Here's a video of some of the actors from "Lost" saying "Mmm…cake." When the women do it I get horny and hungry at the same time. Good thing I've got my Sarah Lee sex doll on hand. Nobody DOES do it like Sarah Lee…Mmm…links.John Cusack in the Rain Montage (Moviefone)Sweet Artwork on a Bald Head (Asylum)Tina Fey Goes Wild in Esquire Photo Shoot (PopEater)2010 Douchebag Tournament: Round 1, Day 2 (HolyTaco)'Clash of the Titans' Poster Vandalism (FilmDrunk)Emperor Palpatine is Chillin' with His Bros (Unreality)Obama's Bracket Has Kansas Taking the Title (TotalProSports)St. Patty's Day Drinking Map (Maxim)12 Examples of Poor Body Painting (Smosh)12 Anti-Irish Cartoons for St. Patty's Day (CelebJihad)Jon Jones Has Some Tricks to Show Off (CagePotato)Code Monkeys Like Fritos (Pajiba)Banned Heartburn Commercial (Atom)Buy Your Own Kidnapping (MadeMan)LOL Race Pics: The Incredible Carl (AllLeftTurns)
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, we have an update about Conan O'Brien's comedy show. Those of us who weren't able to surprise our girlfriends with tickets to "The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour" (what's Jay Leno's excuse?) may be in luck today. Remember how you didn't really watch "The Tonight Show" while he hosted and he was subsequently fired? Well, now you have the option to ignore a documentary about the upcoming tour too.We don't know what exactly to expect from the documentary but the tour itself is rumored to be off the wall with surprise guests and O'Brien's guitar (unfortunately). The ousted host's attempts to please "The Tonight Show" audience were lackluster due to the forced sanitization of his material so it will be fun to see him cut loose from the fetters of the network and crabby, old people. Always driving so damn slow and buying up all the Werther's. (Deadline)
HBO refuses to falter in its attempts to overtake our Sunday nights. Yesterday we showed you the new trailer for David Simon's "Treme" and today we have a longer look at the Terrence Winter and Martin Scorsese period drama "Boardwalk Empire." Set in Prohibition-era Atlantic City, it's an old timey look at gambling and gangsters starring Steve Buscemi as Nucky Thompson, the real life crime boss who ruled A.C. with an iron fist and distended eyeballs. Think of it as "Deadwood" with running water and Omar from "The Wire." Have a look at Atlantic City's glory days before it was claimed by the elderly, after the jump.
The teaser for "Treme" gave us only sad, orphaned instruments, so it's nice to see some people paying attention to them in this new trailer. Everyone seems happy as pie, but since "The Wire's" David Simon is co-creator I have a sneaking suspicion things are going to take a turn for the worse. It's just good TV, folks. Or rather, good HBO.Show these links some love.'Airplane!' Movie Quotes (Moviefone)How to Live in a Treehouse (Asylum)PETA Doesn't Like Mike Tyson Racing Pidgeons (PopEater)This 'Twilight' Comic Gets It Right (NotZombies)25 Animals Playing Sports (HolyTaco)St. Patrick's Day: The Movie (FilmDrunk)8 Child Starts from Classic Horror Films (Unreality)The Greatest Wrestling Move EVER (TotalProSports)24 Hours: Rob Corddry (Maxim)19 Best Homeless Person Signs (Smosh)Justin Bieber Concert Ends in Violence (CelebJihad)Hot Maria Kanellis Pics (CagePotato)'Breaking Bad' Contest (Pajiba)Evan and Gareth: Tie (Atom)How to Drink with Dignity (MadeMan)March Madness: NASCAR Ediiton (AllLeftTurns)
From its earliest days, "South Park" has been at its best when it is mocking the hypocrisy and stupidity of people and their foibles, and nowhere is this more evident than in the many episodes where it has forayed into political parody. Sometimes the episode has been merely subtly political, whereas others, such as the episode about the conclusion of the 2008 presidential race, have been overtly so. Regardless of the context, you can usually count on "South Park" to deliver an entertaining and insightful ride where not a single soul is left blameless and everybody ends up with egg on their face, be they the President of the United States or Osama bin Laden. The season premiere of "South Park" this Wednesday features a bit of a parody on the recent Blackwater scandal, and so in honor of that, Screen Junkies presents…
Sons of Tucson — Premieres Sunday Mar. 14 at 9:30/8:30 C on FOX – Watch more Funny Videos Check out this featurette of the new FOX comedy Sons of Tucson. Reese from Malcolm in the Middle is producing, so there's a good chance it could be twisted fun. What's that? You want to know what it's about? Well allllright! In the tradition of Malcolm in the Middle, Sons of Tucson is a family comedy about three brothers who hire a charming, wayward schemer to stand in as their father when their real one goes to prison. What begins as a simple business relationship evolves into a totally f'ed up family situation. The three brothers find their dad-for-hire working at the local sporting goods store. Ron, who's living out of his car like a man's man, is forced to dig into a vast bag of skeevy tricks as he steps into the role of patriarch to the boys of the Gunderson family. Sons of Tucson premieres Tonight @ 9:30/8:30C on FOX.
A sexy fight, that is.We reported earlier that extremely attractive Asian actress Maggie Q would play the title character in the CW's Nikita. Today there's news that she'll have some company. Lyndsy Fonseca (Kick-Ass, Hot Tub Time Machine) has signed on to play a newly-recruited, younger Nikita tasked with bringing in Q's character after she goes rogue. Sounds a bit like a mix between The Fugitive and NBC's ill-fated Bionic Woman remake.Fonseca's character is described as an "attractive, young, white female with virtually no personal ties or paper trail." In other words, Charlie Sheen's dream woman. (The Futon Critic)
When it was first announced that Conan O'Brien would embark on a live tour as a means around NBC's cock-blockery, my first thought was "Awesome!" Then my second thought was, "Don't bring your guitar. Don't bring your guitar. Don't bring your guitar." Today the giant comedian wrote on his Twitter:“Hey Internet: I’m headed to your town on a half-assed comedy & music (GODDAMNIT-Ed.) tour. Go to http://TeamCoco.com for tix. I repeat: It’s half-assed.”We've got the full list of tour dates after the jump but I've got to say, I'm kind of disappointed. Tickets for the Radio City Music Hall dates cost between $44 and $84 BEFORE Ticketmaster rapes your wallet with hidden fees and bullsh*t additional charges. Conan's funny and all but if I want to see a Masturbating Bear, I can probably do so for free in the West Village. (Team Coco)FIND OUT WHEN CONAN'S COMING TO YOUR JERKWATER TOWN AFTER THE JUMP…
Timothy Olyphant loves himself some westerns. First he squared off with Ian McShane on the HBO drama Deadwood, and now he's back as gun-slinging U.S. Marshall Raylan Givens in the FX show Justified. Let it be known, his character only draws his weapon when he has to, and when he does, he shoots to kill, because, as he sees it, that's the purpose of a gun. That, and looking totally badass in front of your elementary school friends.I honestly can't see this show being unworthy of my time. It stars Timothy Olyphant and Walton Goggins from The Shield a.k.a. the best show ever, is adapted by Graham Yost, the creator of the stellar cancelled NBC show Boomtown, from an Elmore Leonard short story, and is on FX, quite possibly the most badass network on television. The only thing that would make FX more badass is if it were holding a gun. Get on that, Rupert Murdoch. Check out the behind the scenes featurettes after the jump. Justified premieres on FX next Tuesday, March 16 at 10PM ET/PT.
Nick Swardson Screen Junkies Shout Out – Watch more Funny VideosWe caught up with Nick Swardson on the set of his new Comedy Central sketch show. More on that in the future, but right now Nick gives us a creepy shout out.Here are today's links. 10 Most Ridiculously Mismatched Movie Couples (Moviefone)A Woman's Perspective on Cheating (Asylum)Heidi Montag Says No To Plastic (PopEater)25 Inappropriate Children's Books (HolyTaco)How To Write a Romantic Comedy (Uproxx)15 Best Pics of Christina Hendricks (Unreality) Capitals Alexander Shoutout Fail (TotalProSports)Women of Spring Training (Maxim)15 Fearless Streakers (Smosh)Ben Roethlisberger Claims He Was Sexually Assaulted (CelebJihad)Jim Miller Talks UFC 111 (CagePotato)Felicia Day to Fight Werewolves (Pajiba)Pregnant Hotties Do The Bump 'n Grind (Atom)Red Bull Art of the Can (MadeMan)New Gran Turismo 5 Demo (AllLeftTurns)7 Bad Phone Habits You Need to Stop (RegretfulMorning)
Gerald McCullouch of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation was arrested for public urination last week in New York and has been court ordered to undergo counseling. He tells New York Daily News:"I'd had a little to drink. So, as I was coming down the West Side Highway, I asked my cab driver to pull over so I could relieve myself. Suddenly I was surrounded by three cop cars. I said, 'Officer, at least let me finish!' But I actually learned something from the hour-long quality-of-life counselling the judge sentenced me to. Education is better than a fine." When reached for comment CSI: Miami star David Caruso said, "When you're surrounded by three cop cars, you know…. *sunglasses*…. urine trouble." YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (IMDB)
Beer and TV go together like hookers and blow. And since both of those are illegal AND expensive, why don't you just crack open a cold one and stroll through 8 of TV's best screen-licking brews. PAWTUCKET PATRIOT ALE
Hip grandma Betty White will soon be staying up nine hours past her bedtime. People caught up with the aged star at Elton John's Oscars viewing party where she confirmed the rumors that she will appear on an upcoming episode of Saturday Night Live, though she doesn't know when. Originally, it was believed she would appear on a "Women of Comedy" episode alongside Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Molly Shannon but Lorne Michaels has shot down those reports.It's not known whether she will host or provide a cameo but White is just happy for to be a part of the confusing campaign. "I don't know why or how," says White, "but it's been wonderful." Though at the age of 88, I'm sure more than a few things confuse her. Like young women nowadays always putting their elbows on the table. Back in her day, a lady knew how to ensnare a man. (People)
"I interrupt this speech to put my fist in my mouth!"The strangest moment at last night's Academy Awards (besides whatever was coming out of Sean Penn's mouth) was when Music by Prudence director-producer Roger Ross Williams bolted to the stage to accept the best documentary short statue. At first I thought he ran because he was seated in the nosebleeds, but it soon became clear that he was running for his life when a crazy drunk lady bum-rushed the stage. Turns out that lady was Elinor Burkett, a once-producer on the documentary who had removed herself from it over a year ago and not sitcom star Marcia Wallace as I had originally believed.Get the he said, she said from Salon after the jump.
Wheeeeew, did you guys catch that Oscar thing last night?! What a thing that was, huh? Not so much? Well if you didn't read along with our live blog while you were watching I can understand why you might not have had any fun. But hey, that doesn't mean you can't read it now and laugh your head off from the nostalgia. Last night will be a night we'll all remember for a VERY long time. Wait, a woman won something right?Check out the winners here, and read our "hilarious" live blog below! SJ Oscar Live Blog
The 82nd Annual Academy Awards have come and gone with no real big upsets. Here's a quick recap but you can also check out our live blog for a play-by-play of the night.The Hurt Locker took home Best Picture as well as snagging the Best Director prize for Kathryn Bigelow. Not to mention Best Original Screenplay for Mark Boal.Jeff Bridges finally won the Best Actor prize that has been waiting for him for his portrayal of Bad Blake in Crazy Heart.Sandra Bullock was surprised to see she edged out Meryl Streep to win Best Actress for The Blind Side.The supporting categories went to Cristoph Waltz and Mo'Nique.Though James Cameron was beat by a girl, Avatar won three prizes – Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography, and Best Visual Effects.A round of congratulations are in order for all of the winners as well as the nominees who went home empty-handed. It's a thrill just to be considered and I think we all can agree that the real loser of the night was Ben Stiller.CHECK OUT THE FULL LIST OF WINNERS AFTER THE JUMP…
New Orleans has been long considered the authority on good taste by the rest of the United States, so it should come as no surprise that the Big Easy is trying to stamp out Jersey Shore.The New Orleans club Republic has posted a sign outside its door that disapproves of the "L" in GTL:If it's on the Jersey Shore, it's not coming through the door. No Affliction. No Ed Hardy. No Christian Audigier. No Exceptions.Apparently they're pissed about the Bar Refaeli thing too. But don't worry, outfits like this are still welcomed 100% in New Orleans.(Fail Blog)
An artist named monomauve designed this impressive bust of The Simpsons nuclear power plant owner Mr. Burns. If you speak computer graphics talk, it was done with Zbrush and rendered in 3ds max. Now this is some art I can get behind. I wouldn't mind owning an entire museum of Simpsons busts displayed prominently on pedestals. Oh the conversations they'd have with each other in my mind…Check out more of monomauve's work here.
The season four finale of Dexter knocked the wind out of us and made me want to punch John Lithgow (something I swore I'd never do). Though it also served to reinvigorate a slumping storyline. So we were more than eager to chat with executive producer Sara Colleton when we caught up with her on the red carpet at PaleyFest 2010. If you're not caught up on the series, stop reading now as there are SPOILERS AHEAD. Here's what she told us we can expect in the new season.Dexter's not really one to wear his heart on his sleeve. What can we expect as he learns how to grieve?He is going to have to deal with a lot of feelings that he's never felt before, so it'll be interesting. He's going to approach it all, we hope, in a way that is unique and feels authentic to the audience. You'll see him go through all of those things and it will be different. I don't want to telegraph exactly what we're going to do because we want to present what anyone would be going through in that situation in a very unique Dexter-like way.SEE WHAT ELSE COLLETON HAD TO SAY, INCLUDING NEWS ABOUT THE SEASON'S BIG BAD, AFTER THE JUMP…
He's oozing sense of humor. James Cameron has weighed in on the decision to cancel a Sacha Baron Cohen Avatar skit from Sunday's Oscars in order to spare the director's feelings. He tells E!:"I don't know anything about that … I don't produce the Oscars. If they want to poke fun at 'Avatar' Sunday, that's okay by me." Show co-producer Bill Mechanic denies the allegations and comments:"It was a little too MTV for everyone."Oh right. This year's Oscars are about respect and gravitas and not fun party vibes. I forgot about that. I guess that means awards DJ Joel Madden won't be playing Diddy's "I'll Be Missing You" over the celebrity death montage. (Vulture)
It's kind of disconcerting how well the "Party in the U.S.A." lyrics go with randomly edited together Lost footage of Hurley acting retarded.Nod your head like yeah to these links.The Language of Johnny Depp (Moviefone)Creepy Sexual Ritual Available on Craigslist (Asylum)25 Uses for Old Beer Cans (HolyTaco)Mo'nique's Huband Likes His Women Hairy (FilmDrunk)25 Hot Ski Bunnies (TotalProSports)Best NES Super Mario Brothers Mashups (Unreality)21 Awesome Ice Sculptures (Maxim)The Jonas Brothers Molest a Fat Man (CelebJihad)Tom Lawlor's Hulkster-Themed T-Shirt (CagePotato)Neil Patrick Harris Playing With Smurfs (Pajiba)Obamourage: We Are The World Edition (Atom)Things You Do Better With A Drink (MadeMan)Danica Patrick Fail (AllLeftTurns)
Nicky Whelan is an Australian-born actress/goddess. What do they put in the water over in Australia? All of their hot, talented natives are taking over Hollywood, and rightly so. Isn't that supposed to be an island full of convicts? If so, I'd gladly swing on down and drop the soap in the shower. A word from Nicky: "I'm a good girl when I'm at work."Well work's only nine hours of the day, yaknowwhatI'msayin'?More pics of Nicky being bad after the jump.
At one point, Sacha Baron Cohen was being considered to host this year's Oscars but was deemed too unpredictable to get the gig. Now we have word that he's also been dropped as a presenter for fear that he might offend James Cameron.Cohen's plan was to take the stage dressed as a pregnant Na'vi who would accost the director Maury Povich-style about the bun he had squirted into her oven. Show co-producer Bill Mechanic knows Cameron pretty well and vetoed the sketch because he was worried the director would be incensed enough to walk out on live television.What's the big deal? It's a goofy sketch for an awards show produced by a guy who knows the lyrics to Miley Cyrus songs. Why take it so seriously? It's not like Cohen was going to position his taint on Cameron's chin. Bill Mechanic must really think so little of James Cameron. You hear that, Cameron? Bill Mechanic intimated that you're a bitch. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! (Vulture)
Pretty spot on, except I don't appreciate Jack and Sun's douchey duckfaces. Here are today's links.Oscar Nominees Before They Were Famous (Moviefone)Ever Wonder How Dinosaurs Had Sex? (Asylum)Awesome LOTR Gif (FilmDrunk)25 Hot Yoga Babes (HolyTaco)Eve Muirhead Taunts the Japanese (TotalProSports)Free Lightsaber Fights?! (Unreality)Jay Leno's Band Leader Tryout Flyer (Maxim)Marisa Miller in UK GQ (CelebJihad)Dan Hardy's Just Trying to Piss People Off (CagePotato)5 3D Remakes That Would Break Your Brain (Pajiba)OnSluts On Call (Atom)March Madness Bracketology (MadeMan)Gordon Tire Strategy Came Up Snake Eyes (AllLeftTurns)11 Hilarious 'Lost' Vertical Stripes (RegretfulMorning)
Yesterday I told you about Roger Ebert's miracle voice computer that he is premiering on today's episode of Oprah. It's understandable that you may not be able to watch the episode due to your busy work schedule or presence of testicles. With that in mind we have this sneak peek. It's actually really amazing how accurate the voice sounds and it's completely heart-warming to see how happy Ebert is to have it back. Though if he were frowning, we would have no way of knowing. The science for that doesn't exist yet. (Videogum)
We firmly believe that the Oscars would benefit from adding a few wild-card categories every year. You know, mix it up. Keep it fresh. Here are a few possibilities, including nominees. If you have more, post them in the comments section. And don't forget to follow our Oscar liveblog HERE starting 8pm Eastern, 5pm Pacific this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday. Best Alien Performance Neytiri – "Avatar" Gallaxhar – "Monsters vs. Aliens" Nero – "Star Trek" Chrisopher Johnson – "District 9" Lil Wayne – "The Carter" Best Abusive Parent
Opes helps Roger Ebert promote his new line of novelty "weird beards."After losing his jaw and subsequently his voice to cancer, it seemed that Roger Ebert would never be able to speak again. Thanks to CereProc, the famed critic has regained his voice, and is no longer forced to communicate using only 'thumbs up' or 'thumbs down' gestures.The Scottish company has been able to capture audio from Ebert's DVD commentaries to create a system where he can type and listeners hear a voice that sounds like him. From Yahoo:The new voice, which Ebert calls "Roger Jr.," will be heard predicting Oscar winners on a segment of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" airing Tuesday."Yes, 'Roger Jr.' needs to be smoother in tone and steadier in pacing, but the little rascal is good," Ebert wrote. "To hear him coming from my own computer made me ridiculously happy."I'm happy for Roger Ebert because it must be completely frustrating to lose the ability to communicate, but this isn't exactly new technology. In fact, the disembodied voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger has been asking Chinese take-out workers "Who is your daddy and what does he do," for the better part of the last fifteen years. (Yahoo)
Blake Lively is best known for her role on Gossip Girl. She comes from a showbiz family. She is the youngest of five children, all of whom are actors. They're like the Baldwins, but slimmer and less gravely-voiced. A word from Blake: "I don't want to go to a club and not wear panties." If you want to jump to the head of the line you'll make the sacrifice. And SJ writer Wookie Johnson will thank you for it. More pics of Wookie's unhealthy obsession after the jump.
To ensure that this year's Oscars broadcast has a soundtrack just as bad as his movies do, giggly co-producer Adam Shankman has hired Good Charlotte's Joel Madden to serve as the ceremony's house DJ/head wanksta. Ah, I can see co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin awkwardly white guy rapping the nominees right now. Shankman says:"I wanted there to be a party atmosphere and I wanted to make sure everyone in the room was having a great time" Oh yes, I'm sure everyone in the room will have a good time. Especially these guys:(People)
"Let me in!! I'm being MURDERED!!!"Jon Cryer must be a really good husband because it seems his ex-wife doesn't want to share him with the world. Earlier this year, an episode of Two and a Half Men was taped without a studio audience because Jon Cryer feared his ex-wife hired an assassin to kill him. Thus, depriving us of the most interesting thing that could possibly happen in that studio. I ask you this, does this look like the face of a woman who dreams of murder?Well, she doesn't think so. Here's her side of the story:Trigger’s lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger’s estranged husband, David Dickey.Trigger’s lawyer became so alarmed she contacted lawyers for both Cryer and Dickey. On January 10, Dickey confronted Sanchez. According to legal docs, “Mr. Sanchez not only flatly denied making such a statement, but he said that it was [Sarah Trigger] who had contacted him on numerous occasions, stating that she wanted to see the pair [Cryer and Dickey] dead, and even asking Mr. Sanchez if he would kill the pair, or if he would not, inquiring whether she could speak with Mr. Sanchez’s father about this issue.” Sounds scary and stressful for Cryer. If he had any smarts he would disguise himself as a teenager and hide out at his nephew's high school immediately. (TMZ)