Screen Junkies » x factor Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Sun, 09 Nov 2014 18:44:35 +0000 en hourly 1 ‘X Factor’ Gets The Axe Mon, 10 Feb 2014 18:06:01 +0000 Penn Collins I would say it will be missed, but..will it?

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In news that we’re assuming will probably upset someone somewhere (certainly the people the show employed, at least), X Factor has been pulled from Fox’s lineup, leaving the world with only The Voice and American Idol to present to them aspiring singers performing familiar songs.

The move seemed imminent, as the one constant judge on the show, Simon Cowell, announced his intention of leaving for the British version, essentially pulling any star power the show had.

What dos this mean for you, the Screen Junkie reader?

Well, if you have Simon Cowell, you’ll be delighted to know that not only will he not be on American TV any more, but he’s flat-out leaving the country. If you’re a Destiny’s Child fan (and who isn’t, really?) you’l be excited to know that this news should free up Kelly Rowland to step up her texting efforts to Beyonce regarding a reunion.

“Hey Bey – DC reunion this summer? Let’s get our Bonnaroo on, girl!!!! :)

And so on.

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Smell Ya Later, ‘X Factor’!: 6 New Careers For Paula Abdul Tue, 31 Jan 2012 21:37:23 +0000 Penn Collins Please get back on TV, Paula. This news makes us feel dead inside.

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Contestants on The X Factor aren’t the only ones subject to star/producer Simon Cowell’s tight-shirted, nipple-y wrath. Yesterday, he cleaned house in regards to on-air talent, giving Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones, and Paula Abdul the axe, leaving only himself and L.A. Reid on the show right now.

X Factor performed decently, but fell short of expectations after X Factor had killed it over in the U.K. Consequently, Cowell appears to be taking a new approach. The dismissal of Scherzinger and Jones came as no surprise since their performances were widely panned, but longtime co-worker Paula Abdul’s dismissal came as a shock to those close to the show.

So, what’s next for Paula? She has a particularly unique skill set that doesn’t lend itself to careers at H&R Block or alpaca-raising. Where does she go from here?

We’ve got some suggestions.

Return as a Cheerleader to the L.A. Lakers

After an unceremonious dismissal in the second round of the playoffs last year, along with some offseason drama, the Lakers are struggling to find a foothold this season. As many know, Abdul was a Laker girl in the 1980’s during the team’s Showtime era, so a return seems like a good fit for her at this stage in her career. While Abdul can’t make the Lakers play any better, she probably could get more people in the seats as the NBA’s only fifty year-old midget cheerleader.

They could also have her join on another capacity, maybe judging the Lakers and their opponents on finesse, moves, singing ability, etc. I would be tempted to watch that.

Reuniting with MC Skat Cat

“Opposites Attract” was Paula Abdul’s greatest song, with “Straight Up” and “Rush, Rush” coming in a distant second and third. This isn’t really up for discussion.

So, it seems logical that a reunion with her “Opposites Attract” co-star, cartoon cat MC Skat Cat would be a smart move. The nice thing is that kids still love cartoons, and that since MC Skat Cat is animated, time hasn’t ravaged his once-youthful looks the way it has Paula’s.

Further, it was more-than-suggested in both the “Opposites Attract” song and video that she was carrying on a romantic and sexual relationship with MC Skat Cat. Take a look:

Where are they now? Given his penchant for cigarettes, perhaps he had a tracheotomy. Does he still steal the covers? Do they have any half-cartoon cat/half-Paula Abdul children? America would like to see them if they do.

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]]> 0 Jerry Buss Honored With A Star On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame
‘X Factor’ Is Somehow More Disgusting Than ‘Animal Hoarding’ Thu, 22 Sep 2011 18:20:29 +0000 Jame Gumb Cat feces is preferable to 'X Factor'...

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Despite the obvious differences, Animal Planet’s Confessions: Animal Hoarding and Fox’s X Factor are actually very similar. They are both retreads of existing shows, they both (supposedly) chronicle the lives of delusional people, and most importantly, they both exploit the hell out of their subjects. That said, I thought a show about people living ankle-deep in cat shit would be more exploitative than a simple singing competition. How very wrong I was. Confessions: Animal Hoarding seems like a Ken Burns documentary when compared to Simon Cowell’s latest shit show.

Let’s start out with Confessions: Animal Hoarding. This show is basically Intervention, except instead of “helping” people who are addicted to drugs, it “helps” people who are addicted to kitty cats. Last night we followed Mike, a chef whose small home had been overrun with cats to the point where his wife had left and he was forced to live in a camper. Keep in mind, this was not some elaborate scheme to get rid of the wife. Watching a man shoveling cat excrement off his kitchen floor is bad enough, but knowing he’s a member of the food service industry made it even more disturbing.

Then we have X Factor. From what I can tell, there are only two differences between this show and American Idol. First off, the black guy is skinnier and doesn’t say “dog.” Second, rather than having the auditions in a private room with the judges, they take place in a stadium filled with thousands of people. That might not seem like a big deal until you watch an elderly couple making fools of themselves in front of a live audience. For example, Dan and Venita, who are a combined age of 153. The people in charge of picking the contestants saw fit to wave this couple through to the judges table so that they could do this on national television…


But X Factor doesn’t stop with the elderly. Why should it when there is so much fresh meat available in the form young children. For example, there was 13-year-old Rachel Crow who the press is already gushing about. Sure, I guess she’s “adorable.” But I’ll bet the adorableness wears off in about five years once Hollywood has spit her out and she’s turning tricks for crank in the Ralph’s parking lot on Sunset. But hey, maybe she can keep the fame-train going with a stint on Intervention. Circle of life, ya know?

Two years 'til rehab!

To be clear, both shows are awful, and both shows take advantage of their subjects. But at the end of the day, at least Confessions: Animal Hoarding supposedly helps the people involved, and they manage to do it without the pseudo-inspirational top-40 soundtrack. Mike the cat-hoarding chef ended up with a therapist and a clean house. All Dan and Venita got was humiliated.

Yes, X Factor’s contestants chose to be on TV. No one is holding a gun to their heads, although I imagine quite a few of them have probably held guns to their own heads. And in all fairness, the winner of X Factor will get a $5 million recording contract, not to mention their own Pepsi ad. As Paula Abdul pointed out, “To have a commercial is above and beyond any wild dream that any artist could have.”

Even so, I’d rather watch a guy swim in cat poop than sit through X Factor ever again.

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]]> 0 rachel-crow Two years 'til rehab!