True Blood Quotes

Friday, August 5 by Joe Terzio

There have been many memorable "True Blood" quotes in the three seasons the campy vampire show has been on HBO so far. Based on Charlaine Harris’ “The Southern Vampire Mysteries” series of books, “True Blood” is about the intermingling of vampires and humans in the fictional town of Bon Temps, Louisiana. The show has plenty of sex, violence and gore, but it’s presented in a way that’s so over-the-top that it has endeared itself to its fans. Here is a list of some of the best “True Blood” quotes from the first three seasons.

  1. “Sookie is mine!” Season 1, episode 3, “Mine” – Vampire Bill Compton made this since often-repeated declaration about Sookie early in the first season. It’s become so popular that you can find it on T-shirts computer wallpapers, etc.    
  2. “She is extremely lazy, but loyal.” Season 2, episode 3, “Scratches” – Eric commenting about his assistant Pam De Beaufort's work habits. Pam is indeed loyal, but lazy as hell.  
  3. “You are the worst maker ever!” Season 1, episode 11, “To Love Is to Bury” – Poor Jessica Hamby is doomed to eternal virginity after Bill is punished by the vampire tribune. They rule that he has to make a new vampire for taking the life of another and it's Jessica. Jessica soon realizes that Bill is horrible as a mentor vampire since he eschews much of the traditional vampire lifestyle.
  4. "I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness tonight, Pam." Season 3, episode 1, “Bad Blood” – Sookie enters Fangtasia looking for the missing Bill Compton and is confronted by Pam. Pam comments on Sookie’s lavender dress, saying that it’s her favorite color. Sookie wants no part of Pam’s sexual innuendo.
  5. "I got your rug all wet." – Season 3, episode 3, “It Hurts Me Too” – Eric says this to Sookie after he saves her from a werewolf in her house. In the process of killing said werewolf, a huge blood puddle gushes onto one of Sookie’s rugs.
  6. “I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember, I can rip your throat out if I need to, and also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago.” – Season 3, episode 1, “Bad Blood” – Pam calls on Lafayette and tells him to unload all the V he has by the next day. Lafayette says "No hooker. Look, I can’t sell all this sh*t by tomorrow,” Pam bends him over a table and delivers into his ear this great monologue.
  7. "Conscience off, dick on!" – Season 3, episode 1, “Bad Blood” – Yet another one from the season 3 premiere. Jason Stackhouse is feeling guilty about killing Tara’s boyfriend Eggs in the season 2 finale so bumbling detective Andy Bellefleur tries to make sure that Jason doesn’t freak out and get both of them in trouble. He suggest that Jason act normal, which is Jason getting lots of tail.
  8. "Well did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a theoretical chainsaw?" – Season 3, episode 3, “It Hurts Me Too” – Jessica kills someone by accident and calls Pam for advice about what she would do if she ever killed someone by accident. Pam sarcastically replies with the above line. You have to love Pam.
  9. "I just keep expecting him to come through the door and say….SookEH." – Season 3, episode 2, “Beautifully Broken” – Sookie is talking to Jason about the missing Bill and does a great impersonation of how Bill says her name. It’s a very cute line.
  10.  “I'm a fairy? How f*cking lame.” – Season 3, episode 10, “I Smell a Rat” – Bill tells Sookie the big secret about what she is. She’s a fairy. Sookie’s reaction echoes that of many viewsers. A fairy? Seriously?
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