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Honest Trailers – ‘Twilight: Eclipse’
Friday, November 16 by

This movie is lazy, even by Twilight standards.

Twihard #1!
A Guy’s Guide To ‘The Twilight Saga: Eclipse’
Friday, November 18 by

Our look at one of the four greatest Twilight films ever made.

Taylor Lautner Cries Wolf Over Missing Trailer
Tuesday, August 24 by

Taylor Lautner is howling mad at an RV company for not delivering his trailer on time. Get it? I said "howling mad" because he plays a wolf boy in those awful movies. *sigh*

At any rate, Lautner is so distraught over the matter that he has filed a lawsuit against the company, McMahon's RV, claiming both "annoyance" and "emotional distress."
On the one hand, he allegedly paid $300,000 for the trailer, so I can sort of see his point. On the other hand, he paid $300,000 for a trailer, and someday he'll use it to bang more chicks than I will ever meet even though he looks like one of the rats from those old Quizno's ads. When I look at it that way, I'm more inclined to hope the trailer catches fire while the rich, pretty boy, crybaby is inside. (TMZ via Movie Line)

David Slade Will Most Likely Direct ‘Wolverine 2′
Friday, August 20 by

David Slade, director of Twilight Eclipse, 30 Days of Night, and Hard Candy, is the lead contender to helm the sequel to the X-Men Wolverine spin-off, the aptly titled, Wolverine 2. His sole competition is Robert Schwentke, who last directed The Time Traveler's Wife, and has the upcoming Bruce Willis vehicle, Red. Hugh Jackman himself will pick the winner, so let the ass-kissing begin. According to Vulture, "A well-placed source inside the production insists: 'It's going to be Slade.'" Looks like someone already sent a fruit bouquet to someone else's house.
I suppose I'd prefer Slade to Schwentke since I'm a big fan of Hard Candy and he made the least sh*ttiest Twilight movie, but I feel strongly that the sequel to Wolverine couldn't be any worse than the original no matter who's directing.
Oh no. I've gone and done it again. I've said the words that release the evil genie who travels on a bed of Cheetos dust.

RATNER!!!!!

Cartoon Supervillain Defeats Vampires, Werewolves and Predators
Sunday, July 11 by

A cartoon supervillain easily defeated all challengers in this weekend's box office showdown, making short work of vampires, werewolves and even alien predators.Despicable Me dominated, pulling in $60.1 million from 3,476 theaters. In its second weekend, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse brought in an impressive $33.4 million, taking second place, while Predators came in third, taking in $25.3 million during its big-screen début.Typical. This could only happen in Hollywood. In real life, the Predators would easily destroy everything in their path, and the vampires and werewolves would have no problem with a cartoon supervillain. It wouldn't even be close. Now if you'll excuse me, mother needs to check my browser history to make sure I haven't been looking at pictures of naked women. As if! (Coming Soon)

‘Twilight’ for Guys
Tuesday, July 6 by

Twilight: For Guys – Watch more Funny Videos Twilight…. For Guys!!! – Watch more horror  Twilight for Guys improves on The Twilight Saga's formula by swapping out brooding teenagers with chesty, kissing lesbians. Sometimes you have to alienate the tweens to gain the horny male demographic. Check out this hot link-on-link action. How Mel Gibson And Tom Cruise Can Still Save Their Careers (Moviefone) Sex Tips From Olivia Munn (Asylum) Prince Hates iTunes, Says 'Internet Is Completely Over' (PopEater) Nobody Knows What's Up With 'Scream 4' (FilmDrunk) 8 Pictures of Mel Gibson Keeping The Black Man Down (HolyTaco) Fear And Loathing In Sesame Street (Unreality) Porn Star Promises Naughty Things For Holland To Win World Cup (BroBible) Larissa Riquelme Will Strip Even Though Paraguay Lost (TotalProSports) 10 Greatest Fat-Ass Athletes Of All Time (Maxim) Japanese MMA Is F'ed Up (CagePotato) Lindsay Lohan Corrupted By Lesbian Jews (CelebJihad) What The F**k Is Fushigi? (Smosh) In Dreams You're Mine (Pajiba) Stripper Hero Video Game For Kids (Atom) Lance Armstrong's $15,000 Custom Helmet (MadeMan) 25 People Who Should Not Be Mooning (Regretful Morning)

‘Twilight’ Lead Mofos Gettin’ Paid As Such
Tuesday, July 6 by

Good news everybody!! In forty years when we're all greeting the chubby masses at Wal-Mart because there's no money left for Social Security payouts, we can at least sleep peacefully knowing that the Twilight leads/murderers are living more than comfortably. Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner will be paid $41 million to mumble their way through The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. That breaks down to $25 million upfront plus 7.5 percent of the gross revenue. Multiply that by the fact that the gross is a f*ckload and you've got MO' MONEY! MO' MONEY!! MO' MONEY!!! That's solid arithmetic so don't even reach for your calculator.But, you know what? They've earned it. They put their privacy and safety in harms way on a daily basis. Bless those marble-mouthed youngsters and their chiseled stomachs. Now if you'll excuse me. The car I live in is being towed. Time to turn on the waterworks. (/Film)

‘Twilight: Eclipse’ Bores Man To Death
Monday, July 5 by

How bad is Twilight: Eclipse? It's so bad that men in the prime of their lives are dropping dead after a single viewing. Don't believe me? Then how do you explain this poor "transient" in New Zealand? The body of the man was found in a movie theatre at the Reading complex on Courtenay Place by a staff member shortly before 8.30pm last night, said police. The theatre had been screening The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.Well, there you have it. Twilight kills. What other explanation can there be for why a 23-year-old transient would drop dead? Haven't you seen Hobo with a Shotgun? They're practically indestructible. (NZHerald)

‘Twilight Eclipse’ Actress Bryce Dallas Howard
Friday, July 2 by

Bryce Dallas Howard sure turned out hot considering she's got Richie Cunningham genes plugging up her human genome. She made M. Night Shymalan's The Village easier to bear, and Lady in the Water, well, even if her mermaid character was topless she couldn't have saved that movie.  A word from Bryce: "Right now as an artist, what I want to do is be a part of works that are unignorable. I couldn't be less interested in how people receive it, honestly. As long as it's unignorable."If you want to be a part of something that's unignorable go clean up oil on the Gulf Coast, not star in a movie about vampires with stripper diamond dust on their skin. More pics of the fiery red head after the jump.

‘Twlight Eclipse’ Actress Elizabeth Reaser
Thursday, July 1 by

Elizabeth Reaser, the indie darling turned Twilight Saga cast member, has shown that it takes more than sparkling good looks to become a rising actor. While the Twilight has taken up most of her current screen time, she'll be going back to her roots in upcoming  drama's Homework and Eye of The Hurricane, giving plenty of homegrown hotness back on the indie scene.A word from Elizabeth: "I grew up subjecting my family to really bad shows in the living room. It's what I love to do."I'd scoot my butt around on the carpet to Murray Head's "One Night in Bangkok." Oh, but I'm sorry. You're talking about BAD shows.  Unwrap more of Reaser's pieces after the jump.

‘Twilight Eclipse’ Test Screening
Tuesday, June 29 by

I weep for theater seats this weekend.Control yourself over these links. The Whitest Kids U'Know Are Back (TVSquad) The Nastiest Quotes From Critics Trashing 'Grown Ups' (Asylum) Kim Kardashian Will Be Made Of Wax (PopEater) The Breakfast Fight Club (FilmDrunk) 25 Videos Of Hot Chicks Who Love Video Games (HolyTaco) 15 Cool Pictures Of Famous People With Animals (Unreality) British Kids Recreate 'Goodfellas' In Just 60 Seconds (BroBible) Cute Girl Faceplants Off Bike And Into Creek (TotalProSports) 100 Twitter Accounts Every Guy Should Follow (Maxim) MMA Loses Another Battle In New York (CagePotato) Justin Bieber's Tips For Surviving Puberty (CelebJihad) Free Condoms For Kids (Smosh) 20 Directors' Post-Failure Careers (Pajiba) Another Adventre With Stay-At-Home Dad(Atom) Secret Sexy Russian Spy Arrested (MadeMan) 

The Twihard Hierarchy
Tuesday, June 29 by

Between waiting for the stars of the film to walk the red carpet last week (to get their babies signed), to camping out for the best seats in the house for Wednesday's theatrical debut of Eclipse, Twilight fans (or Twihards) really have the world on a string.
Think about it, if any of us were to obsess about, say, Princess Leia action figures, we'd be bouncing off the walls of our padded cell. But these fans have things figured out, and even if a few "bad apples" have been tagging walls with book quotes and arraigned for attempted murder, they're still accepted in society.
But, they're not all criminally deranged. So we wanted to set the record straight, and shed light on this cultural phenomena that has taken over so many of our women.

‘Twilight Eclipse’ Fans Abandon Their Parents’ Basements To Camp Out For Premiere
Wednesday, June 23 by

Roughing it the same way our forefathers did.There has never been a more lucrative time to be a cat-sitter. With Twilight Eclipse set to play at the Los Angeles Film Festival one week before it opens nationwide on June 30th, eager fans have assembled en masse to get a glimpse of their favorite stars. In fact, if you stroll by there right now, you'll see a "tent city" built by the Twihards. Just like our early settlers. Though they're more likely to suffer from Pop Rox in their blankets than small pox.It's now being reported that 550 of the overzealous nut jobs will be rewarded for their stalking by being guaranteed spots on the red carpet at Eclipse's Thursday premiere. The lesson here is if you obsess over someone hard enough, you'll be granted close access to them. Now, who amongst you has Bieber Fever and an attraction to hunting knives? (DailyMail)

Robert Pattinson’s Grim Future
Tuesday, June 22 by

This Twilight Saga fortune is most unsettling. Cedric Diggory was destined to become Edward Cullen.

Requisite ‘Twilight: Eclipse’ Trailer Post
Friday, April 23 by

Peek-a-boo. Today Oprah continued her mission to infuriate the male gender by debuting the new trailer for Twilight: Eclipse. I don't believe the act was intentionally malicious, but when an "Oprah" audience squeels a lumberjack loses his testicles. I've watched the trailer and if I'm not mistaken it's still about vampires and cartoon werewolves. Everyone is sad most of the time, donning pomadours, and fighting each other for ownership of the woods or something. The film does feature a group of vampires emerging from a body of water, which I always thought was a zombie strategy of attack. Better get on your game, Walking Dead. The vampires are stealin' your bitches AND your tricks. Swoon over the trailer after the jump.  Twilight: Eclipse gets asses in the seats June 30.

Interpreting ‘Twilight’
Wednesday, April 14 by

If those owls are made of poop then this is an accurate graphic.What the Internet sees.Chris Rock Eulogizes Tracy Morgan (Moviefone)10 Things You Should Never Say to a Call Girl (Asylum)Mel Gibson Leaving His Baby Mama (PopEater)25 Athlete Mugshots (HolyTaco)Bizarrely Metrosexual Shrek Photoshoot (FilmDrunk)8 Trippy Scenes in Non-Trippy Movies (Unreality)Just a Monkey Doing Non-Stop Pushups (TotalProSports)Hot Pics of Arianny Celeste (Maxim)Chael Sonnen Weighs in on Anderson Sllva (CagePotato)Kim Kardashian Flashes Her Useless Ass (CelebJihad)Live Bomb Removed from Guy's Head (Smosh)'Green Hornet' Will Be One Giant Ball of Suck (Pajiba)How to Save Some Cash for the Tax Man (Atom)7 Signs You're the Jerk in the Room (MadeMan)Kyle Goes to Walley World (AllLeftTurns)

‘Twilight Eclipse’ One-Sheet Isn’t Even Trying
Tuesday, March 23 by

The new one-sheet for Twilight: Eclipse just hit and the cast couldn't look more apathetic about it. I believe the point here is to convey that the actors Twihards cream over will also be in this film. The marketing gurus probably figured they could have given the characters assholes for eyes and it wouldn't make a difference at the box office.