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WHAT TO WATCH ON TV

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV: WEEKEND OF JULY 10-12, 2009

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

This weekend we’re certain you’ll be catching Brüno at least once. (If you’re not convinced of its worthiness, read Andy Rooney’s review here.) There’s also I Love You, Beth Cooper, which looks good and grating, other than Hayden Panettiere‘s involvement. But if you just feel like staying in, or you physically can’t get outside because of obesity issues or allergies, we’ve got a cornucopia of televised delicacies for your discerning palate. And none of them are cooking shows.

FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!!

FRIDAY JULY 10th 2009

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM MARATHON

Network: HBO

When: 8PM – 1:30AM

Reasons to Watch It: HBO is rebroadcasting Season One in its entirety and it’s your chance to relive the cringe-inducing magic as Larry proves the flaws in the AAMCO radio ads, learns an alternative use for hot sauce, and sullies the obituary of a beloved aunt. I’d be watching if I didn’t have all those orphans to ~~photograph~~ read to.

EUREKA

Network: Syfy

When: 9 – 10PM

Reasons to Watch It: In this episode, Jack is replaced by a robotic sheriff which I’ve got to admit is a pretty cool idea. Imagine at unstoppable, bullet-proof automaton that is hard-wired to follow the letter of the law. It’s like a folksy RoboCop. You steal a pie from a windowsill in this town, you get your neck shot off.

THE STATE / STELLA

Network: Comedy Central

When: 1AM – 3AM

Reasons to Watch It: In honor of Michael & Michael Have Issues premiere on July 15th (check out our exclusive interview here), Comedy Central is airing a handful of episodes of both The State and Stella this weekend. At 1am on Saturday morning to be exact. Because, yeah, that makes sense. It’s a much better strategy to show Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector ad nauseum than it is to properly launch your big summer premiere. Ha ha! I get it! He’s a health inspector who farts!!!

SATURDAY JULY 11th 2009

COPS

Network: FOX

When: 8:30PM

Reasons to Watch It: There will be tasering.

^{Above: Landon Donovan’s failed attempt at a 69-themed goal celebration.}

MLS: LA Galaxy VS. Chivas USA

Network: Fox Soccer Channel

When: 11PM Eastern / 8PM Pacific

Reasons to Watch It: Because if you’re EVER going to get into MLS, then this is the matchup to make it happen. Not only are these two L.A.-based teams the most heated rivals in the league, and may get into fisticuffs on the field, but so may two members of the Galaxy. Yes, lil’ David Beckham is back from his jaunt with European superclub AC Milan just in time to have ESPN.com and Sports Illustrated running articles about how his teammate Landon Donovan thinks he’s a f**king terrible captain. Beckham’s not actually going to play in the game, but you can guarantee the FSC cameras will be trolling the sidelines trying to get a glimpse at his Golden Balls.

SUNDAY JULY 12th 2009

TRUE BLOOD

Network: HBO

When: 9 – 10PM

Reasons to Watch It: Admittedly Season Two has been getting off to a slow start compared to the jaw-dropping occurrences of Season One. But I’m confident that all the set up is about to pay off. What’s the deal with the scratches on Daphne’s back?! Will Lafayette become a vampire?! What trouble will Jason get into?! What’s with that weird witch lady?! Where’s all the nudity?!

Meteor Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos

METEOR (Part One of Two)

Network: NBC

When: 9 – 11PM

Reasons to Watch It: It’s been long prophesized that the trinity of Jason Alexander, Ernie Hudson, and Christopher Lloyd would bring about an event that would end all life on this planet. And now that time is upon us. Goodbye suckers. I’m moving to space.

ENTOURAGE (Season Premiere)

Network: HBO

When: 10:30 – 11PM

Reasons to Watch It: Time to break out your Ed Hardy shirts and set the collars to ‘pop’. The boys of summer are back!! I’m not sure what is in store for Vince and friends this season but I’ve got a feeling it will involve sitting by the pool, flashy cars, hot girls, stacks of money, acting street, being in a movie but then getting fired from the movie but then getting to be in the movie again, and douchebaggery.

And that’s it for the weekend. There are no late night shows happening tonight that seem to have any guests of interest, so we’re not even gonna print it. Why waste virtual real estate on Vince Vaughn when you can spend it on a prominently displayed Twitter badge?

By the way, every time we make these TV suggestions, we update our Twitter with a link. So follow us if you want to keep up.

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TONIGHT: WEDNESDAY JULY 8TH, 2009

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Alright Junkies, we’re halfway through the week. You did it. You’re a champ. Why not reward yourself by relaxing by the soft, cathode flicker of your television whilst sipping the finest of boxed wines? We’ve got some pretty great suggestions for tonight but felt it necessary to point out a strange programming phenomenon that is also taking place. While combing the listings we noticed programs called "15 and Pregnant", "16 and Pregnant" and "Obese and Pregnant" are all airing at some point across three different channels. Who’s getting all these teenagers and morbidly obese women pregnant? I want an APB on Tracy Morgan immediately.

See what to watch after the jump…

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

BIOGRAPHY: HULK HOGAN & ANDRE THE GIANT
Network: Biography
When: 8 – 10PM

Why to Watch It: Biography has you covered tonight so get settled in and ignore the fact that you’re watching half naked men. First at 8pm, we get to see the life-story of everyone’s favorite good guy wrestler Hulk Hogan. Perhaps you’ll learn something new about the star of Santa with Muscles. And then at 9pm, we get to see the life-story of everyone’s favorite over-sized wrestler Andre the Giant. Sadly he was taken from us before ever having the chance to depict Santa.

I’M A MAJOR LEAGUE EATER

Network: Biography

When: 10 – 11PM

Why to Watch It: Then we get an exclusive look behind-the-scenes of another kind of champion — the competitive eater. Watch as the Horsemen of the Esophagus hit up the Big Easy for the 2009 Acme World Oyster Eating Contest. Man, I could really go for some brine right about now.

MONSTERQUEST
Network: History Channel
When: 8 – 10 PM

Why to Watch It: Giant Bear Attacks and Sasquatch are the focus of these back-to-back ‘sodes. If only we could see Sasquatch fight a giant bear for real. Why hasn’t science made this happen yet?!

I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW
Network: ABC
When: 9 – 10PM

Why to Watch It: The video above mentions briefly that the contestants survived a monkey restaurant. That is to say, it’s a restaurant owned and operated by monkeys. Not a restaurant that serves monkey. Man, I would be the happiest guy on Earth if I could have a monkey waiter bring me some crab rangoons while I watch Sasquatch and a Giant Bear take one another on in a cage match.

UFC FIGHT NIGHT
Network: Spike
When: 10PM – Midnight

Why to Watch It: Scheduled: Nate Diaz vs. Josh Neer, Clay Guida vs. Mac Danzig, Houston Alexander vs. Eric Shafer, Ed Herman vs. Alan Belcher, Sasquatch vs. Giant Bear

WHO’S ON LATE:

Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart (NEW): Robert Kenner, director of Food Inc.

Conan (NEW): Meredith Vieira, Andy Hillstrand

Letterman (NEW): Queen Latifah, Emma Watson

Ferguson (NEW): Julie Chen, Michael Ian Black, Will Dailey

Colbert (NEW): Ed Viesturs, mountain climber

Kimmel (Repeat): Dane Cook

Fallon (Repeat): Kelly Ripa, Mark Paul-Gosselaar

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TONIGHT: TUESDAY, JULY 7th, 2009

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Alright, it’s that time of day again for us to provide a handy guide of tonight’s worthwhile television offerings you need to watch. Of course, that’s assuming that you’re not worn out from watching Michael’s all-day memorial. No pressure but if you feel so inclined to turn down "Beat It" for a few hours. We got your back.

See what to watch after the jump:

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

THE SUPERSTARS

Network: ABC
When: 8 – 9PM

Why to Watch It: The six remaining teams compete in a lagoon swim. In other words, Ali Landry and Joanna Krupa will be wearing bikinis. And there’s always a chance that Krupa will cuss out T.O. some more in that sexy accent of hers.

MAN CAVES
Network: DIY
When: 9 – 9:30PM

Why to Watch It: A dentist converts his laundry room into a vintage Vegas-themed hangout. I can see the guy’s wife now, a full laundry basket in her hand and a confused look on her face. “Honey, what happened to our laundry room? And why is Don Rickles in there??? And what’s a gunt????”

SOUTH PARK: “FAT CAMP” (RERUN)
Network: Comedy Central
When: 9:30 – 10PM

Why to Watch It: This is a classic episode of "South Park" with several hilarious moments.. After being shipped off to Fat Camp, Cartman makes the most of his imprisonment by selling candy bars and sweets to his fellow campers at ridiculously inflated prices. WARNING: If you often cry while eating, this episode may hit a little too close to home.

RESCUE ME “WHEELS”
Network: F/X
When: 10 – 11PM

Why to Watch It: Denis Leary and the boys plan an outing for children from the cancer ward. It just occurred to me that this would make an AWESOME reality show. It’s a good thing that the name Survivor is alread taken because… you know… false hope and all.

Z ROCK
Network: IFC
When: 10 – 10:30PM

Why to Watch It: This show follows the misadventures of a washed up rock band that has to play children’s parties to make ends meet. Tonight’s episode guest stars Daryl Hall as well as Dave Navarro of Jane’s Addiction and putting-his-penis-in-hot-girls fame.

GRINDHOUSE: PLANET TERROR
Network: Starz
When: 10:40PM – 12:30AM

Why to Watch It: Though the movie didn’t do as well as expected at the box office, Robert Rodriguez‘s Planet Terror is still Grade-A entertainment. In one standout scene, a stripper with a machine gun leg takes on a horde of interstellar zombies in an explosive and gory melée. I know, it’s like they filmed Sam Raimi’s bachelor party.

WHO’S ON LATE:

Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart (NEW): Neurologist Oliver Sacks, author of “Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain”

Conan (NEW): Samuel L. Jackson, Kevin Connolly, Adam Bird

Letterman (NEW): Sacha Baron Cohen, Joel McHale, Rob Thomas

Colbert (NEW): Lee Seigel, author of “Against The Machine Being Human in the Age of the Electric Mob”

Kimmel (Repeat): Kathy Griffin, Ramon Rodriguez, Ben Harper

Fallon (Repeat): Anne Hathaway, Will Forte, Jon Favreau, Mario Batali

Ferguson (NEW): Evan Rachel Wood, Christopher Gorham

– PATRICK SCHUMACKER and MATT SEARS