12 photos‘Breaking Dawn’ Actress Ashley Greene

Norton, the company behind that antivirus software that you’ve been meaning to buy for 15 years now, has issued a warning saying that virus-spreaders have been attaching malicious programs to Twilight-related links promising nude cast photos.

Kids, there aren’t any naked pictures of Twilight stars online. Duh! I mean, I’ve got some in my safe, but you can’t see them.

Until this all gets sorted out, it’s Screen Junkies recommendation that, to keep the virus in check, you immediately perform clitorectomies on all teenage girls that you think might search for this type of thing. As for teenage boys, they will need their genitals for procreation, so it’s advised that you lock them in a closet until it’s time for them to breed or the virus threat wanes. Whatever comes first… or last. It’s up to you really. They’re your kids.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 hits theaters like a goddamn atom bomb this Friday.

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