(Update: Turns out Demi was actually hospitalized after huffing nitrous oxide. Really, whip-its? You’re a millionaire, not a 13-year-old boy loitering behind a Missouri Walmart.)

Whyamisotired.com explains “exhaustion” as follows:

Most people feel tired after a busy day, but bona fide medically diagnosed exhaustion is something else entirely. Exhaustion may also be described as fatigue, languidness, lassitude, listlessness, lethargy and languor. Fatigue or exhaustion symptoms are reported by the patient as opposed to being something that is observed by others, which would be a sign instead of a symptom.

Okay, so now I’m more confused than I was, although likely the person writing that was suffering from being retarded.

Demi and Tracy are just the latest to come down with exhaustion. There is a veritable army of celebrities who have checked themselves in to hospitals because life was too tough at the top of a pile of money.

Mariah Carey

Back in 2001, Mariah Carey checked into a hospital because she was tired. I’m sorry, “extreme exhaustion,” which is probably exhaustion dyed bright green, base jumping. She did it again in 2002, and her PR people assured the world that it was because she was overworked, and totally not because she was having psychological problems, which, of course, means she was likely losing her shit. Her PR people apparently come from the school of thought where they think the best way to divert attention from something is to call attention to it. If she had publicly crapped her pants, they would have said she changed her pants due to exhaustion, not because she shat herself on stage.

Selena Gomez

As bad as I would love to rip on her, I will take it easy on Ms. Gomez. First off, she’s just a kid (what is she? 15?), and I do buy that a barely-legal girl who has spent the last several years in front of a camera might actually be malnourished. It’s not like mom set her up to make the best decisions, seeing as how her mom stuck her with freaking Barney when she was 10. That type of thing leads to all kinds of “different” behavior, like dating other girls. Kudos to her mom for being open minded, though. I’m sure Justin will one day make Selena a great wife. Just get the kid a damn cheeseburger.

After the episode, Morgan was taken away by ambulance to the Park City Medical Center, where tests confirmed no sign of drugs or alcohol in his system. This data has rocked the scientific community.

The official word from his publicist is that Morgan suffered “from a combination of exhaustion and altitude.” Exhaustion? It’s not like he actually climbed the mountain. And I doubt he was up late catching up on Downton Abbey.  (TMZ)

Let’s weigh the facts.

• Both are legitimately crazy. But Tracy Morgan is a more accessible crazy.
• Eddie Griffin has the cracked out look down pat. Tracy Morgan has the fat gut down pat.
• There’s only one Dirt McGirt. Either actor will be distracting in the role.
• Tracy Morgan won’t make me want to huck a shoe at the screen.

I hadn’t realized it before but Ol’ Dirty Bastard is the perfect composite of what would happen if Eddie Griffin and Tracy Morgan were blended together, but sadly, Eddie is given the edge in facial resemblance. Maybe Tracy can play Raekwon or something. (via CinemaBlend)

Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network) and Melissa Leo (The Fighter, The F-Bomb at “The Oscars”) star as a wannabe Juliard student and his drug addicted mom. Morgan plays Leo’s drug dealer, whose name is Sprinkles. In a word, nice. Oscar nominated writer/director Ron Nyswaner (Philadelphia) is helming and scribing, sharing screenplay credit with Philip Dorling.

Surrounded by Oscar folk, let’s hope that brings out the best in Morgan. “Yeah, here’s hoping, Liz Lemon.” (Collider)

Morgan recently sat in for an “Inside The NBA” segment (strangely while wearing a shirt) where he was asked to solve a recurring argument between Charles Barkeley and Kenny Smith, “Tina Fey or Sarah Palin?”

The answer as you can probably guess caused co-host Ernie Johnson’s butthole to pucker a little bit. You just know it did. Morgan’s response, “Let me tell you something about Sarah Palin: She’s good masturbation material. The glasses and all of that, great masturbation material.”

Johnson then cut him off to threw to commercial, right before Morgan could say he would make her pregnant and eat the afterbirth. Broadcaster TNT has apologized to anyone offended by the candid interview. I’m not sure why. He was clearly being complimentary. (Gothamist)

Some of them, however, were gone well before the end credits. In addition, enough regular audience members left early for one observer to describe it as an “exodus.”

The negative response went beyond the walkouts. One viewer’s attempt to begin applause after the lights came up drew almost no takers.

God, I’d love to see an interview with that one guy who started clapping. Maybe it was Tracy Morgan. Maybe he was shirtless.

Channing Tatum stars as a cop with some kind of tragedy in his past. He’s working the beat in the Queens housing projects where he was raised until a reporter starts digging up dirt about his childhood and deceased Cop Dad. Al Pacino and Ray Liotta (who didn’t get the mustache memo) serve as his advisors while guarding whatever secret from his past that inevitably won’t have a very good pay off in the end. Also, Katie Holmes is here playing Stressed Out Katie Holmes. And Tracy Morgan will definitely get shot. (MTV)

After Ricky Gervais’ hilarious but controversial performance at last night’s Golden Globes, there’s very little chance we’ll see him hosting next year. The comedian told USA Today that at last year’s ceremony, he was asked to return even before the broadcast had finished. This year, he received no such offer.

“So I probably won’t be here next year,” Gervais said, before adding that if he were invited back, “[he’d] go (expletive) mental.”

But without Gervais, what the hell is the point of watching? His shock value is the show’s only redeeming quality. If I feel like watching a bunch of movie stars kissing each other’s asses, I can just wait for the Oscars. I (reluctantly) watch he Golden Globes because a celebrity or two might get put in their place.

If the Golden Globes have any hope of staying relevant, they’d better find a host who can fill Ricky’s shoes. Here’s a list of 9 possible replacements.

Norm MacDonald
The nice thing about Norm MacDonald is he already has experience hosting an awards show. And unlike Gervais, Norm isn’t afraid to make a joke or two about double homicide or statutory rape.

Lisa Lampanelli
Insult comic Lisa Lampanelli hosted this year’s AVN Awards (a.k.a. the porn Oscars), which means she already has experience playing MC to a bunch of whores. That’s a skill which will come in handy at the Golden Globes.

Kathy Griffin
I’m not big fan of Kathy Griffin, but she’s not afraid to make a dick sucking joke on live TV, and that goes a long way in my book.

Don Rickles
Don Rickles has got to be pushing 90. Why not give the old guy an insult filled send off as the host of the Golden Globes. If he goes too far, he can always blame it on the Alzheimer’s.

Jeffrey Ross
This year, Ricky Gervais was prevented from wearing a Nazi uniform during his opening monologue. Given Jeffery Ross’ penchant for holocaust jokes, I’m sure he’d be a fine replacement.

Tracy Morgan
They serve alcohol at the Golden Globes, which means Tracy Morgan should do just fine as host. Besides, his insults might go unnoticed, because half the time, no one can understand what the hell he’s saying.

Louis C.K.
When it comes to putting pretentious people in their place, Louis C.K. doesn’t pull any punches. And there’s probably not a more pretentious gathering than the Golden Globes (aside from the Oscars).

Gilbert Gottfried
If Robert Downy Jr. has a problem with this year’s host making fun of him, perhaps he’ll be happier with Gilbert Gottfried. He makes Ricky Gervais look like Billy f**king Crystal.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
He’s witty, he’s crass, but above all, he’s not afraid to poop on a celebrity or two. That makes Triumph the Insult Comic Dog the perfect host for the Golden Globes. He’ll treat that room full of phonies like the bitches they are.

Enjoy your water, show off!

Celebrities make me sick. Their decadence knows no bounds. For example, take “30 Rock” star Tracy Morgan. He wasn’t content to drive around in fancy cars and date supermodels. No, he felt the need to go and get himself a fancy new kidney.

Tracy Morgan is recovering from a kidney transplant in a New York-area hospital. The comedian, who suffers from diabetes, underwent a successful operation around December 10. Amazingly, because a kidney transplant sounds like a big deal to us, Morgan is expected to get back to work after the holidays and only miss filming two episodes on 30 Rock.

So while most Americans are struggling to make ends meet this holiday season, Morgan is out there buying new organs. Typical Hollywood. (Reuters via Vulture)

Death at a Funeral
R, 93m., 2010
Cast: Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Zoe Saldana, James Marsden, Columbus Short, Regina King, Keith David, Peter Dinkaledge with Loretta Devine, Luke Wilson, Tracy Morgan and Danny Glover
Directed by Neil LaBute
Screenplay by Dean Craig based upon his 2007 UK screenplay of Death at a Funeral
 
Death at a Funeral is an uneven, occasionally funny remake of the 2007 sleeper British comedy.
 
As family and friends gather for a funeral in an upper class community of Los Angles, eldest son Aaron (Chris Rock, leading an All-Star cast) has to keep everything under control for one afternoon, as he is faced with drugged out family members, bodies popping out of caskets and a blackmailing little man (Peter Dinkaledge, reprising his role from the UK original).
 
The All-Star mourners include a mix of current favorite actors from Zoe Saldana, Columbus Short, and James Marsden, as well as comedians Martin Lawrence, Regina King, Tracy Morgan and old screen favorites like Loretta Devine, Keith David and Danny Glover. (Somewhere in this mad-batch of characters is Luke Wilson looking fatter and awkward as ever.)
 
Many of these acting styles don’t particular blend well, but work on their own time. What keeps it all from total disaster is director Neil LaBute.
 
LaBute treats this Americanized version more like a mad capped play from the 1940s (Harvey or You Can’t Take it with You, come to mind). The first 20 minutes of the movie has some snappy dialogue and hilarious stage tableaux, one of which contains 4 of his male leads starring over a body of a 5th actor.
 
Yet by the end LaBute’s direction feels tired and he lets go of a lot moments that could have been true comedically classic scenes, like the fight between Rock and Lawrence as battlin brothers could have packed a lot more punch than a bunch of school yard disses and soft blows.
 
A lot of this movies success really depends on your personal preferences; if you like Rock, Lawrence, and Morgan then this film is a great canvass for their own individual shticks to be let loose, but if you don’t then this is not a movie for you.
 
Death at a Funeral is something that is classical in the sense of mad capped comedies, but if you’ve seen the original then most of the big laugh-out surprises will be turning in their graves.
 
Grade: C

Has our insatiable appetite for stereoscopic film imagery driven us past the point of no return? Would Hollywood be brazen enough to dig up the corpse of a classic in order to drop a 3-D deuce in its mouth? I’d like to think there’s a certain line that does not get crossed but this item has me worried.

A source at Universal has told Cinema Blend that a 3-D remake of Jaws may be in the works. From Cinema Blend:

Their claim is that people now expect more, visually, from their movie

going experience. So, Hollywood studios are inclined to take some of their tried and true franchise names like Jaws and bring them into the 3D world.

The tipster also revealed that at one point Tracy Morgan was being considered for the role of Matt Hooper, originally played by Richard Dreyfuss. Willikers. This is too absurd to be true. It’s like a movie poster 30 Rock‘s Tracy Jordan would hang in his dressing room. I don’t know what to fear more with Tracy Morgan in the water, the shark or somebody getting pregnant.

Regard this as a rumor for now. Universal will come to their senses. The last thing Jaws needs is a remake, especially one that heads in a comedic direction. That’s why we have One Crazy Summer. (Cinema Blend)

DOUBLE nut shot? BAHhahahaha! Tracy Morgan gets it right in between the legs and then he gives it to a 10-year-old. My vivid description really doesn’t do the scene justice. And that is mainly what the Cop Out red band trailer is all about. 

I’ll admit, it’s funnier than the first oral-sex-conversationless trailer, but I fear I still can’t get behind this movie. Tracy Morgan has grown on me in 30 Rock, I just don’t know if I can tolerate his unique line delivery for 90 minutes. It always sounds like his throat is seizing up and he’s choking out words seconds before his death.

Check out the trailer below. It has a crude drawing in it. (Hint: It’s a penis…with balls.)

Grooooooaaaaaan. The trailer for Kevin Smith’s new "comedy" Cop Out, formerly know as A Couple of Cops, formerly know as A Couple of Dicks (yes! funnier!), has hit, and it’s about as amusing as tweezing someone else’s pubes. I can’t even tell what the movie is about, except that Tracy Morgan‘s character (I’m guessing a mentally challenged volunteer?) is teamed up with Bruce Willis’s character (a "doin’ it for the paycheck" grizzled veteran who’s simply getting too old for this sh*t?). 

Oh Kevin Smith, what has happened to you. I don’t doubt that movie making by committee impeded on your ultimate vision for this film, but I honestly don’t know if your ultimate vision would have been much better even if you were given free reign. Maybe if Jay and Silent Bob were hanging outside of every convenience store Morgan and Willis will inevitably go in to. After all, you gotta get product placement in their somehow. My ideal sponsors for this film would be Chiquita Bananas and KY Jelly.  

Cop Out rips one in theaters on February 2nd, 2010. Check out the trailer after the jump. Or if you’d like to be more entertained, just watch the opening credits of Panic Room. 

Here’s a newly released still from Kevin Smith’s upcoming Untitled Cop Movie (formerly known as A Couple Of Dicks). It’s not official yet but it looks like the film will be given the watered-down title A Couple Of Cops. Buzz on this movie is that it is hilarious and I don’t doubt that. Barring The Whole Nine Yards, Willis has turned in some funny performances in his career. And to see him and Tracy Morgan square off against gangsters should be entertaining I am frightened by the thought of Tracy Morgan wielding the power of a gun and badge though. Frightened for our women. "Excuse me, ma’am. You have the right to remain silent and I have the right to make you pregnant. My d*ck is going to frisk your uterus." (via First Showing)

Director: Kevin Smith

Cast: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Seann William Scott, Adam Brody, Ana De La Reguera

Synopsis: A comedy about two cops whose adventures include locating a stolen baseball card, rescuing a woman, and dealing with gangsters and their laundered money.