However, it has been deemed that what DOES keep the circle jerk circle intact is Cirque de Soleil. Why? Because the Academy is going to make this night of in-jokes and self-congratulation whimsical and beloved as shit.

My first thought was, couldn’t they do that with an appearance by The Muppets?

And to an extent, they are, as Miss Piggy and Kermit will be presenting an award on next Sunday’s telecast, but at the end of the day, they’re puppets, and puppets don’t convey the classiness of the Oscars the way a mute bunch of Frenchmen in unitards do.

In context, the selection of Cirque de Soleil is in pretty good keeping with theme with this year’s ceremony which appears to be, “Eh. Sure.” I mean, when you’ve got Billy Crystal hosting something, the logical move is to pepper that something with clichéd performances by a group like Cirque de Soleil. Like Crystal, Cirque de Soleil manages to capture everyone’s attention while entertaining no one.

The only promise of Cirque de Soleil performing anywhere, is that, over time, the probability that something very terrible will happen keeps increasing. I don’t wish any of the members harm, but the ethereal being that is “Cirque de Soleil”; I wish that a lot of harm. I hope Cirque de Soleil gets bludgeoned by Hugh Jackman’s cane during one of his inevitable song and dance numbers.

My problem with Cirque de Soleil mirrors my problems with the Academy telecast, so it’s very fitting that the Academy really milks this announcement for all it’s worth today. The fact is, Cirque de Soleil is a pretty impressive mesh of choreography, on-stage talent, music, and production, exactly like the Oscars. It’s natural to respect such a spectacle. But extremely hard to enjoy.

The Academy raises the bar so high for spectacle and esteem, that its awards show neglects the entertainment value of the evening. People are supposed to have fun during the Oscars, both on stage and off, and that hasn’t happened for a long time. Sure, with The Muppets presenting, audiences will get a nostalgic chuckle, and perhaps a whiff of fun, but the Oscars use these instances far too sparingly, instead taking themselves far too seriously for a show about movie awards.

A few things I would rather see than Cirque de Soleil performing a competent, or even impressive routine:

• Christopher Walken doing almost anything.
• An extended shot of Samuel L. Jackson laughing uproariously in a Kangol hat, unable to believe that the producers “went there.”
• Kid Rock performing all the Best Song nominees while a memorial montage of Joe C. plays in the background. He would have been 38 this year, folks.
• A live advertisement that takes place on stage. I’m in love with this idea because it would inevitably cause a rift between the Academy, which would pocket the money directly, and ABC, which wouldn’t see a dime.
• A five-minute tribute by the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes to Jeremy Lin.

But mostly, more than I have ever wanted anything in the world, I would like Billy Crystal to take the stage to introduce Cirque de Soleil, only to announce that they would not be performing. A loud “thunk” would indicate that the Kodak Theater’s doors had been locked shut. All lights would dim, save for one spotlight illuminating a void on the stage, until Academy President Tom Sherak stepped briskly into the illuminated circle. He would clear his throat, then declare to the crowd:

Ladies and Gentlemen, members of the Academy, and fans of cinema alike, thank you for joining us on Hollywood’s most important evening. For 84 years now, the Oscars have commemorated not only the winners of the evening, but have also served as a snapshot of the state of film in particular, and, to a lesser extent, the state of the world in general.

However, in recent years, Hollywood has lost its way. Unchecked hubris and studios beholden to money above art have led to complacency among filmmakers. Sure, films like The Artist and Tree of Life serve as testaments to the medium, but it’s a sad state of affairs when films appear to be made for the sole purpose of getting an Oscar. The system has been manipulated. The rift between art and entertainment has grown too wide. The system must be overhauled, and I, as Academy President, have taken it upon myself to reinvent the system. Tasked with this reinvention, I cannot be burdened by insubordination of Academy members or, God forbid, “celebrities.”

The 84th Annual Oscars are over. The rest of the awards will be placed in an incinerator. It is my complete pleasure to inform you that you are all now attendants of the 1st Annual Hollywood Hunger Games. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the book. At least, I hope you are, as there will be no explanation given. Your time begins now.

Good luck to you all.

At that point, the house lights would come on while “Ride of the Valkyrie” comes blaring out of the orchestra pit. A puzzled, horrified look would appear on the face of every person in attendance until someone (probably Clint Eastwood or Tyler Perry) would just commence beating the ever-living shit out of the person next to them, serving as a catalyst for the orgy of violence that was to take place.

Bruce Vilanch would cackle shrilly, then announce to the crowd, “Let the games begin!” as he shot flaming arrows into the curtains of the Kodak theater in a clever homage to Inglourious Basterds.

And that’s when things would get interesting…

Chapter 2 to follow…

I’m appreciating the love for 50/50, a film that, in my opinion, struck just the right balance of funny and touching. Your impression of the film nominations may vary.

TV is historically more of a mixed-bag, and the nominations for Boss and American Horror Story for best drama, to the exclusion of Breaking Bad (seriously? No Breaking Bad?), and the inclusion of Zooey Deschanel as “best actress” seem pretty dubious. Oh well. It’s the foreign press. That’s probably why The Borgias made the cut. Lousy Borigas.

Movies

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

• The Descendants (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
• The Help (DreamWorks Pictures)
• Hugo (Paramount Pictures)
• The Ides of March (Columbia Pictures)
• Moneyball (Columbia Pictures)
• War Horse (DreamWorks Pictures)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

• Glenn Close - Albert Nobbs
• Viola Davis - The Help
• Rooney Mara - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• Meryl Streep - The Iron Lady
• Tilda Swinton - We Need to Talk About Kevin

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

• George Clooney - The Descendants
• Brad Pitt - Moneyball
• Ryan Gosling - The Ides of March
• Michael Fassbender - Shame
• Leonardo DiCaprio - J. Edgar

BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

• 50/50 (Summit Entertainment)
• The Artist (The Weinstein Company)
• Bridesmaids (Universal Pictures)
• Midnight in Paris (Sony Pictures Classics)
• My Week with Marilyn (The Weinstein Company)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

• Jodie Foster - Carnage
• Charlize Theron - Young Adult
• Kristen Wiig - Bridesmaids
• Michelle Williams - My Week with Marilyn
• Kate Winslet - Carnage

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

• Jean Dujardin - The Artist
• Brendan Gleeson - The Guard
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt - 50/50
• Ryan Gosling - Crazy, Stupid, Love.
• Owen Wilson - Midnight in Paris

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

• The Adventures of Tintin
• Arthur Christmas
• Cars 2
• Puss In Boots
• Rango

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

• The Flowers of War (New Pictures Film Company)
• In the Land of Blood and Honey (FilmDistrict)
• The Kid with a Bike (Sundance Selects)
• A Separation
• The Skin I Live In

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

• Berenice Bejo - The Artist
• Jessica Chastain - The Help
• Janet McTeer - Albert Nobbs
• Octavia Spencer - The Help
• Shailene Woodley - The Descendants

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

• Kenneth Branagh - My Week with Marilyn
• Albert Brooks - Drive
• Jonah Hill - Moneyball
• Viggo Mortensen- A Dangerous Method
• Christopher Plummer - Beginners

BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

• Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris
• George Clooney - The Ides of March
• Michel Hazanavicius - The Artist
• Alexander Payne - The Descendants
• Martin Scorsese - Hugo

BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE

• Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris
• George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon - The Ides of March
• Michel Hazanavicius - The Artist
• Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash - The Descendants
• Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin - Moneyball

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE

• Ludovic Bource - The Artist
• Abel Korzeniowski - W.E.
• Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• Howard Shore - Hugo
• John Williams - War Horse

BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE

• “Hello Hello,” Music by Elton John, Lyrics by Bernie Taupin - Gnomeo & Juliet
• “The Keeper,” Music & Lyrics by Chris Cornell - Machine Gun Preacher
• “Lay Your Head Down,” Music by Brian Byrne, Lyrics by Glenn Close - Albert Nobbs
• “The Living Proof,” Music by Mary J. Blige, Thomas Newman, Harvey Mason, Jr., Lyrics by Mary J. Blige, Harvey Mason, Jr., Damon Thomas - The Help
• “Masterpiece,” Music & Lyrics by Madonna, Julie Frost, Jimmy Harry - W.E.

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Television

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

• “American Horror Story” (FX)
• “Boardwalk Empire” (HBO)
• “Boss” (Starz)
• “Game of Thrones (HBO)
• “Homeland” (Showtime)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

• Claire Danes – “Homeland”
• Mireille Enos – “The Killing”
• Julianna Margulies – “The Good Wife”
• Madeleine Stowe – “Revenge”
• Callie Thorne – “Necessary Roughness”

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

• Steve Buscemi – “Boardwalk Empire”
• Bryan Cranston – “Breaking Bad”
• Kelsey Grammer – “Boss”
• Jeremy Irons – “The Borgias”
• Damien Lewis – “Homeland”

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

• “Enlightened” (HBO)
• “Episodes” (Showtime)
• “Glee” (Fox)
• “Modern Family” (ABC)
• “New Girl” (Fox)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

• Laura Dern – “Enlightened”
• Zooey Deschanel – “New Girl”
• Tina Fey – “30 Rock”
• Laura Linney – “The Big C”
• Amy Poehler – “Parks and Recreation”

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

• Alec Baldwin – “30 Rock”
• David Duchovny – “Californication”
• Johnny Galecki – “The Big Bang Theory”
• Thomas Jane – “Hung”
• Matt LeBlanc – “Episodes”

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

• “Cinema Verite” (HBO)
• “Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)” (PBS)
• “The Hour” (BBC America)
• “Mildred Pierce” (HBO)
• “Too Big to Fail” (HBO)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

• Romola Garai – “The Hour”
• Diane Lane – “Cinema Verite”
• Elizabeth McGovern – “Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)”
• Emily Watson – “Appropriate Adult”
• Kate Winslet – “Mildred Pierce”

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

• Hugh Bonneville – “Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)”
• Idris Elba – “Luther”
• William Hurt – “Too Big to Fail”
• Bill Nighy – “Page Eight (Masterpiece)”
• Dominic West – “The Hour”

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

• Jessica Lange – “American Horror Story”
• Kelly Macdonald – “Boardwalk Empire”
• Maggie Smith – “Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)”
• Sofia Vergara – “Modern Family”
• Evan Rachel Wood – “Mildred Pierce”

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

• Peter Dinklage – “Game of Thrones”
• Paul Giamatti – “Too Big to Fail”
• Guy Pearce – “Mildred Pierce”
• Tim Robbins – “Cinema Verite”
• Eric Stonestreet – “Modern Family”

My Life As A Dog

Ingemar in My Life As A Dog

This is a definitive coming of age drama from director Lasse Holstrom, and if it doesn’t make you cry, not much will. It really piles the misery on top of its young protagonist Ingemar, including but not limited to: a sick and dying mother, being separated from his beloved dog and an array of sexual humiliations. We won’t even blame you if you get a little misty-eyed just reading this.

Edward Scissorhands

Johnny Depp hugging Winona Ryder in Edward Scissorhands

OK, so Edward is an artificial being, so he doesn’t technically age. Still, the movie is about his movement from childlike innocence to bitter disappointment as he experiences the harsh world of love and loss, so it qualifies. And it’ll get you. Particularly the final scene where an elderly Winona Ryder remembers her life as a young girl with Edward and that sweet Danny Elfman score swells. Just try  not to blow your nose too hard if you have scissors for hands. We had an uncle who lost a nostril that way.

Boyz N The Hood

Cuba Gooding Jr. crying in Boyz In the Hood

This coming of age drama about kids growing up in a rough LA neighborhood could make even the hardest gangster (or Republican) shed a tear or two. It’s a classic story, featuring several kids who either try to escape the unforgiving neighborhood, or grow to coldly embrace what it takes to survive there. Plus, what is arguably Ice Cube‘s most badass performance alone is enough to bring tears to your eyes. “Domino motherf*cker!”

The Lion King

Simba trying to wake up Mufasa in The Lion King

Yeah, it’s a cartoon. You’re looking for movies that make a man cry, what do you expect? This Disney classic has been seen by practically everyone, including more than a few guys who claim to never cry during movies —a healthy percentage of these guys almost certainly teared up when Mufasa was murdered by Scar. Or maybe that was just dust in our eyes.

The Tree of Life

Sean Penn in the desert in Tree Of Life

This might seem like a weird choice, since The Tree of Life is a much more experimental movie than the other weepers on this list. Still, if you give it the concentration and focus it deserves, it’ll tug at those heart strings. The scenes depicting life in 1950s suburban Texas might get to you, specifically if you’re around the same age as Sean Penn’s character, whose childhood makes up the bulk of the narrative. Well, that and dinosaurs. And who among us is able to keep his composure when it comes to dinosaurs?

As you may have guessed, this clip pertains to step four. It’s a good clip, although it lacks the visual resplendosity (my word) of the trailer – it’s basically just a disturbingly realistic depiction of a borderline-abusive father played by Brad Pitt bullying his son, who presumably grows up to be Sean Penn. Or maybe he grows up to be Terrence Malick? (Huffington Post)

Click the rapscallion to view the clip

This clip from Terrence Malick‘s Tree Of Life shows what happens when the story’s abused children get break from their a-hole dad. Without Brad Pitt around to handsomely abuse them, they have a pretty good time with their mom. They get to run around the house, yell their heads off, jump on the beds, and bring home lizards. They really need a good sock in the jaw, if you ask me and Brad Pitt.

Rules for my future children: Go to your rooms.

This montage is illustrative of Malick’s work. The sun pouring through the windows paints the scene with a serenity you rarely find outside of a lazy Saturday afternoon. Which means, in order to contrast, Brad Pitt is really going to have to lay the smack down something fierce when he gets back from his trip. These poor kids’ eyes are probably going to pop.

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/brad-pitts-kids-need-a-good-belting-in-tree-of-life-clip/feed/ 0 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/get-a-good-look-at-a-dinosaur-from-tree-of-life/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/get-a-good-look-at-a-dinosaur-from-tree-of-life/#comments Thu, 21 Apr 2011 18:22:58 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=208151 Ever since the first trailer for Terrence Malick‘s Tree of Life came out, people have been wondering what it was all about. And ever since a poster for the movie seemed to have a small appearance from, of all things, a dinosaur, people have been wondering how there could possibly be a dinosaur in a movie like this. Now we have an even better glimpse of the great lizard, as he majestically looks off into the horizon while grazing in a mountain stream, presumably after killing Newman from “Seinfeld.”

Tree of Life premiered at Cannes and will enter the exciting world of limited release on May 27th, so expect to know the precise role the dinosaurs play in the story by then. My guess: Sean Penn is actually a dinosaur, and it’s up to his elderly father Brad Pitt to take him down before he rampages through the city, killing millions. It’ll be like The Omen, but with a secret dinosaur instead of the Antichrist. You heard it here first. (Two Ways Through Life)

The official line-up is getting announced on April 14, but it’s now known that the eagerly anticipated Brad Pitt/Sean Penn/dinosaur drama Tree of Life directed by Terrence Malick. He’s joining Lars von Trier and Gus Van Sant (or is it Lars Von Trier and Gus van Sant??), so this looks like it will be a Cannes to remember. I can’t wait to see you there! (via Variety)