BUT WHAT OF CARSON DALY? HE WAS BEING GROOMED, I THOUGHT!!!

The good news here is that Leno will probably go away sometime next year, and Justin Timberlake will get even more exposure on Fallon’s new Tonight Show outlet, making himself known to the four or five American’s who didn’t know who Justin Timbertree was, but sure loved those wacky headlines and that black fella who led Leno’s band with the big smile.

Conan O’Brien was unavailable for comment, as at press time, he was gently petting a hairless cat and laughing maniacally.

Kimmel has a history of mocking Leno both on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and on The Tonight Show, where he slammed Leno to his face in almost roast-like fashion. Seems that wasn’t enough.

Kimmel  as he prepares to go straight up against David Letterman and Leno in the 11:35 slot in January. Kimmel doesn’t appear to have been wronged by Jay Leno…he just really doesn’t like him.

Which seems to be how most of America feels. Stay tuned tomorrow, when Barack Obama is expected to call Leno an “unfunny cunt weasel.”

Stern told Letterman that NBC brass have tried to force the new America’s Got Talent judge to promote the program on The Tonight Show, but Stern refused, saying, “I’m a Letterman guy.” He then revealed that he didn’t realize the Late Night Wars had ended with Dave calling off any future salvos. Except, of course, for Letterman commenting that if he found out Leno had won a People’s Choice award, it would be “like hearing Manson has been paroled.”

So, war back on? (USA Today)

Every year, they say, ‘Drive safe’. I’m gonna say, ‘Don’t drive safe’. I wanna see somebody go down. So it’ll be fun. I want it to be in front or behind me and see a whole row of bikes go down. Get drunk, fall off the road. We’ve all become too damn polite… We haven’t had one incident.

As much as I hate Jay Leno (and I hate Jay Leno), I’m sure he feels very bad that obviously jokes were made before such a tragedy. And truth be told, I find his off-color remarks here far less offensive than his painfully vanilla banter with bandleader Kevin Eubanks. And in all fairness, Leno has donated ten guided tours of his garage for auction to help cover costs associated with the accidents that day, which is actually a pretty nice gesture.

Stern also took a big dump on Leno’s audience too:

“He’s not fit to scrub David Letterman‘s feet,” he goes on. “I don’t know how he’s beaten David Letterman in the ratings. It’s beyond my comprehension. America must be filled with morons who at night lay in bed — the ones who are watching him, they must be in a coma.”

When the Conan controversy erupted, I really hated Leno. Now that it’s all died down, I don’t know… it’s not that I think he’s even remotely amusing. It’s just that he’s so milquetoast, it’s hard for me to feel anything about him. I have no strong like or dislike of Wonder Bread, Matthew Sweet or the Toyota Camry either – they just kind of are. However, if Stern wants to spend the energy to hate him, I wish “The King of All Media That’s Satellite Radio” lots of luck. (Hollywood Reporter)

Bill Carter is ready to write again. The New York Times TV industry writer is hard at work on a sequel of sorts to The Late Shift, the behind-the-scenes look at the dirty pool involved to succeed Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show. Of course, the recent late night shake-up will be the subject of his new book.

"I’m reaching out to everyone I possibly can to get every side of the story. I don’t just pick one and stick with that guy."

Carter is still writing but is said to be rushing to get the book on Kindles as soon as possible. I really couldn’t care about the book. I’m more excited for the inevitable HBO adaptation that will be aired repeatedly for 15 years.  Maybe Jimmy Kimmel could play Leno if Arzt from Lost isn’t available to do it again. (Gawker)

UNIVERSAL CITY – The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, spin-off of Late Night with Conan O’Brien, born June 1st, 2009. The show lowered the curtain and ended its run January 22nd, 2010, just seven months after its debut.

O’Brien’s Tonight Show proudly graced the airwaves until its ownership was recalled by hacky comedian Jay Leno, the show’s slippery former host, much to the chagrin of many fans. The show found its groove and ratings-gold when the long-hectored host stood up to network brass and refused to move to a worse timeslot. O’Brien’s monologues and sketches leading up to his final episode took NBC apart in spectacular fashion both sardonically and financially. The entire saga has been a PR nightmare for NBC, whose out-of-touch business tactics have redefined the term "screwing the pooch."

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien is survived by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and house band Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7, and remembered fondly by comedy fans below the age of 79. In lieu of flowers, please send a steaming pile to Jay Leno’s offices.

NBC and Conan are working out the details now for his exit from the network and The Tonight Show. It’s now believed that NBC will not enforce the no-compete clause in his contract and allow him to set up shop at another network, but he won’t be taking his recurring characters and sketches with him.

Inside sources say that NBC is keeping trademarked elements of Conan’s shows as part of the exit deal. Characters like Masturbating Bear, Pimpbot 5000, Vomiting Kermit, Coked-Up Werewolf, and Horny Manatee (why didn’t he connect with old people?!) will never appear again nor will sketches such as If They Mated, In the Year 3000, and Desk-Driving. It’s unclear if Robert Smigel’s Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is effected in this deal. I’m certainly looking forward to when Conan sets up elsewhere with a new slew of characters like Masturbating Deer, Pimpbot 6000, Sharting Kermit, and Coked-Up Werewolf Wearing Groucho Glasses. (THR)

^{"Aaaahhhh!!!! Jay’s way better at this sucking up thing that I am!!!!"}

Elderly Americans may have a reason to celebrate and pound together their leathery, wrinkled, gnarled palms today. TMZ reported this afternoon that the ink is drying on a contract between NBC and Jay Leno for him to take back The Tonight Show. They report that Jay is in and the increasingly-disgruntled Conan O’Brien is out.

HOWEVS, The Hollywood Reporter is Hollywood reporting that NBC denies any such contract exists. But what does NBC know and will there be a Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien much longer? Right now, that all depends on which news outlet you trust more; the one that carries an esteemed reputation or the one that posts pictures of dead celebrities. And if Conan is deposed, where will he go? Everyone’s saying FOX and they do have an opening since The Magic Johnson Show was canceled, but Nikke Finke reports that Jeff Zucker has plans to "ice" O’Brien with a no-compete clause that would keep him off of any rival network "for 3 1/2 years."

Story is developing and I will personally let all the old people in my family know what shakes out. For the meantime, they are to sit in their favorite chair and wear the Snuggie I sent them for Christmas. I’ll alert you when it’s time to assemble and do the wave.