Screen Junkies » transformers http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Tue, 02 Dec 2014 17:20:53 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Honest Trailers — Transformers: Age of Extinction http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailers-transformers-age-of-extinction/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailers-transformers-age-of-extinction/#comments Tue, 07 Oct 2014 17:12:52 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=265872 The Autobots are back...to sell you more products!! Relive Michael Bay's most incomprehensible, illogical, unintelligible Transformers movie yet — now featuring China!

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The Autobots are back…to sell you more products!! Relive Michael Bay’s most incomprehensible, illogical, unintelligible Transformers movie yet — now featuring China!

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Watch more Honest Trailers ►► http://bit.ly/HonestTrailerPlaylist

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Michael Bay Wants To Pass The Inexplicably Pointy ‘Transformers’ Torch http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-wants-to-pass-the-inexplicably-pointy-transformers-torch/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-wants-to-pass-the-inexplicably-pointy-transformers-torch/#comments Tue, 12 Aug 2014 16:21:55 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=264074 Again.

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Michael Bay has once again voiced his desire to pass the torch of the Transformers series to another director. Even though that torch creates the brightest and most awesome flame that you can see from the most radical parts of outer space. He has other stories he wants to tell that will probably still involve beautiful women in uncomfortable poses.

“There’s kind of a new chapter, a new direction in movies I want to make,’ says Bay, who is eyeing a passion project, a documentary on elephant poaching. “I have a lot of stories to tell. And it’s about flexing new muscles.”(USA Today)

This might just be our best chance to see the visual spectacle that is an elephant exploding presented in stunning RealD 3D with Dolby 7.1 Surround.

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Screen Junkies Show: Best & Worst Movie Robots http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/screen-junkies-show-best-worst-movie-robots/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/screen-junkies-show-best-worst-movie-robots/#comments Thu, 26 Jun 2014 17:50:20 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=262569 With the Transformers rolling back into theaters, we decided to break down the best and worst movie machines of all time.

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With the Transformers rolling back into theaters, we decided to break down the best and worst movie machines of all time. Subscribe to ScreenJunkies on YouTube, and click here to see more Screen Junkies Show episodes!

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen/#comments Tue, 17 Jun 2014 18:53:33 +0000 Lyndsey Saul http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=262333 With "Transformers: Age of Extinction" on the horizon, it's time to buckle up and relive Michael Bay's loud, underwritten, headache-inducing follow-up to the first "Transformers." Seriously. It gave all of us headaches.

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With “Transformers: Age of Extinction” on the horizon, it’s time to buckle up and relive Michael Bay’s loud, underwritten, headache-inducing follow-up to the first “Transformers.” Seriously. It gave all of us headaches.

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How To Fix TRANSFORMERS http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/how-to-fix-transformers/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/how-to-fix-transformers/#comments Fri, 11 Apr 2014 00:18:31 +0000 Lyndsey Saul http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=261012 Transformers: Age of Extinction is on its way to theaters, but the Autobots are showing their age. Nick Mundy has some ideas to get the Transformers franchise back up to Optimus Prime condition.

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Transformers: Age of Extinction is on its way to theaters, but the Autobots are showing their age. Nick Mundy has some ideas to get the Transformers franchise back up to Optimus Prime condition.

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Michael Bay Was Attacked With An Air Conditioner By An Extortionist On The Set Of ‘Transformers’ In Hong Kong http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-was-attacked-with-an-air-conditioner-by-an-extortionist-on-the-set-of-transformers-in-hong-kong/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-was-attacked-with-an-air-conditioner-by-an-extortionist-on-the-set-of-transformers-in-hong-kong/#comments Thu, 17 Oct 2013 17:29:12 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=257588 If you wanna make an omelette, you're gonna have to get hit with some air conditioners.

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Having filmed in Texas, Arizona, Utah, Michigan, Illinois, and Washington, it was clearly time for Transformers 4: Marketing Opportunity to head to the Orient. However, when the production team started filming, they found that a few people weren’t as eager as Americans were to have Hollywood folks blow up their city.

Three men (or two brothers, depending on the report) walked on set and shook down the production team for about $15,000 US. When the staffers called the cops, one of the man, who according to this Paramount release was under the influence of narcotics, brandished an air conditioner as a weapon, then swung it at Michael Bay, causing Bay to fall down and slightly injure his face.

Production resumed with no further incident, though it’s possible would could see a revised final battle that has Transformers wielding giant window unit air conditioners against each other.

Still not going to see it, though.

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Michael Bay DID Throw Mark Wahlberg A ‘Transformers’ Bone http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-did-throw-mark-wahlberg-a-transformers-bone/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-did-throw-mark-wahlberg-a-transformers-bone/#comments Fri, 09 Nov 2012 17:38:10 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=251927 Oh, I hope he plays someone bemused and befuddled.

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A few days after pressure mounted from the Internet to put Mark Wahlberg in a Transformers movie (Really, Internet? You’re better than that.), it’s been announced that Mark Wahlberg will star in a new Transformers movie.

While the “Internet forces Michael Bay to Cast Mark Wahlberg” headline makes for a fun little news story, the fact is that Michael Bay just got done working on a much smaller film about criminal bodybuilders that starred Wahlberg, so Bay probably just wanted to work with him again.

Little does he know that Mark Wahlberg is the property of David O. Russell, and that if he wants to use someone from Pain and Gain in Transformers, The Rock is a plenty good fit, seeing as how he pretty much resembles a Transformer already.

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Michael Bay Is Sick Of Actors Having Opinions http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-is-sick-of-actors-having-opinions/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-is-sick-of-actors-having-opinions/#comments Thu, 18 Oct 2012 19:31:38 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=251563 Even when he's trying to be a good guy, he delves into dickdom.

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Irritated by Hugo Weaving‘s lack of regard for the Transformers movies, Michael Bay has chimed in on his always-entertaining website:

Do you ever get sick of actors that make $15 million a picture, or even $200,000 for voiceover work that took a brisk one hour and 43 minutes to complete, and then complain about their jobs?

With all the problems facing our world today, do these grumbling thespians really think people reading the news actually care about trivial complaints that their job wasn’t “artistic enough” or “fulfilling enough”? [...] What happened to people who had integrity, who did a job, got paid for their hard work, and just smiled afterward? Be happy you even have a job — let alone a job that pays you more than 98% of the people in America.

I have a wonderful idea for all those whiners: They can give their “unhappy job money” to a wonderful Elephant Rescue. It’s the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Africa. I will match the funds they donate.

Even when he’s being charitable, Michael Bay finds a way to seem like an ass. The problem here is that the quotes from Weaving regarding Megatron were misread. He wasn’t complaining about the job so much, he was speaking more to the point that he did the project for the money and feels bad about that. Not a criticism to the quality of the work, they just apparantly aren’t Weaving’s bag.

To make Bay’s stab at being a non-cock all the more cockish, Weaving is well-known to contribute to various charities. One of which is the ironically-named animal welfare group, Voiceless. So, yeah. You’re going to have to match those now, Michael Bay. Please let us all know when you do. (THR)

 

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‘Transformers 4′ Sets The Bar Really High By Promising New Robots http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/transformers-4-sets-the-bar-really-high-by-promising-new-robots/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/transformers-4-sets-the-bar-really-high-by-promising-new-robots/#comments Thu, 13 Sep 2012 22:08:20 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=250922 Remember Bumblebee? Well this is Caterpillar. He's mischievous and fun. Buy his toy.

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Upon speaking to the type of people that populate toy-industry conventions, Hasbro president Brian Goldner promised the audience toys based on new characters in the fourth installment of the curiously-tolerated action franchise.

I’m not naive enough to think anything other than money is guiding the hands behind this film series, but do they need to be so crass about it? I mean, announcing this Transformers news at a toy convention? Because sales of the Dark of the Moon‘s character’s toys were so slow? Ugh. At least have Michael Bay fax a pre-written press release from his yacht in Turk and Caicos or something.

These new characters will be hitting the screen at some point in 2014, by which point we will probably dead of our own hands. But if not…

…new Transformers characters. Yaayyyyyyyyyy?

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Honest Trailers: ‘Transformers’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailers-transformers/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailers-transformers/#comments Thu, 17 May 2012 19:14:21 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=248753 Honesty is the best policy. Especially when talking about giant robots from space...

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Honest Trailers is back, and this time, it’s personal. Well, not really.

Michael Bay’s Transformers is one of the most lucrative film franchises of all time. It’s also one of the most idiotic. Don’t get me wrong; hot chicks and robots are a great combo. But I’m not sure it’s worth sitting through two-and-a-half hours of product placement and Shia LaBeouf.

Don’t take my word for it. Let this Honest Trailer speak for itself.

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One Ring To Decepticon Them All http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/one-ring-to-decepticon-them-all/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/one-ring-to-decepticon-them-all/#comments Wed, 22 Feb 2012 21:04:57 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=246037

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8 Film Franchises We’d Like Brett Ratner To Ruin http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-film-franchises-wed-like-brett-ratner-to-ruin/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-film-franchises-wed-like-brett-ratner-to-ruin/#comments Thu, 03 Nov 2011 20:00:08 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=235006 Sorry, beloved film franchises...YOU JUST GOT RATNER-ED!!!

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With this weekend’s release of Tower Heist, Brett Ratner’s making the rounds again, which is a great thing. At Screen Junkies, we can’t get enough of Brett’s understated elegance and quiet dignity. And we also love face sweat, so it’s a pretty natural fit for us.

Since we love his indistinct style and middle-of-the-road action fare, we have been just dying to know what films Ratner will get his hands on next. While any Ratner film is a gift, we hold out hope that for his next project he digs his manicured talons into one of these fine franchises.

The Fast and the Furious

Honestly, I thought it would be funny to have Ratner helm one of these films to see what he could do. Then I realized that a Fast and the Furious film directed by Ratner would be no different than one directed by someone else. You see, Fast and the Furious might be director-proof, much like a Police Academy film.

That said, I issue this challenge to Ratner:

Brett, throw your hat into the ring for 6 Fast Sex Furious and do your worst. Make Chris Tucker a police chief. Or the President. See if you can leave a bigger impression on this piece of Hot Wheels verite than a Nissan GT-R can.

Really take the franchise in a new direction. Maybe make it a Christopher Guest-style mockumentary or find a way to make Charlize Theron a congresswoman who is trying to ban streetracing. Whatever. I’m not going to tell you how to do your job. I have faith in you, Brett.

James Bond

You know all that suave elegance James Bond is known for? I think people are sick of that. They’d like to see the new Bond, Skyfall (one of the most dangerous types of falls, btw), open up with Daniel Craig clapping and singing along to “Baby I Got Your Money” by Ol’ Dirty Bastard. Instead of teaming up with MI6, James Bond could maybe just hang out by Miami pools.

Chris Tucker could be Q.

“LISTEN TO ME, JAMES BOND! THIS IS NOT A REGULAR PHONE. THIS BUTTON ON THE BACK, IF YOU PRESS IT, IT WILL F#CK YOU UP!”

The new Bond car would also be a 1967 Oldsmobile convertible, which would be well received in some circles.

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7 Frivolous Hollywood Lawsuits http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-frivolous-hollywood-lawsuits/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-frivolous-hollywood-lawsuits/#comments Wed, 19 Oct 2011 22:21:11 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=233027 What's more American than a desperate grab at unearned income?

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In America, everyone has the right to be wealthy. To pull themselves up out of squalor and build an empire. No, not by working hard, silly. THIS IS AMERICA. Everyone has the right to sue their way to fabulous riches. Just ask The Millionaire Matchmaker.

In light of recent cuckoo lawsuits filed against Drive and The Hangover Part II, here are seven of Hollywood‘s most frivolous lawsuits.

Crazy Lady vs. Drive

A Michigan woman filed a class action lawsuit against the distributor of Drive because the film failed to feature her preferred amount of driving. She also accused the film of antisemitism. But mostly it was the driving thing that bugged her. I’d be interested to see her reaction to the blatantly-racist yet high-octane Transformers films.

Aspiring Writer vs. The Hangover Part II

Aspiring writer Michael Alan Rubin has filed suit against the makers of The Hangover Part II, claiming the film stole his life story. Rubin claims that the plot of the film was stolen from a treatment he wrote based off his own exploits in Thailand. “The plot and theme of ‘Hangover 2‘ is copied from the treatment ‘Mickey and Kirin’ and also from the private real life incident of the plaintiff, because the protagonist in Hangover 2 travels from the United States to an Asian country to marry his Asian girlfriend,” says the lawsuit. Rubin also didn’t cotton to the notion that his character would do drugs or accidentally propose to a tranny. Because he soooo didn’t do that, in case that’s what you heard.

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11 Cheesiest Movie Product Placements Of All Time http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/11-cheesiest-movie-product-placements-of-all-time/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/11-cheesiest-movie-product-placements-of-all-time/#comments Tue, 20 Sep 2011 16:24:51 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=229156 Brought to you by the fine people at Red Bull Energy Drink. Delicious.

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Movies can be expensive. The actors, the locations, all those lights, and gigantic CGI robots can really add up. So, what is a working schlub movie studio to do? Product placement. Accept money from advertisers in trade for featuring their product within your film.

It’s easy and it totally works. Need more money for your legal thriller? No problem. Just make Will Smith drink a prominently featured Sprite during his monologue to the jury. Then have him comment how he “f*ckin’ LOOOOVES Sprite,” before returning to defending the sick children in the civil rights case. Cha-ching! You just bought yourself a crane shot. Or, you know, you could do it in a subtle way and hope nobody notices.

Here are eleven films that did not take the subtle route.

Mac and Me

If you haven’t seen Mac and Me, you need to lead a sadder life. Inspired by the success of E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, Mac and Me tells the story of MAC (Mysterious Alien Creature), a young alien stuck on Earth after being separated from his family. He befriends a young boy and lives entirely off Coca-Cola and Skittles (just like me in college). Then there’s the “famous” McDonald’s scene where an impromptu dance-off happens for no reason other than the fact that there are some urban types around.

See for yourself. And look closely to see Jennifer Aniston in her first film role.

Demolition Man

In the future, all restaurants will be known as Taco Bell. That’s because Taco Bell won The Franchise Wars and claimed their supremacy over all over eating establishments.

Interesting fact: If you watch the film in Israeli, the restaurants are all called Pizza Hut. That’s because tacos are despised outside of the Americas.

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Shia LaBeouf Is So Over Running Away From Giant Robots http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/shia-labeouf-is-so-over-running-away-from-giant-robots/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/shia-labeouf-is-so-over-running-away-from-giant-robots/#comments Sun, 03 Jul 2011 00:44:36 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=218798 Three movies is enough for any man.

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In what weirdly qualifies as one of the least obnoxious things Shia LaBeouf has said recently, the actor has made clear his intention to leave the Transformers series, no matter how much it begs for him to come back. Here’s The Beef himself, in an interview with the Associated Press:

“I’m sure they’ll make more of them. It’s still a very hot franchise, there’s still value in it. I think people will still go to see it. I just don’t know if I have anything to contribute.”

7 photosRosie Huntington-Whiteley

I for one am proud of Shia LaBeouf for sticking it out this long. It’s hard work running away from robots, running towards robots, screaming at robots … three movies is enough for any man. I wonder who they’ll get to replace him – or maybe Transformers 4 will do away with humans altogether and focus exclusively on the robots.

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Links Away Photobomb Fridays: ‘Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-photobomb-fridays-transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-photobomb-fridays-transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen/#comments Fri, 01 Jul 2011 23:37:36 +0000 Col. Longshanks http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=218782 Dude, at least try to be discrete.

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Dude, at least try to be discrete.

Here are your weekend links.

All New ‘Deathly Hallows’ Clip (Movieline)

Does The Half Shave Get You Laid (BarStoolSports)

Japanese Sex Bot Win (Holytaco)

Squeakquel! (FilmDrunk)

Emma Watson: Pretty Man (CelebJihad)

I Want Runestones! (Unreality)

The Ultimate Sky Kids Sweepstakes (Moviefone)

Hulk: Coward (PopEater)

Inappropriate FB Updates (Smosh)

How To Do Disneyland Right (Ranker)

Visit This Dive Bar (BroBible)

Katie Cassidy Hotness (Maxim)

The Sexiest Canadians On Television (Pajiba)

The Sexiest Movie Robots (NextMovie)

Joe Aldo Biopic? (CagePotato)

Patriotic Celebrity Babes (MadeMan)

Jon Stewart On Video Games (GameFront)

Latinos In Horror Films! (TuVez)

 

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What’s Playing This Weekend: July 1st http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/whats-playing-this-weekend-july-1st/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/whats-playing-this-weekend-july-1st/#comments Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:24:54 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=218668 Robots.

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I hope you like robots, because this weekend, your local cinema is going to be crawling with them. For those of you who don’t enjoy robots, I hope you like bad romantic comedies and Selena Gomez vehicles, cause that’s about all you’ve got to look forward to.

So, what’s playing this weekend? You might be sorry you asked.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Michael Bay is back, and this time, it’s personal. I’ve always wanted to use that line, and now I have!

7 photosRosie Huntington-Whiteley

Bay’s last Transformers film was trashed by the critics. But will the third installment redeem the franchise?

Best Review
It’s a momentous achievement and it will make untold amounts of money and you should see it even though it’s hateful and empty and preaches the worst kind of reactionary violence without even really meaning it.

Andrew O’Hehir – Salon.com

Worst Review
Watchin Transformers: Dark of the Moon makes you die a little inside. Is this the future of movies? God help us! Michael Bay, you’ve done it again.

Peter Travers – Rolling Stone

Our Recommendation
For the most part, the reviews have been horrible. But honestly, what else is there to say? It’s just more of the same, so there’s no point in defending or decrying this film. If you enjoy Michael Bay’s mindless explosion-filled mayhem, go and see it. If you don’t, don’t.

Larry Crowne

Through the years, Tom Hanks has made many memorable romantic comedies.

New 'Larry Crowne' Trailer Is Like A More Serious 'Back To School'

Can Larry Crowne rekindle that Sleepless in Seattle magic? No.

Best Review
Too cute for its own good, Larry Crowne is nonetheless hard to dislike.

Steven Rea – Philadelphia Inquirer

Worst Review
Soulless Hollywood product doesn’t provide a better textbook example than this Tom Hanks/Julia Roberts vehicle.

Peter Howell – Toronto Star

Our Recommendation
Unless you’re a 50-year-old housewife, you’re probably not going to enjoy this film. Then again, given the other options you have to choose from this weekend, it might win the title of “most watchable” by default.

Monte Carlo

If you’re a tween girl, I’ve got some great news for you.

'Monte Carlo' Trailer Looks Generally Horrible

If you’re a parent who’s in charge of taking tween girls to the movies, I’ve got some bad news for you.

Best Review
For girls of a certain age (and their mothers), Monte Carlo hits the sweet spot.

Carrie Rickey – Philadelphia Inquirer

Worst Review
It’s chirpy, it’s bright, there are pretty locations and lots happens. This is the kind of movie that can briefly hold the attention of a cat.

Roger EbertChicago Sun-Times

Our Recommendation
If you want your wives and daughters viewing a film that hits their “sweet spots,” then by all means, send them to this Monte Carlo. For the rest of you, avoid it like the plague.

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Rosie Huntington-Whiteley http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/rosie-huntington-whiteley/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/rosie-huntington-whiteley/#comments Wed, 29 Jun 2011 17:37:04 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=218333 Model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is the new leading lady (see: hot chick) in the Transformers series.

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Model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is the new leading lady (see: hot chick) in the Transformers series. She is known primarily for her modeling work with Victoria’s Secret, and Dark of the Moon will be her first shot at acting. Does she have what it takes to match Megan Fox‘s talent, poise, and grace? Has the name “Megan Fox” ever been used in the same sentence as those three words? These are important questions. Take it away, Michael Bay.

A word from Rosie: “I would love to pursue acting now, it was always something at the back of my head. But I don’t know how similar modelling and acting are, they do go hand in hand so well in so many ways, but also they’re completely different.”

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The Ultimate ‘Transformers’ Quiz http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-ultimate-transformers-quiz/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-ultimate-transformers-quiz/#comments Tue, 28 Jun 2011 20:30:30 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=218244 Think you know a lot about 'Transformers'? Well it's time to put up or shut up.

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There’s a lot of hype surrounding the latest installment in the Transformers franchise, Dark of the Moon. And with Michael Bay sending demanding letters to projectionists, and Shia LeBeouf bragging about banging Megan Fox, it’s easy to forget the true meaning of the series: Bad-ass robots turning into sweet cars and destroying each other for our amusement.

With that in mind, we’ve created the following quiz. You think you know a lot about the Transformers? Then, take the Screen Junkies Ultimate ‘Transformers’ Quiz and prove it.

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Links Away: The Michael Bay Formula http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-the-michael-bay-formula/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-the-michael-bay-formula/#comments Tue, 28 Jun 2011 00:32:41 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=218168 Say what you will about Michael Bay, he certainly has a distinctive style.

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Say what you will about Michael Bay, he certainly has a distinctive style. Yes, that style involves non-stop explosions, hot babes, and transparent plotlines, but hey, it sells. (/Film)

Booooom:

Ben Affleck Is Argo (Movieline)

NASAs Sick Hoverboard (BarstoolSports)

Sports That Never Took Off (Holytaco)

Pictures From Global Smurfs Day! (FilmDrunk)

Avril Lavigne Moons The French (CelebJihad)

Epic Browser Wars (Unreality)

The Best And Worst Of Julia Roberts (MovieFone)

Everyone’s Paranoid (PopEater)

10 Ridiculous Fried Foods (Smosh)

The Best Quarterbacks Of All Time (Ranker)

100 Photos Of Elle Liberachi (BroBible)

Maria Kirilenko (Maxim)

The 10 Funniest Commercials Of All Time (Pajiba)

Transformers: By The Numbers (NextMovie)

Dominique Sorenson (CagePotato)

Facial Hair Ladies Love (MadeMan)

Age Of Rage Battlefield (Gamefront)

Zoraida Gomez Hotness (TuVez)

 

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Michael Bay’s Letter To ‘Transformers: Dark Of The Moon’ Projectionists Translated http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bays-letter-to-transformers-dark-of-the-moon-projectionists-translated/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bays-letter-to-transformers-dark-of-the-moon-projectionists-translated/#comments Mon, 27 Jun 2011 21:25:21 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=218020 While the letter's tone may seem polite and deferential to the untrained eye, those in the know are able to read between the lines.

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Due to concerns about the “dark dingy” quality of some recent 3D movies, director Michael Bay has penned a letter to the projectionists in charge of screening his latest film, Transformers – Dark of the Moon. In the letter, he acknowledges the crucial role projectionists play in delivering a quality experience to moviegoers, and implores them to make sure the latest installment of the Transformers franchise is shown in a manner that meets his specific requirements.

While the letter’s tone may seem polite and deferential to the untrained eye, those in the know are able to read between the lines I am not in the know. However, by using sophisticated translation software, I have been able to sift through the Hollywood-speak and decipher the true meaning of Bay’s letter. So, with out further ado, I give you a translation of Michael Bay‘s letter to projectionists.

Dear Projectionist,

Translation: Dear Reel Monkey,

I am proud to have you presenting Transformers – Dark of the Moon.

Translation: How proud you must be to be projecting Transformers – Dark of the Moon. Given the lowly nature of your job, this feeling of pride may feel unfamiliar and possibly uncomfortable. However, there is no need to panic. These strange new feelings are sure to subside once you crawl back to whatever squalid domicile you call home, assuming you are actually able to afford shelter on your meager wages.

We worked very hard to make this the very best 3D live action film.

Translation: By “we” I mean “I.” I worked extremely hard on this. Do you know how hard it is to work with robots? Trust me, it’s brutal. So the last thing I need is you eff up my shit, brah.

To help counter the recent trend of audiences being underwhelmed by ‘dark dingy’ looking 3D…

Translation: If you’re not one of my boys Stevie Spiel or Jimmy Cam then your 3D movie belongs in my golden toilet.

…we have invented various post production processes never before used in this format to enhance sharpness, improve contrast, and render more vibrant colors.

Translation:…it’s just like real life, bitches.

It is critical that your projectors play to the brightness levels specified for the best results.

Translation: Make sure this shit looks really bright. Put the Junior Mints down, get off your ass and read the damn instructions. Just follow the picture of my hand turning a dial past its breaking point.

We have also created a new “Platinum 6 version” of Transformers, for the ultimate in 3D experience, to be played in auditoriums capable of 6-foot lamberts of light on the screen (available to certified auditoriums only).

Translation: Yeah, lamberts. You know what I’m talking about. And if you don’t, I don’t have the time to explain it. But don’t take that to mean that I don’t know what lamberts are because I do.

We are all in this together.

Translation: This is all on you.

Your theaters invested a lot of money in the equipment and we work very hard to deliver a great experience.

Translation: The $70 million I make off of backend points doesn’t just appear out of thin air.

Projectionists are of ultimate importance because your expertise defines the audience’s experience.

Translation: In five years, your job will not exist and the word “projectionist“ will be about as culturally relevant as a compact disk.

Let’s make the audience believe again.

Translation: Let’s make the audience forget Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen.

All the best,

Translation: Suck it,

Michael Bay

Translation: Jesus Christ

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Exclusive Future Review: ‘Transformers 7: The Bright Side Of Neptune’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/exclusive-future-review-transformers-7-the-bright-side-of-neptune/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/exclusive-future-review-transformers-7-the-bright-side-of-neptune/#comments Tue, 21 Jun 2011 20:18:18 +0000 George "El Guapo" Roush http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=217167 Future El Guapo has all the details on the 7th Transformers movie.

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Last night I got a surprise e-mail from none other than the man I call “Future El Guapo”. The Subject line? ‘Future Review of Transformers 7′ They’re still making Transformers movies? I had to read the e-mail immediately and find out what he, I mean I, had to say…

August 15th, 2017

Yo yo yo,

What’s up, man? Long time no talk. I know, I know, I haven’t written in a long time. I’ve been busy you know? The future isn’t all flutes and unicorns prancing beside naked chicks or whatever it is you idiots back there think the future would look like. By the way, I found our kid Lamont Suzuki (again don’t ask.)

9 photos‘Transformers 3′ Rolls Out Shiny, New Stills

Anyway, the reason I’m writing is because I saw “Transformers 7: The Bright Side of Neptune” and thought you’d like this exclusive future review of it.

****DISCLAIMER**** This review is for entertainment purposes only. Hey jerkoff, don’t copy my sweet moves in Gears of War 9 for the X-Octo 1080, you butthole. You made me lose Ardingie points. Now I have to redo the entire level.

When Chicago was destroyed waaay back in Transformers: Dark of the Moon (remember that disaster?) Sam decided he missed Mikaela and in Transformers 5: Witreckoning, Sam and Mikaeal reunited after the Decepticons captured her and injected Herpes Bots into her body to try and infect the entire human race. They failed.

With the Autobots fleeing to Neptune, The Queenbots and Decepticons had formed a pact to rule the planet. The Queenbots would watch over the humans and take care of the day-to-day operations. The lawns were always freshly mowed, parades were run in a timely manner, the sushi was tightly rolled, and the Jewtrons had kept the world’s finances in order. But the Decepticons were not to be trusted. The Decepticons turned on the Queenbots, who couldn’t defeat Megatrontania. The QueenBots were ordered to reenter their world of Culo as hard and as fast as they could. The Decepticons now ruled the planet Earth.

Director Tony Scott, who has taken over for Michael Bay after Michael decided to reboot his Bad Boys franchise with a now grown Jaden Smith, can’t handle the scope of a Transformers movie. Using the latest Oxnard 6000 HD-I-D 3D INDEE SPINDEE FUNDEE technology, he planted the cameras in the ground, giving the audience a dead man’s view of the action. And with his camera sweeping and incessant zoom in/zoom out habits, you’re left feeling like someone stuffed you in a dryer and turned it on for two hours.

Things pick up in the second act when word reached Neptune that the planet eating Oprahcron was headed to Earth. Optimus and his new bride Vaglock (Transformers can now reproduce) have distanced themselves from the rest of the Autobots. PaulWalkerMax, leader of the Brobot faction, instructed the other Autobots to “Totally help Earth before someone gets hurt.” but nobody would listen to him, laughing every time he talked about his ancient battles with VinDieselitawn, a Transformer who played Dungeons & Dragons with humans and liked to eat hot dogs.

Optimus, who now calls himself a Trans-Amformer, hears about the threat when one of the Queenbots goes to Neptune and tells him that they made a mistake and the Decepticons are by themselves on Earth, destroying the planet. Optimus is furious at such news. He rises up slowly, camera panning up his body, still panning, Optimus is still rising, panning, rising as the light from the moons of Neptune glisten off the metallic golden eagle on his chestplate, camera still panning, rising….holy shit, is he ever going to…still panning up…Optimus is still risi…ok, Optimus, now fully erect, finds the other Autobots and tells them they must return to Earth and destroy the Decepticons once and for all while the Queenbots take care of Oprahcron.

The 3rd act is a nightmare to try and follow, keeping up the tradition of previous Transformers movies. Robots are so closely packed I can’t tell if they’r fighting or screwing.

Human soldiers Tyrese and Josh Dumb-as-hell or whatever his name is, are still trying to shoot robots with machine guns. Tyrese, now with 50 million Flutter followers (Twitter was purchased by Flutter) Fluts his lines in the movie on his iPhone 10 instead of verbally speaking them. Audience members receive the Fluts on their phones while watching the movie.

The Queenbots attack Oprahcron by continuously jabbing her with their Robowangs. Oprahcron opens her mouth getting ready to swallow all of the Queenbots but they quickly enter her from behind and begin to destroy her from within. Oprahcron starts to explode, her eyes bulge as white hot liquid metal exits from all of her orifices.

In the end, the Decepticons are defeated and the Autobots regain control. The human race is saved. Or is it? After the credits, a shot of a giant mysterious Transformer is seen talking to a fleeing Megatrontonia. Who could it be? We’ll have to wait and see when Transformers 8: Putain De Bordel De Merde! opens in 2018.

Rating: D+

Alright man, I’m out. Hope you and your readers dug this future review of Transformers 7: The Bright Side of Neptune. I’ll try and send you future reviews in the…well, in the future. Oh, before I go, be sure to wear a condom on December 4th, 2012. I love our kid but the little bastard just escaped again and I’m really wondering if I should go look for him or wait for that “Oh no, not Lamont.” reaction I’ll have when the police call.

Later,

You. I mean me.

Stay ahead of the game and follow El Guapo on Twitter!

 

 

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Links Away: Transformers Do The Thriller Dance http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-transformers-do-the-thriller-dance/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-transformers-do-the-thriller-dance/#comments Fri, 08 Apr 2011 00:30:19 +0000 Reza F. http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=206033 And thus an internet sensation was born.

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A nameless animator sat down one day to speak with God. God, being a huge fan of internet videos, told the animator to create the most awesome mashup of pop music and retro cartoons he could possibly manage, then put it on YouTube. And thus an internet sensation was born. (WarmingGlow)

Thrilling links!

An Interview With The Man Behind “My Spoon Is Too Big” (AdultSwim)

Anne Hathaway Still Traumatized From Oscar Gig (MovieLine)

Golf Fight Gets Crazy (BarstoolSports)

25 Awesome Pieces Of Pencil Art (HolyTaco)

This Chinese 3D Porno Is Not The World’s First (FilmDrunk)

Olivia Wilde GIF (CelebJihad)

Awesome Animated Movie Sidekicks (Unreality)

Exclusive Thor Clip (MovieFone)

The Iconic Role That Could Have Been Played By Dennis Quaid (PopEater)

20 Shockingly Horrible Haircuts (Smosh)

The Greatest Unseen Television Characters (Ranker)

The 2011 Masters Drinking Game (BroBible)

The Cheapest Actors In Hollywood (Pajiba)

The 20 Funniest Men In Movies (NextMovie)

The 12 Best New Smartphone Apps (MadeMan)

MMA‘s Top-Five Fight Gyms (CagePotato)

Things My White Boss Says (TuVez)

The Tokyo Game Show Will Not Be Cancelled (GameFront)

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Links Away: The Dark Side of Transformers http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-the-dark-side-of-transformers/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-the-dark-side-of-transformers/#comments Wed, 02 Mar 2011 01:29:31 +0000 Reza F. http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=31022 Having a car that can transform into a fighting robot would be pretty great, apart for one thing.

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Having a car that can transform into fighting robot would be pretty great, apart for one thing. Ouch. (Break)

These links are pretty much exactly what meets the eye:

Play Some Hipster Kickball (AdultSwim)

Will Smith Projects That’ll Probably Never Happen (MovieLine)

Charlie Sheen’s First Twitter Post (BarstoolSports)

Ten Things Located Inside of People (HolyTaco)

The Best Quotes From Charlie Sheen’s Howard Stern Interview (FilmDrunk)

Taylor Swift Shocking Racist Photo (CelebJihad)

Bulletstorm = Shakespeare (Unreality)

Exclusive Rango Clip (MovieFone)

Katie Holmes Sues Magazine for $50 million (PopEater)

Ten Epic Hair Faces (Smosh)

The Ten Fattest Criminals of All Time (Ranker)

Basketball Trick Shots (BroBible)

Today’s Girl: Teresa Palmer (Maxim)

Eight Celebrities You Have to Be a Serious Douchebag to Dislike (Pajiba)

Movie Stars As Animated Characters (NextMovie)

UFC 128 Trailer (CagePotato)

Man of the Moment: Holt McCallany (MadeMan)

Something About Duke Nukem (GameFront)

Boba Fett Plays the Legend of Zelda Theme (TuVez)

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‘Transformers 3′ Extra Injured During Filming http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/transformers-3-extra-injured-during-filming/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/transformers-3-extra-injured-during-filming/#comments Thu, 02 Sep 2010 11:36:57 +0000 Reza F. We all know that millions of young minds will be permanently damaged by Michael Bay's Transformers 3. But usually, the causalities don't start rolling in until after the film hits theaters. However, it seems this installment of the Transformers trilogy has already claimed its first victim. Authorities say the "Transformers 3" crew was filming late Wednesday in the Chicago suburb of Hammond, Ind., using several vehicles and drivers. Police say something went wrong and an object went through the windshield of a car, hitting the driver. In a statement, police said the vehicle kept going for a mile before stopping. Police did not release the driver's name. The person was airlifted to a hospital. For the love of God, the film hasn't even reached post production, and people are already being hospitalized. Although based on the description, this might make for one hell of a 3D experience. Even so, we wish the extra a speedy recovery, and pray for an end to the senseless cycle of violence that is the Transformers franchise. (HitFix)

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We all know that millions of young minds will be permanently damaged by Michael Bay’s Transformers 3. But usually, the causalities don’t start rolling in until after the film hits theaters. However, it seems this installment of the Transformers trilogy has already claimed its first victim.

Authorities say the "Transformers 3" crew was filming late Wednesday in the Chicago suburb of Hammond, Ind., using several vehicles and drivers. Police say something went wrong and an object went through the windshield of a car, hitting the driver. In a statement, police said the vehicle kept going for a mile before stopping. Police did not release the driver’s name. The person was airlifted to a hospital.

For the love of God, the film hasn’t even reached post production, and people are already being hospitalized. Although based on the description, this might make for one hell of a 3D experience. Even so, we wish the extra a speedy recovery, and pray for an end to the senseless cycle of violence that is the Transformers franchise. (HitFix)

 

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Alex Kurtzman to Make Directorial Debut with Spielberg-Produced ‘Welcome to People’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/alex-kurtzman-to-make-directorial-debut-with-spielberg-produced-welcome-to-people/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/alex-kurtzman-to-make-directorial-debut-with-spielberg-produced-welcome-to-people/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Noted screenwriter and producer Alex Kurtzman is set to make his directorial debut with Welcome to People. The film is being produced by a man who, despite his influence in the industry, is not well known outside of Hollywood: director Steven Spielberg. Kurtzman first worked for Spielberg on his production of Transformers. While he has gone on to produce various TV shows, including "Fringe" and CBS's upcoming remake of "Hawaii Five-0," the director's chair has alluded him until now. Welcome to People tells the story of a man whose estranged father dies, leaving instructions for his son to deliver $150,000 to a sister he never knew existed. The man wants to keep the money for himself, but can't help but investigate his long-lost sibling. When my dad passed away, he left me $150 and stipulated that I should deliver it personally to my estranged second cousin while she was working at The Box Office, a gentlemen's club in the next town over. Well, he didn't really stimpulate it so much as he implied it by not specifically saying that I shouldn't. I miss you, dad. (Collider)

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Noted screenwriter and producer Alex Kurtzman is set to make his directorial debut with Welcome to People. The film is being produced by a man who, despite his influence in the industry, is not well known outside of Hollywood: director Steven Spielberg. Kurtzman first worked for Spielberg on his production of Transformers. While he has gone on to produce various TV shows, including "Fringe" and CBS’s upcoming remake of "Hawaii Five-0," the director’s chair has alluded him until now.

Welcome to People tells the story of a man whose estranged father dies, leaving instructions for his son to deliver $150,000 to a sister he never knew existed. The man wants to keep the money for himself, but can’t help but investigate his long-lost sibling.

When my dad passed away, he left me $150 and stipulated that I should deliver it personally to my estranged second cousin while she was working at The Box Office, a gentlemen’s club in the next town over. Well, he didn’t really stimpulate it so much as he implied it by not specifically saying that I shouldn’t. I miss you, dad. (Collider)

 

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Victoria’s Secret Congratulates Rosie Huntington-Whiteley with a Spank Video http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/victorias-secret-congratulates-rosie-huntington-whiteley-with-a-spank-video/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/victorias-secret-congratulates-rosie-huntington-whiteley-with-a-spank-video/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Much to the delight of teenage boys everywhere, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was named as Megan Fox's replacement for Transformers 3. And to commemorate Rosie's new job, her former employer, Victoria's Secret, has put out this video featuring the lingerie model's greatest hits. After all, what better way to celebrate her impending objectification at the hands of Michael Bay than with an objectifying underwear ad/spank film? And based on her performance in the ad, I'm smelling Oscar! Wait, no. That's smegma. See Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's acting talent on display after the jump.

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Much to the delight of teenage boys everywhere, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was named as Megan Fox’s replacement for Transformers 3. And to commemorate Rosie’s new job, her former employer, Victoria’s Secret, has put out this video featuring the lingerie model’s greatest hits.

After all, what better way to celebrate her impending objectification at the hands of Michael Bay than with an objectifying underwear ad/spank film? And based on her performance in the ad, I’m smelling Oscar! Wait, no. That’s smegma.

See Rosie Huntington-Whiteley‘s acting talent on display after the jump.


Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Transformers 3 Congrats Video – Watch more Funny Videos

(First Showing)

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FLOWCHART: MICHAEL BAY PICKS BREAKFAST http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/flowchart-michael-bay-picks-breakfast/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/flowchart-michael-bay-picks-breakfast/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Welcome to the final day of BAYWATCH '09.  To recap, we've revisited Bay's Best Music Videos, Pitted Bay's Explosions against one another in the Bracket of Boom, ogled his "Baybes" and collected emails from his personal account.  For the last day, we're getting inside the man's head.  Strap on your safety goggles and flak jackets. By Ian Sobel

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Welcome to the final day of BAYWATCH ’09.  To recap, we’ve revisited Bay’s Best Music Videos, Pitted Bay’s Explosions against one another in the Bracket of Boom, ogled his "Baybes" and collected emails from his personal account.  For the last day, we’re getting inside the man’s head.  Strap on your safety goggles and flak jackets. 

By Ian Sobel

Even directors have to eat, and when you need something to fuel you for a day of utter awesomeness the selection process is a cerebral one.  Once Michael Bay wakes up in the morning he pisses gasoline, brushes his teeth with sparks, drives to set while listening to his imagination, and then it’s breakfast time…  

CLICK ON IMAGE TO EXPLODE!

Other Junk You Need to See:

Sara Lyons in Various Suggestive Positions!

The 50 Best Inappropriate Road Signs

Brüno on Conan

Iron Man Sneakers (Rocket Soles Not Included)

What Can Meghan McCain’s Boobs Tell Us?

 

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MICHAEL BAY EXPLOSION TOURNEY ROUND 3 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-explosion-tourney-round-3/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/michael-bay-explosion-tourney-round-3/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Well lookee what we got here, boys!  Last round, the asteroid rocked the The Rock's missile and the Giant F**king Robot 'splodin' the bus beat out the combustible mansion. Even Michael Bay, with his infinite wisdom and soothsaying powers, told us in a conversation that didn’t really happen that he was literally BLOWN AWAY by the results. Now we're down to the Big Boom and the tension is so palpable you could masticate it like a big ol' bag of Big League Chew.  THE FINAL MATCHUP

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Well lookee what we got here, boys!  Last round, the asteroid rocked the The Rock‘s missile and the Giant F**king Robot ‘splodin’ the bus beat out the combustible mansion. Even Michael Bay, with his infinite wisdom and soothsaying powers, told us in a conversation that didn’t really happen that he was literally BLOWN AWAY by the results. Now we’re down to the Big Boom and the tension is so palpable you could masticate it like a big ol’ bag of Big League Chew.

 

THE FINAL MATCHUP

Alien rock and Alien metal go head to head! Both materials look awesome when they’re on fire but which one warrants a heftier poop load dropped in the Hanes briefs?

Might we remind you…

THERE CAN BOOM ONLY ONE!!!

 
Vote As Many Times As You Like.  It Will Be Active Through Noon Tomorrow, After Which We’ll Announce the Winner!
 

 


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‘TRANSFORMERS 2′ EXCLUSIVE! INTERVIEW WITH ACTOR PLAYING ‘JOINT OPERATIVE #1′ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/transformers-2-exclusive-interview-with-actor-playing-joint-operative-1/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/transformers-2-exclusive-interview-with-actor-playing-joint-operative-1/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 EXCLUSIVE REVENGE OF THE FALLEN INTERVIEW WITH STARVING ACTOR - Watch more Funny Videos Who needs to get an exclusive interview with Megan Fox or Shia LaBeouf or Optimus Prime when you can talk to the actor playing the guy who gives the pilot of Josh Duhamel and Tyrese's helicopter permission to land?  Yeah, that's right.  Screen Junkies has the exclusive - and we mean ONLY - interview with Transformers Revenge of the Fallen's Derek Alvarado. Suck on it, Ain't It Cool!!!

The post ‘TRANSFORMERS 2′ EXCLUSIVE! INTERVIEW WITH ACTOR PLAYING ‘JOINT OPERATIVE #1′ appeared first on Screen Junkies.

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EXCLUSIVE REVENGE OF THE FALLEN INTERVIEW WITH STARVING ACTOR – Watch more Funny Videos

Who needs to get an exclusive interview with Megan Fox or Shia LaBeouf or Optimus Prime when you can talk to the actor playing the guy who gives the pilot of Josh Duhamel and Tyrese‘s helicopter permission to land?  Yeah, that’s right.  Screen Junkies has the exclusive – and we mean ONLY – interview with Transformers Revenge of the Fallen‘s Derek Alvarado.

Suck on it, Ain’t It Cool!!!

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The post ‘TRANSFORMERS 2′ EXCLUSIVE! INTERVIEW WITH ACTOR PLAYING ‘JOINT OPERATIVE #1′ appeared first on Screen Junkies.

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