Dumb Things Kristen Stewart Says: Afraid Twihards Will Assassinate Her
Friday, July 2 by

GUN!!!!!!The best thing about the Twilight buzz machine is when Kristen Stewart sits down for an unsupervised interview, while her publicist fills her purse in the hospitality suite. The girl puts her foot in her mouth at the craziest of angles so consistently that I've felt we need a new section called Dumb Things Kristen Stewart Says. Actually, she goes off the PR rails so often we could dedicate our entire site to it. And then a book deal. And then a sitcom. I'm digressing. The latest diarrhea to dribble out of Kristen's opinion-hole paints her adoring fans as crazed lunatics (something we've been in the business of doing for awhile now). From Hello! magazine:"I don't feel very comfortable on the red carpet. Sometimes I get really excited for what I'm going to and then try to take good pictures and go inside… I literally have to keep myself from crying sometimes. I look out there at a thousand people and I realize they could rush me and assassinate me. No security could protect me. Ostensibly they're fans, but I think about them turning on me."Relax, Kristen. If you ever feel unsafe in a crowd of Twihards, just mumble for help. If that fails, run in the opposite direction. It's likely they'll lose their breath before making it to that Jamba Juice over there by that green car. (via CinemaBlend)

The Twihard Hierarchy
Tuesday, June 29 by

Between waiting for the stars of the film to walk the red carpet last week (to get their babies signed), to camping out for the best seats in the house for Wednesday's theatrical debut of Eclipse, Twilight fans (or Twihards) really have the world on a string.
Think about it, if any of us were to obsess about, say, Princess Leia action figures, we'd be bouncing off the walls of our padded cell. But these fans have things figured out, and even if a few "bad apples" have been tagging walls with book quotes and arraigned for attempted murder, they're still accepted in society.
But, they're not all criminally deranged. So we wanted to set the record straight, and shed light on this cultural phenomena that has taken over so many of our women.

‘Twilight Eclipse’ Fans Abandon Their Parents’ Basements To Camp Out For Premiere
Wednesday, June 23 by

Roughing it the same way our forefathers did.There has never been a more lucrative time to be a cat-sitter. With Twilight Eclipse set to play at the Los Angeles Film Festival one week before it opens nationwide on June 30th, eager fans have assembled en masse to get a glimpse of their favorite stars. In fact, if you stroll by there right now, you'll see a "tent city" built by the Twihards. Just like our early settlers. Though they're more likely to suffer from Pop Rox in their blankets than small pox.It's now being reported that 550 of the overzealous nut jobs will be rewarded for their stalking by being guaranteed spots on the red carpet at Eclipse's Thursday premiere. The lesson here is if you obsess over someone hard enough, you'll be granted close access to them. Now, who amongst you has Bieber Fever and an attraction to hunting knives? (DailyMail)