By now, you probably know that David Letterman was the victim of a blackmail scheme, in which a former employee threatened to release a screenplay that would reveal Dave had had sexual relations with women who were in his "Late Show" employ. And you may also be aware that Dave admitted to doing dirty deeds on his program. So what would happen if former President Bill Clinton came back to guest on Dave's show, after all the years of enduring the CBS funnyman's arsenal of Lewinski jokes? Probably this: Today's Marquee Links:Hot Crew Women of the NHL [Photos]Best. Hot Tub. Ever.
Louis C.K., Robert Townsend, Brian Regen, and a dead Amish kid. Tonight's TV Preview is a laugh riot. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Genevieve Cortese is an accomplished stage actress who now stars as Tracy Stark in FlashForward. She went from performing Shakespeare to acting opposite Harold from Harold and Kumar. Not to diss John Cho, because he's one funny mofo, but I think we can all agree that Kal Penn, a.k.a. Kumar, is a lot more similar in likeness to Macbeth. First of all, Kal is Indian and Hamlet is Danish, so they're practically neighbors. Second of all, this argument is incoherent and offensive to masterpiece literature. It also has nothing to do with Genevieve, who, did I mention, is an accomplished stage actress? A word from Genevieve: "I'm a big tomboy and I like sports, but I'm also girly and I giggle a lot more."There's nothing wrong with giggling, Genevieve. Let those giggles out while you're hiking a pigskin or knocking a softball out of the park. Just as long as you're not giggling at me, who's most likely fumbling around in the outfield trying to fit in with the jocks. Oh how I suck at sports…Here are some pics after the jump that are secure in their athletic abilities!
Network: ShowtimeCast: Michael C. Hall, Julie Benz, Jennifer Carpenter Synopsis: A like-able Miami police forensics expert moonlights as a serial killer of criminals who he believes have escaped justice.
The Real World / Road Rules Challenge (aka The Douchebag Olympics) returns for an 18th season tonight. Tune in as the ceremonial torch is used to ignite a round of B-52 shots. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Lindsay Price stars as sexy witch Joanna Frankel in Eastwick on ABC, an adaptation of the movie, which was an adaptation of the novel. Only one of these things has Jack Nicholson in them though, and it ain't the small screen version. Oh well, at least Lindsay is hot enough to make us curious how her character controls people's minds for her own benefit. It's really just a mystical form of playing hard to get. Me (if I were on the show): "I have no interest in what's under your tight, black pencil skirt." Joanna: "Yes you do." Me: "Eh, okay I'll take a look." (Mental high five). A word from Lindsay: "I never got the sex talk about the birds and the bees; my parents just sat us down in front of "The Blue Lagoon." What a confusing perspective you must have on the subject. Corral reefs and love don't usually fall into the equation of sexual intercourse. Pabst Blue Ribbon and boredom are more often the culprits. Oh how movies romanticize the mundane…Here are few pics that are anything but mundane after the jump!
Bizarre Japanese Sesame Street – Watch more Funny VideosJapan has long creeped us out with their advanced robotics and panty sharking but today BoingBoing posted a video that proved they have no intention of stopping their insanity. The above clip from Banana Street stars human versions of Bert and Ernie. I want to stress that human versions of Muppets win the Freaky Olympics hands down. It's as if the Grudge ghost and Pennywise the Clown boned and birthed these fraternal twin monsters. Knee-knocking fear has caused me to draw the string on my hoodie so tight that my field of vision is the size of a cat butt. Mourn the death of your inner child with these consolatory links… Honest Letters To One Night Stands (HolyTaco) USC Running Back in 'Critical But Stable' Condition (TotalProSports) Beware The Creepy Photobomber (TheChive) Mel Gibson Plays With His Beaver (FilmDrunk) 25 Awesome Futuristic Motorcycles (SuperTremendous) Five Once Great 80's Movies That Have Aged (Pajiba) Sophie Monk Needs To Adjust Her Bathing Suit (CelebJihad) Drink Sweet Candy Blood From A Blood Bag (Unreality) Should Wearing A Hitler Mustache Still Be Taboo? (Asylum) Dallas Stars Ice Girls Screen Caps (BustedCoverage) Turkeys Attack Mother And Her Little Boy (RegretfulMorning) 3 Key Ingredients For Bachelor Pads (MadeMan) Championship Probability Table (AllLeftTurns)
Network: ABCCast: Rebecca Romijn, Lindsay Price, Jamie Ray Newman, Paul GrossSynopsis: Three very different women find themselves drawn together by a mysterious man who unleashes unique powers in each of them, and this small New England town will never be the same.
Magic mushrooms, new episodes of The Hills and The City. Tonight's TV Preview is all about heightened reality. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
I could have chosen a sexier picture of Jillian Michaels, the host of NBC's The Biggest Loser, but I went with a humorous selection instead. The image above exemplifies how much of a bad ass Jillian is. If you don't lose weight, she'll literally climb on you and push you down into the ground until you reach the seventh circle of hell. It's a painful process, but nothing good comes easy. How else are you supposed to develop abnormal stomach muscles without the threat of damnation?A word from Jillian: "When I want to workout but am in that lazy mood, I just have sex."Insert slack-jawed picture of me here. Jillian is one of those women that you'd like to bang because there's a good chance she'd kill you in the process. It's the fear that's exciting. Make sure to have a contractor lined up though because you're definitely going to knock some holes in the walls.Stare slack-jawed at more pics of Jillian after the jump!
Network: NBCHost: Jillian MichaelsSynopsis: Fat people are taunted into becoming thin by doing what they're supposed to: eating right and exercising.
High-octane thrills, nerds, and Tim Burton fan fiction. Tonight's TV Preview is like a trip to Six Flags. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC
Anastasia Griffith stars as first responder paramedic Nancy Carnahan on Trauma, which premieres tonight on NBC. Let's hope this high-octane show full of car crashes and helicopter explosions can pull the network up from last place. With a paramedic like Anastasia running around giving everyone CPR it's got a good chance of raising people's blood pressure. Unless the victims are coughing up lung juice and stuff, because that's not very sexy, even if it's on the lips of a hot blue-eyed blonde. Remember, lung juice is never sexy.A word from Anastasia: "People have told me since, being an adult, that my brothers are fiercely protective of me."Hell, I'd be protective of you, too. Also, you can't hear it through the still images (hello, technology?!), but Anastasia's British, which means she's got a proper British accent that'll have you properly melting in her hands. Long live the Queen. Here are few more pics that would be even sexier with greeting card audio technology!
A fake viral in support of an upcoming episode of 'Entourage?' Yeah, probably. But Matt Damon, who's been open about his desire to direct one day, is a good sport for taking the piss out of himself in that role. Adrian Grenier and Jeremy Piven play along nicely, too. Real or fake, it's no small task to beat the original director-on-actor tongue lashing, courtesy of David O. Russell and Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabee's. Play us out, herr direktor!
Network: NBCCast: Cliff Curtis, Anastasia Griffith, Derek LukeSynopsis: An intense, action-packed look at one of the most dangerous medical professions in the world: first responder paramedics.
This weekend brings us an animated Seth Rogen, a new take on He Who Walks Behind The Rows, new episodes of cult favorites, and the comedy stylings of Megan Fox. If you don't tune in, you're not welcome within thirty feet of the water cooler on Monday. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Of course the big premiere tonight is that of the heavily-anticipated FlashForward. But we also get a new season of the Grandfather of Cheesy Procedurals, CSI. Throw in some hard partying with John Mayer and you may have to call out sick tomorrow. If you want to see what else is hot this fall season, check out our Fall Prime Time Picks. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Sonya Walger was Penny on Lost, or as her husband Desmond pronounced it, "Penne!" like the pasta. But she also was on Tell Me You Love Me, where her character gave a controversial rub and tug to Adam Scott's character. Some people say it was Brown Bunny-real, while others think it was Boogie Nights-fake. Either way, Sonya looks like she's got some skeeellz. Look for her tonight as Olivia Benford on the premiere of FlashForward on ABC. It's network though, so don't expect any happy endings (sexually speaking). A word from Sonya: "I don't watch TV!"Well that's not going to help the ratings of your new show any. Try taking a gander tonight. See how you do. We promise television is far more entertaining than listening to The Shadow program on the radio. Oh wait, radio dramas don't exist anymore because it's 2009!The pictures of Sonya after the jump though are timeless!
An aging strongman, bored soldiers, bored housewives, and various residues. Tonight's TV Preview contains things you might find in a Walmart. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
Sofia Vergara isn't too well known in the States, but in Colombia she's a goddess. And judging by her pic above you can see why. Sofia stars as Ed O'Neill's wife Gloria Delgado-Pritchett in Modern Family, which premieres tonight on ABC. I've seen it, and while it may not completely alleviate your Arrested Development withdrawal, it's as close as you're going to get to funny dysfunctional family situational comedy. Watch it, if only for Sofia, and to kill some time.A word from Sofia: "This is how I've looked since I was 13 years old."I think that makes you the reason they invented statutory rape.Here are some delightfully legal pics after the jump!
Tonight's preview features gyrations and eruptions. Not the sexy kind. Also take a look at some of tonight's big premieres by checking out our Fall Prime Time Picks. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!
No relation to Leo, but impressive, none the less. Very impressive. Not much is known about Dominique except that shock jock Howard Stern apparently picked her to be the next "Miss Howard TV." She's even ahead of Megan Fox in search trends on Google. Yowza! Who knew we'd live to see this day. People are finally getting over Megan Fox. Looks like she might have to take that next big leap to keep her career alive. And of course I'm talking about gettin' nakey. A word from Dominique: No comment.Dominique is too new on the scene to say anything that we can blatantly take out of context, but I'm guessing you're not too interested in her deep insights anyway. You want to see more voluptuous curves, and you want to see them now, damnit.Well look no further than after the jump!
Network: ABCCast: Ed O'Neill, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Sofia VergaraProducers: Steven Levitan, Christopher Lloyd Synopsis: A satirical look at three different families and the trials they face in each of their own uniquely comedic ways.
Praise the autumnal equinox! With the changing of the leaves comes the changing of television programming, and while the Summer heat made me unconscionably sweaty, this season's new lineup has all my glands wide open. So clear your DVR's queue to make room for my personal favorites this Fall. I'm guaranteeing a fantastic time indoors away from parents, women, and cyborgs (don't pretend like they're not out there among us). Enjoy the following! What it's about: Winning Emmys.
Christopher Walken Cooks a Chicken – Watch more Movie Trailers "The way your Dad looked at it, this Stove Top stuffing was your birthright. He'd be damned if anybody else was gonna put his greasy hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. This chicken. Forty-five long minutes, he had this stuffing up this chicken. Then when he had to run out to the grocery store, he gave me the chicken to put in the oven. I kept this chicken in the oven for fifteen more minutes. Then, after letting it sit, I placed it in this serving dish. And now, little man, I give the stuffing to you." These links belong on a gold watch, they do: How To Keep An Office Romance A Secret (HolyTaco) TPS Monday Afternoon Quarterback (TotalProSports) 23 Uber Sexy Oktoberfest Photos (TheChive) Twilight Has Doomed Us All (FilmDrunk) 61 Greatest Emmy Cleavage Photos (Manofest) 5 Best Shows Looked Over By Emmy (Pajiba) J. Love Hewitt Airbrushed Skinny (CelebJihad) Five Excellent Moments With Tarantino (Unreality) 91-Year-Old Man Defends Home With Revolver (Asylum) ESPN Hires Bikini Model To Drive Fans Nuts (BustedCoverage) A College Girl's First Walk Of Shame (RegretfulMorning) Hottest Emmy Winners Of '09 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Brian Vickers (AllLeftTurns) Asesinato In Mexican Subway Station (NothingToxic) Russell Brand Is Feeling Naughty (Atom)
The President of the United States stops by Letterman tonight to discuss Health Care Reform and to see a dog that can bark the alphabet. PLUS season premieres of your favorite shows. And Heroes. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
You may remember Jennifer Morrison from the two minutes she spent playing Captain Kirk's mommy in this past Summer's (today's the first day of Fall!) little indie Star Trek. If you happened to miss her birthing scene because you were buying Sour Patch Kids, you can see her a lot more on House M.D., which premieres its 6th season tonight on FOX. It looks like her character Cameron is going to marry Chase this year, which is interesting because those two were engaged in real life and broke it off right before the marriage. Talk about conflict! Let's hope some of the awkwardness shines through on screen. A word from Jennifer: "This isn't technically the normal way that medicine works."Oh great! Thanks for pulling back the curtain and revealing all the smoke and mirrors behind the magic of television. You're such a party-pooper, Jennifer. …But I'd still play doctor with you. Here are a few more pics of Jennifer after the jump that won't poop your party!
Tonight, President Obama will visit the Late Show with David Letterman, and is set to be the only guest (sorry if you got bumped). This is his sixth time on the show, but the first time back since his election, and the speculation is that he'll be using this appearance to talk about the future of health care in America. So what exactly might be said during his hour on late night TV? We gave that a think over here at Screen Junkies, and in the grand tradition of Dave, came up with a Top Ten list of our own. So here it is, an entirely speculative list… Top Ten Things Obama Might Say on Letterman
Neil Patrick Harris was the big winner last night at the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards. His hosting prowess tied together an abnormally great show, drawing this rave review from Jon Stewart, "These shows, we've all been to a lot of these, they usually suck. And you've been very good." Highlights from the night include Ricky Gervais dressing down The Office cast, a visit from Dr. Horrible, and some news that will have scifi geeks everywhere cheering — Michael Emerson finally won a statue for his portrayal of Ben on LOST. Here are the winners of the main categories. Full list and Dr. Horrible after the jump. Drama Series Mad Men Comedy Series 30 Rock Lead Actress, Drama Glenn Close, Damages Lead Actress, Comedy Toni Collette, United States of Tara Lead Actor, Comedy Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock Lead Actor, Drama Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad Supporting Actor, Drama Michael Emerson, LOST Supporting Actor, Comedy Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men Supporting Actress, Drama Cherry Jones, 24 Supporting Actress, Comedy Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies WWNPHD? He'd click these links… Dick Cook's Disney ousting saddens Tinseltown (First Showing) Curb is back! (Gunaxin)Jennifer's Body eats it at the box office (Latino Review) Fantastic Mr. Fox character one sheets (IMP Awards) What to expect on Dollhouse Season Two (TV Squad) CLICK TO SEE FULL LIST OF EMMY WINNERS
Host: David Letterman Network: CBSTime: Weeknights 11:30pm-12:30am ET/PT