Cold sausage, bowel movements, bowling trophies, Dracula puppets, and a bikini-clad Kristen Bell. If more than one of these turns you on, you've got issues my friend. Tonight's TV preview will try not to judge you.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Weeds has a variety of incredibly attractive women on it, but in comparison to other shows, it has the milf market cornered. Much is said about Mary-Louise Parker, but the unsung hot mom of the show is Elizabeth Perkins. Playing Celia Hodes, she nails the "raging bitch" role down pat, almost too well. It makes us hope her character experiences a softening-up that occurs as a result of her new relationship with an oddly juvenile co-worker, preferrably played by Tom Hanks. That, or we could all just watch Big again. Either way, she's still hot.A word from Elizabeth: "My sisters are very academically inclined so whenever they would fix me up, it would always be from someone in their world, people they would find attractive. When they came to the door in suits, it was over."Luckily, most of our readership don't own suits, so it seems like we have a shot! Check out more hot photos of Elizabeth after the jump!
The pursuit of a dream, the pursuit of kidnappers, the pursuit of revenge, the pursuit for manhood, and the pursuit for a cure. Tonight's television preview has got some tired-ass legs.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Gang violence, angry Japanese people, a mentally unstable comedian, pugilism, alternative jams, and Dawson. This weekend's television preview is as schizo as Dave Chappelle.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC
A heist, the double-lives of spies, sex addiction, ghosts, and the voice of a generation round out your top TV options tonight.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!
CLEVELAND FROM FAMILY GUY – Watch more Funny VideosThe panel for the "The Family Guy" spinoff "The Cleveland Show" didn’t have as much hype as the panels that were premiering big movie trailers or had anything remotely to do with either Lost or Twilight. What it did bring, however, was laughs, and lots of them. Instead of rambling, the group of panelists, which included Seth Macfarlane, Mike Henry, Jamie Kennedy, and the rest of the principal cast, let the show speak for itself, showing an extended clip of the pilot and a clip of an episode airing in December…
Parasites, terrorism, beauty pageants, cat suits, and child actors. Tonight's TV viewing options sum up Florida perfectly.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Family Guy supporting character Cleveland Brown leaves Quahog with his son Cleveland Jr. for his hometown, where he reconnects with his high school flame and starts a new life with a new family. Cast: Mike Henry, Jamie Kennedy, Seth Macfarlane Network: FOX Airs: September 27th, 2009; Sundays @ 8:30 PM
I understand that there's a natural skepiticism when one is informed of a both funny and hot woman; theoretically, the two cannot exist together, as it defies all common logic. But make no mistake: Jessi Klein is both hot and funny. She's been doing standup and clip shows for quite some time, and is now not only writing, but acting as the show-within-a-show's producer, Marla, on "Michael And Michael Have Issues." Meanwhile, I'm still trying to hire a team of scientists that will tell me how she is biologically possible. A word from Jessi: "When I meet a guy for the first time, I have no problem with his eyes wandering south for a second to check out my rack—that’s when I steal a glance at the little slip of landscape peeking out from the collar of his shirt. Is it heavily forested, gently grassy, or just a desert-like stretch of flesh, with nary a hair in sight to provide shade?" What a very fair way to handle that situation. Check out some classy (meaning with clothing, because she respects herself) photos and some of Jessi's standup routine after the jump!
Pornography, grand larceny, double-talking, dismemberment, and stretch marks. In other words, an average Tuesday for Mickey Rourke. Here's your guide to tonight's television.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
A hard decision, social experiments, celebrity garage sales, and a double dose of Diddy. Here's your guide to be what's on TV tonight. FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
By 9am, the line outside Hall H for the LOST: THE FINAL SEASON panel with co-creators Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse was already 1000+ fans deep, and the presentation wasn't until 11am. But the 6000+ fans that eventually made it inside were in for a real treat. Cuse and Lindelof came armed with tons of clips and almost equal amounts of special guests, and didn't disappoint even the hardcores that had been camping outside the San Diego Convention Center's Hall H since the night before.
After a montage of some of the creators' favorite LOST-related fan films, Cuse and Lindelof showed the audience a very well done promo for a fake throwback show that supposedly aired in the 80s, and which covered the mysterious Dharma Initiative that is such a huge part of the LOST mythology:
This afternoon, Olivia Munn, Kevin Pereira, Blair Butler and producers behind G4's megahit ATTACK OF THE SHOW held court in Room 5AB of the San Diego Convention Center for a little over an hour. The line to get in looked like it went about half the length of the entire San Diego Convention Center, and we're willing to bet over 500 people had to be turned away in the end. Too bad. Everyone who did get in received a complimentary kazoo and glowstick (more on these later)Introducing the show was none other than Apple's "Steve Jobs," and we have his entire 4-minute address here. Fast forward to the end if you just want a glimpse of Ms. Munn stepping out to her adoring fans.
Hold on to your britches this weekend cause we've got a slew of debauchery. Lost nuclear weapons, gambling, reanimation, and sex, sex, sex! These are your TV watchin' options and they're sure to keep you on your toes.CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!ALL TIMES ARE EASTERN/PACIFIC
This trailer courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter makes the new season of DEXTER look simply amazing. The show picks up after Rita has given birth to Dexter's baby, so it spares us from the whole gross/miraculous labor thing that happens to women. Keith Carradine is back as Agent Lundy, and John Lithgow joins the cast as the "Trinity Killer," an infamous serial killer who's been killing in threes for decades. If Lithgow's half as good at being bad as he was in CLIFFHANGER than we're in for one heck of a season. Check out these killer morning links… Wanted 2 Is In The Works (JoBlo) New Moon Breakdown Offers Hope (Cinematical) Kick Ass Footage Of Kick Ass Explained (/Film) Town Manager's Porn Star Wife Gets Him Booted (FilmDrunk) Highlights From The Burn Notice Press Room (FutonCritic)
We've got breaking news straight from Comic-Con: they're serving Lou Diamond Phillips Flapjacks. You heard it here first, folks. Waitresses will STAND AND DELIVER you delicious, fluffy, Lou-cakes at Cafe Diem, a real version of the cafe from the Syfy show Eureka. And you even get your choice of gourmet syrups. The question is, what does Lou Diamond Phillips syrup taste like…Today's Top Links:Nicole Jackson Likes Grass And Sand Equally (GorillaMask)8 Cartoon Characters That Probably Have Syphilis (HolyTaco)Schwarzenegger Governs Commando Style (FilmDrunk)Bingo The Bee's Unfortunate Accident (Manofest)X-Men Vinyl Dolls Are Both Cuddly And Awesome (WalYou)Top 10 90's Soundtrack Songs. No Sike! (Pajiba)7 True Stories That Prove Airlines Hate You (Cracked)Google Is So Ignorant (SickPigs)The 210 Most Shameful Drunken Shamings (CoedMagazine) Walter Cronkite Meets Michael Jackson In Hell (CelebJihad)4 Foods Cooked Better With Beer (MadeMan)Wanderlei Silva's Manager Shoots Down Bisping Rumor (CagePotato)The Dirtiest Apartment Contest (Unrealitymag)Behind The Scenes On The Millenium Falcon (Asylum)Dexter McCluster Serenades A White Woman (BustedCoverage)Do Fun Things With Body Hair (Uncoached)6 People Who Will Ruin Your Summer Pool Experience (RegretfulMorning)Math Nerd Matchmaking (BachelorGuy)Chicks From Hungary Make Us Hungry For More (MoonDogSports)Officer Involved Shooting Equals Lots Of Bullets (NothingToxic)Go Old School With 8-Bit Nintendo Fun (AtomFilms)2 'Thirst' Clips (Filmofilia)
Get a house on the moon! See how good Fey and Hamm go together. Prostitute murders, crazy viral videos, and cowboys. These are your TV watchin' options for tonight.CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!
Mystery boxes of food, angry and confused men bent on revenge, and freakishly gussied-up toddlers. These are your options for TV watchin' tonight. CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP! NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!
Global disaster aftermath in a controlled environment… a look back at Brooklyn's first family… an alcoholic fireman, deadly bugs, and wet tattooed lady skin. These are your options for TV watchin' tonight. CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!
A daring comedy from the 70s, a comedy about a daredevil, and three sci-fi programs depending on whether or not you believe the Apollo Moon landing actually happened. These are the best options for TV watchin' tonight.FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!
THREE SHEETS Season 4 Sizzle Reel – Watch more Movie TrailersThis Monday night, July 20th, "Three Sheets" returns to television @ 10pm ET/PT on Fine Living Network (FLN). It's the start of Season 4, and host Zane Lamprey – a name that sounds like it should belong to the coolest sea creature EVER – is still traveling the world, drinking copious amounts of local alcoholic beverages, and following it up with… more booze. Occasionally, he eats bizarre foods, too, but usually is turned off by the taste and must wash it down with… more booze. In the United States, this would be called a drinking problem. But where Zane goes, the locals call this "way better than those crappy pamphlets at the tourism office," so they just laugh and laugh… and keep the beer/wine/rat poison flowing. Actually, I should let you know that this show in no way endorses irresponsible drinking. Lamprey is a pro, and can drink anyone under the table without losing his visuo-spatial perception, basic motor skills, or logic. Why Nick Nolte has not signed onto the show as Lamprey's faithful sidekick, I have no idea.
Network: Fine Living (FLN)Time: Weeknights @ 10pm ET/PTSynopsis: Host Zane Lamprey travels the world, drinking and… drinking. And occasionally eating some really awful stuff… then cleansing his palate with more booze.
Chances are strong that you'll be spending the weekend watching your favorite wizard. And if this guyis busy then you'll probably be watching Harry Potter. Or maybe you're too busy clicking away for your chance to win Watchmen: The Director's Cut. But if you're not, have a gander at these programs we've hand-selected for your viewing pleasure.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
A classic horror hit, a neo-classical horror flick, a horrific look into the making of fast food, and a couple reruns of our favorite episodes of "The Office." One of these things is not like the others, but all are equally worth your time. Unlike communicating with your friends and family. They don't love you like your TV does. Make sure you give back to it by watching these shows together.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
Michael & Michael & Screenjunkies – Watch more Funny VideosMost of what's on tonight is either a repeat or a real poop romp but we managed to find some suitable options for your viewing pleasure. Tonight's listings offer up an adolescent Kirsten Dunst, boobies, and amateur video. NOTE: This intro was designed to draw in search engine traffic from perverts. Harry Potter.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
Not too long ago, about 20% of Screen Junkies readers likened us to the antichrist for having omitted T.A.R.D.I.S. from our list of Movie Time Machines. For those of you not in the know, T.A.R.D.I.S. is the inter-dimensional traveling phone booth from "Dr. Who," and not an elite task force of idiots, as the acronym may seem. An even smaller number of you may be aware that "Dr. Who" has a spinoff, called "Torchwood," airing on BBC America for the past few years. It's actually a pretty cool show – sort of like an "X-Files" meets "Buffy" meets funny accents and bad teeth (it's primarily based in Cardiff, Wales). And next week, Captain Jack and the covert operatives from Torchwood are getting a five part miniseries, the first seven minutes of which you can watch above. "Torchwood: Children of Earth" premieres five nights straight starting on Monday, July 20, 9:00 – 10:15 p.m. ET/PT on BBC AMERICA. 'Ere ah today's top links, guv'nah! Gillian Leigh Is Uber Good Looking (Gorillamask) 5 Terribly Awesome Examples Of Porn Acting (Holytaco) Bruno Terrorist Threatens To Sue (Filmdrunk) The 10 Funniest Workplace Training Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Finally: A Portable Microwave (Walyou) Pajiba's Final Thoughts On Michael Jackson (Pajiba) 9 Toys That Prepare Children For A Life Of Menial Labor (Cracked) Asians Make Animal Cruelty Seem Hilarious (Sickpigs) A New Kind Of Green Beer (Coedmagazine) Jessica Simpson Has A New Man (Celebjihad) 10 Things Harry Potter Teaches Men About The Real World (Mademan) Where Are They Now? The Cast Of Die Hard (Unreality) Awesomely Manly Cakes (Asylum) 10 Incredibly Entertaining One-Punch Knockouts (Uncoached) When Should One Wear A Condom? (Regretfulmorning) Get Tapped At Home With The Newcastle Draught Keg (Bachelorguy) US Senator Wants BCS Investigated (Moondogsports)
The Lowdown: A spinoff off BBC sci-fi staple "Dr. Who." Captain Jack Harkness, a partner of the Doctor, travels to 21st century Cardiff, where he joins a special renegade agency, named Torchwood, that is intent on protecting Earth from supernatural and alien forces.Cast: John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Naoko Mori, Gareth David-LloydNetwork: BBC America Airs: Mondays, 9:00-10:15 PM
Yo, yo, yo Junkies! Welcome to Tuesday's edition of What To Watch Tonight. We've combed the listings once more to give you our best offerings. In addition to the All-Star Game (to which we paid solemn tribute) there's a lot of options tonight. Essentially Roadhouse or a furry orgy. You've got some tough calls to make. Are you really going to foresake Patrick Swayze?? FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…