Somehow Sookie gets involved in all of this even though she insists she wants a quiet life of banging non-paranormal dudes. With all of these opposing forces at odds, season five looks like it just has to be seen. That and Jessica dresses like Sexy Red Riding Hood.

It’s too easy to not watch a show that you weren’t watching before, so to add at least a modicum of difficulty, let’s cull some shows that were once favorites. It’s nothing personal. Sometimes shows fall in quality, sometimes they just get old, and sometimes we change. For whatever reason, here are a handful of shows that we have no problem saying goodbye to for Lent.

True Blood

I like(d) True Blood for what it is – a campy, soapy display of stylized violence with a fair amount of nudity. It continues to be very self-aware, but there seemed to be very little new space to explore. To recap, there have been werewolves, vampires, fairies, shapeshifters, panthers, and witches. That’s a lot of factions going head-to-head.

The shock value is gone, and while the sexiness and violence is still entertaining, it’s compromised by the total absence of a story to tell. I was able to make it through last season buoyed by the hotness of the characters, but no more. Unless they seriously overhaul their writing team, I’m going to bid the show adieu and get my nudity from the internet.

Law & Order: SVU

The show has been gradually declining in quality over the past five years. In fact, the decline was so gradual that indoctrinated viewers may not have even noticed. Now, with the absence of Christopher Meloni, it’s pretty clear that the show will keep trending downward. After 13 seasons and 286 episodes, there are only so many different ways a character can get raped and murdered. There are also only so many ways Ice-T can be informed of the nature of a crime, then respond with “That’s messed up.”

Yes it is, Ice-T. It’s very messed up. Just like your show.

Jason Goes To Hell

When the United States government finally steps in to do something about the Jason Vorhees problem at Camp Crystal Lake, they foolishly believe they can kill him off by shooting him into pieces and exploding the remains. Nice try, guys. Obviously a handicapped kid who doesn’t know how to swim is more resilient than that. As you see in the above clip, the coroner who performs his autopsy can’t help but take a deep bite of the moldy corpse’s still beating, hypnotic heart. Resulting in Jason taking possession of his body and starting his killing spree a new as an older black gentleman.

True Blood

After having his memory wiped and just being dicked around by witches for an entire season, Eric Northman had had enough of their black magic shenanigans. He swooped in and made an example of the coven’s most annoying witch by yanking her heart from her chest and drinking the ventricle as if it were a Juicy Juice. So, yeah, point taken. Eric Northman no longer f***ing around.

Bordello of Blood

It’s the perfect set up. A beautiful vampire queen sets up a secret bordello beneath a funeral home (kinky) and lures all the douchey hornballs in town. After showing them sweet knockers, the douchebags then have their hearts ripped out and consumed. In fact, it’s the disappearance of Corey Feldman that sets the film’s plot into action. Not sure why anyone wanted to go looking for him. That’s the only part of the premise that I can’t wrap my head around.

With HBO’s newst show, Luck, premiering this Sunday, we thought we’d take a look at its intro, and see how it compares to the networks previous efforts in the title sequence department.

Watch it a few times, let it sink in, and see how it compares to these nine other Home Box Office favorites.

True Blood

The hyper-stylized credits to True Blood take us on a tour of the Bible Belt and the bayou to show the South re-imagined after vampires have declared citizenship. The dangerous and sexily-charged images have a found footage feel that evokes a sinister undercurrent. It’s equal parts exorcism footage and Nine Inch Nails video. All set to the awesome song “Bad Things” by Jace Everett.

Game of Thrones

Though the opening credits differ depending on the episode, designers hit it out of the park with the opening credits for Game of Thrones. They take the convention of exploring a fantasy map and give it new life by sweeping across the kingdoms. The camera rests on the family sigil of each house. The sigil will then animate to reveal a series of cogs in motion. As the gears spin, a three-dimensional world is built up to spring from the page.

Bored To Death

The opener to Bored To Death flips through the pages of fictional Jonathan Ames’s life. The text falls away to reform characters and landscapes is Ames’s fictitous double-life. Here we’re introduced to the writer/low-rent detective as he tails an attractive dame through New York encountering cartoon versions of his co-stars that show off their main character traits. Ted Danson as a pothead. Zach Galifianakis as a fatty fat fat.

However, there are fashions from film that we would very much like to be peddled directly into our lives, be it cause they are funny, fashionable, or just because, if only for a few hours, we would like to dress like Michael Cera.

Bottle Rocket-Inspired Custodial Workwear

Sure, janitorial coveralls aren’t meant to differentiate, but why aren’t they? Just because one is cleaning or painting for most of the day doesn’t mean they don’t want to feel fashionable (I’m guessing. Maybe they don’t)! So let them look like characters in everyone’s favorite Wes Anderson movie that isn’t Tenenbaums, Rushmore, or Steve Zissou…Bottle Rocket.

While you’re cleaning the windows on the 25th floor of a skyscraper, imagine the happiness you’ll realize when an occupant of the building holds up a paper sign that reads:

NICE COVERALLS! YOU LOOK LIKE DIGNAN FROM BOTTLE ROCKET!

The Reservoir Dogs Collection

When you’re stepping into an interview, you want to appear tough and motivated. And who appears more tough and motivated than the gang from Reservoir Dogs? That’s right. No one.

The next time you’re sitting down trying to sell someone on yourself, wouldn’t you prefer to be channeling the spirit’s of Mr. Pink, Mr. Brown, Mr. Black, Mr. Orange, Mr. Blonde, and Mr. Blue, so that you can project an air of “If you don’t hire me, I swear on my mother’s life that I will cut your ear off, douse you in gasoline, and set you on fire.”

With that air of confidence, you’ll be sure to score the kindergarten teaching position!

With both types of lists difficult for different reasons, let’s search through the piles of examples that HBO’s sexy-vampire show gives us and try to find the 5 most ridiculous aspects of this shirtless train wreck that many can’t seem to turn away from.

5. The Accents

Considering the show is set in Bon Temps, Louisiana, you would expect some pretty thick Cajun or bayou accents. However, only about 15% of the characters have a southern accent. And the ones that ARE attempted are pretty far from passable. Sookie, played by Oscar winner Anna Paquin has a godawful accent, but she takes her shirt off frequently, so we tend to turn a blind eye.

However, other characters seem to speak as though they are from Omaha. When driving through rural Louisiana, you will come to one realization: nobody speaks like a normal human being. The accents are so thick it’s difficult to discern what is being said. However, the True Blood cast speaks as though they are delivering a commencement address at Vasser. Yes. Vasser.

Granted, it would be more difficult to endear the audience to a group of sexy townsfolk who all speak like they have mouths full of marbles, but the path the producers and actors took make it almost as difficult to suspend disbelief.

A word from Paola: (On auditioning for her role in “True Blood“) ”It was so intense, because this character has to go through severe moments and intense emotions that they wanted to see it in the read. It was so tiring and exhausting that I even lost my voice. It was really intense, but intense enough to get the role.”

A word from Lindsay: ”I definitely have to keep myself creative outside of acting. You’ll go crazy in this town if you are just focused on acting. I think you have to have something else going on in your life.”

Check out more gif recaps HERE.

6 photosAshley Jones

“I have no desire to leave,” he said. “Doing the show, I’m having more fun than I have ever had in my life.” He later said that he and the show’s writers are already breaking stories for Season 5 and one of them is about “how one of the vampires was made.”

Ball’s deal actually extends past this season should he choose to stick with the show, or take a backseat in order to develop more programming for HBO. Personally, I’d stick around at least until the introduction of sexy Black Lagoon creatures. (Deadline)

Yes, Amnesia Eric is drunk as a skunk.  He zips around at vampire speed, pinches Sookie’s butt and runs off into the sun after attempting to bite her.

Very interesting to note that even wasted, Eric says he’ll never hurt her.  After attempting to find Eric and failing, Sookie calls in her knight in shining…um…silver fur?   It’s Alcide to the rescue.

(Check out more of our Gif Recaps HERE)

So, let me pause a moment here.  Is anyone else feeling like this season’s official poster is wildly accurate?  Sookie is all about flirting with all her admirers…equally.  Not sure how I’m feeling about that.  Nothing wrong with it, but it’s making her seem a bit wishy washy.  I mean, I get how mind-numbingly hot these three men are, but she just seems to be floating through it.  Please let me know your feelings in the comments.

After Pam dresses down King Bill after being grilled about where Eric is, we head over to Hotshot for one of the most disturbing story lines ever.

Poor Jason is still tied to the bed and he’s being raped by woman after woman.  The one he shoves off says that her brother/husband…brother, husband!…just bites her on the back of the neck and holds her down until it’s over when he screws her.  She cries and says Jason is the best she’s ever had and yells, ”next.”  Then they send in a little girl.  Jason convinces her to let him go and she does.  But…I have to say this here.  I was more than a little disturbed by my own (and my viewing companions’) reaction to this scene.  It’s awful.  It’s gross.  I’m also fully aware that if it was a woman in that same situation, I’d be even more horrified.  I really hope the writers let Jason experience the aftermath of mass rape the way they would with a female character.  Please weigh in below.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Over at Castle Bill, Nan is trying to find out what happened to Eric.  We see exactly how hardcore Nan is here as she dismisses Salem as a bunch of puritans who needed to get laid.  The real info here though is about a massacre that happened 400 years ago in Spain “by a single witch with a reason to hate vampires.”  She says that necromancers aren’t they same as they used to be.  I’m wondering if she was involved.  In fact, I’m wondering why she’s so single minded.  I’m dying to find out her history.

In Marnie’s store, she’s deep in a dream…of the Spanish Massacre.  A powerful witch is being burned at the stake while clergy joke about how to torture her.  Marnie witnesses the entire thing and learns a chant from the witch…who is the woman possessing her.  Uh oh.  Powerful witch with a “reason to hate vampire” possessing a powerful witch in the present.  I’m sure we’re going to get more info on this one.  Did anyone else notice the hooded figure?  Vampire?  And can anyone figure out what the chant translates too?

(Check out more of our Gif Recaps HERE)

Sookie, sitting in her car, has no idea why the shirtless Eric is playing games with her. When he tries to attack her, she flees the car, punches him in the face (woohoo!) and says, ‘I am not your f*cking dinner!”  And this is why we love Sookie.

Eric, after explaining that he has no idea who he is, starts speaking in the same language that Marnie cursed him in.  (Anyone know if that is the language from his homeland?  I suspect it is.)  He remembers flashes of Marnie, her alter ego and the witches stripping his memory. Sookie agrees to help him with his little issue (and really, how could you resist that lost puppy thing he has going on?) but sets the ground rules.  No touching, no biting.  Yeah, cause that is going to stick.

Back at the Goddess Emporium, everyone fusses over Marnie and her vampire bite, which, she says, ”hurt.”  Duh.  (I believe ”duh” was her subtext.)  Tara (still loving her this season since she’s not running around like a chicken with its head cut off and howling) and Lafayette argue about who’s sh*t is more freaked out.  When someone suggests they call the police, Lafayette states the real reason everyone is on edge in the town.  There is really nothing anyone can do to stop the vampires. Not a damn thing.  They can take out cops, they can kill you in a second.  Really, what Marnie did is the only thing that might be effective.  Now, while the witches try to make this into a religious war, Marnie says something that I bet a lot of people will miss.  ”He came in here, uninvited.”  Well, that’s not entirely true, crazy Marnie.  His Grace King Bill’s little sex toy/mole did.  Hmm…

Over in Hotshot (is this anyone else’s least favorite storyline?) poor chewed up Jason is still chained to the bed while creepy daddy/uncle/brother or something talks about the first were-panthers, Ghost Mama and Ghost Daddy.  (Remember last week, we got some info on the mythology of Luna’s people about shape shifters?  There may be a quiz in your future.)  It seems that the sky people (assuming that means the people of the big three religions) turned people away from nature.  Ghost Mama and Ghost Daddy spoke to the panther and said they didn’t want any part in that.  The giant kitty ate them, let them soak up his magic (is that the same as stomach acid?) and barfed them out.  Voila!  Were-panthers.  Back in Jason’s room, Crystal swears that she’s not going to let him die once he turns and points out how ”purty” he is to her sister/cousin/creepy child.

Cut to a terrible YouTube video made by a bunch of kids, trying to convince America that vampires are a real threat.  Ya think?  They have a website full of them at vamps-kill.com, which of course is a real viral site.  Check it out if you need some bad acting.

(Check out more of our gif recaps here)

We start off with Jason, tied up on a bed.  If you recall last week’s episode, our hunky cop was trying to take care of the people of Hotshot while Crystal was away and got knocked into a cooler with some rotting lettuce heads.  When he wakes, his head wound is being licked by one of the kids.  Puppies can be so cute!  They try to free him, but in walks Crystal’s disgusting excuse for a boyfriend, threatening his life.  If only she were here…

”Your blood tastes like freedom, Sookie.  Like sunshine in a pretty blond bottle.”  This may be the line of the night.  Eric, who showed up in Sookie’s room last week while she was naked and told her how wonderful it is when reality matches your imagination explains that he owns her house and she can’t kick him out.  Sookie’s blood, if you remember, allows vampires to go into the sunlight without ending up looking like one of those overcooked potato chips that find their way to the bottom of every bag.  Eric wants to claim Sookie as his so no one can hurt her.  She’s not too thrilled having just been through that with King Bill.  Eric explains that there are two Sookies.  One thinks she’s just human and the other is beginning to realize that she’s better than that.  She counters with that, when she does, does Eric think her legs are going to magically open for him?  Saucy.   He leaves, promising to fix her broken door.

King Bill gets some information about Marnie raising a dead bird from his little mole/witch, who has clearly been giving him more than just info.  He decides to use her as a human Slurpie.  One wonders if witches taste different like fairies do.

Meanwhile at Fangtasia, Pam, Hoyt and Jessica are facing a group of Light of Day protesters.  Hoyt goes to defend his fanged lady.  Pam tries to stop them from bothering the people using their ”constitutional rights to be f*cking idiots” when Hoyt smacks one of them in the kisser for calling Jessica a fanged whore.  Pam has to restrain Jessica while Hoyt gets the bejezzus kicked out of him, saying,  ”Technology has taken all the fun out of being a vampire.”  The AVL wouldn’t be happy to hear that someone got a vampire attack on video, you know.

In the woods, naked Sam and naked Luna (that happene faster this week, didn’t it?) flirt after running around as horses.  Sam tries to move in for a kiss after asking to hear more about her, but it seems Luna has a secret.  She gallops off without saying what it is.

Sookie used to be able to head over to Bill’s house without a problem.  When she tries that nowadays, she’s stopped by armed guards.  And no, it’s not because he’s busy having sex with a witch in his bedroom, which he is.  It’s because he’s now the King of Louisana.  His house reflects the change.  It’s all extra fancy now, with bear skin rugs and a fireplace.  When she walks into the bedroom, Katerina is still putting her clothes back on.  Bill introduces her as ”part of his security” and then kicks her out.  Classy.

Over at Jesus and Layfayette’s house, the talk is all about that not-dead bird.  Jesus doesn’t believe it’s black magic because he doesn’t think it exists.  Um, Jesus, you live in Bon Temps.  I really don’t think it’s safe to think anything doesn’t exist.  You just saw a dead bird fly around a room.  Really, he’s just blaming the bad witches for using magic for bad purposes and says that Lafayette is all light.  I love this couple and I can’t say that enough.  But if Jesus really loves Lafayette, he’ll make him cut off that rat-tail.

Back at the king’s mansion, Sookie asks for Bill’s help keeping Eric away.  She starts to ask him about how he became king, but before he can answer, she reconsiders, saying that every time she found out something about him when they were together, she ended up wishing she didn’t know it.  We flash back to London in the eighties.  Bill is in a punk club discussing the hated Prime Minister Thatcher with a bartender.  Aw, eighties Bill almost makes me miss that decade.  Almost.

A word from Anna: “None of the characters I’ve played are really like me. That would be boring. It wouldn’t be acting.”

(Check out more of our gif recaps here)

Now, many of you may have seen the first 8 minutes of the season, since it’s been posted just about everywhere.  How many of you found your nose wrinkling and eyebrows lifting by the end, thinking things like, sure, we knew there were fairies at the end of last season, but wow, they live in a shiny place?  Wait…these are evil fairies that feed people fruit that glows.  Hold on, Sookie’s granddaddy Earl is that guy from Office Space?  “I’m going to have to go ahead and ask you to stay in the fairy realm and eat lumieres this Saturday.”  But hey, Stephen Root was on the show too.

Well, we’re certainly in for a change up this season.  Not only is Gary Cole living with the fairies, but Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter is a witch!  I’ll be recapping True Blood for you this summer, and as I’ve said in my earlier pieces, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.  I read them all and I do respond.  So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, let the blood bath begin.

Sookie and her fairy godmother Claudine (who really hasn’t helped very much…I mean, she’s been in mortal danger every other episode for years now) appear in the land of Fairy, where everyone is stunning and dresses like they’re sexy aliens in a episode of classic Star Trek.  Sookie runs into Barry the bellboy and fellow telepath with his male model/fairy godmother. They’re offered glowing fruit of light (sounds like something you’d eat in D&D for a +1 to health or something), which makes our fair lady nervous.  And suddenly she spies…granddaddy Earl, who thinks he’s been hanging with the pretty people for a few hours.  Well, it’s actually been 20 years, granddaddy.

When she tries to communicate telepathically to Earl that this is a big ole trap, Queen Mab (who you may remember from a certain Romeo and Juliet speech) shows up to blame Sookie for letting a vampire into their realm.  You see, fairy blood is like vampire crack and the bloodsuckers almost destroyed the entire fairy race.  You’d think they’d come out with True Blood: Fabulous Fairy Flavor.  They’d make a killing.  Anyway, now they’re harvesting humans and trying to close the portal between realms.  Sookie’s power turns Mab back into her…less moisturized form and transports them to some sort of desert.

Fairies may not be all that attractive when they’re not glamoured, but they can shoot glowing attack balls out of their hands.  One friendly fairy (the brother of Claudine, Sookie’s godmother…which makes him the very, very hot Claude from the books…not seeing it yet) helps Sookie and Earl escape, bringing them to the lip of a portal/canyon.  This is still looking like a Star Trek episode to me.  Anyone else?  While Mab blows balls of fire and starts to collapse the portal, Claude tells them that, only Sookie can go back because she’s on a no glowy fruit diet and he wants to be able to go back to the human world, which used to be theirs too.  They jump…

…and land in a graveyard.  Ah Earl.  We hardly got to make any Office Space jokes before you gave Sookie a watch for Jason and croaked!  But, we finally get to see Eric and Bill…for a second as they realize dessert, I mean Sookie, is back.

And how long has our time traveler been gone?  Remember what happens in Fairy?  Sookie comes home to find her house being repaired.  Jason (in cop clothes, but still hot) tells her she’s been gone thirteen months!  Everyone thought she was dead and her house is up for sale.  Jason doesn’t believe her fairytale (yes, I meant to do that) until she gives him the watch.  He tells her to keep her mouth shut because everyone will think she’s crazy if they learn the truth.  Yes, because a world with vampires and a town that was possessed by a maenad would totally think that fairies were super out there.

And then, at long last, the vampires show up.  Bill is all mopey about the fact that he couldn’t feel her for so long.  Also, everyone thought he killed her.  Eric (drool) shows up and tells Sookie that everyone else lost hope…everyone but him.  (Oh, please weigh in on whether or not you’re Team Eric, Bill or Alcide!)  He leaves, and Sheriff Andy shows up, pissed off that our lady’s disappearance cost him a safe town plaque.  Bill covers for her…anyone else notice that we’re half way in and no one’s gotten naked?  After a tearful goodbye, he leaves.  And we find out that Andy is using V!  Wait, what?

A word from Deborah: “I had to be ‘devirginized’ in front of a lot of people — that’s maybe not the most flattering or easy thing to portray!”

6 photosAshley Jones

Both networks were courteous enough to issue press releases containing the schedules and the info. I know two PR departments that are getting muffin baskets this Christmas…

Because it features more nudity and violence, we’ll start with HBO:

GAME OF THRONES – Thursday, July 21

Special Guest Moderator – George R.R. Martin
David Benioff
D.B. Weiss
Emilia Clarke
Peter Dinklage
Kit Harington
Jason Momoa
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

TRUE BLOOD – Friday, July 22

Moderator – Entertainment Weekly’s Tim Stack
Alan Ball
Anna Paquin
Stephen Moyer
Sam Trammell
Ryan Kwanten
Rutina Wesley
Kevin Alejandro
Kristin Bauer van Straten
Nelsan Ellis
Joe Manganiello
Deborah Ann Woll

************************************************************************************

Followed by Fox’s unholy bible of an agenda:

THURSDAY, JULY 21

Napoleon Dynamite: Original cast members from the hit indie film, Jon Heder,Tina Majorino, Efren Ramirez, Jon Gries, Sandy Martin, Diedrich Baderand Executive Producer Mike Scully (The Simpsons) present a new series following your favorite awkward teenager like you’ve never seen him before – animated!  Join us for a sneak peek at never-before-seen footage of the newest member of FOX’s Animation Domination lineup and a “sweet” Q&A session.

Awake: Since the trailer was unveiled at NBC’s upfront presentation in New York, this spellbinding sci-fi drama about the power of the mind from the brilliant creatorsHoward Gordon (24) and Kyle Killen (The Beaver) has been one of the most eagerly anticipated series of the 2011-12 season. While most viewers will have to wait months to sample this series about a detective Jason Isaacs (Harry Potter)desperately straddling two realities as he copes with immeasurable grief, Comic-con fans will get an exclusive first look at the entire first episode of the series,and an audience with Gordon, Killen and star Isaacs.

FRIDAY, JULY 22

Bones: Creator/Executive Producer Hart Hanson, Executive Producer Stephen Nathan and Stars David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel will be on hand to discuss the shocking finale of Bones season 6 as well as what’s in store for Booth and Brennan in an exciting season 7! Hart Hanson will also introduce the audience to the stars of The Finder, his new Fox series premiering in January, followed by fan Q&A.

Bob’s Burgers: Creator/Executive Producer Loren Bouchard and Executive Producer Jim Dauterive and Bob’s Burgers cast H. Jon Benjamin, John Roberts, Dan Mintz, Eugene Mirman and Kristen Schaal, will be on hand to entertain animation fans with hilarious never-before-seen clips from season two followed by a fan Q&A.

SATURDAY, JULY 23

Terra Nova: Star Stephen Lang (Avatar), executive producer Rene Echevarria(Castle, Medium, The 4400, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), executive producerBrannon Braga (24, Star Trek: Enterprise) and co-executive producer Jose Molina will finally unveil this epic adventure series 85 million years in the making, set to premiere this September on Fox. This new event drama from the brilliant minds of Steven Spielberg (Jurassic Park, The Pacific) and Peter Chernin follows an ordinary family on an extraordinary journey back in time to prehistoric Earth as a part of a massive expedition to save the human race.

Futurama is back!  Again!!!  On stage will be Creator/Executive Producer Matt Groening, Executive Producer David X. Cohen, and stars Billy West(Fry, Professor Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg), Katey Sagal (Leela), John DiMaggio(Bender), and Maurice LaMarche (Kif Kroker, Calculon, Morbo).  Get a sneak peek at never-before-seen footage of Futurama reincarnated as Japanese anime, along with a thrilling preview of this summer’s all-new season on Comedy Central. Plus more!  Much more!  Moderated by Bill Morrison.

The Simpsons: Now entering its record-annihilating 23rd season on Fox, and airing its landmark 500th episode on February 19, 2012 The Simpsons has won 27 Emmy awards, was the subject of an international film smash in 2007, inspired a ride you ride again at Universal Studios, and Homer Simpson was named the greatest television character of the last 20 years by Entertainment Weekly. Get an insight into the daily doings of this series from Creator Matt Groening, Showrunner Al Jean, Co-Executive Producer Rob Lazebnik, Co-Executive Producer Matt Warburton, Supervising Producer Mike Anderson and Producer/Panel Moderator Tom Gammill.

Family Guy: Join Alex Borstein, Seth Green, Adam West (Batman) and executive producers Mark Hentemann, Steve Callaghan and Kara Vallow for a sneak peek at the all-new episode “Stewie Goes For A Drive” featuring voice guest star Ryan Reynolds followed by a Q&A session with the audience.

American Dad: Catch a preview of the season seven premiere of American Dad, featuring guest star Cee-Lo Green as a signing hot tub, followed by a Q&A with cast members Wendy Schaal, Scott Grimes, Rachael MacFarlane and Dee Bradley Baker and executive producers Mike Barker, Matt Weitzman andKara Vallow.

GLEE: Join Creator/Executive Producer Ryan Murphy and Creator/Executive Producer Brad Falchuk and stars of the sensation Glee for a tuneful sneak peek at never-before-seen footage and behind-the-scenes secrets, followed by a Q&A session in which fans can ask everything they ever wanted to know about the Golden Globe winning musical series hot off its blockbuster international concert tour.

Allen Gregory: Join Creator/Executive Producer and star Jonah Hill (Superbad, Get Him to the Greek) Showrunner David Goodman (Family Guy), and Creators/Executive Producers Andrew Mogel and Jarrad Paul along with an all-star voice cast for a sneak peek at FOX’s new animated series that tells the story of the most pretentious 7-year-old of our time.  Glimpse exclusive Allen Gregoryanimation followed by a fan Q&A session.

The Cleveland Show: Join the cast and executive producers for a look at The Cleveland Show’s not-to-be-missed parody of Die Hard followed by a discussion with panelists Mike Henry, Sanaa Lathan, Kevin Michael Richardson,Reagan Gomez, Rich Appel and Kara Vallow.

In case you’re not inclined to read all that, the only real takeaway here is that Cee-Lo will be guest starring on”The Cleveland Show.” All the other info really just detracts from that fact.

6 photosAshley Jones

If you ended True Blood“ season three by being all, “Aww, what the fuh?!!,” when Sookie zapped off to the Fairy Realm, HBO has your back. They just released the first three minutes of of the season four premiere that picks up where the last season left off. Sookie is beamed into a high-end Olvie Garden where everyone is eating light bulbs and having a good time. And Lumbergh is there. Sounds trippy but it’s pretty mild by “True Blood” standards. I mean nobody gets their head bashed into goo while being sodomized. Are the writers even trying anymore??

But that’s not all that’s coming to Bon Temps. We also see what we’ve all come to love about the show. Vampires trying to repair their image in the post-Russell Edgerton world, blood-covered sex, non-blood-covered sex, panther sex, shape-shifter sex, and strippers. Just like all the best Snoop Dogg videos. I never thought I’d say it, but I can’t hardly wait to watch all of this blood-covered sex with panthers. **screams “Hurry up!!” at Kittens Wearing Glasses wall calendar**

Enjoy the sweaty beautiful people and catch the season premiere on HBO, June 26th, and 9PM.

“True Blood” is coming to your blood-red-carpeted living room on Sunday, June 26, at 9 pm, while “Curb Your Enthusiasm” is loudly shouting at the members of your household on Sunday, July 10, at 10 pm.

Oh, and “Entourage” is coming back too, on Sunday, Jul 24, at 10:30 p.m. There’s like a good show and a half in this news.

It turns out that they are next door neighbors, and Ball’s pet birds are too loud for Quentin to concentrate. Which is weird because Quentin always seems to have laser-like focus. Tarantino claims in the lawsuit that the “obnoxious pteradactyl-like screams” coming from Ball’s “exotic bird menagerie” have “seriously disrupted [his] ability to work as a writer in his home.”

He’s tried to settle with Ball in the past but to no avail. Seriously though, shut those birds up. They’re standing in the way of Quentin’s process. He can’t drink absinthe out of ladies shoes while wearing a gimp mask with all that racket going on. And how are forgotten stars of the 70′s and 80′s supposed to deliver Oscar-winning monologues if he is too distracted to write them? Treat Williams has waited long enough, dammit. (THR)

“True Blood” fans get really upset when you confuse their beloved sexy vampire show with Twilight. Yet not only are they both about sexy vampires, but they also both seem to prominently feature ripped shirtless guys. I guess that’s the one thing all the fangirls can agree on, before the Team Edwarders call the Bloodheads “whores” and the Truehards call the Twihards “prissy little emo wannabes.” Settle down, goth ladies.

“True Blood” Season Four swoops onto your TV this summer. (Vulture)

A word from Ashley: I’m hoping to have a few overlaps and see if I can convert a few “True Blood” fans or a few ["The Bold and the Beautiful"] fans to tune into the other show.”

Game Of Thrones Throne Tease (HBO) – Watch more Funny Videos
The teaser for “Game Of Thrones” takes things to an artier direction by plunking the cast down to soliloquize on a pretty gnarly looking throne. Look at all those swords! I bet Danzig has one of those. Or at least he will have one by the time the show premieres on April 17th. There’s no official word yet on when “True Blood” will return.