Charles Sheen’s descent into madness from his tropical island paradise continues.
CBS foresaw the problem potential of hanging the livelihoods of hundreds on a raving madman and decided to get a series finale in the can in case of Sheenmergency.
Since it looks like we won’t be seeing new episodes of “Two and a Half Men” any time soon, if ever (fingers crossed) we decided that now would be a great time to take a look back fondly at the five greatest “Two and a Half Men” moments. Yes, it was difficult, but we actually found five.
Calling a dude a “pussy” is funny, but when doing so possibly ends the run of a terrible, yet somehow endlessly successful TV sitcom – that’s hilarious.
GO CHARLIE, GO!
Charlie Sheen is going to help the crew… sort of.
Charlie Sheen’s reps believe one and a half men will become “Two and a Half Men” again by late February. Damn it, we were just beginning to enjoy the “Men”-lessness.
Charlie Sheen’s wise decision to check himself into rehab has a silver lining. Production has been shut down on “Two and a Half Men” until further notice.
We knew that Charlie Sheen would have some bullsh*t excuse for his trip to the emergency room yesterday morning. But we didn’t know it would be this bullsh*t.
Charlie Sheen’s publicist has confirmed that the actor is in the hospital with severe abdominal pains after partaking in a 36-hour cocaine binge. Something tells me that said publicist will probably have a different story to tell.
The star of ‘Two And a Half Men’ was rushed to LA area hospital Cedars-Sinai with stomach pains early this morning.
The playa haters at CBS and Warner Bros still want to get “Two and a Half Men” star Charlie Sheen cleaned up. Problem is, how do you clean Charlie Sheen up?
Charlie Sheen is having drunken orgies with porn stars and still getting to work on time. That’s not rock bottom. That’s god damned impressive.
Charlie Sheen had a cooler weekend than you, and now his bosses at Warner Brothers and CBS are worried he’s not going to show up to work on “Two and a Half Men.”
Some will be entertaining, most will be unwatchable, but each project will push us closer to the point of over-saturation.
Don't ask Charlie Sheen about his vacation, you guys. Let's just say, "It was relaxing." Relaxing meaning he had an allergic reaction to some medicine that caused him to strip naked, scream at the top of his lungs, trash a room in New York's famed Plaza Hotel, and cause a naked prostitute to seek shelter in the closet. He also checked out Ground Zero.
So you'd be right to assume that he's in a lot of trouble. Except that you'd be wrong. TV's highest paid star is walking away scott-free from the entire incident.
"…as of now Sheen will not face any criminal charges for trashing his room at New York's venerable Plaza Hotel. The hotel hasn't come forward to lodge any complaint against the star, either."
What do you have to do to offend the Plaza? Show your **** to Eloise? (E!)
"So then I sez to her, I can pay to have you killed."People is reporting that Charlie Sheen will serve a minimum of fifteen days in jail for chasing his wife with a knife on Christmas Eve and threatening to kill her. That hardly seems fair. IT WAS CHRISTMAS. The most stressful time of year. Who here hasn't wanted/tried to kill their girlfriend/wife/sorority-girls-who-now-inhabit-your-childhood-home during the Christmas season? If you don't raise your hand, you're a liar.But don't worry. Charlie's time in the pokey won't prevent him from earning a multi-million dollar paycheck for spouting off lame sexual euphemisms before canned gasps, chuckles, and wolf whistles. The plea deal will allow him to serve his time before "Two and a Half Men's" shooting schedule reconvenes. Thank God! Not the real God that we all love. One of those sinister evil ones.
Charlie Sheen has problems. You have problems. Charlie Sheen drinks too much. You drink too much. Charlie Sheen has a shitty job. You have a shitty job. Charlie Sheen could make as much as $100 million dollars over the next two years for filming "Two and a Half Men." You'll be lucky if they make you an example in a "Faces of Meth" poster. Sheen's upfront salary is pegged at right around $1.25 million per seg, not the $1.8 million-$1.9 million previously reported ( Daily Variety , May 18). But Sheen's sizable profit participation stake in "Men" has sources close to the deal pegging the value of the additional 48 episodes at as much as $100 million to the thesp. With this new contract, Sheen's net worth is probably higher than the GDP of some third-world countries. Of course, that's assuming he hasn't blown most of it on hookers and blow, which he most certainly has. But this cash might be just what Sheen needs to find out the truth about September 11th. In fact, if you're reading, Charlie, I happen to have some information about the real culprit. His name starts with an "O" and ends with an "ama." For a million dollars, I'll clue you in on the missing letters. (Variety)
"We're not done until you retrieve my stash."Charlie Sheen fans can stop sending dead hookers and porn stars to CBS offices, because Poppa Bear is coming home!! The highest paid man on television announced that he will return to his shit show "Two and a Half Men," and has signed a contract that forces him to have to watch this thing awkwardly morph into a lesbian over the next two years:"To put a fitting end on the two and one-half months of whirlwind speculation, I'm looking forward to returning to my CBS home on Monday nights," said Sheen in a statement released last night. You see what he did there? The show is called "Two and a Half Men" and he said "two and one-half months." Someone please jam a great big adrenaline needle into my heart before my lungs collapse from over-LOLing. (People)
"Let me in!! I'm being MURDERED!!!"Jon Cryer must be a really good husband because it seems his ex-wife doesn't want to share him with the world. Earlier this year, an episode of Two and a Half Men was taped without a studio audience because Jon Cryer feared his ex-wife hired an assassin to kill him. Thus, depriving us of the most interesting thing that could possibly happen in that studio. I ask you this, does this look like the face of a woman who dreams of murder?Well, she doesn't think so. Here's her side of the story:Trigger’s lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger’s estranged husband, David Dickey.Trigger’s lawyer became so alarmed she contacted lawyers for both Cryer and Dickey. On January 10, Dickey confronted Sanchez. According to legal docs, “Mr. Sanchez not only flatly denied making such a statement, but he said that it was [Sarah Trigger] who had contacted him on numerous occasions, stating that she wanted to see the pair [Cryer and Dickey] dead, and even asking Mr. Sanchez if he would kill the pair, or if he would not, inquiring whether she could speak with Mr. Sanchez’s father about this issue.” Sounds scary and stressful for Cryer. If he had any smarts he would disguise himself as a teenager and hide out at his nephew's high school immediately. (TMZ)