Screen Junkies » vampires http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 05 Sep 2014 20:32:16 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 ‘The Strain’ To Gross Us Out Further In Season Two http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-strain-to-gross-us-out-further-in-season-two/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-strain-to-gross-us-out-further-in-season-two/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2014 22:14:44 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=264315 How far will they stray from the books?

The post ‘The Strain’ To Gross Us Out Further In Season Two appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
The television adaptation of The Strain started out meh but has since become pretty awesome. Today there’s confirmation that FX has picked up Guillermo Del Toro’s series for a second season where we’ll really get into the nasty stuff.

While so far, the first season has drawn from the first two books in the trilogy, it is expected that the second season will be based on the second book. The television series has done a great job of cleaning up the sloppy, dangling plot threads of the novels so I’m looking forward to see how they cut the goofy stuff from The Fall. Then again, this a series based on the healing power of love. So we’ll still have to put up with that. (io9)

The post ‘The Strain’ To Gross Us Out Further In Season Two appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-strain-to-gross-us-out-further-in-season-two/feed/ 0
Universal Decides ‘We’re Not F*cking Done With Vampires Yet!’, Will Turn All Of Anne Rice’s Books Into Movies http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/universal-decides-were-not-fckign-done-with-vampires-yet-will-turn-all-of-anne-rices-books-into-movies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/universal-decides-were-not-fckign-done-with-vampires-yet-will-turn-all-of-anne-rices-books-into-movies/#comments Fri, 08 Aug 2014 17:56:08 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=263914 Fine. Start making them so it ends sooner.

The post Universal Decides ‘We’re Not F*cking Done With Vampires Yet!’, Will Turn All Of Anne Rice’s Books Into Movies appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
I’d like to think that the headline says it all, but for the purposes of pretending to be a journalist, I’ll go into some more depth here. Anne Rice has written 13 vampire books, called The Vampire Chronicles. Universal will be turning them all into films with the help of Ron Howard and Brian Grazer.

Their involvement can only be explained by the fact that they themselves are vampires. Which would also explain Grazer’s hair.

This questionable decision can be attributed in equal parts to a) Universal still thinking the public wants vampires, and b) Universal, really really really wanting franchises. I mean, they’re already doing a classic monster anthology. This is really gilding the lily.

The post Universal Decides ‘We’re Not F*cking Done With Vampires Yet!’, Will Turn All Of Anne Rice’s Books Into Movies appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/universal-decides-were-not-fckign-done-with-vampires-yet-will-turn-all-of-anne-rices-books-into-movies/feed/ 0
What Could Be Living On The Newly-Discovered Planet, Kepler-22b? http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/what-could-be-living-on-the-newly-discovered-planet-kepler-22b/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/what-could-be-living-on-the-newly-discovered-planet-kepler-22b/#comments Tue, 06 Dec 2011 19:52:08 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=238889 If it moves, kill it and eat it.

The post What Could Be Living On The Newly-Discovered Planet, Kepler-22b? appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
Reports surfaced today that NASA has found a new planet 600 light years away that may have life on it. The planet, Kepler-22b, is about twice the size of Earth, and is located in the “Goldilocks zone,” an area in orbit with temperatures that would allow for surface water. Liquid water means the ability to support life.

This leads me to three questions. 1) Who lives on this planet? 2) Do they intend to eat us? 3) If not, are they delicious?

The way I see it, the life on this planet could be anything, but here are seven very real options. We need to get to know our enemy before we travel 600 light years to f##k their shit up.

Apes

We can’t assume that the lifeforms on this weird, new Super Earth look and sound like we do. That would be arrogant. However, that’s not to say that we can’t learn about our own humanity from their civilization. Should the planet be overrun with talking apes, NASA’s scouts will have to be careful not to be caught and imprisoned. Better bring an ape mask like the one Danny McBride wore in 30 Minutes or Less just in case.

Amazon Women

Should scientists discover that the planet could be inhabited by a race of sexy, Amazon warrior women, I’d like to volunteer for the mission. It will be a big sacrifice and I’ll miss my life here on Earth, but you see, I grew up mere miles from two all-female colleges and still had a tough time getting any. I’m owed this.

The post What Could Be Living On The Newly-Discovered Planet, Kepler-22b? appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/what-could-be-living-on-the-newly-discovered-planet-kepler-22b/feed/ 0 planet-of-the-apes-1968-zaius1 amazonwomenonthemoon
First Still From ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ Looks Like Softcore Porn http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/first-image-from-twilight-new-dawn-looks-like-softcore-porn/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/first-image-from-twilight-new-dawn-looks-like-softcore-porn/#comments Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:45:29 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=15901 Or a Barbara Walters special?

The post First Still From ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ Looks Like Softcore Porn appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
When you imagine “sex with a vampire,” you probably think of dark castles, coffins and the Monster Mash playing in the background while you get your neck sucked. That’s what I imagine, at least — and I think about it all the time! However, there’s clearly a world of difference between Dracula and the Twilight Saga, as you can see from the touching image to the left.

This sneak peak still from the upcoming Twilight: Breaking Dawn, which teases a heartwarming sex scene between tween dream actors Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. The image looks like it was shot in soft focus with bright warm lights – this doesn’t exactly look like”True Blood,” that’s for sure. More like softcore porn or a Barbara Walters special. However, my understanding is that there’s a super-gory childbirth scene in Breaking Dawn, but even still, this isn’t vampire sex. This is tamer than the cover of a Harlequin novel. (Collider)

The post First Still From ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ Looks Like Softcore Porn appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/first-image-from-twilight-new-dawn-looks-like-softcore-porn/feed/ 2 twilight breaking dawn first still
NBC Buys Undead Buddy Cop Comedy ‘Zombies Vs. Vampires’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/nbc-buys-undead-buddy-cop-comedy-zombies-vs-vampires/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/nbc-buys-undead-buddy-cop-comedy-zombies-vs-vampires/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Looks like NBC learned a lot about bad decision making during Jeff Zucker's tenure. Heck, he is the best at being bad afterall. The network is surely making their former teacher proud with the news that they've closed a deal on "Zombies vs. Vampires." It's a buddy cop comedy that follows two partners, one a zombie and the other a secret vampire, who are members of a squad dedicated to "zombie crime." Sounds ridiculous. But on the bright side, this will deflect the unfounded, premature hatred "$#@% My Dad Says" has been receiving. (Deadline)

The post NBC Buys Undead Buddy Cop Comedy ‘Zombies Vs. Vampires’ appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>

Looks like NBC learned a lot about bad decision making during Jeff Zucker‘s tenure. Heck, he is the best at being bad afterall. The network is surely making their former teacher proud with the news that they’ve closed a deal on "Zombies vs. Vampires."

It’s a buddy cop comedy that follows two partners, one a zombie and the other a secret vampire, who are members of a squad dedicated to "zombie crime." Sounds ridiculous. But on the bright side, this will deflect the unfounded, premature hatred "$#@% My Dad Says" has been receiving. (Deadline)

 

The post NBC Buys Undead Buddy Cop Comedy ‘Zombies Vs. Vampires’ appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/nbc-buys-undead-buddy-cop-comedy-zombies-vs-vampires/feed/ 0
PRIEST http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/priest/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/priest/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Director: Scott Charles Stewart Cast: Paul Bettany, Maggie Q., Karl Urban, Christopher Plummer, Brad Dourif Synopsis: A priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece. Release: May 13, 2011

The post PRIEST appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>

Director: Scott Charles Stewart

Cast:Paul Bettany, Maggie Q., Karl Urban, Christopher Plummer, Brad Dourif

Synopsis: A priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece.

Release: May 13, 2011

The post PRIEST appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/priest/feed/ 0
‘Priest’ Trailer Brings Vampires to the Future http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/priest-trailer-brings-vampires-to-the-future/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/priest-trailer-brings-vampires-to-the-future/#comments Mon, 26 Jul 2010 08:32:51 +0000 Reza F. Oh good, another friggen vampire movie. But in all fairness, at least Priest takes place in the future, and to be honest, looks kind of awesome. "In a world wrecked by centuries of violent warfare between man and vampire, a warrior priest turns against the church in order to save his kidnapped niece from a homicidal gang of vampires." Between this character and the priest in Machete, I'm beginning to think the Vatican has launched some sort of PR campaign to make priests seem more like bad asses and less like effeminate child-molesters. Good luck with that. (Coming Soon) Watch the Priest trailer after the jump...

The post ‘Priest’ Trailer Brings Vampires to the Future appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>

Oh good, another friggen vampire movie. But in all fairness, at least Priest takes place in the future, and to be honest, looks kind of awesome.

"In a world wrecked by centuries of violent warfare between man and vampire, a warrior priest turns against the church in order to save his kidnapped niece from a homicidal gang of vampires."

Between this character and the priest in Machete, I’m beginning to think the Vatican has launched some sort of PR campaign to make priests seem more like bad asses and less like effeminate child-molesters. Good luck with that. (Coming Soon)

Watch the Priest trailer after the jump…


Priest Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

The post ‘Priest’ Trailer Brings Vampires to the Future appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/priest-trailer-brings-vampires-to-the-future/feed/ 0
Let Me Watch the ‘Let Me In’ Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/let-me-watch-the-let-me-in-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/let-me-watch-the-let-me-in-trailer/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Sweet stache, Elias! Finally, a Hollywood project that involves vampires. Let Me In, directed by Cloverfield's Matt Reeves, is the story of a awkward boy who unknowingly befriends a young vampire girl. Of course by "young," I mean "young looking." She's probably hundreds of years old since she's a goddamn vampire. At any rate, before too long, people end up getting drained of their blood, the local law enforcement starts to take notice, and this kid realizes his new friend is a monster. I'm sure it ends with the two of them being elected king and queen at the big middle school dance. If you like the vampire genre, you'll probably like this. If not, you'll still be able to enjoy Elias Koteas with a mustache, which looks awesome. Watch the Let Me In trailer after the jump...

The post Let Me Watch the ‘Let Me In’ Trailer appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>

Sweet stache, Elias!

Finally, a Hollywood project that involves vampires.

Let Me In, directed by Cloverfield’s Matt Reeves, is the story of a awkward boy who unknowingly befriends a young vampire girl. Of course by "young," I mean "young looking." She’s probably hundreds of years old since she’s a goddamn vampire.

At any rate, before too long, people end up getting drained of their blood, the local law enforcement starts to take notice, and this kid realizes his new friend is a monster. I’m sure it ends with the two of them being elected king and queen at the big middle school dance.

If you like the vampire genre, you’ll probably like this. If not, you’ll still be able to enjoy Elias Koteas with a mustache, which looks awesome.

Watch the Let Me In trailer after the jump…


Let Me In Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos

The post Let Me Watch the ‘Let Me In’ Trailer appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/let-me-watch-the-let-me-in-trailer/feed/ 1
‘True Blood’: Season 3 Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/true-blood-season-3-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/true-blood-season-3-trailer/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Cook? Cask? Tell me, I'm dying to know!I'm not going to lie. I've never seen "True Blood." But the fact that it doesn't have androgynous teenage vampires running around being emo is a good sign. And from what I've been told, there are lots of gratuitous topless scenes to enjoy. I'll be sure to check it out just as soon as ScreenJunkies starts paying for my HBO. Until then, I'll just watch this trailer for season 3 over and over again.Check out the "True Blood" Season 3 trailer after the jump.

The post ‘True Blood’: Season 3 Trailer appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>

Cook? Cask? Tell me, I’m dying to know!

I’m not going to lie. I’ve never seen "True Blood." But the fact that it doesn’t have androgynous teenage vampires running around being emo is a good sign. And from what I’ve been told, there are lots of gratuitous topless scenes to enjoy. I’ll be sure to check it out just as soon as ScreenJunkies starts paying for my HBO. Until then, I’ll just watch this trailer for season 3 over and over again.

Check out the "True Blood" Season 3 trailer after the jump.

The post ‘True Blood’: Season 3 Trailer appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/true-blood-season-3-trailer/feed/ 0
10 Vampire Movie Fails http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/10-vampire-movie-fails/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/10-vampire-movie-fails/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Don't call me out on the grammar, Twihards. I didn't make the pic.

The post 10 Vampire Movie Fails appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>

Don’t call me out on the grammar, Twihards. I didn’t make the pic.

There’s no doubt that humanity has a overwhelming fascination with vampires, and Hollywood has taken advantage of this interest by churning out more vampire flicks than that Land O’Lakes chick churns out creamy spread. The latest one, Daybreakers, hits theaters this Friday, and I’m hoping against hope that it brings something new and unexpected to the genre. I dig the human blood bank premise and visuals from the trailer, and you can’t really go wrong giving Sam Neill amber, glowing eyes. With that said, there are plenty of ways to royally F-up the world of immortal bloodsuckers, and few movies have taken great pleasure in doing so. If Dracula had a look at these films he’d be eternally rolling over in his grave (crickets, someone farts). 

Once Bitten

I’m all for a good dose of 80′s cheese, but this film starring a fresh-faced Jim Carrey really pushes the boundaries. Whether she can help it or not, Lauren Hutton rocks the gap-toothed Madonna look, and the production design in her dungeon of horny vampire teenagers is plywood-tastic. Also, it’s not cool to convince a dude you’re going to go down on him only to turn him into a creature that has to sleep in your moldy basement. 

Gayracula

This one doesn’t need much explanation. It’s about a guy named Count Gaylord who stalks the streets of L.A. for the hunkiest victims to ever succumb to lust, as well as his enemy, the Marquis de Suede (okay, I’ll admit that’s an awesome name). Oh, and it’s a gay porn, not B-roll of Tom Cruise as Lestat.  

Vampire in Brooklyn

Wes Craven has NOT done it again! This movie is kind of like Gayracula in the sense that a horny vampire (Eddie Murphy) is stalking the streets for someone to sink his teeth, and more, in to. Only in this film he wants a partner of the opposite sex, and Craven isn’t intentionally trying to make you feel like you’re taking it from behind.

Love At First Bite

This film sees the perpetually-tanned George Hamilton don Dracula’s cape. Much like Vampire in Brooklyn (and 27.5647% of Eddie Murphy’s films), the famous vamp moves to New York City in search of a bride. He finds his intended but is thwarted by her boyfriend, Dr. Jeff Rosenberg. He’s the best vampire slayer/Lasik technician on the Upper East Side. And such a handsome dressah.

Bordello of Blood

If you ever want to provoke Dennis Miller into a fist fight, just bring up Bordello of Blood. He probably used his earnings to beef up his Chomsky and Zinn libraries but at what cost Dennis? At what cost?? Perverts, however, may enjoy viewing to see a pristine Angie Everheart chew up the men and the scenery. And by pristine, I mean before she let Joe Pesci climb all over her.

Van Helsing

Van Helsing is the most headache-inducing in Stephen Sommers‘ long line of juicy, crap burgers. Try to follow this logic, if you can. The Vatican sends Van Helsing to Transylvania to kill Dracula so that he can’t use Frankenstein’s monster to bring his undead children to life but along the way he finds out that only a werewolf can kill Dracula so Van Helsing becomes a werewolf and kills Dracula and is then issued a werewolf cure as he kills Kate Beckinsale who he later sees really big in the sky with her ancestry because killing Dracula has freed her family from Purgatory. Really, movie studio? A grown man came into your office and said those things and you gave him $160 million??? It would be a far more feasible plot device if the only way to kill Dracula would be to lick his a$$hole. But Gayracula already beat them to it.

John Carpenter’s Vampires

Decent premise, awful movie. In this John Carpenter bomb, a vengeful vampire slayer must retrieve an ancient Catholic relic that, should it be acquired by vampires, will allow them to endure sunlight. Otherwise their skin forms the qualities of their hunter, James Woods. Don’t think Carpenter didn’t know what he was doing when he cast this one. 

The Little Vampire

A lonely boy (the kid with Aspergers from Jerry Maguire) becomes best friends with a vampire. Mmmm hmmm. I’ve seen that Dateline before. If this weren’t a kids movie I’m pretty sure it would end in a forced viewing of Gayracula, an arrest, Stockholm Syndrome, a therapist, a jail house pen pal relationship, a shanking, tears, and a suicide. If it weren’t a kids movie. 

Dracula: Dead and Loving It

I’m a huge Mel Brooks fan, but this one simply will not do. I would have preferred Leslie Neilson playing Frank Drebin in this movie as opposed to Dracula. Sure, it wouldn’t have made any sense, but at least it would have been funny. O.J. could have made an appearance too, maybe as a murderer/Rennfield.  

The Twilight Saga

Hey Team Edward, Jacob, and Bella, gather round, I have something to tell you. Real vampires don’t sparkle. Please feel free to rip me a new asshole in the comments section.

Today’s Marquee Links

Sexy Women’s Basketball Team

Order These Brides

R2D2 Mr. Potato Head

Sexy Tall Girls

The post 10 Vampire Movie Fails appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/10-vampire-movie-fails/feed/ 57
New Moon: ‘Meet the Volturi’ Video http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-moon-meet-the-volturi-video/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-moon-meet-the-volturi-video/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 We here at Screen Junkies don't pretend to know a great deal about the Twilight Saga, but that doesn't mean we're not willing to learn. As outsiders, and men, sparkling vampires just don't seem like our cup of blood (see what I did there?), but we're willing to have a civil discussion in the comments section regarding the fervent passion some feel toward Bella and Edward.  Below is a featurette modeled after the reality show Meet the Kardashians except with nefarious vampires. You might have trouble discerning the difference at first, but you'll soon realize that Bruce Jenner deals with a breed of bloodsuckers far more depraved than the Volturi. 

The post New Moon: ‘Meet the Volturi’ Video appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>

We here at Screen Junkies don’t pretend to know a great deal about the Twilight Saga, but that doesn’t mean we’re not willing to learn. As outsiders, and men, sparkling vampires just don’t seem like our cup of blood (see what I did there?), but we’re willing to have a civil discussion in the comments section regarding the fervent passion some feel toward Bella and Edward.

 

Below is a featurette modeled after the reality show Meet the Kardashians except with nefarious vampires. You might have trouble discerning the difference at first, but you’ll soon realize that Bruce Jenner deals with a breed of bloodsuckers far more depraved than the Volturi. 


New Moon Meet the Volturi Featurette – Watch more Funny Videos

[Dread Central via MySpace]

The post New Moon: ‘Meet the Volturi’ Video appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-moon-meet-the-volturi-video/feed/ 3