Director David O. Russell (The Fighter, Three Kings) could be given the benefit of the doubt amid allegations that he groped his adopted sister’s (still doesn’t make it ok) transgender 19-year-old daughter. The two were working out last Friday, as uncles and transgender nieces so often do, when he noticed that hormone therapy had made her breasts bigger, as uncles somewhat less often do.

He then slid his hand under her shirt, reportedly with her permission to ensure that his actions weren’t making her uncomfortable, as if having one’s uncle massaging one’s nubile breasts could ever make one THAT uncomfortable.

Russell stated that the act was just out of curiosity, which doesn’t explain why he allegedly made his niece “pinky swear” not to tell anyone. Any time an uncle makes a niece or nephew pinky swear to anything, the police should be notified immediately.

Russell then reportedly went on to further ratchet up the creepy by oversharing with police that, since the hormone treatments, his niece “has become very provocative and seductive,” which may be a step backwards in his efforts to convince people he’s not huge into incest.

Russell’s camp “emphatically denies any wrongdoing,” except, presumably, for the act of groping your niece who is suffering from gender identity issues.

This should play out nicely.

(The Wrap)

While speaking at the Toronto film festival to promote his new film, Trespass, Cage recounted the bizarre ordeal involving a stranger, a penis, and America’s favorite stick-based chocolate ice-cream snack.

“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed,” he told reporters on Wednesday.

“I know it sounds funny … but it was horrifying.”

That hilarious/horrifying story did have a happy ending in which Cage talked the man out of the house and decided not to press charges after learning the intruder was mentally ill. However, as a result of the incident, the actor says he was unable to feel safe in the home ever again. Luckily, he had other options, like his mansion in the Bahamas and that god damn castle he used to own.

(Reuters)