Screen Junkies » Tyler Perry http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 28 Nov 2014 16:30:46 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Tyler Perry Has Learned 44 Things In His Life, And He Shared Them All For His 44th Birthday http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-has-learned-44-things-in-his-life-and-he-shared-them-all-for-his-44th-birthday/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-has-learned-44-things-in-his-life-and-he-shared-them-all-for-his-44th-birthday/#comments Mon, 16 Sep 2013 16:52:07 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=257012 Unsurprisingly, the things Tyler Perry has learned aren’t particularly insightful or interesting, with most of the items being of the platitudinous “never give up,” and “silence your haters” variety. To...

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Unsurprisingly, the things Tyler Perry has learned aren’t particularly insightful or interesting, with most of the items being of the platitudinous “never give up,” and “silence your haters” variety. To reinforce the point, there’s a “YOLO” in there.

If someone’s taking an earnest inventory of their life lessons and includes “YOLO,” that’s a pretty good indication that the rest of their retrospective will be hackneyed gibberish.

AND IT IS.

I haven’t gotten a copy of the email, because Tyler Perry and I removed each other from our mass e-mail distribution lists a few years ago, but Film Drunk has the thing (and commentary!) in its entirety right here. To whet your appetite, it’s got fortune cookie gems such as:

  • A footstool is only needed when you need to get higher. Let your enemy lift you.
  • God will really make your enemy your footstool.
  • Be careful what you say, life and death truly are in your own words.

Honestly, I’m a little disappointed there isn’t more footstool-related advice, but such is life.

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‘Gone Girl’ Casting Is Getting Weird http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/gone-girl-casting-is-getting-weird/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/gone-girl-casting-is-getting-weird/#comments Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:59:34 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=256063 Super weird.

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David Fincher got his wish and was able to cast his first pick for the lead role of Amy Dunne, Rosamund Pike. She’s a phenomenal choice for the role that almost seems tailor-made for her yet she’s also an unconventional choice. It’s very cool and kudos to Fincher on his vision. But, the man must be stopped.

Beyond Pike, it’s now being reported that Fincher wants Neil Patrick Harris and Tyler Perry to join the film in unspecified roles. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say that Harris is up for the role of Desi, a former-paramour of Amy’s, and Perry is up for… sassy black maid? Honestly, Perry is the toughest piece in this puzzle. I hope that Fincher isn’t considering him for the role of the slick lawyer hired to skew the media to help Ben Affleck‘s Nick repair his damaged image. Because that role should go to this guy:

But I suppose that’s why David Fincher’s job is being David Fincher while mine is writing about David Fincher. (THR)

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Tyler Perry And Larry The Cable Guy Teaming Up Solely To Piss Me Off http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-and-larry-the-cable-guy-teaming-up-solely-to-piss-me-off/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-and-larry-the-cable-guy-teaming-up-solely-to-piss-me-off/#comments Wed, 16 Jan 2013 15:56:47 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=252956 If God exists, then why do Tyler Perry movies happen to good people?

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The only explanation for the collaboration of Larry the Cable Guy and Tyler Perry is that they know how much it will upset me. It can’t be in the name of art, nor can it be in the name of business, because I’m comfortable stereotyping both performers’ fans as hating one another.

Nonetheless, it’s happening, so I must just make my peace with it. And it’s a Madea movie. A Christmas Madea movie.

The film will be released like a plague of locusts on December 13th, which should give audiences ample time for a vigorous bleach scrub before regrouping and celebrating the actual, non-Larry the Cable Guy Christmas.

Ugh. This is how we greet a new day.

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Tyler Perry Will Be Returning In An Alex Cross Sequel With A Comically Lazy Title http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-will-be-returning-in-an-alex-cross-sequel-with-a-comically-lazy-title/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-will-be-returning-in-an-alex-cross-sequel-with-a-comically-lazy-title/#comments Thu, 18 Oct 2012 17:42:28 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=251556 Is it called 'Double Cross'? Yes. Yes, it f*cking is.

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I could go into yet another thing about why this is stupid, how bad the movie is (14% Rotten Tomatoes so far…), and why Tyler Perry sucks, but that’s pretty well-worn territory around here. And I could probably lay into the fact that the most formulaic author in the world used the most formulaic wordplay in the world to shit out another piece of “literature.”

Nope. Instead, let’s look at the synopsis for Double Cross and make fun of it:

Just when Alex thought his life was calming down into a routine of patients and therapy sessions, he finds himself back in the game–this time to catch a criminal mastermind like no other.

A spate of elaborate murders in Washington D.C. have the whole East Coast on edge. They are like nothing Alex Cross and his new girlfriend, Detective Brianna Stone, have ever seen. With each murder, the case becomes increasingly complex. There’s only one thing Alex knows: the killer adores an audience.

As victims are made into gruesome spectacles citywide, inducing a media hysteria, it becomes clear to Alex that the man he’s after is a genius of terror–and he’s after fame. The killer has the whole city by its strings–and he’ll stop at nothing to become the most terrifying star that Washington D.C. has ever seen.

Brianna Stone? Really? REALLY? That’s the name of your sexy female detective? I guess there’s no room for subtlety in Tyler Perry films, but whatevskis. Fine.

Oh. There’s going to be media circus. So I guess these are high-profile crimes. Interesting. That really could have gone either way.

The murders are elaborate. That’s good. It would be funnier though if Cross had to track down some fat guy who was just clubbing pedestrians in the head with a softball bat.

“The killer has the whole city by its strings…” What strings? That’s not a common idiom at all! And this is for a book! “Money, fame, looks…I’ve really got this city by the strings. ALL the strings, gorgeous.”

They probably announced their intentions for a sequel so early because they need to get a lead time on Tyler Perry’s giant sweaters for the role. They have to ramp up the breeding of sheep to produce the 47,000 acres of wool needed to cover TP’s enormous torso.

 

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Tyler Perry Announced He Was Preparing A Sci-Fi Film, And Then The Angels Sang http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-announced-he-was-preparing-a-sci-fi-film-and-then-the-angels-sang/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-announced-he-was-preparing-a-sci-fi-film-and-then-the-angels-sang/#comments Thu, 28 Jun 2012 16:41:04 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=249418 It's about a future dystopia where a black man of questionable talent controls the world's entertainment.

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Tyler Perry, upon speaking with blackfilm.com (as we are all wont to do so often), has announced that after he inevitably changes the landscape of action films with I, Alex Cross, he will be getting “bizz-ay” (my words) penning a science fiction film.

Details are sketchy at best, but then again, details about Tyler Perry films often remain sketchy even after viewing the films themselves. But as Tyler Perry told urbancinema.com blackfilm.com, the Aliens franchise is among his favorite, but he just didn’t like Prometheus, so he’s ostensibly going to make a sci-fi movie that’s better than Prometheus.

What? Why are you laughing? Stop laughing. I’m not done yet.

No. I’m pretty much done. There’s nothing to say about Tyler Perry that I haven’t said before. Seriously, I’m out of Tyler Perry jokes. I guess I’ll just have to wait for him to do something again.

 

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Because We Hate You, Here’s Tyler Perry In The ‘I, Alex Cross’ Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/because-we-hate-you-heres-tyler-perry-in-the-i-alex-cross-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/because-we-hate-you-heres-tyler-perry-in-the-i-alex-cross-trailer/#comments Tue, 26 Jun 2012 18:09:55 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=249377 Fun fact: By the time Tyler Perry's barber finishes cutting his hair, he has to start all over again, because two weeks have passed and the hair has grown out again.

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Well, this just looks like a really average episode of CSI, with lines like “He’s ex-military, judging by his tactics.” Further, every time I see the hulking Tyler Perry onscreen during this trailer, I momentarily fall into thinking that I’m watching a Chunky Soup commercial and not the preview for I, Alex Cross.

And every time I realize that I am not watching a soup commercial, a part of me dies.

In case Tyler Perry as a giant detective isn’t enough for you (YOU SICK BASTARD!), this clip also features Matthew Fox as a serial killer who also enjoys mixed martial arts.

I’m writing this piece as I watch the video piecemeal, because I can’t seem to handle the thing in one big chunk, and I’ve got a new favorite line. Disregard “He’s ex-military, judging by his tactics,” and introduce yourself to my new favorite, “I will meet his soul at the gates of hell before I let him take another person that I love from me,” immediately followed by the graphic “From Rob Cohen, Director of The Fast and the Furious.”

 

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Tyler Perry To Take On Wall Street The Only Way He Can: By Masquerading As A Giant Black Lady http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-to-take-on-wall-street-the-only-way-he-can-by-masquerading-as-a-giant-black-lady/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-to-take-on-wall-street-the-only-way-he-can-by-masquerading-as-a-giant-black-lady/#comments Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:58:57 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=244303 I wish I was alive to audit a college course on Black cinema when they reach "The Tyler Perry era," and the professor just sighs.

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That’s right. In case you couldn’t tell what time it was based on the title, it’s “Madea o’clock,” BITCH! Tyler Perry is auteur-ing the shit out of another one of those delightful Madea movies, this time with Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection. I hope theaters have a special Tyler Perry reserve stockpile of apostrophes for their marquees.

According to Lionsgate‘s press release, Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Something Something will have Madea confronting a shamed Ponzi schemer played by Eugene Levy, his wife, played by Denise Richards, and his business associate, Tom Arnold.

Before I write any more, please put on some sunglasses so as not to be blinded this film’s starpower.

The press release offers up this promising nugget from Lionsgate’s President of Development, whose name is unimportant:

This is the ultimate fish out of water story, and I believe the funniest Madea story yet. We loved the witness protection concept from the second we heard it, but when Tyler cast comedy icon Eugene Levy and put him under the same roof with Madea and Uncle Joe, he took this movie to a whole new level.

I’ve never known anyone to refer to Eugene Levy as such a gamechanger before.

“I don’t know if this has legs. I mean, office romance comedies are a dime a dozen these days. What’s that? YOU GOT LEVY? HERE’S YOUR FINANCING!”

*empties bag of blood diamonds all over the Lionsgate conference table*

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7 Tyler Perry Projects We’re Looking Forward To Avoiding In 2012 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-tyler-perry-projects-were-looking-forward-to-avoiding-in-2012/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-tyler-perry-projects-were-looking-forward-to-avoiding-in-2012/#comments Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:15:55 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=239695 I can't wait to not watch!

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Tyler Perry’s, the man who won Forbes title of “highest-grossing entertainer” has seven projects slated for 2012, which is pretty typical for the prolific actor/ director/ writer/ giant-black-guy-that-loves-sweaters. This is good news, as it ensures that in the coming year, we’ll be able to participate in one our favorite activities: avoiding and mocking Tyler Perry projects.

Here is a list of his projects in the upcoming year and the reasons that we won’t be watching them.

Good Deeds

If you think that the title Good Deeds isn’t a delicious pun on the lead character’s name, Wesley Deeds, then you just don’t know how TP works. The film follows a successful businessman (Deeds, played by Tyler Perry) as he helps a down on her luck woman, hoping that good deed will spark a change in his life that will allow him become the man he’s always wanted to be.

It also stars, in decreasing order of talent: Thandie Newton, Gabrielle Union, Phylicia Rashad, Rebecca Romijn, and Jamie Kennedy. The film comes out on February 24th, which gives you just enough time to shop for and install a survival shelter.

House of Payne

Make way! Curtis Payne and company are coming back to make us laugh. And if we’re not careful, we just might learn something. The TBS sitcom has actually tackled a number of heavy issues such as religion and drug abuse. Granted it tackles those issues with a heavy hand in a fashion similar to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but it still tackles them.

The most recent season, season 7, contained a whopping 50 episodes. You might be asking yourself, “How does Tyler Perry produce one season of television packed with 50 high-quality episodes?”

The answer is, “He doesn’t.”

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The 9 Directors Who Should Replace Brett Ratner At The Oscars http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-9-directors-who-should-replace-brett-ratner-at-the-oscars/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-9-directors-who-should-replace-brett-ratner-at-the-oscars/#comments Wed, 09 Nov 2011 21:48:40 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=235760 "The most disturbing Oscars ever" is still better than a boring Oscar ceremony, right?

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Well, since Brett Ratner’s out as producer of the Oscars, it’s time to find a suitable replacement. Perhaps it was Ratner’s lack of style that made him such an appealing choice. While the show must be a spectacle, it mustn’t bear the hallmarks of the men behind it, rather, letting the nominees, presenters, and awards themselves take the spotlight.

Well, if that’s true, then the following nine directors would just be awful, awful choices to helm the production.

Let me clarify: They would be awful for the tightasses at the academy. I would love it.

David Cronenberg

While Cronenberg doesn’t have any out-and-out hallmarks (just a general darkness and violence in his films), it would still be a blast to see what he would do with the Academy Awards ceremony. Perhaps he’d have one of the presenters betray another, causing a fistfight to break out, and forcing Hugh Jackman to repeatedly smash Halle Berry’s head on the steps until her body stops twitching. Perhaps during dance numbers, a shirtless Viggo Mortensen could idly walk through the production, staring daggers at Adrian Brody.

Tim Burton

Everyone would get super-excited about this year’s telecast being really dark and edgy, but would soon be disappointed to find that Johnny Depp and HBC are phoning it in, all the while realizing that Tim Burton’s not edgy anymore, he’s just kind of bad.

Perhaps the introduction could feature Christopher Walken stepping out in a top hat and spats, welcoming the audience to a “truly macabre finale to awards season.”

Also, everyone that was not a nominee would be dressed like a scarecrow.

David Fincher

Fincher could certainly bring a gritty sensibility to the polished-to-a-fault ceremony. He would find a way to make it rain during the entire telecast onstage, soundtracking even the most jovial moments with a low-fi Dus Brothers score.

Perhaps the telecast would end by focusing on the losers of the Best Picture Oscar, rather than the traditional approach of dwelling on the winner. All lights would be green and blue, and no one would ever laugh, ever.

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7 Horrible Cross-Dressing Comedies That Might Be Worse Than ‘Jack & Jill’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-horrible-cross-dressing-comedies-that-might-be-worse-than-jack-and-jill/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-horrible-cross-dressing-comedies-that-might-be-worse-than-jack-and-jill/#comments Mon, 07 Nov 2011 20:56:01 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=235353 Our penises have recoiled up into our bellies.

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Our eyes and faces are set to melt a la The Ark of the Covenant this weekend, when the Adam Sandler-in-drag comedy Jack & Jill hits theaters. Don’t blame Sandler, though. It’s not his fault. He’s just reached that inevitable point in his career where he’s required to do drag. It’s nature. You can’t fight it. In fact, if my calculations are correct, he’ll soon play a goofy cyborg who wants to become real or a guy who accidentally becomes president despite his love of cheese steak sandwiches.

Point being, you can’t be upset with Adam Sandler over this. He’s only going with the flow. However, he should have looked at all those who failed before him before taking on such an aggressively sh*tty project. If only this list existed last year. I feel somewhat to blame.

At any rate, here are seven cross-dressing comedies that might be worse than Jack and Jill.

Sorority Boys

In an attempt to clear themselves of a crime they didn’t commit, college guys Dave, Adam, and Doofer disguise themselves as women. The plan is to infiltrate their former frat-house and recover a tape that proves their innocence. Then they will be allowed to throw a big party that will get them high paying jobs regardless of their intelligence.

Makes sense to me.

Sidenote: Hey, Barry Watson. Sup?

Juwanna Mann

Probably the most important cross-dressing basketball comedy from the year 2002, Juwanna Mann tells the tale of a disgraced professional basketball renegade who, when banned from the league, reinvents himself as a female basketball star. It would have been a million times better if it included a scene where Juwanna lumps up Don Imus.

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Tyler Perry’s ‘The Marriage Counselor’ Will Now Feature Two Things Black People Love: Tyler Perry And Kim Kardashian’s Ass http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perrys-the-marriage-counselor-will-now-feature-two-things-black-people-love-tyler-perry-and-kim-kardashians-ass/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perrys-the-marriage-counselor-will-now-feature-two-things-black-people-love-tyler-perry-and-kim-kardashians-ass/#comments Tue, 25 Oct 2011 15:01:02 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=233581 Brought to you by Skechers Shape-Ups and TBS...

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In a move that will pair two people who got really, really rich out of leveraging their polarizing names, Kim Kardashian will be jumping aboard Tyler Perry’s The Marriage Counselor, a film about a marriage counselor that can’t fix her own marriage. Whoa! It would appear that Tyler Perry is a graduate of the Alanis Morissette School of Irony.

Kim K will play a co-worker of the marriage counselor, which seems a little strange. Wouldn’t a marriage counselor’s co-worker just be another marriage counselor? Is a marriage counseling practice a big operation that requires a complicated staffing plan? I’m not going to worry about the details, because I know that Tyler Perry will take care of this and many other details in order to give to us the best film possible that stars a giant black guy as a grandma…or something.

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Tyler Perry Leads ‘Forbes’ 10 Highest-Paid Entertainers http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/tyler-perry-leads-the-list-of-forbes-10-highest-paid-entertainers/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/tyler-perry-leads-the-list-of-forbes-10-highest-paid-entertainers/#comments Wed, 14 Sep 2011 19:45:09 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=228301 Who keeps giving Tyler Perry all this money? KNOCK IT OFF!

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The adage goes, “No one ever went broke underestimatin the American public.” Let this Forbes annual “Highest-Paid Men in Entertainment” list serve as testament to that fact.

The entrants on the top 10 this year are a sex-crazed golfer, a shock jock, a television therapist, Simon F*cking Cowell, a flamboyant singer that has never written a song, and Tyler Perry, a man who built his fortune pretending to be a fat black lady.

I can’t offer any more insight into the state of the entertainment industry and the country at large than this list does without commentary, so let’s just get through this thing and pretend it’s populated with a bunch of NPR personalities and theater actors to assuage our guilt.

10. Tiger Woods – $75 million

It must be nice to be so blessed with endorsements that you can spend the past two years not winning any golf tournaments, banging every hostess that Orland-area Outback Steakhouses can throw at you, and still find yourself with enough money that you’re one of the 10 highest-paid entertainers in the country. To be fair, Tiger Woods is far and away the most entertaining person on this list. He’s like 46,000 James Pattersons.

Also, he has Ambien sex, which I think is pretty neat.

9. Howard Stern – $76 million

The nice thing about being Howard Stern is that his standards of professionalism operate inversely to everyone else’s. If he wants to stick twin Asian midgets on a sybian for the world to see, he’ll enjoy a small ratings bump. If Dr. Phil does it life as we know it would cease to exist. Stern is tied up with Sirius/XM for a long time, so unless Son of the Beach becomes really, really popular in syndication soon, he’s going to be holding steady at $70 million bucks or so. Nothing to sneeze at.

8. Leonardo DiCaprio – $77 million

DiCaprio had a banner year last year thanks to his biggest non-Titanic films ever, Shutter Island and Inception. I had no idea that many people saw Shutter Island. Remarkably, he didn’t score a single producing credit in 2010, so all that money appears to have come from salary and endorsements, though it’s hard to imagine he didn’t get some participation in Inception.

He also is probably scoring some pretty sweet Growing Pains royalties from his role as Luke, the scrappy orphan. That’s probably the bulk of this sum.

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Casting Round-Up: ‘R.I.P.D.’, ‘Gangster Squad’, And ‘Alex Cross’ Score Some New Blood http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/casting-round-up-r-i-p-d-gangster-squad-stoker-score-some-new-blood/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/casting-round-up-r-i-p-d-gangster-squad-stoker-score-some-new-blood/#comments Tue, 09 Aug 2011 21:55:28 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=224068 A zombie movie, a Tyler Perry movie, and a movie about crime in 1940's Los Angeles. Oh, how I wish these were all one glorious film!

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Ryan Reynolds can kiss bachelorhood goodbye, as his R.I.P.D. character just found a new wife in Stephanie Szostak, who will also serve as a lead character. Though her character will be widowed, she will be able to sense Reynold’s presence, as he will be kicking criminal ass from beyond the grave. (THR)

Tyler Perry (shudder) will be answering to John C. McGinley in the latest adaptation of James Patterson’s Alex Cross in I, Alex Cross. McGinley’s character is described as “ambitious” and “vigorous.” “Vigorous,” eh? It’s not stipulated in the article, but one can safely assume that this character hates Zach Braff as well. (Variety)

And Gangster Squad’s Josh Brolin will be married to a hot redhead in Mireille Enos (The Killing). Mireille has garnered a bit of heat, having also signed on for World War Z recently. More than a wife in Gangster Squad, she will also work with Brolin in assembling his police squad as she fears for his life. Yay, terrified wife!

 

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Tyler Perry’s Unholy Alliance With TBS Continues http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/tyler-perry%e2%80%99s-unholy-alliance-with-tbs-continues/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/tyler-perry%e2%80%99s-unholy-alliance-with-tbs-continues/#comments Wed, 27 Apr 2011 04:13:04 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=209138 He's now able to add another wing to his depressingly large house.

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Welp, looks like TBS is going to need to retire that “Very Funny!,” catchphrase. The sassy, black grandma-man hybrid thing that is Tyler Perry has closed a deal to create a third television series for the super-station. “For Better Or Worse” will continue the story established in Perry’s Why Did I Get Married? series, and will star Black Dynamite and that chick from Couple’s Retreat as a couple who are curious why they got married for reasons beyond the ability to rub it in gay people’s faces.

“Tyler Perry’s series have been tremendously successful for TBS, helping establish the network as a prime destination for African-American viewers,” said Michael Wright, executive vice president, head of programming, for TBS, TNT and Turner Classic Movies. “Given such a remarkable track record, we’re excited for the opportunity to expand our relationship with Tyler Perry and Debmar-Mercury with the new series For Better or Worse.”

Somewhere in Hollywood, a former cast member of “10 Items Or Less” weeps into the macchiato I ordered four goddamn minutes ago. (THR)

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Tyler Perry’s Right: Why Spike Lee Should Go ‘Straight To Hell’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perrys-right-why-spike-lee-should-go-straight-to-hell/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perrys-right-why-spike-lee-should-go-straight-to-hell/#comments Thu, 21 Apr 2011 00:36:04 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=208032 People are entitled to their opinions, and if someone actually wants to sit through a Madea movie, that’s their problem.

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Earlier today, Tyler Perry told director Spike Lee that he could “go straight to hell.” He was right to do it.

Don’t get me wrong. I hate Tyler Perry’s work. Diary of a Mad Black Woman might be the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I feel the same way about his television shows, “Meet the Browns” and “House of Payne.” Sitting through an episode of either is painful. The characters are one-dimensional, the “jokes” are flat, and the Christian overtones are offensive. No, not because they are Christian, but because of the way the “lessons” are shoehorned into every episode, like I’m watching a religious version of “Captain Planet.” There was more subtly on the 80’s sitcom “Amen,” and that took place in a god damn church! Yes, I think Tyler Perry’s work is overrated garbage, and I don’t understand why it appeals to anyone over the age of five. And I’m certainly not alone in my view.

But so what? It’s not a crime to write crappy comedy. If it were, 95% of Hollywood (and 100% of Screen Junkies) would be in the slammer. People are entitled to their opinions, and if someone actually wants to sit through a Madea movie, that’s their problem. After all, it’s just entertainment, right? Well, not according to Spike Lee

For the past few years, the director has been taking digs at Perry’s work. But his complaints have not been about the poor writing, the lack of humor, or the overall shittyness of the shows. No, his complaints have been racial in nature, as they always are.

“Each artist should be allowed to pursue their artistic endeavors, but I still think there is a lot of stuff out today that is coonery and buffoonery,” Lee said in 2009. “I know it’s making a lot of money and breaking records, but we can do better. … I see these two ads for these two shows (Tyler Perry‘s ‘Meet the Browns’ and ‘House of Payne’), and I am scratching my head. We got a black president, and we going back to Mantan Moreland and Sleep ‘n’ Eat?”

So, Spike Lee thinks that when it comes to black sitcoms, “we can do better.” This raises an interesting question: Has Spike Lee ever watched a sitcom? With a few rare exceptions, they are all horrible, regardless of whether the characters are black, white, Asian or even god damn cavemen. They all traffic in stereotypes, and they are all filled with “buffoonery.” It goes with the territory. That’s what a sitcom is: familiar, often ridiculous characters in everyday situations that everyone can relate to. And by everyone, we’re talking the lowest common denominator.

Up until recently, “Two and a Half Men” was the most popular sitcom on television. The entire production, from top to bottom, was horse shit. The characters were predictable and boring, the writing was crap, and even so, it was the most watched comedy in the country. Everyone watches this shit, so, why does Spike Lee feel that African-American viewers are different? What makes black audiences so special?

And where does he get off telling Tyler Perry to “do better?” Who made Spike Lee the arbiter of African-American film and television? Can’t a black man make a shitty television show in peace without having some pompous asshole accuse him of dumbing down the black community? I suppose the people who enjoy “House of Payne” would instantly switch over to PBS if only Tyler Perry wasn’t around. And am I to believe that there are non-blacks out there who have turned into racists after watching Madea Goes to Jail? Actually, that doesn’t sound too far fetched now that I type it out, but you see my point.

And say what you want about Perry, but he has an inspirational story. Despite only having a G.E.D. (and, some would argue, a total lack of talent), he’s made hundreds of millions of dollars by creating shows that people can relate to. Why not be happy for him? And at least his message is positive. Why not attack “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” or any of the dozens of reality shows that perpetuate negative black stereotypes? You want to talk about “Coonery?” Turn on MTV for five minutes.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with hating Tyler Perry’s work. But acting like “Madea” is detrimental to blacks is ridiculous. It’s detrimental to everyone.

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Old Mystique News, New Mystique News http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/old-mystique-news-new-mystique-news/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/old-mystique-news-new-mystique-news/#comments Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:03:51 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=207835 Jennifer Lawrence appears in her first big summer blockbuster! Rebecca Romijn? She's in a Tyler Perry movie.

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As Rebecca Romijn slithers her way forward in life, leaving the X-Men character behind her, such is the circle of life that another actress should cover herself in nothing but royal blue latex and a dream. It seems as the blue plastic suit binds them even today, as we have stories on both.

The former Mystique (Romijn) has decided to just fold her hand, give up on the game of life and star in the new Tyler Perry movie Good Deeds (the protagonist’s name is Glen Deeds, you see). It will also star Thandie Newton and Jamie Kennedy.  Synthesize that information however the hell you please. (Deadline)

Enough sad news about falling stars. Let’s talk about the new Mystique, Ms. Jennifer Lawrence (of Winter’s Bone and the upcoming Hunger Games). She looks…kinda silly. Like an especially awkward mutant. I half-expect to see braces when she smiles.

But, then again, Mystique always did. Let’s hope that Lawrence gets to flex her Oscar-nominated acting chops outside of the latex, otherwise it seems like a bit of a wasted opportunity for everyone involved in X-Men: First Class. (The Wrap)

Young and Old. Birth and death. X-Men and Tyler Perry movies.

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5 Directors Besides M. Night Shyamalan Who Should Go Back To Film School http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-directors-besides-m-night-shyamalan-who-should-go-back-to-film-school/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-directors-besides-m-night-shyamalan-who-should-go-back-to-film-school/#comments Wed, 13 Apr 2011 23:53:17 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=206932 Then again, who am I to talk? I can't even spell "desperately" with out the help of my old friend "Spell Check."

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As you probably know, MNightSchool.org is trying to raise enough money to send director M. Night Shyamalan back to film school. While the goal is $150,000, less than $400 has been raised thus far, meaning it doesn’t look like M. Night will get the education he so desperately needs. Then again, who am I to talk? I can’t even spell “desperately” without the help of my old friend “Spell Check,” so obviously, I’m not much of a righter.

At any rate, it’s a shame that the plan isn’t coming together. Perhaps sending M. Night back to school would have started a trend among sub-par directors. And like crappy Internet writers (i.e. me), there’s certainly no shortage of those. Here are five directors besides M. Night Shyamalan in desperate need of a re-education.

Kevin Smith

I like Kevin Smith, and I want to like his movies. But all things considered, James Marsh is right, and “most of them are sh*t, quite honestly.” OK, that’s too harsh. Even his worst movies have at least a few laughs. But I can’t help but wonder if Smith might be better off finishing up his film degree before starting his next project. The fact that he dropped out of film school to finance Clerks makes for a great story, but it also makes for several sub-par movies.

Brian Robbins

Robbins built up a lot of good will with his role on “Head of the Class.” Well, that’s my opinion, anyway. I’ve always been a bit of a “Head of the Class”-Head, as we hardcore fans like to be called. But he’s flushed that good will straight down the toilet with Norbit, Good Burger, and Meet Dave. But unlike the next few entries, at least no one pretends that Robbins’ movies are good.

McG

McG has made four movies. Two of them have the wordsCharlie’s Angels” in the title. Of the remaining two, one drove the Terminator franchise into the ground, and the other stars Matthew McConaughey. An impressive filmography this is not. Film school would do McG good. Unfortunately, you need a first and last name to fill out the application.

Brett Rattner

Brett Rattner is the genius behind Rush Hour, a film that revolutionized the way we look at loud black men and funny talk’n foreigners. He was also behind the crap-tacular last installment of the X-Men trilogy. Granted, Red Dragon wasn’t a bad film, but given the cast and the source material, Orson Wells could have done just as well. I know he was a great director. I was being literal. Orson Wells’ corpse could have made Red Dragon.

Tyler Perry

Holy shit, where do I begin?

Film school would be a great move for Perry. In fact, any schooling would be a great move, since his GED clearly isn’t cutting it. Actually, that’s not fair. His GED is doing just fine, considering that by the time I finish typing this sentence, he’ll have made more money than I will make all year. But making profitable films and making quality films are two very different things. Diary of a Mad Black Woman might be the worst film I have ever seen. However, I will say that the ham-fisted Christian overtones did succeed in restoring my faith in a higher power. Only divin intervention can account for Perry’s success.

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Casting Round-Up: Penelope Cruz, Thandie Newton, Jay Baruchel, And Maggie Grace http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/casting-round-up-penelope-cruz-thandie-newton-and-jay-baruchel/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/casting-round-up-penelope-cruz-thandie-newton-and-jay-baruchel/#comments Thu, 07 Apr 2011 00:45:45 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=205801 Woody Allen, Tyler Perry and David Cronenberg will direct them. In different projects, though I'd be curious to know what the six of them would accomplish together.

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It’s time for another casting round-up, cowpokes. We sat ourselves down in front of studio lots, waited fer critters (celebrities) to walk out, hog tied ‘em, and asked them what parts they got. Here’s what y’all need to know:

PENELOPE CRUZ will team up with director Woody Allen once again, this time on a film set in Rome. There are no plot details yet, but the computer program I wrote says the odds are very high that it won’t be as good as earlier Woody Allen movies. (EW)

THANDIE NEWTON will play opposite Tyler Perry in his next film Good Deeds, which Perry will write and direct as well. The film is about a successful businessman who must choose between his rich fiancée and a down-on-her-luck single mother. Even if it’s bad, Newton can take comfort that it can’t be worse than Norbit. (TheWrap)

JAY BARUCHEL will join Robert Pattinson, Samantha Morton, and Paul Giamatti in David Cronenberg’s Cosmopolis. Pattinson plays a billionaire who loses everything he has in one day, including his new wife. Bad things happening to Pattinson, I can get on board with. Baruchel plays the original founder and conscious at Pattinson’s company. (Deadline)

MAGGIE GRACE will star alongside Liam Neeson in Taken 2, produced by Luc Besson. And yes, the will-he-or-won’t-he-tension of whether Neeson would take on Taken 2 has been resolved in the affirmative. Eight-time “Namey” award winner Olivier Megaton will direct. (Deadline) (Collider)

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Tyler Perry To Create Another Madea-less Movie For Some Reason http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-to-create-another-madea-less-movie-for-some-reason/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-to-create-another-madea-less-movie-for-some-reason/#comments Tue, 05 Apr 2011 00:58:27 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=205338 Perry will write, produce direct, do makeup for and star in 'Good Deeds'. The title is a pun - see if you can figure it out by reading the plot description.

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Not that I enjoy Madea, or would pay to see her say “hallelujer” when all the different family crises neatly resolve by the end of her films, but seeing Tyler Perry without a dress and lady makeup is just boring. Still, his movies are profitable whether or not he’s dressed as an old lady dressed as Snooki, so get ready for the next Tyler Perry adventure.

Perry will write, produce, direct, do makeup for and star in Good Deeds. The title is a pun. See if you can figure it out: the film concerns Glen Deeds (did you catch it?), a successful businessman who must choose between his high class fiancée and a “down-on-her-luck” single mother who floats his boat Knowing romantic comedies, I assume he’ll end up with the rich woman he was intending to marry in the first place. That sounds more logical.

Good Deeds will be released by his new perma-home Lionsgate, and production begins late this month. (Variety)

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Lionsgate Agrees To Keep Making Tyler Perry Movies For A Really, Really Long Time http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lionsgate-agrees-to-keep-making-tyler-perry-movies-for-a-really-really-long-time/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lionsgate-agrees-to-keep-making-tyler-perry-movies-for-a-really-really-long-time/#comments Thu, 31 Mar 2011 19:57:40 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=204783 Tyler Perry's t-shirts are as witty and fun as his films.

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You know that old saying, “If you love Tyler Perry, set him free. And if he comes back, he’s yours forever?” Well, he’s Lionsgate‘s forever. Or at least a really, really long time.

After venturing out on his own for I, Alex Cross, gigantor has returned to Lionsgate with an exclusive contract promising two new Madea movies and a whole bunch of other excellent work, including something called We the Peeples, which I can tell from the name is going to be uh-mazing.

Because I’m too forlorn from this news to come up with anything prosaic, here’s a list of things we can expect to see Madea doing for years and years and years to come:

  • Ride a bus
  • Put on more “church clothes”
  • Slap a young ‘un
  • Provide a quick “info-taining” segment before every screening about what is and isn’t appropriate behavior in movie theaters, sparing white theater managers an awkward moment with their patrons
  • Be gassy
  • Gross $150 million domestically and about $0 in Europe
  • Be sassy
  • Offset a significant amount of the progress made by the civil rights movement

(Deadline)

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Summit Nabs Tyler Perry Detective Film That Won’t Be The Next ‘Twilight’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/summit-nabs-tyler-perry-detective-film-that-wont-be-the-next-twilight/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/summit-nabs-tyler-perry-detective-film-that-wont-be-the-next-twilight/#comments Fri, 25 Mar 2011 01:50:53 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=203590 'I, Alex Cross' will star non-teen heartthrob Perry. In fact, an image of Madea is a good romantic mood killer for people of all ages.

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If Summit is looking to distribute the next Twilight, they probably won’t get it with I, Alex Cross. Though they’re both based on a series of books – the Alex Cross series is by James Patterson – Tyler Perry is hardly a teen heartthrob. In fact, an image of Madea is a good romantic mood killer for people of all ages.

In the film, directed by Rob Cohen (Stealth), Perry plays detective Cross, who disrupts a murderer’s plans. So the psycho killer, played by Matthew Fox (“Lost”), decides to send the detective a tersely-worded letter — actually, he kills the poor guy’s wife. Now Cross has to bring him to justice once more, with the help of his partner Tommy Kane (Ed Burns).

Summit CEO Rob Friedman managed to get the rights partly because he oversaw the last set of Alex Cross movies at Paramount, which starred Morgan Freeman and not a guy who dressed up like a fat woman dressing up like Snooki. (Deadline)

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Madea And Snooki Merge Into One Annoying Life Form http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/madea-and-snooki-merge-into-one-annoying-life-form/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/madea-and-snooki-merge-into-one-annoying-life-form/#comments Thu, 24 Mar 2011 06:28:14 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=203380 Scientists have combined "Jersey Shore" cast member Snooki and Tyler Perry's Madea, so it can be stuffed into a rocket ship and blasted into the sun.

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Scientists have been hard at work trying to combine aggressive “Jersey Shore” cast member and best-selling author (*shudder*) Snooki and Tyler Perry‘s aggressive, cross-dressing Black Swan ruiner Madea. They have succeeded. Now combined, the hyper-aggressive, super-annoying pop culture entity can be safely stuffed into a rocket ship and blasted into the sun.

Yeah, the Madea parody poster trend continues for Madea’s Big Happy Family. This sort of campaign is normally reserved for an Epic Movie / Disaster Movie / Terrible Parody Movie type movie. And I hate those movies. Yeah, I know the tag line on the poster below says I should not be hatin’, but I don’t care. I’m hatin’. Mmm… that’s good haterade. (Cinema Blend)

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Matthew Fox Will Start Killing People For Money http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/matthew-fox-will-start-killing-people-for-money/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/matthew-fox-will-start-killing-people-for-money/#comments Thu, 17 Mar 2011 17:39:37 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=202163 'Lost' vs. Madea

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You might now Matthew Fox from the popular TV show “Lost,” about the island or whatever. Now, he’s going to play a role that might provide an opportunity for him to knock one out of the park: An evil killer in the reboot of James Petterson’s Alex Cross series I, Alex Cross. Here’s a more involved description of the character:

“Fox plays Michael Sullivan, who kills both for money and thrills. He’s known as the Butcher of Sligo and shows why after Cross thwarts one of his killing attempts. Sullivan makes his retribution personal, by killing the  detective’s wife in gruesome fashion. Then it becomes a mano a mano battle between them.”

Yikes! Cross, by the way, is being played by Tyler Perry, who up to this point is best known for wearing a dress and claiming to not be afraid of no po-po. Even if this movie is terrible, it will probably still be sort of interesting. (via Deadline)

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Janet Jackson Gets To Make A Movie Now http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/janet-jackson-gets-to-make-a-movie-now/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/janet-jackson-gets-to-make-a-movie-now/#comments Wed, 16 Mar 2011 01:35:40 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=201847 The Queen of the Malfunctioning Wardrobe scored a 1-picture deal with Lionsgate. I want to know how nasty it will be.

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Ever leave the movie theater and think, “that was okay, but what if Janet Jackson had made that movie instead? Wouldn’t that be better?” No? Not once? Well, Lionsgate thinks you thought that, because the studio just gave her a movie deal.

Jackson has starred in several Tyler Perry films for the studio, including Why Did I Get Married?, Why Did I Get Married, Too? and Madea Goes To Mars. Okay, I made up one of those titles, but I bet you can’t guess which one it was.* While you’re figuring it out, the Queen of the Malfunctioning Wardrobe had this to say about her 1-picture deal:

“My experiences of working with the creative group at Lionsgate have been powerful and exciting,” Jackson said in a statement. “We’ve made three films together so far, directed by the gifted and prolific Tyler Perry. There is genius at this studio in every department. They don’t just make films, they nurture artists who want to make great films.”

No argument about the “prolific” part. Also, no word on what the project will be, or even how nasty it will be. Only that she’ll be in control of the development process and is attached to produce. (TheWrap)

*It was Why Did I Get Married, Too?

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Judge Reserves Right To Talk Down To Tyler Perry Fans http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/judge-reserves-right-to-talk-down-to-tyler-perry-fans/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/judge-reserves-right-to-talk-down-to-tyler-perry-fans/#comments Wed, 02 Mar 2011 20:46:49 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=31220 A Delaware judge overturned a ruling fining a theater for using a "condescending tone" in telling the audience to not talk during the picture.

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A Delaware judge overturned a ruling fining a local theater $80,000 for using a “condescending tone” in instructing the largely black audience of a Tyler Perry film to not talk during the picture. Some members of a 90-95% black audience filed a grievance against the theater after claiming the theater manager prefaced the showing with instructions conveyed in a tone that “was offensive and condescending, as if he were speaking to children.” Following the film, a handful of members, at the behest of an employee in the state’s Human Relations Division convened to discuss recourse.

While it’s clear that this lawsuit addresses racial discrimination and stereotyping, perhaps the theater owner was adopting a condescending tone simply because these people had paid to see a horrible, horrible film. If I step into a Ferrari dealership and extoll the virtues of a Kia, I’m going to get the same treatment. In this example, Tyler Perry is a Kia and every other director is something better than a Kia. Audiences at Kevin James and Michael Bay movies will receive similar condescending treatment, per the theater operator’s manual that I’m drafting.

While it sounds like an unpleasant situation all around, there is a silver lining. It has been cited that only 23 individuals were involved in the lawsuit. Assuming they were all black, that means that the total audience for a Tyler Perry film could have numbered as few as 26 people(23/.95, thankyouverymuch).

That’s a statistic we can all get behind. (Film Drunk)

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New Trailer Explains Why Madea Exists http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/new-trailer-explains-why-madea-exists/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/new-trailer-explains-why-madea-exists/#comments Wed, 09 Feb 2011 23:24:26 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=25950 I've always been puzzled as to how Madea is a thing. This new trailer for 'Madea's Big Happy Family' answers that question. Note: the answer doesn't give the closure you want.

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Herllo!! This new trailer for Madea’s Big Happy Family finally reveals why this hammer-wielding cross-dresser exists in the first place. It’s because of people who enjoy stupidity. Do with that information what you will.

This trailer looks like the film is an adaptation of daytime television. All of it. That six hour block of television that gives you a headache and the desire to die on weekday afternoons has been boiled down and shot with a more expensive camera. Not sure how Madea fits into all of this or what her antics will be this time, but I have a strong feeling it will require she takes off her earrings.

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Tyler Perry To Play Alex Cross, Hopefully As Angry Fat Woman http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-to-play-alex-cross-hopefully-as-angry-fat-woman/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/tyler-perry-to-play-alex-cross-hopefully-as-angry-fat-woman/#comments Tue, 01 Feb 2011 04:50:31 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=23671 Several distributors are considering the package and wondering, "I'd like a piece of that sweet, sweet Tyler Perry box office money, but is this really gonna work? Like, at all?"

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There’s so much Tyler Perry news tonight, it’s like we’re lost inside his insidious ”House of Payne.” Cue bland, sentimental family moment and audience applause.

First we saw a Madea / Black Swan parody poster that’s one ugly-ass duckling, and now we find out that Tyler Perry is being packaged with director Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furious) to adapt James Patterson’s detective thriller novel I, Alex Cross, part of a series of Alex Cross novels. If you saw Along Came A Spider and/or Kiss the Girls, you probably remember Morgan Freeman as detective Alex Cross, who brought a considerable weight to the dramatic role. I’m sure Perry also plans to bring weight to the role, in the form of a fat suit, and any additional pounds that may come from a wig, comically big glasses and a plate of hot grits to scold a dude with.

Several distributors are considering the package and wondering, “I’d like a piece of that sweet, sweet Tyler Perry box office money, but is this really gonna work? Like, at all?” One big problem is that Perry’s biggest hits are still the movies where he expresses his inner fat drag queen grandma, unless you count Star Trek, where I blinked and literally missed his performance. Still… money… (Deadline)

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New ‘Madea’ Poster Far Scarier Than ‘Scream 4′ Poster http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-madea-poster-far-scarier-than-scream-4-poster/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-madea-poster-far-scarier-than-scream-4-poster/#comments Tue, 01 Feb 2011 00:55:21 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=23619 The poster for Scream 4 is old-school Scream-ish. The poster for the next Tyler Perry Madea movie is not.

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The poster for Scream 4 is old-school Scream-ish. The poster for the next Tyler Perry Madea movie (Madea’s Big Happy Family) is absolutely, brilliantly hilarious if you’re the type of person that enjoys Madea movies in the first place. Together, they’ve got nothing in common other than they both came out today and neither merits its own post, so hear you go, dear reader. Let’s get the bad news out of the way with Madea.

If this image haunts your nightmares, please direct all complaints to Tyler Perry. He did this I am just a conduit for his awful, awful message. Go bleach your eyes and hurry back for a decidedly less-offensive image.

Hey! It’s got a “4″ for the “A.” Other than that, it looks pretty much just like every other Scream poster, which is fine, because they’ve got a good thing going in their branding. I still think Madea looks much, much scarier. Seriously. Go back up and look at those nostrils.

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Google Talks Smack About Celebrities http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/google-talks-smack-about-celebrities/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/google-talks-smack-about-celebrities/#comments Fri, 14 Jan 2011 00:57:39 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=16577 Google is so smart, it can actually answer a question before it's been asked. So we decided to utilize this feature to find out what Google (and more importantly, what Internet users) really want to know about their favorite celebrities.

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Google knows everything. In fact, Google is so smart, it can actually answer your question before you’ve asked it by examining previous questions asked by millions of other people. The future is now! It’s a future ruled by machines, but a future none the less!

We decided to utilize this feature to find out what Google (and more importantly, what Internet users) really want to know about their favorite celebrities. The results were somewhat predictable, but disturbing all the same. We weeded out the repetitive answers, as it tuns out every celebrity alive is suspected of being either gay or Jewish. We also left out Richard Gere, because the man has been through enough of this shit.

At any rate, here are the results of our celebrity Google search experiment.

Angelina Jolie
That stuck up bitch!

Brad Pitt
I guess he figured out “what’s in the box.”

Chevy Chase
I always knew Funny Farm would come back to haunt him.

Christina Hendricks
We didn’t even have to type “is” to figure out what people are really looking for.

Jay Leno
That explains the lack of children. Poor Mavis.

Jeff Dunham
Google thinks Dunham is both “racist” and “a racist.” That’s super racist! (Get over it, Google, he’s a ventriloquist.)

Kanye West
Speaking of racism, Kanye West is Tracy Jordan? I guess they all look alike to you, eh Google? You make me sick.

Lady Gaga
I wish just one of these things were true.

Tyler Perry
I can’t think of a more humorless place than Tyler Perry Island.

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Casting Begins for Tom Cruise’s ‘M:I4′ Protege http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/casting-begins-for-tom-cruises-mi4-protege/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/casting-begins-for-tom-cruises-mi4-protege/#comments Wed, 25 Aug 2010 19:25:31 +0000 Defy Media According to my super-secret source within Paramount Pictures (by that I mean The Wrap), director Brad Bird and Tom Cruise are about to begin casting for the role of Ethan Hunt's protégé in Mission: Impossible 4. While nothing is definite, Keven Zegers, Christopher Egan and Anthony Mackie are all vying for the part, although they may be in the running for other roles, as well. After the failure of Cruise's last film, Knight and Day, Paramount was anxious to hedge its bets by bringing in another prominent actor to help draw an audience. By that logic, I really don't see why the studio passed over Tyler Perry. Diary of a Mad Black Warlord or I Can Do Baghdad All My Myself would have killed, and no one would have cared about the bad acting or cheesy plot. (/Film)

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According to my super-secret source within Paramount Pictures (by that I mean The Wrap), director Brad Bird and Tom Cruise are about to begin casting for the role of Ethan Hunt’s protégé in Mission: Impossible 4. While nothing is definite, Keven Zegers, Christopher Egan and Anthony Mackie are all vying for the part, although they may be in the running for other roles, as well.

After the failure of Cruise’s last film, Knight and Day, Paramount was anxious to hedge its bets by bringing in another prominent actor to help draw an audience. By that logic, I really don’t see why the studio passed over Tyler Perry. Diary of a Mad Black Warlord or I Can Do Baghdad All My Myself would have killed, and no one would have cared about the bad acting or cheesy plot. (/Film)

 

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