Even if Darren Aronofsky hadn’t bailed on the project last week, we probably couldn’t have stopped the Hugh Jackman singing-and-dancing train from leaving the station, as the natural disasters in Japan would have delayed shooting. Further, it’s not even skinny Jackman that we will have to contend with singing ditties about trolleys clinging and bells clanging, but a superhuman, possibly performance-enhanced Jackman shaking his stocky, dense frame. Much as you should be avoiding Japan and Libya right now, it is highly recommended that you avoid San Francisco May 3- May 15. That means you too, Hugh. (Playlist)

Darren Aronofsky discussed some of his plans for the Wolverine sequel (which I guess means this is actually happening), and it sounds like this could be a really good movie about a guy who has knives jutting out of his metacarpus. First off, the sequel is going to completely disavow its predecessor X-Men Origins: Wolverine, in favor of being a standalone (read: awesome) film.

In order to distance it from the previous misfire, the film will not be called Wolverine 2, rather The Wolverine. Aronofsky’s talent for telling dark, gritty, complex, thoughtful, character studies should be well-applied to Logan’s time spent in Japan, and highlight the more tortured aspects of the mutant. Though I’m excited to see a Wolverine more grounded in reality, I do feel an “ass-to-ass” scene between Wolverine and Sabretooth would be completely out of place. Please do not include. (HitFix)

The Darren Doppler is tweakin’ again. Aronofsky’s deal to direct Wolverine 2 is so close to being a real thing that Fox is already talking about concessions of the un-Sour Patch Kids variety. The studio will allow Aronofsky to shoot the sound stage portions of the film in New York so the filmmaker and Hugh Jackman can still go home to their families at night. Production will begin in March, after Aronofsky has had time to pimp Black Swan to the press. After the New York scenes have been shot, the production will move to Japan, far, far away from any wives and kids. You know what that means… Both guys will finally have time to finish The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest novel. They can’t wait to see how the Millenium Trilogy ends. (Deadline)

In further Awesome Directors Making Batsh*t Decisions news, Darren Aronofsky is one step closer to directing Wolverine 2, the sequel to a movie that starred Will.I.Am and featured a guy causing a tank to explode by punching it in the cannon.

There was some debate online whether he would choose the comic book movie, or go with Tales From The Gangster Squad late last week. He’s reportedly passed on Gangster Squad, leaving his schedule wide-open for Wolvie. Though, no deal is in place and we’ve heard no official word from his reps, it’s likely he’ll parlay Black Swan‘s Oscar buzz into instructing Hugh Jackman to growl. Or he could choose to do a good movie. We’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, Nikki Minaj should probably practice surfing on nuclear warheads. (Deadline)

Yesterday, everyone on the Internet was reporting that Darren Aronofsky was taking on the Wolverine sequel. Well hold your damn horses. Now, Empire Online is reporting that Warner Bros. has made a counter offer that might just land the director in their camp: a 40′s era period piece called Tales from the Gangster Squad.

Tales from the Gangster Squad follows the exploits of Sergeant John O’Mara’s off-the-books team of police mercenaries, who targeted mob-linked gangster Mickey Cohen and his attempts to bring East Coast organised crime firmly into LA. Originally chronicled in a series of LA Times articles be Paul Lieberman, the script has been penned by cop-turned-writer Will Beall.

That’s a tough call. Both films sound like a good fit for Aronofsky. It reminds me a little of Sophie’s Choice, except for this I’m going to stay tuned to find out what happens instead of switching over to "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" (Sorry, Sophie).

^"SNIKT!!"

We’d heard the rumors but they sounded too crazy to even qualify. Yet somehow, against all laws of nature, Darren Aronofsky is in talks to direct Wolverine 2. Aronofsky surpassed rumored shoe-in David Slade to win the honor of directing the second film in this so far pretty sh*tty franchise, just days after it was announced that Zack Snyder won the Superman directing duties.

May be a case of Justin Bieber punk’n us all, but if not, at least we have a director who can artfully convey Wolverine‘s frustration with the world that won’t accept him as he surfs on a missile or whatever ridiculous action set-piece makes its way into this film.

Where this leaves Preacher or movies that are a good idea for Aronofsky to do, we do not know. But if you ask me, this move is in direct reaction to the failure of The Wrestler action-figure line. Apart from the Marisa Tomei Lapdancer dolls, those things just didn’t sell. (Deadline)

David Slade would be wise not to decorate his home office with Wolverine action figures just yet. Though it was believed that the helmer of Hard Candy and assorted vampire movies was a shoe-in for the Wolverine Goes To Japan directing gig, a new contendor has emerged. Granted, he’s a highly-unlikely candidate, but Darren Aronofsky‘s hat has somehow been thrown into the ring. Whether he threw that hat himself, or some neighbor kid bully threw it in the ring just to be a jerk remains to be seen.

Given Aronofsky’s body of work, I’m going to go ahead and rule him out. The X-Men films have been twisted into goofy, popcorn wannabe-action films, and Wolverine is no exception. Though if anyone could lend some gravity to the material, it’s Aronofsky. Look what he did for Marlon Wayans. (Deadline)

David Slade, director of Twilight Eclipse, 30 Days of Night, and Hard Candy, is the lead contender to helm the sequel to the X-Men Wolverine spin-off, the aptly titled, Wolverine 2. His sole competition is Robert Schwentke, who last directed The Time Traveler’s Wife, and has the upcoming Bruce Willis vehicle, Red. Hugh Jackman himself will pick the winner, so let the ass-kissing begin. According to Vulture, "A well-placed source inside the production insists: ‘It’s going to be Slade.’" Looks like someone already sent a fruit bouquet to someone else’s house.

I suppose I’d prefer Slade to Schwentke since I’m big fan of Hard Candy and he made the least sh*ttiest Twilight movie, but I feel strongly that the sequel to Wolverine couldn’t be any worse than the original no matter who’s directing.

Oh no. I’ve gone and done it again. I’ve said the words that release the evil genie who travels on a bed of Cheetos dust.

RATNER!!!!!