine ('stuff you Jemaine, stuff you Bret, and stuff you again Jemain'), and proceeds to burst into operatic ballad after they leave. The poor guy feels rejected, ejected, and unprotected like a baby in the snow.

BSG RECAP: ‘Sometimes A Great Notion’
Sunday, January 18 by

The title of episode is "Sometimes a Great Notion," which is a direct reference to Ken Kesey's second novel, the one you probably haven't read, but it's really a reference for Kesey's source for that phrase, Lead Belly's version of Goodnight Irene: Sometimes I have a great notion / jumpin into the river and drown.What happens when the dream you've based your entire life upon turns out to be a cruel, cruel lie?  Sometimes you give up.  You jump into the river, let it take you where it will.

The Face of The Enemy BSG Webisodes Reccapage
Friday, January 16 by

Pity poor Felix Gaeta. First, he followed his long-time unrequited (probably) crush on Gaius Baltar right into Baltar's decadent and ultimately disastrous reign as President on New Caprica.  Then, despite the fact that he was a key figure in giving the Resistance crucial information, he is nearly airlocked by a Tigh-led outlaw tribunal for being a traitor.  Finally, in the midst of an unsuccessful mutiny against a seemingly crazy Starbuck, who is leading a fat-chance recon mission to find a clue to Earth, he is shot in the leg by Samuel T. Anders, and eventually gets it amputated.

There Can Only Be One
Thursday, January 15 by

Andy still doesn’t know about Dwight and Angela’s wedding, so after the truth is revealed to him, he challenges Dwight to a duel in the parking lot outside the building.  Michael also has a meeting with David Wallace in New York where his boss tells him something is not quite right with Scranton's numbers – so to speak. Check out the full recap after the jump, junkies.

Flu Shot
Thursday, January 15 by

This week's newest installment begins with Liz Lemon arriving at the NBC studio all jazzed up, and ready to get through work so she can take her beloved vacation to the island of St. Barnobies. Her happiness is quickly stifled when she runs into Kenneth, who is sick with the flu. Liz explains to Kenneth that he can't come near her. She fears that she will catch his flu, ruining her vacation. Liz turns away from Kenneth and runs into her ditsy assistant Cerie. Cerie tells Liz not to worry about the vacation, because the vacation spot was all booked up.

George W: It’s Been Real
Thursday, January 15 by

  Dear Mr. President, My Name is Max Powers. I watch a lot of TV. Tonight you are going to be on TV. This is the last time that you are going to be on the TV (like all official as the president) and you will be giving your farewell goodbye-bye talk. I hope nobody throws shoes. They probably will not because you are giving the talk in America and not Durka-Durakastan. Do you ever watch The Office? Now that is a funny show. So is 30 Rock. They will also be on TV with you. Not with you, but like also on tonight. Sincerely, Max Powers. PS, Don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.

George: It’s Been Real
Thursday, January 15 by

Dear Mr. President,

‘UFC Primetime’ Episode 1 Recap
Thursday, January 15 by

FROM CAGE POTATO: We open with the hair-raising voice of punk-legend/TV host Henry Rollins: "They are bitter rivals from different worlds. A stone-cold champion from the frigid streets of Montreal, and a hot-blooded challenger from the black sands of Hilo Bay…" So begins the first episode of UFC Primetime, the "St Pierre vs. Penn 2" promotional mini-series that reportedly cost $1.7 million to produce, with each episode being completed just hours before it airs. Check out the full recap at Cage Potato.

Wednesday Night TV Preview With Extra Volcanoes
Wednesday, January 14 by

Take a breather, there's nothin' new tonight (except Knight Rider, where a bomb placed inside KITT will explode if he goes under a certain speed–Dennis Hopper's prob behind it). On the other hand, there's a rerun of the 2hr season 4 finale of Lost to get you super psyched for the return of the show, a top 10 countdown of the dangers associated with volcanic eruptions (#1 is skinny girls burn faster than fat ones), and a showing of Napoleon Dynamite. Dont worry, there's an eruption of TV premieres coming up (The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Friday Night Lights, House, Lost).

My Happy Place
Wednesday, January 14 by

Elliot and J.D. are hanging out again, Janitor has returned to get his job back, and Kelso is still sitting in the cafeteria eating free muffins.  Dr. Cox reveals his distrust of all surgeons, and constantly belittles Turk… even in front of his patients.

Episode 153: My Saving Grace
Wednesday, January 14 by

J.D., Elliot, and Dr. Cox are fed up with Sacred Heart's new chief of medicine, Dr. Maddox, whose tyrannical nature makes it impossible for them to provide genuine care for their patients.  Dr. Cox leads the others against Maddox and an unlikely alliance is made to oust this common enemy. The Good Doctor This episode begins with a bearded J.D. complaining about how the new chief of medicine, Dr. Maddox, goes around policing everyone.  Clips reveal that it is impossible for J.D. to perform any procedure on his patients without Maddox barking orders over his shoulder.  J.D.'s complaints are interrupted by Dr. Cox, who never misses an opportunity, such as this one, to tell J.D. that he is better than him.  Dr. Cox, according to himself, still manages to bend the rules without Maddox' knowledge, and can therefore provide better care for his patients.  "I am a much, much better doctor than you," he tells J.D. Speak of the Devil

Scrubs
Wednesday, January 14 by

Scrubs focuses on the lives of several people working at Sacred Heart, a teaching hospital. It features fast-paced dialogue, slapstick, and surreal vignettes presented mostly as the daydreams of the central character, Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian. The name is a play on surgical scrubs and “scrubs” as slang for the new and inexperienced.Airs: Tuesday, 9/8cStation: ABC

Friday Night Lights
Wednesday, January 14 by

A series detailing events surrounding the Dillon Panthers, a high school football team based in fictional Dillon, Texas, with particular focus given to the team's coach, Eric Taylor and his family. The show uses this small-town backdrop to address many issues facing contemporary Middle America.Airs: Friday, 9/8cStation: NBCBabes: Connie Britton, Minka Kelly, Adrianne Palicki, Aimee Teegarden

Battlestar Plot Refresher
Tuesday, January 13 by

Welcome to Earth. Please ignore the radiation.  Please ignore the fact that you are standing amongst the ruins of a great civilization. Please ignore the fact that getting to Earth was your goal since the fleet was cobbled together in the wake of the Cylon sneak attack.  Please ignore the fact that Earth was a made-up lie by one William Adama just to give you some kind of hope until, suddenly, it wasn't a lie any more.  Welcome to Earth, the legendary Thirteenth Colony.  How was your journey?

Tuesday Night Preview
Tuesday, January 13 by

Tonight we have another full hour of new Scrubs on its new network, the most enjoyable aspect of Amerian Idol (the tryouts) and some Will Smith in I, Robot. Here's your daily digest of what's worth watching.

11am-12pm
Monday, January 12 by

Agent Walker is pissed that she got played Bauer, and promises Larry Moss that she'll find him and bring him in. Tanner, the sniper, is about to wake, and will be interrogated for more answers. President Taylor gets on the phone with Larry Moss, and she's not happy that they let Bauer and Almeida out. But theres still a decision to be made about whether or not to pull out of Sangala.Bill leas Tony and Bauer into the CTU batcave. There's some explaining to do. Tony was injected by Emerson with a compound that kills you, but makes you able to recusitate. He was employed Emerson because of grievance aginst the U.S. gov't. And now he has to be put back undercover to investigate the 'pervasive' corruption thats exists. The team is back together, and Bauer insists they are his only trusted friends. Tony calls up Emerson, and they agree to meet up with him and Bauer.Back to the white house. Henry convinces his unwilling Secret Service agent to secretly drive him to the meeting with Samantha.Sean gets a phone call from his wife who's on the airplane. She's worried as hell and it makes Sean even more on edge.

10am-11am
Monday, January 12 by

The 3rd hour begins with Ike Dubaku sending a personal threat to the President Taylor. He threatens Madame President with thousands of innocent lives, while he wants the President to hold back on invading his country.Meanwhile, an angry Larry Moss, Renee Walker and an aviator clad Bauer take Almeida into custody, and agree there's a traitor amongst them. "From now on, keep me in the loop!" a jealous Moss proclaims. Janeane G. awkwardly asks to lift up Almeida's shirt while she affixes nodes to his chest to prepare for the interrogation. A stone-faced Almeida looks ready for anything Bauer brings at him.Back with Dubaku and Emerson in their high-tech hideout. Ike is getting antsy to stretch his terroist muscles against the Americans, for the invasion is still on.

Monday Night TV Preview
Monday, January 12 by

The 24 premier-a-thon continues with 2 more hours of Jack Bauer tonight. The people over at FOX have also started a Terminator:TSCC blog that will be releasing weekly video podcasts about production of the show (and tons of other nerdy crap for us to chew on before the show premieres Feb 13th). Man vs. Wild premieres tonight, or poop your pants to a screening of the The Shining. 24 2 Hours starting 8/7c on FOX Jack Bauer (24) kills a terrorist vampire style on – Watch more Movie Trailer

Part 2:9-10
Monday, January 12 by

After Schechter was blown awa, Bauer gets his gun taken away by Renee before he can organize a team to take down the sniper in the Columbia Building. Meanwhile, Tony gets on the phone with the head of Air Traffic Control. Almeida asks him to watch the runways at JFK as he coordinates two planes to land on a collision course with eachother. As they are about to ram into eachother, Tony tells the pilot in GSA 117 to pull up. "This was only a warning shot," he says. Close call.A sleek man in sunglasses named Emerson exits his car with an entourage to enter Tony's hideout, a boat! Tony shows him the module for controlling airplanes, and lets him take away Latham. He asks Emerson what the hell is going on, but Emerson leaves him the dark, saying that he doesn't need any more information than necessary, yet he assures him that after it's done, they won't ever need to worry about money again. Oh yeah, and they both agree that having Bauer on their ass isn't good.

Part 1: 8-9
Monday, January 12 by

Finally, after seemingly 24 years of not having a new Episode of 24, Jack Bauer is back in action saving the the world from emminent destruction one day at a time.The episode begins with a father and daughter in a car heading towards school in Washington D.C. After a bit of squabbling about cell phone texting, the father gets a cell phone call with no one on the other end. Then, as he drives through an intersection, a black mini-van t-bones the car, leaving Mr. Latham and his daughter shaken, but not seriously injured. 5 seconds later, another black van crashes into the back of the car, propelling it up and over another car. Masked men with assualt rifles cut Mr. Latham's seat belt and drag them into their van, and speed away from the scene. "I've got money" Latham wimpers, with a masked man retorting "we don't want your money, we want you to do something for us."

24
Monday, January 12 by

24 is an action drama set in real time over the spand of a day. The show stars Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, a Counter Terrorist Unit agent who knows how to kick ass.Network: FOXAirs: Mondays 9/8c 

Golden Globes Photo Recaplet
Monday, January 12 by

(Kevin Connolly is 2.5ft tall) Awards shows are pointless. They are for gay dudes, lonely women, and people who work in the entertainment business. The Golden Globes last night showed just how utterly predictable most of them can be. Do you really need to have a panel of judges tell you that Heath Ledger deserved to win for The Dark Knight? No. You saw the movie and made your own decision, and it wasn't hard. But for some reason I still get a surge of pride when my predictions come true. It's basically like a long, drawn out game of Jeopardy.  With that said, here's the breakdown from last nights Globes, and a few pictures of hot women.