Michael Scott Quotes

Saturday, April 30 by Kelly Cannon

If you can't get enough of "The Office" and need your fix of Michael Scott quotes, you've come to the right place. Michael Scott is the hapless and hopeless office manager of the Scranton branch of the Dunder-Mifflin paper company. Michael thinks he's hilarious and always wants to crack a joke, but the truth is that most of the time he's clueless, and the joke is on him. Michael Scott also believes himself to be a good boss and loved by his employees. In fact, he uses his co-workers as a sort of surrogate family, but sadly, most of them can barely tolerate him. Michael has a pathos and a vulnerability that make us care for him despite his obvious flaws and annoying habits. It's this vulnerability that shines through and makes the best Michael Scott quotes so memorable.

  1. "You know what Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Ok?"  Michael said this after being questioned about whether he had lost money on an "investment".
  2. "My point is, a penis, when seen, in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman, but in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie." This Michael Scott quote came up in an episode where Phyllis was the victim of a "flasher".
  3. "There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke."  Michael had a hard time understanding why his inappropriate "jokes" were considered sexual harassment.
  4. "That is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin, and we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about."  This is a Michael Scott quote from the episode "Christmas Party" from season two.
  5. "Ooh, Vietnam. I hear it's lovely." This Michael Scott quote was in response to a prospective client who mentioned he had served in the Vietnam War. Clueless as usual, Michael!
  6. "You know who loves interior design? My friend Todd Packer. He… He's always asking if Jan's carpet matches her drapes. Now, although, he says that he prefers it when there is no carpet. Which doesn't make sense because I've been to his apartment and there is shag carpeting all over the place. So, I guess people's design sensibilities change."  Once again, Michael Scott proves that he isn't quite as hip to the lingo as he thinks he is.
  7. "Punctuality is something I demand from my employees. I need them to show up on time, so when I finally show up we can get started right away." This quote makes it easy to understand why the Dunder Mifflin employees don't respect Michael as a boss.
  8. "Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be." Michael makes no secret about the depth of his hatred for Toby, from Human Resources. Here, he's complaining after Toby tells him that it's a bad idea to invite children to the company's "casino night".
  9. "Let's gangbang this thing and go home. Good?" Another one of Michael Scott's famous malapropisms.
  10. "That's what she said!" This classic Michael Scott quote is his absolute favorite joke, and he fits it into every conversation possible.
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