Oops. Megan Fox is April O’Neill. Splinter or Krang, perhaps? Anything but a lowly Foot Soldier! He’ll drown in anonymity!

He’s not a turtle, as they’ve all been cast, so conjecture might be a fool’s errand, as he could very well be playing a character that didn’t exist in the original mythology.

Or Casey Jones. He could be playing that hockey player-type thing, Casey Jones.

Whatever. The surprise will be nice.

Click here for the cast’s most embarrassing roles since leaving the show.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Arrested Development. I’ve watched the entire series repeatedly. I choked up a little when Fox finally gave it the axe. It was easily the best sitcom in television history until Party Down came along and provided some stiff competition. Talking about The Seaward, hot cops, and Mr. Bananagrabber brings an instant smile to my face, if not a minor titter and yet… I’m a little underwhelmed by the return of the show.

Trying to recreate Arrested Development is like trying to capture lightning in a bottle. I’m sure people were pretty amped when Aerosmith got back together, and then they dropped Permanent Vacation and the Armageddon soundtrack, a couple of stiff kicks to the balls. I mean, take a minute to step back from your irrational exuberance and ask yourself: How many band break up, get back together and make good records?

See?

I’m not saying the new shows and movie won’t be funny. They probably would be if I had never heard of Arrested Development. But expectations kill and momentum means something in comedy. Michael Cera isn’t cute little awkward George Michael anymore, he’s Michael Fucking Cera, the douche who’s made a career out of playing irritating, twee “male” versions of the manic pixie dream girl, minus the mania and god dammit, he wouldn’t even take his picture with me and my friends at a bowling alley in Koreatown even though I’m pretty sure he didn’t even know we were just trying to clown on him.

It’s not just prancing Michael Cera and his red wool cap, either. Has anyone noticed how lame Will Arnett has gotten? The sex tape was great. I even liked Let’s Go To Prison. But now he’s on some TV show about trying to stay cool while raising a fucking baby? Isn’t he about fifteen years too old to star on a show like that? More to the point, isn’t that show for the type of people who post pictures of themselves holding up diapers soiled in unnatural colors while smiling and making “oopsie” faces, AKA the type of people who make you want to kill all parents instead of becoming one?

I saw Alia Shawkat on some Lifetime movie and apparently she appears in Best Coast videos. I don’t think I really need to go on with this one.

Point is: The show was great in its time, but there’s a pretty good chance that time has passed away, along with the blissful innocence of the Bush years. America has new anxieties, irritants and pathologies to explore and exploit for comic potential now. Today, Arrested Development is about as relevant as M*A*S*H.

Follow @NicholasPell on Twitter.

Here’s a rundown of the cast’s most embarrassing post-Arrested Development projects.

Jason Bateman – The Ex

Jason Bateman kicked off his career of appearing in every comedy known to man with a co-starring role in The Ex. Here he plays the wheelchair-bound tormentor to Zack Braff, who believes Bateman has designs on his wife. This also kicks off the beginning of Bateman’s raunchy, gross out comedy. I like the part where he falls down.

Michael Cera- Paper Heart

The pseudo-documentary/hipster fart smell-a-thon Paper Heart helped transform Michael Cera from the awkward teen on Arrested Development to awkward teen in everything. Now a household name, Cera has taken roles in some pretty interesting projects… interesting in the aspect that people somehow enjoy them.

It would appear the festival got most everyone, nabbing Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Michael Cera, David Cross, Portia de Rossi, Tony Hale, Alia Shawkat, Jeffrey Tambor, Jessica Walter and series creator Mitchell Hurwitz. Wait. They didn’t get Ice, the bounty hunter/party planner. You can’t have a party without ICE!

It will be very convenient to get them all together so they can collectively dodge questions about the film, rather than have to do it individually.

If you’re not a fan of The New Yorker, but are a fan of hilariousl funny people, you might want to check this thing out if you’re in the NYC area, as it will also feature Amy Poehler, Aziz Ansari, Chris Colfer, David Cronenberg, Ellen Barkin, Owen Wilson, Zach Galifianakis Paul Giamatti, the Scissor Sisters, and writers Janet Malcolm, Jonathan Franzen, and Malcolm Gladwell. The event is October 2nd and tickets are available here.

If this festival in any way involves David Cronenberg dancing with Owen Wilson to the Scissor Sisters, it’s a steal at ten times the price.

Last night was the much-hyped “Office” season closer, which featured cameos by Jim Carrey, Will Arnett, Gervais himself (via webcam) and oddly enough, Warren Buffett. I guess when Steve Carell leaves your show, you need to plug that celebrity sized hole in your sitcom boat. Catherine Tate (“Dr. Who“) is the current favorite among the producers as a replacement.

Gervais had many critical things to say about the American version of his hit show, because if there’s one thing Gervais shies away from, it’s controversies stemmed from freely speaking his opinions:

“I assume most people know I didn’t do the US remake for the art. I did my version for the art. That’s why I stopped it after a few hours of telly,” Gervais wrote. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m very proud of the US version. It was not only a very very good network comedy but it was also a massive success story. But you know, I did it for different reasons, ambitions and with slightly different emotional attachments to the project.”

Gervais referring to the show in the past tense is interesting. “It was not only…” Well, once you jump a shark, you can’t un-jump it. Third Law of Shark Jumping Physics. (Hollywood Reporter)

Now that you’ve gotten comedy, the lowest form of entertainment, out of the way – it’s time for the dramas. Below we have clips for shows like “Prime Suspect,” “The Playboy Club,” the Inception-inspired “Awake,” and more.

There you have it! If you start them now, you might be able to finish before Monday morning.

- “Up All Night” is a single camera comedy, starring Christina Applegate as a working mother who never thought she’d be a mom, but guess what: she totally is. Maya Rudolph and Will Arnett co-star, with Emily Spivey and Lorne Michaels executive producing. Network executives are convinced that one day, Arnett will star in a ratings-generating sitcom. It has been foretold by the sitcom elders.

- Steven Spielberg came up with the idea for “Smash,” a drama about a group of musical folk producing a Marilyn Monroe show on Broadway. It’s been described as”Glee” for adults, so please keep it the hell away from me. Starring Debra Messing and Katharine McPhee, Spielberg co-wrote the pilot with Theresa Rebeck. I’ll tune into Spielberg’s other show instead.

- Based on her stand-up routine, Whitney Cummings‘ cleverly titled multi-camera comedy “Whitney” is about the trials and tribulations of a young couple in a committed relationship. I’m guessing someone’s mother on that show will ask why they’re not married. Laughter will then ensue.

- Maria Bello stars in “Prime Suspect,” a female NYC detective trying to “make it” in a male-dominated precinct. We’re all rooting for you, girlfriend. It’s based on a British mini-series starring Helen Mirren.

Billionaire tycoon Warren Buffett joins the never-ending famous person parade that is”The Office” season finale. Other celebrities making a cameo-or-greater on the episode include Jim Carrey, Ray Romano, Catherine Tate, Will Arnett, James Spader and Ricky Gervais. They’re all interviewing for the coveted position of Scranton branch manager for the paper company Dunder Mifflin. This just goes to show you, if you work hard enough, and become famous enough, you too can interview to become the head of the small Pennsylvania off-shoot of a poorly managed paper company.

The almost-an-hour-long “Office” season finale airs May 20th. (Variety)

Carrey will guest star on an upcoming episode of”The Office.” In the episode, Carrey interviews for the position Steve Carrell‘s Michael Scott leaves. Is a resume with experience like “Pet Detective,” “Mask-Based Superhero” and “Christmas Present Relocation Manager” gonna land him the job as manager of a paper company? Probably not. Carrey will also have stiff competition in the episode from Ricky Gervais, Ray Romano, Catherine Tate, Will Arnett and James Spader. Sounds like this episode could use a few more celebrities. Is James Franco available?

Meanwhile, that begs the question: what’s gonna happen to Will Ferrell‘s character Deangelo Vickers (great name), who’s currently in charge? It’s a bigger office mystery than who takes more than 3 slices of pizza on Pizza Fridays, though many suspect it’s Jason. (EW)

Producers are taking a page from The Muppets playbook and loading the season finale with guest stars aplenty. As of now, it’s only reported that Arnett and Ricky Gervais (don’t get mad at me for telling you) will appear in the finale. Of course, show insiders warn that doesn’t mean they’ll necessarily be stepping into Carell’s shoes. He, of course, made arrangements with the Wardrobe Department to be able to keep them. (EW)

“Had a little meeting with NBC about various things and recommended Will Arnett for a regular in The Office. Thoughts? I think he’s amazing,” Gervais wrote on his blog.

Though Arnett is very funny, I’m hesitant to see his cocky guy character show up in Scranton. I’d be more intrigued to see someone completely unexpected but still capable of delivering the material. Somebody like Christopher Meloni, if he could ever be lured away from the sweet teat of “Law & Order: SVU.” Or maybe my dad. He looks enough like Steve Carrell to fake it. He’s not as funny but, y’know, has his moments.

Especially interesting is the casting of Will Arnett, who really seems to be blowin’ up after the beloved”Arrested Development.” Perhaps his being cast in Goats means we’ll get to see him add “goat” to his dance repertoire, which currently consists of “chicken.” (IndieWire)

Will Arnett as a billionaire is hilarious, right? “Running Wilde” shows each week how Steven Wilde (Arnett) blows his money in competition with fellow billionaire Fa’ad (Peter Serafinowicz), and creates a wacky surreal world of servants and caretakers. It was actually going to be a lot darker if Arnett had his original vision.

More after the jump…

“When we were first talking about doing this show actually I was talking to Mitch [Hurwitz] about the idea of these people in this life and how lonely that must be,” Arnett said in a conference call with the media today. “We originally began the show with Steve on the verge of committing suicide and then deciding not to. That seems dark but that was because we really wanted to explore that. So I think that is something we’d like to get into further into the series. One of the functions of the Fa’ad character is to almost be like the extreme version of Steve in a way. In much the same way that Niles was an extreme version of Frasier. It sort of pushes Steve more into the middle for the audience. They both do live this very lonely existence. That’s one of the things we wanted to examine.”

Until the very special suicide episode, “Running Wilde” will focus on romantic stories between Steve and Emmy (Keri Russell), and heartwarming ones with her daughter Puddle (Stefania Owen). Spoilers follow, but hilarious spoilers.

“We have an episode coming up in two weeks where we tell the story of how Steve and Emmy were going to go to the prom together and then weren’t allowed to be there together. We tell this story of Puddle going to a school dance and how she’s faced with a similar situation. Through that we discover what happened between Steve and Emmy years ago. This boy who’s supposedly not allowed to go to the dance with Puddle because the dad has said Puddle is this kid  grew up in the Amazon, she’s not rich and is not of the same social stature, and Steve now realizes that his dad was wrong so many years ago when he forbid him from being with Emmy. He goes and confronts this boy’s dad played by Andy Richter. What ends up happening is that the guy misinterprets Steve as he talks about not holding people back who are in love, he misinterprets that and thinks Steve coming onto him and the guy turns out is secretly gay. Steve at the same time, as the guy comes onto Steve, Steve misinterprets that as fatherly affection. It’s very much a Mitch Hurwitz story. Things get very complicated.”

For those just joining, Emmy is Steven’s childhood sweetheart. As a teen, Steven rejected Emmy in favor of expensive presents. Now Emmy is an environmentalist who’s lived with a tribe in the Amazon. She comes back to try to stop Wilde Oil, and thinks a good way to do that is living on Steven’s property in their treehouse.

“We have an episode where his stepmom arrives back on the scene and he’s desperately trying to get her out of the picture as she’s trying to turn his life upside down. All with the idea that his objective is to get Emmy to live with him in the house because she’s really the only person he’s really been in love with.”

The love story raises some questions itself though. These aren’t just mismatched lovers who learn something in the end. “What’s complicated is the fact that Emmy, she’s not just this one-dimensional character, she wants Steve to change his tune and then she’ll be fine. She’s engaged. In a way what she’s doing is kind of sh*tty. She’s essentially moved in with this other guy who she’s had a relationship with. It’s complicated.”

So far Puddle seems like the mature one, but that’s going to change too. “I think Steve and Puddle are going to grow to be a lot closer too so that adds another dimension to it. You have this guy, Steve in essence becoming a father like figure to Puddle for better or worse by the way, because who knows if he’s the best role model. She’s really becoming a kid for the first time and Steve is forced to be somewhat more responsible. I think he really likes Puddle so he’s filling the role of male parent in a way, in the way that Andy (David Cross), her fiancé, can’t really do. So she’s allowing him to grow up and he’s allowing her to be a kid.”

This week’s episode, “Oil & Water,” says that Steven vows to quit Wilde oil. That would make “Running Wilde” a short trilogy rather than a series. “It does seem that way although as it turns out, like the mob, you can’t quit Wilde oil.”

“Running Wilde” airs Tuesdays at 9:30 on Fox.

I was the only person who liked “Running Wilde” when they sent the original pilot out over the summer. I thought it was very Mitch Hurwitz-y, it made me laugh and I could see where it was going for a series. Of course, I like things no one else likes so they’re not going to cater a show to me. I like the reshot version of the show a little less, but maybe this is what the general public will like.

Will Arnett plays Steven Wilde, a rich trust fund baby who’s somewhat Gob-y, although he was more Gob-y in the original version so maybe one of the notes was “less Gob-y.” He’s somewhat self-centered and oblivious to the world around him. That’s not to say that Arnett is rehashing his character, it’s just funny to base a show around that type of main character and then take him somewhere he couldn’t go as part of an ensemble.

More after the jump…

Already in the new scenes it seems like they’re trying to make Steven nicer, which is just plain impatient. He already starts learning a lesson by the end of the episode. Can you give him at least the first act to be an A-hole who needs to be redeemed? He’s getting a humanitarian award from his father’s oil company and he knows that looks bad, but his concern is that a girl won’t like him, not that he’s a fraud.

Steven’s childhood sweetheart Emmy (Keri Russell) lives in the jungle trying to save an endangered tribe from Wilde Oil. The show treats the environmental movement with the same irreverence as the wealthy community, having fun with clichés like chaining yourself to a tree. Her fiancé Andy (David Cross) is the same as in the pilot only played by David Cross now. That character doesn’t suffer in the new version. Her daughter Puddle (Stefania Owen) doesn’t speak because she hates it in the jungle and is trying to get her mother’s attention. I’d be pretty pissed too if my name was Puddle.

All of the characters are well defined in their roles. I really liked a character that was removed from the original pilot. Steven had a maid who was kind of like his nanny with a whole system for dealing with his needs. I don’t think the new butler Mr. Lunt (Robert Michael Morris) is as endearing or funny. Nothing against Morris, I just think the other character was more defined.

The best elements of the humor are the weirdly surreal ones. Steven is in constant competition with his friendly rival Fa’ad (Peter Serafinowicz), and they find obscure ways to compete that are probably real but just out of our world enough to be funny. It’s got a sort of “Arrested Development” format with narration and cutaway gags, and they mess with that very device in the first episode. Even the background music they play is a joke. The humor is layered and fast-paced.

The parts that worked for me are still there, mainly in the scenes that weren’t reshot. Emmy and Puddle go to Steven’s award ceremony to try to get his help with the tribe. What Steven does for them is brilliantly misguided and outrageous. I could see this show moving forward where every week, Steven tries to do something good but his ideas are even worse than the problem. It would probably take five years to fix his bad behavior.

“Running Wilde” was great comedy material where people try to be good but they’re so bad at it that it’s funny. I’m concerned now that they’re already too self-conscious, too worried about people liking them and that’s the death of edgy comedy. Hopefully now that they’ve tinkered with the pilot enough, they can just move on and tell stories with these characters and the network, viewers and critics will give them a chance.

"Running Wilde" premieres Tuesday at 9:30/8:30c.

Tobias is joining Gob on the new Mitch Hurwitz-created sitcom, "Running Wilde." It’s as close to an "Arrested Development" reunion as we’re going to get for awhile, or maybe ever. According to TV Guide, David Cross will appear on the show’s first seven episodes:

‘Wilde’ centers on the budding relationship between Steve Wilde (Arnett), a spoiled and selfish man-child and son of an oil tycoon, and Emily Kabdubic (Keri Russell) an environmental activist and Steve’s ol high school flame.

Cross will play Andy, Emily’s fiancé, a radical environmentalist and Wilde’s rival for Emily’s affections. The comedian takes over the role from Andrew Daly, who played the part in the show’s original pilot.

Looks like we all now have a new sitcom to watch this fall. Only time will tell if it will be as genius as "Arrested," a tall order to say the least, or if it will even remain on air after its initial 13 episode order. "Running Wilde’s" success depends solely on the people sitting in their recliners as the warm glow of Mark Harmon on "NCIS" softly lules them to sleep.

Catch the premiere of "Running Wilde" Tuesday, September 21 at 9:30PM on FOX. (TVSquad)

You "Arrested Development" fans are like delusional ex-girlfriends. Sure, the three years you spent with the show were wonderful, and I know it left you with some very special memories. I’m not asking you to forget that. But the fact of the matter is that it’s been gone for four years, but you still talk about it like it was yesterday. The way you bring it up to anyone who will listen is creepy. Just last week, at that party, you asked a total stranger if they had seen it. Doesn’t that come across as pathetic and desperate to you? Face the facts: "Arrested Development" is gone, and it’s not coming back. It’s moved on, and it’s time you did the same.

The best way to get over an old relationship is to start a new one, which is why I’d like you to meet "Running Wilde." It has Mitch Hurwitz and Will Arnett, which is pretty cool. I know it’s not the same, but you can’t go around comparing every show you watch to "Arrested Development." It’s not healthy, and it’s just setting yourself up for disappointment. Why don’t you go in with an open mind and give it a chance? Also, maybe you should up your dosage of Wellbutrin. You’re not looking so good. (Movieline)

See Will Arnett in the "Running Wilde" trailer after the jump.

The luck of the English continues. Not only do they have relaxed attitudes, non-questionable beef, and a perfect balance of fluoride in their drinking water, but now David Cross‘s UK comedy pilot is going to series on their Channel 4. The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret stars Cross as a schlub mistaken for an alpha-male who is shipped overseas by an egomaniacal boss in order to sell a sketchy energy drink. Will Arnett will play the boss in the six episode run. Other castmembers are Russell Tovey and Sharon Horgan.

We may be in luck stateside as well. Not only will our steaks not kill the neurons in our brains, but /Film reports that negotiations are underway to bring the show to the U.S.. We’ve posted the hilarious intro from the pilot before but please revisit the LOLs after the jump… (via /Film)

Those lucky bastards in the UK have it all. Fantastic cuisine, excellent dental care, reasonably-sized ears, Australian layabouts, and now David Cross‘s hilarious Channel 4 sitcom The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. We’ve posted a clip (featuring Cross, Will Arnett, and Spike Jonze) below that sets up the premise of the series. Arnett plays an arrogant boss who spits out the grandest cuss-strings since Rip Torn. He mistakes Cross’s Todd Margaret as a man of action and immediately trusts him to be his ambassador. Check out the NSFW clip:

Did you like it? Did you like the noodles line?? Yeah, thought you would. Want to see more? Well, if you live in the UK you can watch the entire episode at this link. Lucky limey bastards…