Anyway, Dexter, Deb, etc.

This is rumored to be the final season, but seeing as how last season was the first one in a while that wasn’t terrible, I wouldn’t rule out a season 9 or later.

It’s clear that he doesn’t know what he should be doing on this show, and it’s clear that the E! producers don’t have any clearer a picture. So without further ado, go ahead and get dumber with this clip promoting a good-looking idiot with no other material premise to speak of.

God bless.

Now you can get your recommended daily allowance of PTSD without that pesky risk of death. All while living out your Miami Vice fantasies.

Enjoy, and don’t forget to check your six.

Ugh. Pisses me off.

To give you some flavor, here’s a little teaser from Freakshow, a reality program that follows Todd Ray, who runs a group of freaks (that can’t be the politically correct term) that operate down on the Venice Boardwalk in LA.

Take a look and see what you think. It premieres on Valentine’s Day…because of all the romance.

Let’s not have William H. Macy‘s starpower go to waste, people.

everyone must like this free episode from Showtime.

Hank Moody gets into lots of trouble, and he hilariously tries to bang his way out of it EVERY TIME. Which just makes for good television. I’mma watch it now.

If you weren’t celebrating with friends, this would have been the only acceptable countdown to watch on TV.

So watch this brief, vaguely interesting video of a crappy house being made.

PS – This is also your birthday gift this year. Don’t blame us. Blame Obama.

Yup. That’s my glowing endorsement. “It’s weird and disjointed enough that it’s kind of fascinating.”

Gotham High offers a teenage girl’s inventory of Dark Knight-era Batman actors as the played high school students in other roles. Only sometimes it’s not like that at all, like when they have the character Powder from the terrible movie Powder portraying a young Mr. Freeze.

And then it just sort of turns into clips from 10 Things I Hate About You.

Just watch.

Anyway, we can talk about this episode of Everybody Loves Draven, or we can watch it. Let’s watch it.

But it looks like my cash cow has dried up. No one will be asking for either of those anymore because it exists right here. And it’s pretty terrific. Check it.

Ron Fuckin’ Swanson. Nick Offerman. He’ll be raising money for autism (against autism, actually) and for every $1,000 he receives, he’ll get a little more naked. What’s not to like? Charity, Nick Offerman, burly, mustachioed nudity. This program is shaping up to have it all.

With all the build-up of the Adult Swim marketing machine, fans of both Cartoon Network and the countless stars attached to the project were expecting…something.

And something is exactly what they got. If by “something,” you meant a “shot-for-shot remake of the Simon & Simon opening credits but with Jon Hamm and Adam Scott in the lead roles.”

Just watch, ok?

While the video’s pretty funny, I never realized how integral the score of Dexter was to the show, but it definitely let’s you know what’s up in this cartoon. In the off chance that the plastic wrap, blood slides, and nosy sister didn’t tell you what this show was alluding to.

Both are terrifying and sad, but in very different ways. I’m not one for the over-the-top observance of 9/11 by many outlets, but I’m also not one for hearing a Kardashian family member speak, ever, so this morning was lose-lose for me.

Never forget (about Kris Jenner’s breast implants).

Also let this clip remind you that Selma Blair is aging like a Chateau Latour, and will reach epic heights of beauty somewhere around her 40th birthday.

Here, we see Ted getting kicked out of a fancy restaurant for having an eager date getting a little too handsy with him. Good for him. We should all be so lucky.

So what went down? Ask a friend who’s a furry. That’s the best I can do for you. Aside from that, just use your imagination, buy some Axe hair product, and go see Seth MacFarlane movies.

Deal?

It’s pretty damn impressive, especially the way they created most of the graphics, possibly by harnessing deep-seated construction paper-cutting skills that they have laid dormant for decades.

It’s shortened from the original animated length (BOOOOOOO!), but the intent is still clear, so points to Comedy Central for giving me yet another “Huh. That’s pretty neat” moment today.

The clip of the news report has inevitably gone viral, as millions of people across cyberspace have taken time to laugh at those nutty Chinese news reporters who thought a sex toy was a mushroom. After learning of their mistake, the people at XATV (the station that first ran the report) issued a completely coherent apology and explanation for the mix-up:

“Caused the majority of users and open letter to the audience: you pro! The last night of a news everyone laughed. It has triggered a wide range of forwarding and comments. As our reporter was very young, worldly, this news brought to everyone the discomfort and misleading! Here, we sincerely thank you friends of our program, criticism and correction. Pro, please forgive us once negligence.”

Well, I’m glad that’s been cleared up. Now you have something to discuss over dinner with your family tonight, like why someone buried a Fleshlight in a rural Chinese village. (Warming Glow)

A few things readily apparent from this clip: Michael Kenneth Williams has a truly terrible singing voice. Just awful. And he can move his legs around Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance style. After viewing this, we can all agree that The Wire would have finally gotten some critical acclaim if they’d shoehorned a lot more song and dance numbers into it. Just like they do on the streets of Baltimore.

Not entertaining in a Geraldo Rivera-jackass type way, but in that he manages to balance his decorum with an ability to get completely awed by the weirdness of what he has to report.

This time it’s “Barbie Mom,” aka Sarah Burge, a woman who has gone to lengths to make herself look like Barbie. Which is stupid and fine, I guess, but Cooper draws the line when she talks about sticking Botox in her 15 year-old daughter to get her to stop sweating during pageants, kicking her off in what would be a vulgar display of power by AC standards.

Take a look.

So come relive your favorite moments, and know that even if you’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, you can laugh at a joke without getting it just by recognizing its cadence.

If you have no idea what that last sentence means, you need to watch this video, stat.