Rosie O'Donnell, Dr. Dre, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, and the Parasaurolophus. All of your favorite retards are in this Weekend TV Preview. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Becki Newton plays Amanda on Ugly Betty, which starts its new season tonight on ABC. She's sassy, sexy, and seems to like to get wild underneath the sheets. Now this is all based on Amanda's character traits on the show, mind you, but it's comforting to assume that Becki herself also possesses these proclivities. Bad news is she's married. Booooo! At least one thing is evident in the picture above: Becki likes pearl necklaces. And this means only two things for her husband. He's doling out a ton of cash at Zales or, he's doling out a ton of…well you get how double entendres work. A word from Becki: "I make myself laugh all day long."Sounds like a serious debilitating disorder. If this laughter is involuntary you might want to run the problem by your physician. He could prescribe you some medication, or wrap you up in a straight jacket. Don't let the latter option deter you from seeking help.Here are some pics that'll keep you smiling all day long after the jump!
A drunk dwarf, potty humor, and speculation about Paris Hilton being a demon. Tonight's TV Preview mirrors the Howard Stern Show. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Network: ABCCast: America Ferrera, Eric Mabius, Becki Newton, Vanessa WilliamsSynopsis: Betty Suarez is smart, sweet and hard working. The only problem is that she's not thin and beautiful like all her coworkers at Mode, the high-fashion magazine where she works. The only reason the publisher hired her to be his son's secretary, is that he thought Betty was someone who Daniel would never sleep with. Betty's hard work and determination earns Daniel's respect, as she helps him find his way through the shark infested waters of the fashion industry.
Alison Brie is pulling double duty this season, starring in two critically acclaimed shows. One is a compelling drama and the other a chuckle-loaded comedy. It must be quite a challenge transforming from Pete Campbell's doting wife on Mad Men to uptight college student Annie on Community. I wonder if she ever gets them mixed up? Does she ever arrive on Mad Men as her Annie character, giving her husband sass instead of a neat scotch? No, I imagine she'd get a slap across the face from Matthew Weiner for such insubordination. And if it were vice versa on the set of Community, you'd better believe Chevy Chase would berate her until tears rolled down from those big, blue eyes. We could hope it would all be in good fun, but back in the day Chevy used to make actresses cry for sport. A word from Alison: "When I was in college and growing up I was like, 'It's comedy for me! I'm so funny!'"Take it easy there, Alison. You've proven yourself as a dramatic actress, but we still haven't seen enough of the sitcom to be convinced of your comedic chops. Talk to the writers and see if they can work in some pratt falls and spit takes, and possibly a bottle of seltzer water. Then you're sure to get our vote.Check out more pics after the jump that are funny in a hot way!
Synopsis: Comedian Daniel Tosh hosts this variety show focusing on internet viral videos. Air Date/Time: Thursdays @ 10pm/9 Central Network: Comedy Central
Shark attacks, spider bites, drunk girls, and South Park's homage to dead celebrities. Tonight's TV Preview has got teeth! CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Julie Bowen stars as Claire Dunphy on Modern Family, and she's basically the Marge to Ty Burrel's Homer Simpson character. Or the Lois to his Peter Griffin. Like those animated female woman, she is also sexy and savvy, but more importantly she's a tangible human being. You've probably seen Julie all over television. She always seems to light up the screen with her classic good looks and clear complexion. She has her early commercial work for Neutrogena to thank for that flawless skin. Has anyone ever looked more lovely splashing water on their face in slow motion? I think not. A word from Julie: "It's lived in perpetuity, that big frozen orb of dyed hair."Julie is referring to her role as Virginia Venit in Happy Gilmore. Sure, maybe her hair looks funny in it, but I think most of us were paying more attention to the sprinkler-soaked white teddy she wore and the two pitchers of beer she was holding. Ahhh… dream sequences. I'll drink to that. Here are some more pics to raise your glass to after the jump!
Little Gordon, giant spiders, and reality television's bottom of the barrel. Tonight's TV Preview is proof that they'll point a camera at anything these days. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
You might be admiring Stephanie Jacobsen's unique and compelling physical characteristics. I don't blame you for such admirations. Stephanie is part Portuguese and part Chinese-Norwegian-English. If you were ever wondering what those nationalities look like when you mix them all together and turn them into a female form now you know; they look hot. Stephanie is bringing some Portchinegianish flavor to the centrally located pool in the Melrose Place apartment complex this season as Lauren Yung. Let's just hope her beauty and brains can fend off the inevitable backstabbing bitchiness that comes with the swank territory. A word from Stephanie: "I had some problems after flying for 21 hours and rolling off a plane onto a set and then standing for 14 hours in those military boots."That's why you can't live in Australia, Stephanie. It takes too long to get to L.A., where all the movie magic happens. Plus your Battlestar Galactica military boots must be a complete nuisance at airport security. There's really no good way to explain futuristic footwear to the TSA. See more of what Portchinegianish looks like after the jump!
Hey there, non-believers! It's about that time of year again, time to reject someone else's reality and come up with your own! That is, if you buy into the whole "Mythbusters" tagline (which, we have to admit, is a pretty good one.) In the upcoming Fall '09 premiere of Discovery's mega-hit "Mythbusters" – airing Wednesday, October 7th at 9pm ET/PT – hosts Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage stir the scientific establishment's pot once again, and if any of the clips below are an indication, they'll cook up quite the batch of chili con carnage. The first clip challenges the theory that if you take two bullets and drop one from a certain height while shooting the other from a gun at that same height… that they'll hit the ground at the same time. Jamie? Adam? I REJECT YOUR REALITY!!!
Murder and boobies. Tonight's TV Preview doesn't get much more primal than that. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Network: CWCast: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, Katie Cassidy, Stephanie Jacobsen, Shaun Sipos Synopsis: A new generation of young professionals living at the infamous Melrose complex deal with obtaining their own personal goals, drives, and desires, both amongst themselves and others.
Entourage had it's season finale last night, which means the gang has left us for at least another year. Alexis Dziena got a bad rap this past season playing E's girlfriend Ashley, and we're here to say we don't think she was all that bad. Sure, she's no Sloan, but there's really only one Emmanuelle Chriqui, and she's so smokin' hot it's hard to find an equal. People have compared her to the aliens in District 9, and we think that's just plain mean. Alexis doesn't have a hard outter shell or mouth feelers. She has fair skin, large, expressive eyes, and a prominent bone structure. Look again and we think you'll notice the natural beauty. A word from Alexis: "Come to me my precious…"You don't have to sound so needy, Alexis. We're bringing to light your positive attributes, and we're sure the rest of the world will soon jump on the Dziena bandwagon.See why Alexis has got the goods after the jump!
Down and out rockers, a washed-up martial artist, a Seinfeld reunion, and a Matt Damon freak out. This weekend's television is a range of emotions. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC
If you're a Joss Whedon fan I probably don't have to tell you that Julie Benz played Darla on Buffy The Vampire Slayer. She actually auditioned for the titilar character, but Sarah Michelle Gellar stole it from her! It seemed to turn out alright for everyone, though. Now you can see Julie as Dexter's new smokin' hot wife Rita on Dexter. She's oblivious that she's married to a serial killer, but she makes delicious meals everynight and still likes to please her man. I'll take it! A word from Julie: "There’s no such thing as overnight success. You have to work very hard every single day."Unless you're a socialite, like a certain heiress to the Hilton throne. Then you don't have to work at all. Actually, you don't have to do much of anything. Just say stupid things and "release" a sex tape. Alright, you caught me, I'm talking about myself, Ian (Hilton) Sobel. Here are some pics that don't work too hard to get their point across!
By now, you probably know that David Letterman was the victim of a blackmail scheme, in which a former employee threatened to release a screenplay that would reveal Dave had had sexual relations with women who were in his "Late Show" employ. And you may also be aware that Dave admitted to doing dirty deeds on his program. So what would happen if former President Bill Clinton came back to guest on Dave's show, after all the years of enduring the CBS funnyman's arsenal of Lewinski jokes? Probably this: Today's Marquee Links:Hot Crew Women of the NHL [Photos]Best. Hot Tub. Ever.
Louis C.K., Robert Townsend, Brian Regen, and a dead Amish kid. Tonight's TV Preview is a laugh riot. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Genevieve Cortese is an accomplished stage actress who now stars as Tracy Stark in FlashForward. She went from performing Shakespeare to acting opposite Harold from Harold and Kumar. Not to diss John Cho, because he's one funny mofo, but I think we can all agree that Kal Penn, a.k.a. Kumar, is a lot more similar in likeness to Macbeth. First of all, Kal is Indian and Hamlet is Danish, so they're practically neighbors. Second of all, this argument is incoherent and offensive to masterpiece literature. It also has nothing to do with Genevieve, who, did I mention, is an accomplished stage actress? A word from Genevieve: "I'm a big tomboy and I like sports, but I'm also girly and I giggle a lot more."There's nothing wrong with giggling, Genevieve. Let those giggles out while you're hiking a pigskin or knocking a softball out of the park. Just as long as you're not giggling at me, who's most likely fumbling around in the outfield trying to fit in with the jocks. Oh how I suck at sports…Here are some pics after the jump that are secure in their athletic abilities!
Network: ShowtimeCast: Michael C. Hall, Julie Benz, Jennifer Carpenter Synopsis: A like-able Miami police forensics expert moonlights as a serial killer of criminals who he believes have escaped justice.
The Real World / Road Rules Challenge (aka The Douchebag Olympics) returns for an 18th season tonight. Tune in as the ceremonial torch is used to ignite a round of B-52 shots. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Lindsay Price stars as sexy witch Joanna Frankel in Eastwick on ABC, an adaptation of the movie, which was an adaptation of the novel. Only one of these things has Jack Nicholson in them though, and it ain't the small screen version. Oh well, at least Lindsay is hot enough to make us curious how her character controls people's minds for her own benefit. It's really just a mystical form of playing hard to get. Me (if I were on the show): "I have no interest in what's under your tight, black pencil skirt." Joanna: "Yes you do." Me: "Eh, okay I'll take a look." (Mental high five). A word from Lindsay: "I never got the sex talk about the birds and the bees; my parents just sat us down in front of "The Blue Lagoon." What a confusing perspective you must have on the subject. Corral reefs and love don't usually fall into the equation of sexual intercourse. Pabst Blue Ribbon and boredom are more often the culprits. Oh how movies romanticize the mundane…Here are few pics that are anything but mundane after the jump!
Bizarre Japanese Sesame Street – Watch more Funny VideosJapan has long creeped us out with their advanced robotics and panty sharking but today BoingBoing posted a video that proved they have no intention of stopping their insanity. The above clip from Banana Street stars human versions of Bert and Ernie. I want to stress that human versions of Muppets win the Freaky Olympics hands down. It's as if the Grudge ghost and Pennywise the Clown boned and birthed these fraternal twin monsters. Knee-knocking fear has caused me to draw the string on my hoodie so tight that my field of vision is the size of a cat butt. Mourn the death of your inner child with these consolatory links… Honest Letters To One Night Stands (HolyTaco) USC Running Back in 'Critical But Stable' Condition (TotalProSports) Beware The Creepy Photobomber (TheChive) Mel Gibson Plays With His Beaver (FilmDrunk) 25 Awesome Futuristic Motorcycles (SuperTremendous) Five Once Great 80's Movies That Have Aged (Pajiba) Sophie Monk Needs To Adjust Her Bathing Suit (CelebJihad) Drink Sweet Candy Blood From A Blood Bag (Unreality) Should Wearing A Hitler Mustache Still Be Taboo? (Asylum) Dallas Stars Ice Girls Screen Caps (BustedCoverage) Turkeys Attack Mother And Her Little Boy (RegretfulMorning) 3 Key Ingredients For Bachelor Pads (MadeMan) Championship Probability Table (AllLeftTurns)
Network: ABCCast: Rebecca Romijn, Lindsay Price, Jamie Ray Newman, Paul GrossSynopsis: Three very different women find themselves drawn together by a mysterious man who unleashes unique powers in each of them, and this small New England town will never be the same.
Magic mushrooms, new episodes of The Hills and The City. Tonight's TV Preview is all about heightened reality. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
I could have chosen a sexier picture of Jillian Michaels, the host of NBC's The Biggest Loser, but I went with a humorous selection instead. The image above exemplifies how much of a bad ass Jillian is. If you don't lose weight, she'll literally climb on you and push you down into the ground until you reach the seventh circle of hell. It's a painful process, but nothing good comes easy. How else are you supposed to develop abnormal stomach muscles without the threat of damnation?A word from Jillian: "When I want to workout but am in that lazy mood, I just have sex."Insert slack-jawed picture of me here. Jillian is one of those women that you'd like to bang because there's a good chance she'd kill you in the process. It's the fear that's exciting. Make sure to have a contractor lined up though because you're definitely going to knock some holes in the walls.Stare slack-jawed at more pics of Jillian after the jump!
Network: NBCHost: Jillian MichaelsSynopsis: Fat people are taunted into becoming thin by doing what they're supposed to: eating right and exercising.
High-octane thrills, nerds, and Tim Burton fan fiction. Tonight's TV Preview is like a trip to Six Flags. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC