Tonight, Jessica Simpson's cleavage makes Dane Cook palatable.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE BREAKNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

 Tonight, join Carrie Underwood as she warms your yule log. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

This weekend Survivor: Samoa begins to wind down, Bruce Campbell saves the day, and an elephant gets cut in half.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight on Jersey Shore, Snooki learns the importance of a clean clock.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight on TV, Jesse "The Body" Ventura wrestles hypocrisy and Kim Kardashian does whatever it is she does.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

If the paranormal children on TV tonight don't melt our brains, Megan Fox's hottest moments will.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight on TV, embarrassing parents and strippers. In other words, smoke and fire.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

 My eyes are up here, kid.This weekend, will Dexter Morgan get his man? Will Deb discover her brother's secret?? Will we get more "oh sh*t!" moments???CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight on TV, Zooey Deschanel throws her sister a bone.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight, Top Chef ends its season and Padma Lakshmi regrettably covers up for the winter. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight on TV, people who make love to their cars.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

Andrew Jackson's checkered past, Santa Claus's shady beginnings, and a potential mother-meet on How I Met Your Mother. ALL TONIGHT.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC

This weekend, Blake Lively hosts SNL as well as a party in my pants.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

MTV sets Italian-Americans back to pre-Colombus with tonight's 2-hour premiere of Jersey Shore.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight, Steven Seagal takes the law into his own hands. Literally, this time.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight, scantily-clad supermodels prance about the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Also, the President gives a speech or something.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

This Thanksgiving weekend, television is thankful for strippers.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

A winner is crowned on tonight's Dancing With The "Stars."CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

Katee Sackhoff returns to nerd-bonering tonight. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!

This weekend, the Seinfelds reunite!!!CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight on TV, hot chicks and Lucifer – the original douchebag.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight's TV has some big name guest stars. And Skeet Ulrich.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

After tonight's episode of Melrose Place, it will be perfectly acceptable to call Heather Locklear a bitch again.  CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight on Gossip Girl, uber-nutjob Lady Gaga cameos. I'll be so bummed if she doesn't wear her Kermit dress. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Easy on the eyes January Jones hosts SNL while murder on the ears Black Eyed Peas are the musical guest. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!! 

Tonight is all about short, horny, crazy people. It's Verne Troyer Day!!!CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Between The CMA's, CBS's comedy block, and Secret Girlfriend, tonight is all about hot chicks and fat dudes. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Tonight on TV we have cavemen, criminals, and trustafarians. Evolution has not been pretty. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC 

Tonight on television we get a double-shot of Thicke.  CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!