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The best quotes from "The Office" mostly come from the show's two best characters, Michael and Dwight. Why? Because they're both so full of themselves that they say stupid things and don't even realize how stupid they make themselves look. This is what makes their quotes so funny.
"Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony. Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation How do you know that they're fake? Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection." Jim loves to make Dwight look silly. When Dwight is tasked with setting up a healthcare plan, Jim has a field day.
"Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third." Michael Scott is an office boss that would rather be doing standup comedy. Little does he know that he is actually doing unintentional comedy every day.
"Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?" Just the image of nerdy Michael Scott hunting is funny. He's not what you would call a great outdoorsman.
"Dwight Schrute: Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey, the mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that… I was good." Dwight obviously makes up a lot of his own biography. But unlike Michael, he doesn't want to be an entertainer.
"Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and…I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover." That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at." Michael Scott thinks he knows everything. He doesn't even notice when he's made a huge mistake, such as making himself look like a potential child abuser.
"Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead." Dwight is constantly making himself look like the ultimate survivalist. However, most of his co-workers would never want to be out in the wild with him.
"Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. Pam Beesley: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol? Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it." Dwight's the kind of guy that says he can do things, just because he can, not because they are at all necessary.
"Dwight Schrute: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me… for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies." Dwight is obviously a strict evolutionist.
"Michael Scott: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family." Michael hates Toby in HR more than anyone. Toby represents structure, and Michael detests any kind of structure.
"Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um…Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." Michael does need to be loved. He just doesn't know how to get it.