Because you’re dying to know which one I find the funniest, I’ll share with you. It’s The Hound simply saying, “Hi Cutie,” all covered in burns and looking generally ugly.

She’ll realize with that card that you’re all substance, and she’ll melt in your arms forever. The great thing is, if you don’t have a special someone in your life, you can dole out nine of these bad boys to prospective mates and watch the love wash over you.