Source Code, which opens this weekend, tells the story of Captain Colter Stevens, and his quest to find a terrorist bomber on a train headed for Chicago. That plot might sound predictable, but there’s a catch. The bombing has alread taken place, and the terrorist is already dead. Using a secret government program, Stevens is able to relive the life of one of the bombing victims during the eight minutes before the bomb detonates. He is forced to do this over and over again, gaining new clues each time, until he is able to unravel the mystery and identify the bomber. Isn’t virtual reality wonderful?

Of course, that technology hasn’t been invented yet. But filmmakers, especially those from the 1990′s, seemed to think that we’d all be wearing virtual reality helmets on a daily basis by now. As it turns out, their predictions were as bad as their movies. In honor of the abundance of horrible movies involving virtual reality, I give you the nine lamest virtual reality films.

The Lawnmower Man

No, this isn’t a film about penis enlargement pills. It’s actually about a future world where virtual reality games threaten to destroy our perception of reality…or something like that. The film was made by David Cronenberg, who also made Videodrome which I left off this list because it’s supossedly a classic. eXistenZ? Not so much.

The 13th Floor

If you ever find yourself as part of a team developing a top-secret virtual reality world depicting 1937 Los Angeles, make sure that the company you’re working for doesn’t house the project on the 13th floor. That’s just asking for bad luck.

Virtuosity

Before Russell Crowe was famous for playin Robin Hood and throwing phones at people, he made this steaming pile of virtual shit. In it, he plays a computer composite of multiple serial killers who somehow ends up in the real world. Denzel Washington was also in the film, and after looking back at this trailer, it’s amazing to think that they both went on to win Oscars.

Spy Kids 3D

As an adult, I don’t have the patience to sit through Spy Kids 3-D, but little kids seem to enjoy it. Then again, little kids seem to enjoy putting random things in their mouths and shitting themselves, so I’m not sure that’s exactly a vote of confidence. At any rate, the film takes place in a virtual world, so it made the list.

Matrix 3

The first Matrix was awesome, and may be the greatest virtual reality related film ever made. But by the time they rolled out the third installment, most people were ready to unplug.

Disclosure

This isn’t a virtual reality film, per se. It deals more with sexual harassment in the workplace, and the double standard sometimes faced by men. I can totally relate to that, since I’m constantly being fondled at work. Of course I work at home and live alone, but that’s not the point. What is the point? I’m not exactly sure, but it had something to do with the pointless virtual related subplot depicted in the clip above, where Michael Douglas uses an VR prototype to hack into his company’s mainframe.

Webmaster

The quality of a film is inversely proportional to the amount of times its title is said aloud in the trailer. That doesn’t bode well for Webmaster. That fact aside, it’s by far the greatest Danish film about virtual reality…on this list.

Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace

We can’t include the original Lawnmower Man and not include its even crappier sequel. This time, Jobe is back, and he’s taking over the world…or something. Who cares? You’d think the computer graphics would have improved with time, and in a way, I guess they are better than the original. But they are so overused in the sequel that they actually look worse. Not even Matt Frewer could save this film, and he played Max Headroom!

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-lamest-virtual-reality-films/feed/ 17