Further, Spongebob Squarepants is constantly holding hands with his friend Patrick, which is so gay that it literally makes me want to explode.

May I suggest that the Ukraine adopt a much more burly archetype for its children, so I’d like to suggest the suave machismo swagger of Go, Diego, Go! which will teach the Ukranian children how to get swarthy women on their boat for the best mojito that they’ve ever had, followed by slow, passionate sex.

Because Ukranian children are way behind children in Latin countries in lovemaking skills.