The life of a self-destructive, burn out ex-athlete provides so many great one-liners that it's a feat to pick the 10 best "Eastbound and Down" quotes. Featuring a world of potential comedic foils for the exploits of Kenny Powers, this show swings wildly and connects with every pitch. Crash and burn over and over again with Kenny and get a taste of these great lines:
"I play real sports. Not try to be the best at exercising.": It's almost impossible to put down a multi-discipline sport like triathlons but Kenny Powers does it with razor sharp precision. The disease is political correctness and the cure is Kenny. "Eastbound and Down" throws a comedic strike out.
"If there's one thing I hate in this life it's losing. If there's two things I hate: it's losing and getting cancer.": Not cancer itself, but getting cancer. This line gets you on his side then your brain starts to understand what he just said. A quote that boomerangs back for another smack of humor.
"So, in closing, I'd like to give big ups to God, Buddha, L. Ron whoever.": No matter how powerful a mortal man is he's got to cover his bases in the afterlife. Insuring a restful afterlife might require making multiple bets and naming as many names as possible. Reverence done the "Eastbound and Down" way.
"I don't know I think he shot himself in the leg": Friendship means bold face lying so you don't get charged with attempted murder. Sometimes you've got to play dumb with who shot whom. Covering up a crime isn't new but the cast makes it beyond hilarious.
"If you were to stay here, I can't guarantee that you'd make it home alive.": The bizarre random things that "Eastbound and Down" will throw a serious tone on make this show special. Sure being someone's assistant can be hazardous but it's rare that most days are going to be life and death unless you live in a comic book. Stevie and Kenny are a fantastic comedy duo that hopefully will continue for many, many seasons.
"There are no girlfriends in black-ops.": Every non-gamer knows the horror of becoming an x-box video when a new game gets released and their significant other is engrossed in the warm embrace of the television. What's lesser known is that the everyday wet works of friendship negates romantic relationships as well. Kenny lays down the law to Stevie with brevity that will have you chuckling for days.
"This is a fake hole. I started digging this one when I saw you pull up": There are lines that are so good that you have to wonder how many takes it took because there had to have been some serious crack-ups during shooting. The methodical give and take between Kenny Powers and his father was everything a family reunion needed. Shifty meets shiftier and everyone leaves suspicious.
"Isn't your wife's name Linda?": An attempt at making amends goes comically awry by Pat Anderson. Pat, as played by Adam Scott, should be somewhere in another retelling of Faust but instead slides on scaled stomach back into "Eastbound and Down". The worst kind of character and the most missed.
"Why the hell do people think just because we're in Mexico it's totally cool just to come into somebody's house and wait for them unannounced?": Much like the older brother who can beat on the younger brother but god help anyone else who touches them, Kenny watches over Mexico. The fact that suddenly he's on the side of proper etiquette provides a great laugh, as it's so against everything he's ever done. "Eastbound and Down" just needs Canada to complete its conquest of North America.
"Feels good to be breaking the laws in America again.": A line that sums up the past and looks towards the next season. Kenny Powers is back in America and ready to continue the not so good fight but the darn funny fight. "Eastbound and Down" could've been a throwaway one season filler but instead is a steady producer of great comedy.