And every time I realize that I am not watching a soup commercial, a part of me dies.

In case Tyler Perry as a giant detective isn’t enough for you (YOU SICK BASTARD!), this clip also features Matthew Fox as a serial killer who also enjoys mixed martial arts.

I’m writing this piece as I watch the video piecemeal, because I can’t seem to handle the thing in one big chunk, and I’ve got a new favorite line. Disregard “He’s ex-military, judging by his tactics,” and introduce yourself to my new favorite, “I will meet his soul at the gates of hell before I let him take another person that I love from me,” immediately followed by the graphic “From Rob Cohen, Director of The Fast and the Furious.”

It’s pretty damn impressive, especially the way they created most of the graphics, possibly by harnessing deep-seated construction paper-cutting skills that they have laid dormant for decades.

It’s shortened from the original animated length (BOOOOOOO!), but the intent is still clear, so points to Comedy Central for giving me yet another “Huh. That’s pretty neat” moment today.

That was about as inquisitive as I get about movie mashups, so please forgive the fact that it wasn’t a question at all.

Anyway, there’s a whole grip of these things that have been handpicked by the folks at Spotter, so let them do the heavy lifting while you do some heavy sitting.

Sometimes that job is made very, very easy, such as the case with Lord Monckton.

In case you think he doesn’t deserve the treatment, you’re really wrong. He does. Monckton serves as the Independent Party‘s head of research, offering up such gems as “the Hitler Youth started off as liberals,” “climate change is a myth,” and “AIDS sufferers should live on an island somewhere.” He also has really buggy eyes that freak the hell out of me, but that’s not really his fault, so we’ll table that one.

Insisting that someone this over the top and ridiculous can only be a Borat-type manifestation, The Hamster Wheel takes this premise and runs with it, even interviewing Monckton as though he was a character.

Nice and nicely done, Hamster Wheel.

Cool. They’re gone.

This trailer is like a video yearbook of my senior year: the jealousy, my offhand witticisms, even my affair with Josh Lucas and the unexplained presence of Andie MacDowell! Someone finally portrays high school from a winner’s perspective.

This trailer uses the pull quote “Juno as reimagined by David Lynch,” (attributed to Variety, so send them some hate mail) which is tantamount to “Tarantino reimagined by Tyler Perry” in its worthlessness. The quote is indicative of how important this movie thinks it is, while the trailer demonstrates how important this movie actually is. SPOILER ALERT: There’s a discrepancy between the two.

Daydream Nation hits Canada on April 15th, and the US on May 6th. Huh. That’s kind of unpatriotic.

The trailer for Fight for Your Right Revisited is out, and pretty much the only purpose it serves is verifying that there are a metric shit ton of celebrity cameos in the 30-minute film. For a full list of the actors involved, click on our earlier coverage of the film here.

Strangely, despite the presence of so many comic actors, no one here really appears to be that funny at all. Except for Will Arnett who drops one of his best G.O.B. lines. It might not be original, but I don’t care. It’s G.O.B. And I love him.

No plot points are revealed here, as my suspicion is that no plot exists for this film, so have fun identifying celebs and wondering why the Beasties didn’t want more girls in their video.

Keanu conveys to MTV, from the last he’s heard, that the third installment will pick up with Bill and Ted still attempting to write a song that saves the world. Which apparently takes about 20 years. And there’s some time travel, too.

You know what? Let’s not overanalyze this. It’s a Bill and Ted movie, and it’s going to be pretty damn cool if all the pieces fall into place.