Hold on to your britches this weekend cause we've got a slew of debauchery. Lost nuclear weapons, gambling, reanimation, and sex, sex, sex! These are your TV watchin' options and they're sure to keep you on your toes.CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!ALL TIMES ARE EASTERN/PACIFIC
This trailer courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter makes the new season of DEXTER look simply amazing. The show picks up after Rita has given birth to Dexter's baby, so it spares us from the whole gross/miraculous labor thing that happens to women. Keith Carradine is back as Agent Lundy, and John Lithgow joins the cast as the "Trinity Killer," an infamous serial killer who's been killing in threes for decades. If Lithgow's half as good at being bad as he was in CLIFFHANGER than we're in for one heck of a season. Check out these killer morning links… Wanted 2 Is In The Works (JoBlo) New Moon Breakdown Offers Hope (Cinematical) Kick Ass Footage Of Kick Ass Explained (/Film) Town Manager's Porn Star Wife Gets Him Booted (FilmDrunk) Highlights From The Burn Notice Press Room (FutonCritic)
We've got breaking news straight from Comic-Con: they're serving Lou Diamond Phillips Flapjacks. You heard it here first, folks. Waitresses will STAND AND DELIVER you delicious, fluffy, Lou-cakes at Cafe Diem, a real version of the cafe from the Syfy show Eureka. And you even get your choice of gourmet syrups. The question is, what does Lou Diamond Phillips syrup taste like…Today's Top Links:Nicole Jackson Likes Grass And Sand Equally (GorillaMask)8 Cartoon Characters That Probably Have Syphilis (HolyTaco)Schwarzenegger Governs Commando Style (FilmDrunk)Bingo The Bee's Unfortunate Accident (Manofest)X-Men Vinyl Dolls Are Both Cuddly And Awesome (WalYou)Top 10 90's Soundtrack Songs. No Sike! (Pajiba)7 True Stories That Prove Airlines Hate You (Cracked)Google Is So Ignorant (SickPigs)The 210 Most Shameful Drunken Shamings (CoedMagazine) Walter Cronkite Meets Michael Jackson In Hell (CelebJihad)4 Foods Cooked Better With Beer (MadeMan)Wanderlei Silva's Manager Shoots Down Bisping Rumor (CagePotato)The Dirtiest Apartment Contest (Unrealitymag)Behind The Scenes On The Millenium Falcon (Asylum)Dexter McCluster Serenades A White Woman (BustedCoverage)Do Fun Things With Body Hair (Uncoached)6 People Who Will Ruin Your Summer Pool Experience (RegretfulMorning)Math Nerd Matchmaking (BachelorGuy)Chicks From Hungary Make Us Hungry For More (MoonDogSports)Officer Involved Shooting Equals Lots Of Bullets (NothingToxic)Go Old School With 8-Bit Nintendo Fun (AtomFilms)2 'Thirst' Clips (Filmofilia)
Get a house on the moon! See how good Fey and Hamm go together. Prostitute murders, crazy viral videos, and cowboys. These are your TV watchin' options for tonight.CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!
Mystery boxes of food, angry and confused men bent on revenge, and freakishly gussied-up toddlers. These are your options for TV watchin' tonight. CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP! NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!
Global disaster aftermath in a controlled environment… a look back at Brooklyn's first family… an alcoholic fireman, deadly bugs, and wet tattooed lady skin. These are your options for TV watchin' tonight. CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!
A daring comedy from the 70s, a comedy about a daredevil, and three sci-fi programs depending on whether or not you believe the Apollo Moon landing actually happened. These are the best options for TV watchin' tonight.FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!
THREE SHEETS Season 4 Sizzle Reel – Watch more Movie TrailersThis Monday night, July 20th, "Three Sheets" returns to television @ 10pm ET/PT on Fine Living Network (FLN). It's the start of Season 4, and host Zane Lamprey – a name that sounds like it should belong to the coolest sea creature EVER – is still traveling the world, drinking copious amounts of local alcoholic beverages, and following it up with… more booze. Occasionally, he eats bizarre foods, too, but usually is turned off by the taste and must wash it down with… more booze. In the United States, this would be called a drinking problem. But where Zane goes, the locals call this "way better than those crappy pamphlets at the tourism office," so they just laugh and laugh… and keep the beer/wine/rat poison flowing. Actually, I should let you know that this show in no way endorses irresponsible drinking. Lamprey is a pro, and can drink anyone under the table without losing his visuo-spatial perception, basic motor skills, or logic. Why Nick Nolte has not signed onto the show as Lamprey's faithful sidekick, I have no idea.
Network: Fine Living (FLN)Time: Weeknights @ 10pm ET/PTSynopsis: Host Zane Lamprey travels the world, drinking and… drinking. And occasionally eating some really awful stuff… then cleansing his palate with more booze.
Chances are strong that you'll be spending the weekend watching your favorite wizard. And if this guyis busy then you'll probably be watching Harry Potter. Or maybe you're too busy clicking away for your chance to win Watchmen: The Director's Cut. But if you're not, have a gander at these programs we've hand-selected for your viewing pleasure.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
A classic horror hit, a neo-classical horror flick, a horrific look into the making of fast food, and a couple reruns of our favorite episodes of "The Office." One of these things is not like the others, but all are equally worth your time. Unlike communicating with your friends and family. They don't love you like your TV does. Make sure you give back to it by watching these shows together.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
Michael & Michael & Screenjunkies – Watch more Funny VideosMost of what's on tonight is either a repeat or a real poop romp but we managed to find some suitable options for your viewing pleasure. Tonight's listings offer up an adolescent Kirsten Dunst, boobies, and amateur video. NOTE: This intro was designed to draw in search engine traffic from perverts. Harry Potter.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
Not too long ago, about 20% of Screen Junkies readers likened us to the antichrist for having omitted T.A.R.D.I.S. from our list of Movie Time Machines. For those of you not in the know, T.A.R.D.I.S. is the inter-dimensional traveling phone booth from "Dr. Who," and not an elite task force of idiots, as the acronym may seem. An even smaller number of you may be aware that "Dr. Who" has a spinoff, called "Torchwood," airing on BBC America for the past few years. It's actually a pretty cool show – sort of like an "X-Files" meets "Buffy" meets funny accents and bad teeth (it's primarily based in Cardiff, Wales). And next week, Captain Jack and the covert operatives from Torchwood are getting a five part miniseries, the first seven minutes of which you can watch above. "Torchwood: Children of Earth" premieres five nights straight starting on Monday, July 20, 9:00 – 10:15 p.m. ET/PT on BBC AMERICA. 'Ere ah today's top links, guv'nah! Gillian Leigh Is Uber Good Looking (Gorillamask) 5 Terribly Awesome Examples Of Porn Acting (Holytaco) Bruno Terrorist Threatens To Sue (Filmdrunk) The 10 Funniest Workplace Training Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Finally: A Portable Microwave (Walyou) Pajiba's Final Thoughts On Michael Jackson (Pajiba) 9 Toys That Prepare Children For A Life Of Menial Labor (Cracked) Asians Make Animal Cruelty Seem Hilarious (Sickpigs) A New Kind Of Green Beer (Coedmagazine) Jessica Simpson Has A New Man (Celebjihad) 10 Things Harry Potter Teaches Men About The Real World (Mademan) Where Are They Now? The Cast Of Die Hard (Unreality) Awesomely Manly Cakes (Asylum) 10 Incredibly Entertaining One-Punch Knockouts (Uncoached) When Should One Wear A Condom? (Regretfulmorning) Get Tapped At Home With The Newcastle Draught Keg (Bachelorguy) US Senator Wants BCS Investigated (Moondogsports)
The Lowdown: A spinoff off BBC sci-fi staple "Dr. Who." Captain Jack Harkness, a partner of the Doctor, travels to 21st century Cardiff, where he joins a special renegade agency, named Torchwood, that is intent on protecting Earth from supernatural and alien forces.Cast: John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Naoko Mori, Gareth David-LloydNetwork: BBC America Airs: Mondays, 9:00-10:15 PM
Yo, yo, yo Junkies! Welcome to Tuesday's edition of What To Watch Tonight. We've combed the listings once more to give you our best offerings. In addition to the All-Star Game (to which we paid solemn tribute) there's a lot of options tonight. Essentially Roadhouse or a furry orgy. You've got some tough calls to make. Are you really going to foresake Patrick Swayze?? FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
The MLB All Star Game is on tonight, and what better way to prepare you for it (other than legitimate baseball news, which I for one know none of) than with a girl gallery of a moderately famous actress who has %$&*d dated a buncha baseball players. That's right, it's Alyssa Milano. She's been linked to Brad Penny, Carl Pavano, Barry Zito, and Russell Martin. Although it seems her days of pretending she's Susan Sarandon's character in Bull Durham are over (she's engaged to a CAA agent now… he probably repped a baseball player on some movie), her love for the game still goes on. She's recently released a book entitled Safe At Home: Confessions of a Baseball Fanatic. A word from Alyssa: "I used to sleep nude – until the earthquake."While we try to digest what that quote means, YOU should check out more hot photos of Alyssa after the jump!
There's nothing like a trip to the ball field in the summer. The roar of the crowd, the organist's familiar theme, and the crack of the bat — all events that invigorate our senses. In honor of tonight's 2009 MLB All-Star Game we sat down to discuss which baseball films had the greatest impact on us as people, nay Americans. It sparked heated debate and words were said that cannot be taken back (Patrick called me a f** so I had my manager sucker punch him), but despite the brouhaha we were able to pare down the list to include the true Home Run Kings. So please join us as we pay salute to our national pastime with this montage of cinema's greatest hits (and we threw one TV show in there because it's too good to pass up).
Okay fight fans! Tonight's recommended viewings all linger around the theme of fighting for survival in one way or another. So why not watch with a friend? And then why not punch them upside when they're not looking. I think you'll both get a pretty good laugh out of it. FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
"Entourage" made its triumphant return last night, and with it came the return of the adorable Emmanuelle Chriqui. She took a long break from playing Sloan, Eric's smoking hot girlfriend – much to the dismay of every heterosexual male who watches it in hopes of seeing attractive women (the same ones who watch to hear Ari say something cool that they can co-opt for themselves). The producers and writers must've realized they were all morons for not featuring her on the show, and now she's back. All is right with the world (except the economy, of course).A word from Emmanuelle: "You know, "Entourage" is the biggest surprise of my career. It's never really been my dream to be on a TV series. But every pilot season, my agent wants me to do something. So this time I said, 'Okay, look, if I do television, I want to do an HBO show.'"It's no surprise you'll find hot photos of Emmanuelle after the jump.
Happy Saturday, junkies! If you haven't already read our weekend preview, you might have missed that Comedy Central ran episodes of both "The State" and "Stella" in the wee hours of the morning. They likely didn't run this: an NSFW short written and driected by, and starring David Wain, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter – a.k.a. Stella. It's my favorite of the "Stella Shorts," which preceded the Comedy Central show (a show which had Star Wars-level production value by comparison). Look for Moon and Iron Man 2's Sam Rockwell as a pizza delivery guy. With music by John Cougar Mellencamp.
Network: Comedy CentralCast: David Wain, Michael Ian Black, Michael ShowalterSynopsis: The official synopsis reads: A sketch comedy show that follows the absurd adventures of Michael, Michael and David. But that doesn't do this show justice. It only lasted a season, but is available on DVD and we strongly recommend you pick it up, especially Disc 1, which includes, "Office Party," possibly my favorite 22 minutes of Prime Time TV EVER.Status: Cancelled
This weekend we're certain you'll be catching Brüno at least once. (If you're not convinced of its worthiness, read Andy Rooney's review here.) There's also I Love You, Beth Cooper, which looks good and grating, other than Hayden Panettiere's involvement. But if you just feel like staying in, or you physically can't get outside because of obesity issues or allergies, we've got a cornucopia of televised delicacies for your discerning palate. And none of them are cooking shows. FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
I'll be honest; I haven't watched anything related to the WWE since 4th grade. I always felt that I needed a taste for Natty Light, trucker hats, and trailer homes to in order to fully appreciate the sport. And I had none of the those. But after scrambling to find a topical subject for today's girl gallery – and landing one – I now may be inclined to make a habit of WWE Friday Night Smackdown. Because there's always a chance that beautiful "Diva" Michelle McCool will show up. She's the current Divas World Champion, and, more importantly, used to be a 7th grade school teacher. I leave the immature schoolboy jokes to you.A word from Michelle: "I, like most of the other Divas, get this question often. Though the girls have done some absolutely beautiful, classy shoots with Playboy, it's not for me. For now, I'll be keeping my clothes on."Sh*t. Anway, check out some beautiful, classy photos of a scantily-clad Michelle after the jump!
The What: WWE Friday Night SmackDown is a professional wrestling television program for World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) that is currently airing on MyNetworkTV in the United States. The show's name is also used to refer to the SmackDown brand, in which WWE employees are assigned to work and perform on that program; the other programs and brands are Raw and ECW. And that, junkies, is about the most corporate description we could borrow from wikipedia ever. The When: Fridays 8-10PM Eastern on My Network TV & WWE HDOfficial Site: http://www.wwe.com/shows/smackdown/
Don't worry, dearest readers. we've once again combed through the listings to bring to you the bestest, mostest interestingest television viewing options for the evening. Unless, of course, you're into Samantha Who? and Grey's Anatomy. In which case, what the mother-effing eff are you doing here? Go read Holy Taco… girl.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
Alright Junkies, we're halfway through the week. You did it. You're a champ. Why not reward yourself by relaxing by the soft, cathode flicker of your television whilst sipping the finest of boxed wines? We've got some pretty great suggestions for tonight but felt it necessary to point out a strange programming phenomenon that is also taking place. While combing the listings we noticed programs called "15 and Pregnant", "16 and Pregnant" and "Obese and Pregnant" are all airing at some point across three different channels. Who's getting all these teenagers and morbidly obese women pregnant? I want an APB on Tracy Morgan immediately. See what to watch after the jump…
By Patrick Schumacker
Alright, it's that time of day again for us to provide a handy guide of tonight's worthwhile television offerings you need to watch. Of course, that's assuming that you're not worn out from watching Michael's all-day memorial. No pressure but if you feel so inclined to turn down "Beat It" for a few hours. We got your back. See what to watch after the jump:
Hi there, fellow Junkies. After weeks of debate, late-night coffee runs, bruised egos and one pivotal coin flip, we've decided to bring back a daily dose of nightly TV recommendations. We haven't settled on a formula yet, so please bear with us as the way we deliver the goods will undoubtedly change more than Harry Knowles changes shirts (read: twice a week). And PLEASE, PLEASE give us constructive criticism in the comments section so that we can make this as entertaining and informative as possible. It's our way of giving back to the community while indirectly making people fatter so "Dance Your Ass Off" is never hurting for new contestants. Here's What to Watch: