Excitement is at a fever pitch for this Sunday's series finale of "Lost." Die-hard fans are planning viewing parties for the big send-off and we're here with some helpful tips and hints for the big event. Follow our instructions to a 'T' and your party will be talked about for years to come.#1. COSTUME IS KEYLike any party, you really should dress to the nines. Anybody can slip on one of Sayid's tanktops or Horace's jumpsuit. There's really only one way to stand out: scarification. This can be achieved with a regular household box-cutter and an ordinary wooden spoon clenched between your teeth. Yes, there will be lasting effects… the lasting effect of everyone talking about how awesome you are.#2. DECORATIONS
Cartoon Network has announced the addition of Rob Corddry's medical spoof, "Children's Hospital," to its Adult Swim lineup.The Webby Award-winning series, which began airing on TheWB.com in 2008, regularly skewers medical melodramas such as "Grey's Anatomy" and "House." For those of you who don't know, "The Webby" is a trophy made of my old toilet paper rolls and empty Kleenex boxes that is presented annually to the best original series on the Internet.Cartoon Network will begin airing the five-minute webisodes back to back until August 22, at which time they will be replaced with 12 made-for-TV episodes, each with a 10-minute run time. This web-to-television transition gives hope to all of us "Internet writers" who aren't lucky enough to have a funny dad or a friend with a funny dad. Screw you, Patrick. (Variety)Check out a clip of the Webby Award-winning "Children's Hospital" after the jump.
Hustler is at it again with their newest porn parody. The trailer for This Ain't Glee: XXX has me kind of confused. It's obviously porn. And it's obviously gay. But then why isn't it considered gay porn? Sadly the trailer doesn't answer this question or feature Dianna Agron Naked or Dianna Agron Shaved or even Dianna Agron Hot. But it does feature terrible singing. That's what guys like in pornos, right? Lots of talking and singing?? Oh heck, I'd better stop. Probably getting the world all turned on right now. CHECK OUT THE PIPES ON THESE LADIES AFTER THE JUMP…
The Parents Television Council has their panties in a bunch again, and this time the issue is over a word that isn't even a word. The new CBS comedy "$#*! My Dad Says" uses symbols to spell out the word "shit" and when spoken the naughtiness will be bleeped, but the PTC doesn't even want brains to get all filthy with interpretations.“CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public. There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend is crystal clear in this decision,” said PTC President Tim Winter. "The title of this show is the opposite of fleeting (profanity) – it is bold, shameless, and in-your-face. It really is quite unreal how contemptious CBS is of families and the public. In fact, just this afternoon they released a new logo that's offensive to both parents and children alike.Not cool, The Eye. Not cool. (Deadline)
MTV is building up their stable of scripted material with the news that a "Teen Wolf" series will join "Hard Times of RJ Berger," "Warren the Ape," and "Skins" on the channel. The network has picked up a series order for the pilot we reported about previously. But don't dust off your What Are You Looking At, Dicknose? t-shirts just yet. This is MTV we're talking about, so of course it will lean closer to Twilight than it will the classic film Teen Wolf. Expect gratuitous abdominal muscle shots as opposed to light-hearted Michael J. Fox masturbating obsessively jokes. Turns out those don't really go over too well at parties anymore. Either that or I've been going to the wrong type of party. (THR)
On "All My Children," Leven Rambin played the autistic Lily Montgomery, as well as her street-smart but lovable older half sister, Ava Benton. So it must have been like a special ed Parent Trap sort of thing. Those soaps always take it to the next level.A word from Leven: "Even though I love fashion and all girl stuff, including the color pink, please know that I am not a 'Miss Priss'!"I like to imagine she gave that quote while sitting on a pink bed covered in pink throw pillows and chihuahuas in pink sunglasses. More pics of not Miss Priss after the jump.
That sandwich doesn't stand a chance with Belushi hanging around. UPDATE: I've added clips of the new shows after the jump. CBS announced its new schedule of shows that you will avoid but still discuss awkwardly with someone's grandparents today. As previously announced, the Twitter phenom that stole our sweet Patrick away, "S#*! My Dad Says" will go up against "30 Rock" in the Thursday at 8:30 slot. "The Big Bang Theory" is its solid lead-in in a bid to grab every Trekkie for a solid hour. Tom Selleck and Jim Belushi return to TV with "Blue Bloods" and "The Defenders" respectively. And Grace Park in a bikini will change your granddad's opinion of Koreans with a rebooted "Hawaii Five-O." CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE WITH NEW SHOWS AND NEW TIMESLOTS AND NEW CLIPS AFTER THE JUMP…
Sarah Silverman, host of the fake entertainment television program "Sizzle," sits down with "LOST" executive producers Carlton Cuse & Damon Lindelof to discuss the mysteries of the show's finale in only the way she can. So yes, there are farts. These links are a metaphor for purgatory. Happy 30th Birthday, 'Empire Strikes Back! (Moviefone)This Gun Shoots Beer (Asylum)Lindsay Lohan Lost Her Passport (PopEater)25 Porn Parodies (HolyTaco)Creating the 'Star Wars' Text Crawl Effect (FilmDrunk)Gallery of 15 Mutant Cars (Unreality)10 Reasons You Wouldn't Want to Date Megan Fox (BroBible)Most Bad Ass Way to Get Dressed (TotalProSports)Your Grandparent's Twitter Page (Maxim)MMA's 13 Most Shameful Moments of All Time (CagePotato)Pete Wentz's Son Involved in Suspected DUI (CelebJihad)30 Awesome Paintings of Monkeys (Smosh)Five Actors Who Should Quit Their Own TV Shows (Pajiba)The Last 10 Seconds of 'LOST' (Atom)Most Frrequent Bar Faux Pas (MadeMan)
Known mostly as “that hot chick on Dancing with the Stars,” Julianne Hough may be the sole reason men tune into the show, disregarding the fact that they’ll be forced to see former sports heroes at incredibly low points in their lives.A word from Julianne: "A lot of people know me as a dancer, but this album shows a different side of me. I've experienced a lot for someone my age that a lot of people will be able to relate to."You're 22 years old, Julianna. Unless a lot of turmoil occured before your 18th birthday, I doubt people will relate much. More blonde and piercing blue eyes after the jump.
Things are just peachy keen for Vince and the gang. So much so that they decided to spend the afternoon on the edge of a cliff shootin' the shit, and you better believe HBO was rolling the cameras. Seriously, could they have not come up with a better promo than this for season 7 of "Entourage"? The whole "we're just bros hanging out and living life" schtick got stale in season 3. Newsflash guys: you don't live in the real world! The stakes on the show don't matter because they usually consist of Vince toiling over which hot girl to f*ck. But no matter how it shakes out, he still gets to f*ck a hot girl. Meanwhile on Main Street, some poor schmo is deciding which kid of his to sacrifice so he can feed the rest of his family. I realize it's not as dire as having zero bars on your iPhone, but it's in the same ballpark. Check out the preview for Season 7 of "Entourage" below.
Charlie Sheen has problems. You have problems. Charlie Sheen drinks too much. You drink too much. Charlie Sheen has a shitty job. You have a shitty job. Charlie Sheen could make as much as $100 million dollars over the next two years for filming "Two and a Half Men." You'll be lucky if they make you an example in a "Faces of Meth" poster. Sheen's upfront salary is pegged at right around $1.25 million per seg, not the $1.8 million-$1.9 million previously reported ( Daily Variety , May 18). But Sheen's sizable profit participation stake in "Men" has sources close to the deal pegging the value of the additional 48 episodes at as much as $100 million to the thesp. With this new contract, Sheen's net worth is probably higher than the GDP of some third-world countries. Of course, that's assuming he hasn't blown most of it on hookers and blow, which he most certainly has. But this cash might be just what Sheen needs to find out the truth about September 11th. In fact, if you're reading, Charlie, I happen to have some information about the real culprit. His name starts with an "O" and ends with an "ama." For a million dollars, I'll clue you in on the missing letters. (Variety)
ABC has announced its fall line-up and it's brimming with hotties. Tuesday night's we have Julie Benz and Autumn Reeser on superhero family drama "No Ordinary Family," Wednesday's give us Joanna Garcia in "Better Together," and Kelli Garner on Thursdays with "My Generation." In addition to all the fresh faces, there's Michael Imperioli on "Detroit 1-8-7." It's important to have this balance. I don't know why. CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE AND CLIPS OF NEW AND RETURNING SHOWS AFTER THE JUMP…
Emily Procter has appeared on shows such as "Friends" and "The West Wing," but even better she fronts and 80's cover band called White Lightnen. She is also an avid poker player, a game that her father taught her when she was young. If she tastes like a gin and tonic she might just be the best woman ever. A word from Emily: "It's not a bad idea to be single."Well yes, if you're an attractive blonde woman being single can be a delight. If you're a blogger it can be nightmare wrapped continually in Saturday night shame.More pics of Emily YEAAAAAHHHHH!!! after the jump.
A new full-length trailer for "True Blood" has glamoured the Internet, and I'm sharing it with you so you can forward it along to your girlfriends. They're going to love this season considering the vampire-centric show is now dabbling in the world of werewolves, officially making it one pained expression away from becoming full-blown Twilight for television. But don't you dare move off that couch. You sit their with your baby cakes and subject yourself to every single minute of it. At least it's HBO, so breasts and people erupting into flames are guaranteed. Buncha filthy pyros over at that network… Sink your eyes into the trailer after the jump. Tell your g.f. season 3 of "True Blood" premieres June 13th, if she doesn't already have a sticker on her bejeweled day planner for it.
Here's some news that will surely move the peen of Manhattan's improv players. Susie Essman has lit it slip that the next season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" will be filmed predominantly in New York City. There aren't any details available beyond the news that production will begin in July, so we're not really sure what plot specifics will bring Larry David to town. But we're certainly happy to have him, though I fear he'll stick out like a sore thumb. If there's one thing in short supply in New York City, it's fussy old coots prone to shouting. (NYPost)
"We're not done until you retrieve my stash."Charlie Sheen fans can stop sending dead hookers and porn stars to CBS offices, because Poppa Bear is coming home!! The highest paid man on television announced that he will return to his shit show "Two and a Half Men," and has signed a contract that forces him to have to watch this thing awkwardly morph into a lesbian over the next two years:"To put a fitting end on the two and one-half months of whirlwind speculation, I'm looking forward to returning to my CBS home on Monday nights," said Sheen in a statement released last night. You see what he did there? The show is called "Two and a Half Men" and he said "two and one-half months." Someone please jam a great big adrenaline needle into my heart before my lungs collapse from over-LOLing. (People)
You "Arrested Development" fans are like delusional ex-girlfriends. Sure, the three years you spent with the show were wonderful, and I know it left you with some very special memories. I'm not asking you to forget that. But the fact of the matter is that it's been gone for four years, but you still talk about it like it was yesterday. The way you bring it up to anyone who will listen is creepy. Just last week, at that party, you asked a total stranger if they had seen it. Doesn't that come across as pathetic and desperate to you? Face the facts: "Arrested Development" is gone, and it's not coming back. It's moved on, and it's time you did the same. The best way to get over an old relationship is to start a new one, which is why I'd like you to meet "Running Wilde." It has Mitch Hurwitz and Will Arnett, which is pretty cool. I know it's not the same, but you can't go around comparing every show you watch to "Arrested Development." It's not healthy, and it's just setting yourself up for disappointment. Why don't you go in with an open mind and give it a chance? Also, maybe you should up your dosage of Wellbutrin. You're not looking so good. (Movieline) See Will Arnett in the "Running Wilde" trailer after the jump.
The final SNL Digital short of the season is a valiant effort, especially since it aired early in the show. Hey kiddies, in case you think that's powdered sugar on Andy's nose, it's not. It's sweet, sweet cocaine. Stick around until the very end for the best part.Do a line of these potent links. Roman Polanski Was Always a Creep (Moviefone)Teen Idols Dish Out Dating Advice (Asylum)Is Will Ferrell Running the Fake Paramount Twitter? (PopEater)25 Awesome Shoes (HolyTaco)Pete Hammond Likes Shrek 4 (FilmDrunk)Tracy Jordan's Life in the Ghetto (Unreality)Wrestling Is Still Real to Me Darn It! (TotalProSports)Amber Lancaster Pics (Maxim)Rachelle Leah Covered in Grease (CagePotato)Miss US 2010 Stripper Pics (CelebJihad)33 Worst Band Names in History (Smosh)5 Celebrity Lesbians We'd Like to Get With (Pajiba)Bill Plympton's 'Horn Dog' (Atom)10 Sexiest Sidekicks (MadeMan)Busch, Gibbs Win the Weekend (AllLeftTurns)
With Simon Cowell leaving "American Idol," FOX is in need of a big hit. Instead they got these new shows. Nothing jumps out as a hit on paper, but they are bringing some star power to the network that will hopefully carry the new properties. Jon Voight took our advice and jumped into "Lonestar" while Will Arnett and Kerri Russell star in "Running Wilde." I'm assuming that Wilde is the last name of the show's protagonist, who surprisingly is not played by Just Wright's Queen Latifiah. GET A LOOK AT FOX'S NEW LINE-UP AFTER THE JUMP, BEFORE THEY'RE ALL CANCELED AND REPLACED BY "HOUSE" ENCORES…
The big news out of the NBC Upfronts is the cancellation of "Heroes" and "Law & Order: Original Recipe." No huge loss there, but the network also pushed fan favorite "Parks & Recreation" to midseason, in order to make room for the new comedy "Outsourced" on their schedule. Hopefully this move will help build anticipation for the series and solve the problem of having to shoot around the bun that Will Arnett lovingly rammed into Amy Poehler's oven. In addition to "Outsourced," the Peacock picked up twelve other new programs. None of them really grab me, but I don't watch a lot of television anyway. Because of my good looks and all. CHECK OUT THE SCHEDULE AND TRAILERS AFTER THE JUMP.
CBS has officially picked up the sitcom based on the Twitter phenomenon Shit My Dad Says, assigning it the current (tentative?) title of "Bleep My Dad Says." We here at Screen Junkies would like to offer a massive congratulations to former SJ Managing Editor Patrick Schumacker and former Holy Taco Managing Editor Justin Halpern, co-creators of the show along with "Will & Grace" creators Max Mutchnik and David Kohan.William Shatner stars in the lead role as Ed the dad who says all the bleep (shit). The part of the Henry the son is played by Ryan Devlin in the pilot, but CBS has decided to recast the role. There's no word yet which actor in town has big enough balls to spar with Shatner. If you have a commanding presence please mail your headshot to the Warner Bros. water tower. Mark it Attention: Animaniacs. They'll get back to you ASAP. (Deadline)
If you lived in Canada, you saw Kristen Kreuk in some show called "Edgemont." If you lived in America, you saw her in "Smallville." If you lived in a fantasy world of comic books, acne and virginity, you saw her in a show on the SyFy channel called "Legend of Earthsea."A word from Kristen: "Just because I don't do bad things doesn't mean I don't have bad thoughts."Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.More pics of some bad things after the jump.
I'm not ready to say goodbye to this picture.Entertainment Weekly has new details about the fifth season of Dexter in the latest issue. If you're not caught up with the show, there are SPOILERS AHEAD. Bold and all caps. My ass is covered.It looks like Dexter will be packing up the kids and returning to his old bachelor pad to crash with Deb in the new season. Suburbia never really felt right and dropping deuces where his wife was murdered doesn't really appeal either. New showrunner Chip Johannessen had this to say about the new living situation, “It’s partially funny and partially not. Deb is not exactly the most maternal person. Nobody quite knows what they’re doing, so there’s a certain kind of struggle to cope.” In other words, these kids would be better off left in the woods to fend for themselves.The interesting story detail however pertains to the investigation of Rita's murder. Neither the police nor the FBI believe Trinity was responsible and consider Dexter the prime suspect. If Nancy Grace has taught me anything, it's usually the spouse in these cases. Especially the ones that play with blood for a living.
Bad news from the world of music. Musician Ronnie James Dio has died of stomach cancer. The singer, who performed with Black Sabbath and his own band, Dio, was only 67. I'm not going to pretend I'm a fan of his music, but Dio was responsible for this hilarious "South Park" bit, which means he's A-ok in my book. R.I.P. (DreadCentral) See Ronnie James Dio perform at the South Park Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance after the jump.
The Unemployment Line."Law & Order" creator Dick Wolf is reportedly furious, and not just because his parents named him poorly. NBC dramatically cut Wolf's throat today along with the grocery budgets of struggling New York actors by issuing the shocking announcement they are canceling the flagship show.NBC had promised Wolf they would bring the show back for a final season so that it could claim the longest-running primetime-drama pimpcup from "Gunsmoke," but plans changed when talks between NBC and would-be co-financier TNT fell flat. And then things got worse:That's when NBC threw its agreement with Wolf out the window and demanded Wolf kick in to help "finance the pickup of Law & Order out of all the money he's made. And his reps said, 'Never going to happen'," according to an insider. Another source explained the situation: "Graboff broke off the negotiations last night when they fell apart based on Team Dick's unwillingness to make certain deal concessions deemed unreasonable."Wow. That would be like your boss firing you but allowing you to stay on staff if you agreed to pay your own salary. They have a word for that in business school: balls.
Rest easy, James Garner. It looks like your beloved "Rockford Files" will not be defiled by a remake. Deadline Hollywood is reporting that despite several shakeups and makeovers, NBC has decided to pass on the pilot.The show was plagued by casting problems early on, but those seemed to be ironed out with the addition of Dermot Mulroney. But even a last minute recut by one of NBC's top editors couldn't bring the show up to snuff.Personally, I don't see the problem here. I think NBC should scrap scripted dramas altogether, focusing on reality programs and maybe some sort of prime-time talk show. I hear Conan O'Brien is available.
Cook? Cask? Tell me, I'm dying to know!I'm not going to lie. I've never seen "True Blood." But the fact that it doesn't have androgynous teenage vampires running around being emo is a good sign. And from what I've been told, there are lots of gratuitous topless scenes to enjoy. I'll be sure to check it out just as soon as ScreenJunkies starts paying for my HBO. Until then, I'll just watch this trailer for season 3 over and over again.Check out the "True Blood" Season 3 trailer after the jump.
Hurley from "Lost" says "dude," and he says it a lot. In fact, if you compiled all the times Hurley has said "dude" over the course of six seasons, it would last four minutes. Of course, you would never take the time to compile such a thing because you have a life. Luckily, the people from Jezebel don't, and they made this sweet video. (SlashFilm) Watch Hurley say "dude" over and over again after the jump.
After starring in The Lookout with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Laura Vandervoort landed the coveted role of Supergirl on "Smallville." She now stars in "V" and is currently praying it doesn't get cancelled. A word from Laura: "Hollywood is something imagined."Actually it's not. I drove through it the other day. It's something littered with graffiti, Carl's Jr. wrappers, and charismatic bums. Check out more pics of Supergirl after the jump.
"Saturday Night Live" is officially a hit again thanks to Betty White and her whore mouth. The Facebook-supported, hood-approved actress officially rocked it and helped the show score its highest ratings since a pre-election November 2008 episode.Many of the episode's sketches coasted by on the "Grandma says naughty words" schtick of which White is clearly a master. In fact, her muffin sketch is all anyone is talking about today as cubicles everywhere tune into "SNL" via Hulu. I hope I don't get caught by the boss but whatever. It wouldn't be the first time I was fired because of an old woman's vagina. (Reuters)