What a sicko.Between "True Blood," "Six Feet Under," and that time he suffocated a hobo, it's obvious that Alan Ball has a fascination with death. But don't take my word for it:“Obviously death is a theme I’m fascinated by.”Thanks Alan. His attraction to blood on the outside of bodies is ruling his work once more with the news that HBO has greenlighted his pilot "All Signs Of Death." Based on the novel The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death by Ball's homie Charlie Huston, "Death" tells the story of a slacker crime scene cleaner who becomes embroiled in the underbelly of L.A.. You know what that means: murder, dangerous women, and strip malls that don't house five-star restaurants. I know, so sleazy.
Ashley Benson may be currently limited to the small screen, but her growing hotness knows no bounds. Coming from the Long Beach area of California, the former daytime soap actress has recently found success with "Pretty Little Liars," being coined the prepubescent "Desperate Housewives."A word from Ashley: "I like to keep my beauty very simple because you don't need to go out and buy that $6,000 dress."That's right. You steal it.More pics of Ashley the liar after the jump.
The 62nd Primetime Emmy Award Nominations were announced this morning with "Glee" leading the pack with 19 noms, and Sofia Vergara presenting the nominees with heaving bosoms. Emmy is obviously with Coco, as O'Brien's "Tonight Show" was nominated while Leno's was not. Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton were justly recognized for their work on "Friday Night Lights" but will have stiff competition going up against "Breaking Bad's" Bryan Cranston and "The Good Wife's" Julianna Margulies.Notable snubs are Ed O'Neill, "Community," and Charlie Sheen for his work on "Two And A Half Men." That man has done so much for comedy and sports car driven into ravine removal, and deserves so much more. Oh, so much more.LIST OF NON-BORING NOMINEES AFTER THE JUMP…
Good news. It looks like the monkeyslaps at MTV will show music videos again. Of course, they will be packaged with commentary from Beavis and Butthead. The deals aren't in place yet, but Mike Judge is planning on bringing the buttmunches out of retirement for a new set of 30 adventures. If picked up, the show will stick to its former format of sketch-videos-sketch with the focus being on more contemporary artists. In other words, there will be heated debate on who has the bigger schlong, Beavis or Lady Gaga. Smart money's on Gaga. (JoBlo)
Autumn Reeser, the "Entourage" agent babe Lizzy Grant, has been a go to girl for TV and direct to DVD movies. Having shown up in The Lost Boys: The Tribe and Smokin Aces 2 : Assassin's Ball, she has added a much needed sexy kick to what would be standard cash-milking sequels. Your girlfriend probably recognizes Autumn from "The O.C." and secretly hates her. A word from Autumn: "I liked being a player in high school but I definitely was not a bitch."Girls as hot as Autumn deserve the right to chip away at our self-esteem. In fact, it's an honor.More pics of my favorite season (RIMSHOT!) after the jump.
"Reno 911" stars Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant took the time to sit down and review the porn parody of their popular Comedy Central show. Their ultimate conclusion is there's a lot more stuff in the XXX version that you can masturbate to. I hadn't ever seen the "Reno 911" porn before, so I was surprised at how well Sexy Dangle impersonates (Not Sexy?) Dangle. It's like he's really trying, which is both commendable and sad. Maybe the day will come when not all of his sketches end in a c*m shot. Check out the video review after the jump.
Rhona Mitra is the girl to revive the Tomb Raider franchise for three reasons: She is British, she is a real actress unlike rumored Kim Kardashian, and she is a total bad ass babe with a gun as we've seen in Doomsday and Underworld 3. But in the meantime while studio execs ponder her boner appeal (think Hollow Man) catch her in the summer series "The Gates" on ABC, yet another show about vampires.A word from Rhona: "I never know if I want to be running across the fields with no clothes on or sitting in the pub drinking Guinness."Either way, you sound like an alcoholic. More pics of Rhona with little clothes on after the jump.
I'm not even trying anymore.Today in Cuckoo Bananas News comes word that Javier Bardem will guest star on the next season of "Glee," and apparantly it was his idea. Bardem pitched the idea to Ryan Murphy, show creator and sex-banner, while working together on the set of Eat Pray Love. He explained to Entertainment Weekly in a gravelly, seductive voice that heretofore has only existed within the lust-soaked pages of Harlequin novels:“We’re going to rock the house,” enthuses Bardem, who became an unabashed Gleek after watching the entire first season in one week. “We’re going to do some heavy metal — Spanish heavy metal, which is the worst.” Whoa, whoa, whoa, Javier. DO NOT insult the work of Brujeria. You have no idea the amount of blood, sweat, and tears that went into making "The Mexicutioner." Granted, most of it was from groupies but still….
Madame Tussauds revealed the fake Kim Kardashian to the fake Kim Kardashian. It's extremely difficult to differentiate between the two. The one with a pulse has boobs that hang more naturally (even though they're not natural). It would make more sense to spin both girls around and compare asses. If Madame Tussauds mastered Kim's badunkadunk then I'd give my seal of approval. What do you guys think? Would you defile the wax one?More pics of fake Kim and Kim after the jump…
They're in Miami, bitch. The east coast was cold, making it impossible to cop a sweet tan, so MTV crated up the cast of "Jersey Shore" and shipped them to Miami for Season 2 of the decline of totally juiced western civilization. As you can probably guess, there's more drinking, scratching, narcissim, and unintelligible negative comments toward ego-threatening houseguests, all with a built in fish out of water hook. Cocaine sales in South Beach are about to skyrocket. Check out the teaser after the jump…
The Old Spice Guy Isaiah Mustafa is back in a brand new Old Spice commercial. This concept is still hilarious, and I enjoy his failed attempt at a swan dive. Though it's not head first, it somehow appears even more graceful. Soak up these 30 seconds of genius while you can, before Isaiah becomes NBC and Tyler Perry's bitch. (Vulture)
Imagine a world where you can have every episode of "Bones" at the tip of your fingers at all times. Are we mature enough as a society to handle that kind of power? Hulu thinks so. Today the television streaming service announced a new premium service, where for a mere $10 a month you will be given access to full current seasons of "Happy Town," "Trauma," "FlashForward," "Tonight Show With Jay Leno," and "Mercy" to name a few. You'll also be able to view the complete series of shows like "Roswell" and "Samantha Who?"And just to sweeten the pot, the content will include commercials and be available to view on your tiny ass iPhone screens. O, to the future my friends! In all its eye-strainy and time-wastey glory!! (Hulu Plus)
Alternative comedy darling Janeane Garofalo is working on a hip new indie project: "Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior." The show, which will air on an underground television network known as CBS, is a spin-off of the avant garde production, "Criminal Minds," and will co-star Forest Whitaker.Garofalo will play a member of an elite team of agents within the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. This is, no doubt, Garofalo's way of using irony to mock the strong-arm tactics of Federal law-enforcement agencies and their psychotic war on drugs.Fight the power, Janeane! (Coming Soon)
Previously on "True Blood," the King of Mississippi offered to make Bill a Sheriff if he'd spill the beans on the Queen of Louisiana's plans, Bill lit his maker on fire, Tara met a (seemingly) nice vampire who, unbeknownst to her, was doing a little B & E at the Compton house, Jessica was looking to get rid of a corpse, Jason caught a meth dealer, Sam went for a run with his shape-shifting brother, and Sookie and Eric were about to deal with an intruding werewolf. Onto this week's episode, "It Hurts Me Too."MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
"Mad Men" is such an outstanding television program that creator Matthew Weiner doesn't want to give away ANYTHING for Season Four. Even in the new trailer, all we get is past footage. Granted, martinis and red-headed broads still wet my whistle, but at least gimme a taste of things to come. Damn you, Weiner! Fine! I'll tune in to AMC on Sunday July 25th, but I'm not going to enjoy it. Alright, I'll probably enjoy it.Check out the "Mad Men" Season 4 trailer after the jump…
Holly Madison shouldn't tempt such a ravenous monster.
You won't have Steve Carell to push around and peanut butter scalp massage anymore.Expect to see Dwight Schrute stand on his desk and exclaim, "O, Captain! My Captain!!," because Steve Carell has confirmed that he is out this bitch. Carell told Access Hollywood that he will not re-up his contract when it expires at the end of the seventh season of "The Office." The show is expected to continue without him, but it's unclear at this point if new characters will join the cast.Despite its talented cast and writers, I can't imagine "The Office" without Carell's Michael Scott. Then again, I couldn't imagine that a grown man would paint his nude body to resemble a Spider-Man costume. That serving of crow was a tough one to choke down.
Natasha Leggero, a Chicago native and fast tracking stand-up comic, shows us that girls can be funny and hot at the same time. She has worked on some of the best comedy improv shows around, like "Reno 911" and "Upright Citizens Brigade." While she may not be up there with Sarah Silverman for funniest (fartiest) lady of the year, she knows how to hold here own in the ever-challenging world of stand-up.A word from Natasha: "I've performed everywhere from clubs, laundromats, and even halfway houses. Halfway houses are a lot of fun, people laugh there, even though they may not have a lot of teeth."Laughing helps with the withdrawal. At least that's what my prick sponsor tells me. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!More pics of Natasha after the jump.
If it were in color it'd burn your retinas out.
Twitter has changed the rap game fo-ev-a, yo. In this music video, Jimmy Kimmel shows Drake he shouldn't waste anymore of his time writing original, intelligent, rhyming lyrics. Why try to say it better when Justin Bieber and Ashton Kutcher have already said it best? I can't wait until Ashton's Twitter-based album "Did You Know Fish Don't Have Eyelids?" goes platinum. (Vulture)
The Saturn Awards brought Screen Junkies some great T.V. scoops last night, including additional details on the fifth season of "Dexter." James Remar, who plays Dexter's dead father Harry and constant subconcious reminder of "The Code," stopped on the red carpet to discuss what's in store for the sympathetic serial killer. We've previously reported on plot and casting details for the upcoming season, but how will Harry help Dexter get through these troubled times, and keep him from sliding off the deep end? Or I suppose the DEEP deep end, since he kind of already murders people. GET THE HARRY DETAILS AFTER THE JUMP…
"Breaking Bad" recently finished up a creatively astounding third season on AMC, and left me wanting so badly I wouldn't be above breaking stuff to get a resolution to the nail-biting cliffhanger. Looks like I shouldn't be expecting answers anytime soon though. Screen Junkies caught up with series creator/exec-producer/creative genius Vince Gilligan on the red carpet at the Saturn Awards last night, and he shared with us some of his plans for Season Four of "Breaking Bad," including its tentative return date. CHECK OUT WHAT VINCE HAD TO SAY AFTER THE JUMP…
We showed you the first yucky image of a zombie from AMC and Frank Darabont's "The Walking Dead," a behind the scenes featurette, and the first production still of another yucky zombie. Now we've got two more images! One is yet another yucky zombie, and a pic of Andrew Lincoln, who's playing head motherf*cker in charge, small town cop Rick Grimes."The Walking Dead" premieres in October on AMC.Check out the stills after the jump…
Lord only knows where that finger has been.The soothsayers over at Hustler have done it again. Apparantly, the thought of the "Glee" cast rubbing their genitals together isn't a far-fetched scenario that exists only in parody porn and fan fiction. Ryan Murphy, the show's co-creator and producer, has been forced to ban sex in the kids' trailers. He creepily announced his decree to Telegraph UK:"But I have a rule: don't do it in your trailer. They've broken that rule on many occasions. I'm like, 'I know you guys are young and hormonal, but don't do it in your trailer'. I'm the dad, that's what I say'."This news makes me feel sad for the female castmembers. They must be so bored while all that sex is going on without them.
Mmmm…. close enough.Keith Allen Hayes is the latest to be cast in Frank Darabont's television adaptation of The Walking Dead in an unspecified role. It's speculated that he'll play Tyreese, the pro football player with a penchant for caving in zombie brains, who joins the survivors outside of Atlanta. Though I can see the resemblance, we're not even certain that the Tyreese character will be introduced in this first six-episode season, as he doesn't appear in the books until issue seven.I think it's far more likely that he'll play the role of Morgan Jones, the first (living) person Rick encounters after waking from his coma. But that's just me. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to run some errands before the neighborhood bullies get out of school. (Dread Central)
Previously on "True Blood," Sookie and Jess (who just murdered a truck driver) were looking for Bill, Sam was looking for his birth parents, Eric was looking to unload all his V, Jason was looking into his soul after murdering Eggs, and Bill was looking to get medieval on some werewolves (but not the cool kind). And that's about it. Onto this week's episode, "Beautifully Broken."The episode opens with Bill having already kicked the asses of all the werewolves (for the most part). Seems as though you don't even have to use silver to kill these werewolves. And they can change back-and-forth at will. So I'm not even sure why they're werewolves. MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
The poster for "Mad Man" season 4 has hit, and it's clear that Don Draper needs a chair. If these are his new office digs for the new agency then I have to say kudos. With that view he can probably see so many people having sex in adjacent apartment complexes.In this new season, Don's getting a divorce from Betty and starting his own company at the same time. Someone get this eligible bachelor on a 60s gameshow, stat. He could impregnate an entire female audience with one smoldering glance.Season 4 of "Mad Men" premieres July 25 on AMC. (Ausiello)
Lola Glaudini is your friendly neighbor police/federal agent actress, either tracking down sociopaths in "Criminal Minds" or taking on the mob in "The Sopranos." With this summer's TV series "Persons Unknown," she gets another chance to show off her talents (and legs) as Kat, one of several mysterious people trapped in a ghost town.A word from Lola:"All the patterns are based off real patterns."Kind of like how these snozzberries taste like snozzberries… Very interesting. That's fine detective work, Glau Glau.Track down more pics of Lola after the jump.
A Moment of Eloquence With Denis Leary – Watch more Funny Videos Denis Leary is known for his potty mouth, and his show "Rescue Me" on FX about New York City firefighters is the perfect forum for his tirades. The above montage exemplifies the eloquence of the program, stringing together the terms c*ck, balls, tits, bl*w jobs, and balls again in a profound fashion. If Shakespeare was around to witness this evolution, I'm pretty sure he'd throw up in his mouth. And Leary would give him sh*t for it. Laugh your balls off when the sixth season of "Rescue Me" premieres next Tuesday June 29th on FX at 10PM/9C.
Do you like horror films? Do you like 80's Nostalgia? Do you like big boobs?If you answered yes to any of these questions, good news: "Elvira's Movie Macabre" is returning to the small screen. Everyone's favorite large-chested lady-ghoul is back, and will once again begin hosting her weekly horror program this fall.The show, which began in 1981, was a blatant "Vampira" knock off. But because Elvira, played by Cassandra Peterson, showed such wonderful cleavage, no one seemed to mind. Here's hoping that legend about vampires aging slowly is true, because those same cleavage shots won't be so wonderful if they stretch all the way to her kneecaps. (Dread Central)