A word from Zoe: ”Growing up, my dolls were doctors and on secret missions. I had Barbie Goes Rambo.”

Not sure if I can ever buy Ruffalo as anything other than a dude in a flannel shirt that I want to grab a beer with, but if anything can change that perception, it’s the character he will be playing in the J.J. Abrams-produced Infinity Polar Bear. As a bipolar depressive, Ruffalo will lose his wife (played by Zoe Saldana), child, and job.

In case the subject matter sounds a little, I dunno, “sad” for your tastes, there is an X factor here: Megan Ellison. The bisexual billionaire financier behind The Master, True Grit, and The Wettest County in the West found this film to be goodly enough for her efforts. Granted she won’t be on screen of anything, but it’s nice to know that you’re somehow connected to a bisexual heiress with really good taste in movies.

So if you’re not going to do it for Ruffalo, do it for Megan Ellison. It’s not like she needs the money, but she sounds damn cool.

‘Colombiana’ is set in Latin America and the U.S. Saldana would play a young woman who, after witnessing her parents’ murder as a child in Bogota, grows up to be a stone-cold assassin. She works for her uncle as a hitman by day, but her personal time is spent engaging in vigilante murders that she hopes will lead her to her ultimate target: the mobster responsible for her parents’ death.

Trailer’s cool, so movie might be good too. I’ll probably be there.

The director is finally dusting off his sci-fi caper film, now with the clever name “untitled Moon project,” which has been lingering at Paramount after a jump from Dreamworks in 2007. After rewrites by top screenwriters like Simon Kinberg (Sherlock Holmes), and now that Liman’s All You Need Is Kill is getting killed for lack of momentum at Warner Bros, Liman is ready to round up actors for a good old fashioned space heist.

For the male lead, Limon’s met with Andrew Garfield, Emile Hirsch and Chris Pine. Of course, Chris Pine has spaceperience (space experience) as Star Trek‘s Captain Kirk, but I’m sure Spider-Man‘s been to space a bunch of times. No biggie. Jake Gyllenhaal used to be attached, but he ain’t no more.

Here’s the plot:

The story centers on a renegade group of former space employees, led by an Eastern European woman, who travel the world, stealing space equipment in an attempt to go back to the moon to acquire an energy source. The last item to steal — or in this case, kidnap — is an ex-NASA employee.

You’ve got to hand it to them – if you’re a criminal, what better place is there to escape to than the moon? It’s very unlikely the police will follow you in a squad rocket. Then again, how do you inconspicuously re-enter the earth’s atmosphere? (Hollywood Reporter)

Director: Christopher B. Landon

Cast: Dylan McDermott, Shannen Doherty, Zoe Saldana, Lake Bell, Nick Stahl, Paz Vega

Synopsis: A subversive tale that interlaces five stories set in Los Angeles, where no taboo is left unexplored as each character careens toward a dark and often comic fate.

Release Date: April 23, 2010

_{Zoe doing her best assassin pose.}

If this is what death looks like, I welcome it. Zoe Saldana is in talks to star in Colombiana, to be produced by Luc Besson of Taken producing fame. THR has the scoop:

Written by Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, “Colombiana” is set in Latin America and the U.S. Saldana would play a young woman who, after witnessing her parents’ murder as a child in Bogota, grows up to be a stone-cold assassin. She works for her uncle as a hitman by day, but her personal time is spent engaging in vigilante murders that she hopes will lead her to her ultimate target: the mobster responsible for her parents’ death.

So…it’s another revenge flick. Or it’s Batman without all the philanthropy. I was big fan of Taken so I’ll give Besson and Kamen the benefit of the doubt. I enjoyed watching Liam Nesson crack skulls for 90 minutes, what’s to say I won’t like Zoe Saldana doing the same thing in a tight pleather body suit? Note to director: take my note.

The Losers
PG-13, 95m., 2010
Cast: Jeffery Dean Morgan, Idris Elba, Columbus Short, Chris Evans with Zoe Saldana and Jason Patric
Directed by Sylvain White
Screenplay by Peter Berg and James Vanderbilt based upon graphic novel series, “Ante Up” written by Andy Diggle and illustrations by Jock
 

The Losers is a wham-bam-thank-you-mama style of action flick where logic and brains are left on the bullet ridden floor.

The plot seems like directly from the classic 80s TV show “The A-Team," however, on steroids. A group of wisecracking CIA black ops going by the names of Pooch (Columbus Short), Roque (Idris Elba), Cougar(Óscar Jaenada) and Jensen (Chris Evans) are led by grey haired compatriot Clay (Jeffery Dean Morgan, who looks even sweatier and grizzled than in Watchman) into an assignment in Bolivia, where they are double crossed and mistaken for dead.

To clear their names and make it back home, the gang must travel the globe with the mysterious Aisha (Zoe Saldana, looking sexier and more bad-ass than ever before) searching for the uber Bond-type villain Max (Jason Patric in his most gleefully malevolent role to date), all the while unloading boxes of bullets and explosives wherever they go.     

Keeping this movie from total “Micheal Bay Mayhem” is the fun-faired nature that the rag-tag group of actors bring to the absurd plot. They can shout off their signature one-liners and keep their cool in check by not looking back at explosions.
     
While we have seen much of this “men on a mission” story before, director Sylvain White and script writers Peter Berg and James Vanderbilt from the Vertigo comic series by Andy Diggle and Jock know this and they keep the movie speeding along with series of decent action eye candy and surprises that are in tune with their 80s action spirit.

The low point of the film comes in the form of its music, which, like most whiz-bang action-fests, is filled with blasting pop tunes. The Losers soundtrack seems to be stuck on shuffle with action scenes and stripteases going through a vomitorium of techno beats and 80s tunes. The opening action sequence spews out seven songs in less than five minutes, from “Black Betty” to “Small Town Girl."
            
The Losers may not be more than a 90 minute cartoon exercise but it gets the job done well for now, until The A-Team movie arrives in June, Predators in July, and then The Expendables in August.

Grade: B-

Death at a Funeral
R, 93m., 2010
Cast: Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Zoe Saldana, James Marsden, Columbus Short, Regina King, Keith David, Peter Dinkaledge with Loretta Devine, Luke Wilson, Tracy Morgan and Danny Glover
Directed by Neil LaBute
Screenplay by Dean Craig based upon his 2007 UK screenplay of Death at a Funeral
 
Death at a Funeral is an uneven, occasionally funny remake of the 2007 sleeper British comedy.
 
As family and friends gather for a funeral in an upper class community of Los Angles, eldest son Aaron (Chris Rock, leading an All-Star cast) has to keep everything under control for one afternoon, as he is faced with drugged out family members, bodies popping out of caskets and a blackmailing little man (Peter Dinkaledge, reprising his role from the UK original).
 
The All-Star mourners include a mix of current favorite actors from Zoe Saldana, Columbus Short, and James Marsden, as well as comedians Martin Lawrence, Regina King, Tracy Morgan and old screen favorites like Loretta Devine, Keith David and Danny Glover. (Somewhere in this mad-batch of characters is Luke Wilson looking fatter and awkward as ever.)
 
Many of these acting styles don’t particular blend well, but work on their own time. What keeps it all from total disaster is director Neil LaBute.
 
LaBute treats this Americanized version more like a mad capped play from the 1940s (Harvey or You Can’t Take it with You, come to mind). The first 20 minutes of the movie has some snappy dialogue and hilarious stage tableaux, one of which contains 4 of his male leads starring over a body of a 5th actor.
 
Yet by the end LaBute’s direction feels tired and he lets go of a lot moments that could have been true comedically classic scenes, like the fight between Rock and Lawrence as battlin brothers could have packed a lot more punch than a bunch of school yard disses and soft blows.
 
A lot of this movies success really depends on your personal preferences; if you like Rock, Lawrence, and Morgan then this film is a great canvass for their own individual shticks to be let loose, but if you don’t then this is not a movie for you.
 
Death at a Funeral is something that is classical in the sense of mad capped comedies, but if you’ve seen the original then most of the big laugh-out surprises will be turning in their graves.
 
Grade: C

^{"I see you."}

If you’re on the fence about The Losers, check out this extended trailer. But please ignore its attempts at glib humor. It’s probably just nervous around you.

The extended look begins with Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Zoe Saldana flirting the Whitney and Bobby way (closed-fist punches and motel room fires), and then jumps into an introduction to the rest of the team, despite the fact we met them already in Sneakers and The Italian Job. The action doesn’t stack up to what we’ve seen of The A-Team or The Expendables, but it doesn’t insult our intelligence by having a tank fight a jet in mid-air or giving Jet Li comedic dialogue. Plus, it shows you how to make a homemade rocket launcher. Who doesn’t need one of those? Besides Whitney and Bobby.

Sex, anal, and violence after the jump….

THE LOSERS EXTENDED LOOK – Watch more Funny Videos

Some might look at this new poster for The Losers and think, "Oh clever, they’re assassins who just shot me and now they’re standing over my body as my last breath of air escapes." I look at this poster and think, "Suck it." Zoe Saldana especially seems like she could use some servicing. Jeffrey Dean Morgan just looks gassy.

The Losers centers around the members of an elite Special Forces unit sent to the Bolivian jungle on a search and destroy mission. They’re gonna kick ass, take a few names, and steal the innocence of a few unlucky henchmen. Open wide, world. The Losers hits theaters April 23, 2010. (FilmSchoolRejects) 

The graphic novel The Losers has transmovieafied its way to the big screen and today we have the trailer. It’s the standard elite team of emissaries are betrayed by Jason Patric plot. But it looks like it could be fun. It borrows a good deal of its charm from The Italian Job and the Ocean’s films and rests that on the shoulders of a cast comprised of rising stars. Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Zoe Saldana, Idris Elba, and a nerdy Chris Evans (and his mind bullets) have a great rapport.

This looks like it will either be a modest hit or a fun but forgettable mid-season film. Not all of the jokes hit in this trailer. For instance, after Elba successfully blows up a SUV with a homemade rocket launcher, he exclaims, "I’m the black MacGuyver! BlaGuyver!!" We’ll never see a black MacGuyver in our lifetimes. MacGuyver’s love of ice hockey makes that an impossibility. (MSN)

Watch the trailer after the jump…

Whether Mr. J.J. Abrams likes it or not, Zoe Saldana refuses to keep her pretty little mouth shut about the Star Trek sequel, unofficially titled Star Trek: Uhura’s Quest for Spock’s Nuts. Yay for all of us! She said Abrams, Alex Kurtzman, and Roberto Orci are all still working on the script, and that they’ll probably be going into pre-production around this time next year.

It’s just pre-production, people. That means they’ll start making drawings of how they want the shiny sets and costumes to look. Then once they decide how many whatevers should hang from the whatever, they have to make those whatevers a reality. Someone will probably get injured during construction, which will cause a delay, and during that time J.J. will realize there’s a huge plot hole in the script. I expect to see the Star Trek sequel in 2015. (MTV)

Literally five minutes after we posted the international trailer for Avatar, Yahoo went and posted the domestic one in HD like a bunch of cocky biatches. I apologize for the name calling, Yahoo. You are not cocky biatches… I’m just a lazy biatch.

If you like versions of trailers that are sharper, louder, and have less Elvish subtitles in them, than you’re sure to prefer this one over the grainy one the foreigners have to watch. And don’t you dare call me xenophobic. In Pandora, the blue cat Rastafarians think of xenophobia as a synonym for love.

Ride these links like a hybrid pterodactyl dragon!

_{Letters to Annoying People on Halloween (HolyTaco)}

_{Yankees Fan and His Crazy Motorized Wheelchair (TotalProSports)}

_{You Can Order This Hot Bride Online (TheChive)}

_{Marty Krofft is Puffin’ Stuff (FilmDrunk)}

_{Kitten Eats with Chopsticks (SuperTremendous)}

_{Ten Most Badass Jesuses (Pajiba)}

_{Kanye West Interrupts Taylor Swift Being a Nazi (CelebJihad)}

_{What Disney Taught Us Growing Up (Unreality)}

_{Sasha Grey is Wonder Woman for Halloween (Asylum)}

_{Susan Was Just Jerkin’ Around About Sex for Tickets (BustedCoverage)}

_{25 NSFW Vampire Babes (RegretfulMorning)}

_{The Art of Fantasy Football (MadeMan)}

_{Kyle Busch is a Bitch Costume (AllLeftTurns)}

Director: James Cameron

Cast: Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez, Zoe Saldana, Giovanni Ribisi

Synopsis: A group of humans are confronted by a distant planet’s native population, forcing them into battle

Genre: Action/Science Fiction

Release Date: December 18, 2009

Today’s girl is Zoe Saldana, who plays Uhura in the film. 

Where you’ve seen her: As Anamaria in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, as Dolores Torres in The Terminal, and as Angie Jones in Vantage Point.  She’ll also be in the film version of the second coming of Jesus, James Cameron’s Avatar. 

Pointless Quote: “You need 100% commitment; you have to be willing to wake up every mornin knowing you’re going to practice eight hours straight.”

See the photos of Zoe after the jump:

Other Star Trek Starlets posted:

Winona Ryder

Jennifer Morrison