"So then I sez to her, I can pay to have you killed."People is reporting that Charlie Sheen will serve a minimum of fifteen days in jail for chasing his wife with a knife on Christmas Eve and threatening to kill her. That hardly seems fair. IT WAS CHRISTMAS. The most stressful time of year. Who here hasn't wanted/tried to kill their girlfriend/wife/sorority-girls-who-now-inhabit-your-childhood-home during the Christmas season? If you don't raise your hand, you're a liar.But don't worry. Charlie's time in the pokey won't prevent him from earning a multi-million dollar paycheck for spouting off lame sexual euphemisms before canned gasps, chuckles, and wolf whistles. The plea deal will allow him to serve his time before "Two and a Half Men's" shooting schedule reconvenes. Thank God! Not the real God that we all love. One of those sinister evil ones.
Pauly D. looks as sober as a judge.BREAKING NEWS: Someone from the "Jersey Shore" cast is hitting the booger sugar. Radar is reporting that while filming the second season of the juiced, tanned, and greased show in Miami, one of the gang played in the snow. The identity of the culprit is being kept under wraps, but police are utilizing the tried and tested method of throwing rocks on South Beach and trying not to hit a cokehead. It's a numbers game at this point.“Miami is obviously a big drug city,” one source told RadarOnline.com, “and when this cast member want (sic) to score, it wasn’t hard.”Narc! Narc!“Finding someone to buy drugs from in South Beach is as easy as asking for it,” the source said. “It’s not hard and everyone is discreet.”Another Narc!“A connection was made and that’s all it took,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “A lot of things were done in code. Other people knew about it but no one ratted out this person.”I don't know about you guys, but I've had enough of these accusations. I'm going to go mow my mother's lawn. **Walk-runs into bathroom to flush stash**
The Birth of Day Man from Always Sunny – Watch more Funny Videos Two cheers for syndication! One of your favorite shows in this whole big, wide universe is coming to TV sets on a more regular basis. Starting tonight at 9pm/8c, "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" will drag you kicking and screaming into rerun heaven every Monday on Comedy Central with four back-to-back episodes. The Gang can be your real friends because real friends are overrated, right The Gang? You can't see, but Charlie Day just nodded his head at me. Eeeeeee, I'm so popular! To get you in the mood, I've posted a clip of one of the best scenes of all time from the show. You've probably seen Charlie and Dennis sing "Day-Man" a good thousand times, but why don't you just stop complaining, huff some more of that spray paint, and click play. Catch "Always Sunny" tonight at 9pm/8c on Comedy Central.
If MTV keeps up these humorous bits I might just watch their movie awards show this season. Aziz Ansari and Tom Cruise have been killin' it. Yesterday we saw Cruise as Tropic Thunder's Studio Exec Les Grossman rip the pants off a Risky Business version of himself, and now he's telling Rob Pats to not touch a single hair on his oily scalp. A good mane can get a man far in this world. Example: Rob Pats. Check out the promo after the jump. The "MTV Movie Awards" airs June 6.
Tom Cruise dons a fat suit again to play Tropic Thunder studio exec Les Grossman in this promo for the "MTV Movie Awards." Apparently Les was a producer on the set of Risky Business, and it was his brilliant idea for Tom Cruise's character Joel Goodsen to slide in the room in his tighty-whiteys. I wonder what it's like to slap the ass of a younger version of yourself? I'm pretty sure Time Cop rules apply and you get sucked up into your own butthole. Hey, blame physics, not moi. Check out the promo after the jump.
Gary Coleman has upstaged Corey Feldman once again. Just minutes after posting the trailer for Feldman's new Lost Boys movie, we received word that Gary Coleman had passed away.He was hospitalized earlier this week after suffering a brain hemorrhage caused from a fall he took at home. Coleman's 24-year old wife/sparring partner Shannon Price made the decision to pull the plug on him this morning. He passed at 12:05PM MST.Best known for his role as Arnold Drummond on "Diff'rent Strokes," Coleman will always be remembered as the Transformers to Emmanuel Lewis's Go-Bots. He was 42. (TMZ)
Jurnee Smollett began her career as a child model and landed recurring roles on both "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper" and "Full House" before co-starring with her siblings in the sitcom "On Our Own." The Smolletts wanted to be the next Jacksons, but it didn't happen. Lately, Jurnee starred in the Denzel Washington directed The Great Debaters and is currently Landry's budding love interest on "Friday Night Lights." A word from Jurnee: "There is crying and pain going on. There's a whole population screaming out and no one is listening."Wow, way to be a buzz kill. Can't we just talk about Justin Bieber's stupid haircut or something?Take more of a Jurnee after the jump. Rimshot!
Yesterday we gave you news that Julie Benz would be returning to the fifth season of "Dexter." And today we have more big casting news. But you gotta pay. Only the first hit's free. So go ahead and give me all your money and — oops. I spilled the beans in the headline, didn't I? FUUUUUUUUUUUU**!!! What's that, Ausiello?Sources confirm to me exclusively that Julia Stiles is in advanced talks to play a major, top secret role in the show’s upcoming fifth season. There's no word yet on who Stiles will play. According to showrunner Chip Johannessen she won't play a serial-killing rival to Dexter. “We’re not going to have a single Big Bad this season. We don’t want to try and top John Lithgow, so we’re going to change up the forces that Dexter’s going to be dealing with.” My theory is that she'll play a cat-faced FBI Agent who discovers Dexter's murderous secrets.
TV personality Art Linkletter has died at the age of 97.Linkletter, who began his career at CBS radio in the 1940s, became a mainstay of 1950s television, at one point hosting a show on all three networks. His credits include the orginal version of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" and "Art Linkletter's House Party", which I can only assume was the basis for the popular Kid 'n Play films of the same name.Word is that Linkletter died of natural causes, but I'll believe it when I see the autopsy report. They said the same thing about Bob Hope, and we all remember how that turned out.RIP, Art. (Variety)
One of the reasons "The Office" has remained so eminently watchable over the years is Steve Carell as the clueless Dunder-Mifflin boss Michael Scott. The actor, combined with a great script, just has a talent for wringing the most extremely painful awkwardness out of basically any situation. Making a list of the most awkward moments is like picking the most apple-y of apples. Awkwardness and Michael just go hand-in-hand – every single episode contains something that makes you cringe while laughing at how uncomfortable he can make people, but there are those memorable moments that stand out even amongst 115 episodes. And knowing that we only have one more season of Michael's hi-jinks to look forward to, it seems appropriate at the end of this past season to take a look back at all the most excruciatingly embarrassing ways the actor has made us laugh.
Welcome back.**SPOLER ALERT: DON'T READ FURTHER UNTIL YOU'VE WATCHED THE FOURTH SEASON OF 'DEXTER'**Turns out that Julie Benz will return for the new season of "Dexter." Aussiello got the scoop that Benz will reprise her role in the season premiere despite the fact that Rita's blood is now on the outside of her. Though everyone's being tight-lipped about how she will return.As she told us a few months back, Sara Colleton reaffirmed that Rita won't be brought back as a ghost a la Dexter's father, “We reserve those for Harry. If you have too many things like that it becomes gimmicky.”I hear what she's saying. It's like when "RoboCop: The Series" introduced that hologram-ghost as a recurring character. Totally pulled me out of the tightly-woven narrative.
Back in 2005, at a Paleyfest panel, J.J. Abrams answered a question about "LOST" and it's affiliation with purgatory. His answer might surprise you if you take issue with liars. (Vulture)These links don't break promises.Kimmel's 'LOST' Alternate Endings (TVSquad)Teen Wolf Packs Are Taking Over High Schools (Asylum)Say Goodbye to the Cougar Trend (PopEater)25 Hot Arizona Girls (HolyTaco)Captain America Has a Burrito In His Pants (FilmDrunk)Russian Mario Propaganda (Unreality)Emma the Nude Amish Model (BroBible)Ultimate College Movie Frat House (Maxim)ESPN's Michelle Beadle Enjoys Her Hot Dog (TotalProSports)A Day in the Life of Todd Duffee (CagePotato)Jennifer Aniston Shows Off Her Bikini Body (CelebJihad)17 Very Scary Signs (Smosh)The Science of Sex (Pajiba)The Invisible Man (Atom)Eat Healthy With Burgers & Beer (MadeMan)
So "LOST" ended last night whether you wanted it to or not. I'm still turning the finale over in my head, and I know that some fans are downright pissed. I won't go so far as to say they feel betrayed, but I passed a business man on the street today pretending to stab a dagger with the word LOST on the handle into his heart.
The cast stopped by "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last night to say aloha to a show you might still be saying WTF to. The audience asked some questions and the cast gave some answers. Be warned, it's nothing mind blowing, or even satisfying. But if you like to giggle in a carefree manner, give the clips a whirl.
Check out Jimmy interviewing Matthew Fox and the audience "grilling" the cast below.
"Lost" director/executive producer Jack Bender has joined "Alphas," a new original series on Syfy. As with "Lost," he will serve as both director and executive producer. According to Variety, "Alphas" follows a group of ordinary people with extraordinary powers who fight crime as they come to terms with their abilities. Basically, it's "Heroes," but with an important twist: it's on Syfy instead of NBC. Shooting for "Alphas" begins this Summer in Toronto, the land where TV magic is made.
The final episode of "Lost" has come and gone, and there was no shortage of surprises. Even the most avid fans could not have predicted that Jack was actually Hurley's father, or that the "Dharma Initiative" was nothing more than a marketing ploy for ABC's new series, "Dharma and Greg: The Next Generation."What did you think of the the finale? Were you satisfied, or were you as pissed off as when you found out that Starbuck was an angel?Sound off below. The best comment will receive a black-and-white printout of the Screenjunkies.com logo personally autographed by me, Jame Gumb. It's sure to go up in value once the FBI raids my house and shoots me to death while looking for my cache of bootleg Human Centipede DVDs.
Rachel Hunter was an uber supermodel and wife of silly-haired singer Rod Stewart. She’s actually received most attention as of late for playing the MILF in the music video for Fountains of Wanye’s "Stacey’s Mom," in which reenacts the Phoebe Cates pool scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.A word from Rachel: "Blondes have more fun."Are we judging by the drapes or the rug?More "blonde" Rachel pics after the jump.
Excitement is at a fever pitch for this Sunday's series finale of "Lost." Die-hard fans are planning viewing parties for the big send-off and we're here with some helpful tips and hints for the big event. Follow our instructions to a 'T' and your party will be talked about for years to come.#1. COSTUME IS KEYLike any party, you really should dress to the nines. Anybody can slip on one of Sayid's tanktops or Horace's jumpsuit. There's really only one way to stand out: scarification. This can be achieved with a regular household box-cutter and an ordinary wooden spoon clenched between your teeth. Yes, there will be lasting effects… the lasting effect of everyone talking about how awesome you are.#2. DECORATIONS
Cartoon Network has announced the addition of Rob Corddry's medical spoof, "Children's Hospital," to its Adult Swim lineup.The Webby Award-winning series, which began airing on TheWB.com in 2008, regularly skewers medical melodramas such as "Grey's Anatomy" and "House." For those of you who don't know, "The Webby" is a trophy made of my old toilet paper rolls and empty Kleenex boxes that is presented annually to the best original series on the Internet.Cartoon Network will begin airing the five-minute webisodes back to back until August 22, at which time they will be replaced with 12 made-for-TV episodes, each with a 10-minute run time. This web-to-television transition gives hope to all of us "Internet writers" who aren't lucky enough to have a funny dad or a friend with a funny dad. Screw you, Patrick. (Variety)Check out a clip of the Webby Award-winning "Children's Hospital" after the jump.
Hustler is at it again with their newest porn parody. The trailer for This Ain't Glee: XXX has me kind of confused. It's obviously porn. And it's obviously gay. But then why isn't it considered gay porn? Sadly the trailer doesn't answer this question or feature Dianna Agron Naked or Dianna Agron Shaved or even Dianna Agron Hot. But it does feature terrible singing. That's what guys like in pornos, right? Lots of talking and singing?? Oh heck, I'd better stop. Probably getting the world all turned on right now. CHECK OUT THE PIPES ON THESE LADIES AFTER THE JUMP…
The Parents Television Council has their panties in a bunch again, and this time the issue is over a word that isn't even a word. The new CBS comedy "$#*! My Dad Says" uses symbols to spell out the word "shit" and when spoken the naughtiness will be bleeped, but the PTC doesn't even want brains to get all filthy with interpretations.“CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public. There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend is crystal clear in this decision,” said PTC President Tim Winter. "The title of this show is the opposite of fleeting (profanity) – it is bold, shameless, and in-your-face. It really is quite unreal how contemptious CBS is of families and the public. In fact, just this afternoon they released a new logo that's offensive to both parents and children alike.Not cool, The Eye. Not cool. (Deadline)
MTV is building up their stable of scripted material with the news that a "Teen Wolf" series will join "Hard Times of RJ Berger," "Warren the Ape," and "Skins" on the channel. The network has picked up a series order for the pilot we reported about previously. But don't dust off your What Are You Looking At, Dicknose? t-shirts just yet. This is MTV we're talking about, so of course it will lean closer to Twilight than it will the classic film Teen Wolf. Expect gratuitous abdominal muscle shots as opposed to light-hearted Michael J. Fox masturbating obsessively jokes. Turns out those don't really go over too well at parties anymore. Either that or I've been going to the wrong type of party. (THR)
On "All My Children," Leven Rambin played the autistic Lily Montgomery, as well as her street-smart but lovable older half sister, Ava Benton. So it must have been like a special ed Parent Trap sort of thing. Those soaps always take it to the next level.A word from Leven: "Even though I love fashion and all girl stuff, including the color pink, please know that I am not a 'Miss Priss'!"I like to imagine she gave that quote while sitting on a pink bed covered in pink throw pillows and chihuahuas in pink sunglasses. More pics of not Miss Priss after the jump.
That sandwich doesn't stand a chance with Belushi hanging around. UPDATE: I've added clips of the new shows after the jump. CBS announced its new schedule of shows that you will avoid but still discuss awkwardly with someone's grandparents today. As previously announced, the Twitter phenom that stole our sweet Patrick away, "S#*! My Dad Says" will go up against "30 Rock" in the Thursday at 8:30 slot. "The Big Bang Theory" is its solid lead-in in a bid to grab every Trekkie for a solid hour. Tom Selleck and Jim Belushi return to TV with "Blue Bloods" and "The Defenders" respectively. And Grace Park in a bikini will change your granddad's opinion of Koreans with a rebooted "Hawaii Five-O." CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE WITH NEW SHOWS AND NEW TIMESLOTS AND NEW CLIPS AFTER THE JUMP…
Sarah Silverman, host of the fake entertainment television program "Sizzle," sits down with "LOST" executive producers Carlton Cuse & Damon Lindelof to discuss the mysteries of the show's finale in only the way she can. So yes, there are farts. These links are a metaphor for purgatory. Happy 30th Birthday, 'Empire Strikes Back! (Moviefone)This Gun Shoots Beer (Asylum)Lindsay Lohan Lost Her Passport (PopEater)25 Porn Parodies (HolyTaco)Creating the 'Star Wars' Text Crawl Effect (FilmDrunk)Gallery of 15 Mutant Cars (Unreality)10 Reasons You Wouldn't Want to Date Megan Fox (BroBible)Most Bad Ass Way to Get Dressed (TotalProSports)Your Grandparent's Twitter Page (Maxim)MMA's 13 Most Shameful Moments of All Time (CagePotato)Pete Wentz's Son Involved in Suspected DUI (CelebJihad)30 Awesome Paintings of Monkeys (Smosh)Five Actors Who Should Quit Their Own TV Shows (Pajiba)The Last 10 Seconds of 'LOST' (Atom)Most Frrequent Bar Faux Pas (MadeMan)
Known mostly as “that hot chick on Dancing with the Stars,” Julianne Hough may be the sole reason men tune into the show, disregarding the fact that they’ll be forced to see former sports heroes at incredibly low points in their lives.A word from Julianne: "A lot of people know me as a dancer, but this album shows a different side of me. I've experienced a lot for someone my age that a lot of people will be able to relate to."You're 22 years old, Julianna. Unless a lot of turmoil occured before your 18th birthday, I doubt people will relate much. More blonde and piercing blue eyes after the jump.
Things are just peachy keen for Vince and the gang. So much so that they decided to spend the afternoon on the edge of a cliff shootin' the shit, and you better believe HBO was rolling the cameras. Seriously, could they have not come up with a better promo than this for season 7 of "Entourage"? The whole "we're just bros hanging out and living life" schtick got stale in season 3. Newsflash guys: you don't live in the real world! The stakes on the show don't matter because they usually consist of Vince toiling over which hot girl to f*ck. But no matter how it shakes out, he still gets to f*ck a hot girl. Meanwhile on Main Street, some poor schmo is deciding which kid of his to sacrifice so he can feed the rest of his family. I realize it's not as dire as having zero bars on your iPhone, but it's in the same ballpark. Check out the preview for Season 7 of "Entourage" below.
Charlie Sheen has problems. You have problems. Charlie Sheen drinks too much. You drink too much. Charlie Sheen has a shitty job. You have a shitty job. Charlie Sheen could make as much as $100 million dollars over the next two years for filming "Two and a Half Men." You'll be lucky if they make you an example in a "Faces of Meth" poster. Sheen's upfront salary is pegged at right around $1.25 million per seg, not the $1.8 million-$1.9 million previously reported ( Daily Variety , May 18). But Sheen's sizable profit participation stake in "Men" has sources close to the deal pegging the value of the additional 48 episodes at as much as $100 million to the thesp. With this new contract, Sheen's net worth is probably higher than the GDP of some third-world countries. Of course, that's assuming he hasn't blown most of it on hookers and blow, which he most certainly has. But this cash might be just what Sheen needs to find out the truth about September 11th. In fact, if you're reading, Charlie, I happen to have some information about the real culprit. His name starts with an "O" and ends with an "ama." For a million dollars, I'll clue you in on the missing letters. (Variety)
ABC has announced its fall line-up and it's brimming with hotties. Tuesday night's we have Julie Benz and Autumn Reeser on superhero family drama "No Ordinary Family," Wednesday's give us Joanna Garcia in "Better Together," and Kelli Garner on Thursdays with "My Generation." In addition to all the fresh faces, there's Michael Imperioli on "Detroit 1-8-7." It's important to have this balance. I don't know why. CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE AND CLIPS OF NEW AND RETURNING SHOWS AFTER THE JUMP…
Emily Procter has appeared on shows such as "Friends" and "The West Wing," but even better she fronts and 80's cover band called White Lightnen. She is also an avid poker player, a game that her father taught her when she was young. If she tastes like a gin and tonic she might just be the best woman ever. A word from Emily: "It's not a bad idea to be single."Well yes, if you're an attractive blonde woman being single can be a delight. If you're a blogger it can be nightmare wrapped continually in Saturday night shame.More pics of Emily YEAAAAAHHHHH!!! after the jump.