Screen Junkies » tomb raider

5 Funniest Things We Overheard On The Set Of ‘Tomb Raider XXX’

Screen Junkies — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:00:42 +0000

Recently, Screen Junkies had the opportunity to visit the set of Tomb Raider XXX. Given that our image of the porn industry was shaped by movies like Boogie Nights, along with pornos about making pornos, we expected to find a creepy, coked-out cesspool filled with mustachioed degenerates and broken down skags. On the contrary, the atmosphere on the set was almost identical to what you’d find on a mainstream shoot, except for all the sex toys.

As for the cast and crew, everyone we encountered was courteous and professional, and the actresses themselves (Chanel Preston, Gracie Glam, and Dani Daniels) were really, really hot. In fact, the only thing “creepy” about the entire visit was the pathetic sight of the bloggers (ourselves included) who had come to gawk at the girls. And let me tell you, there’s something very special about being the creepiest part of a porn set.

While our visit defied expectations many ways, there were a few things that went exactly how they were supposed to. Specifically, the random quotes we overheard were exactly what you’d expect to hear on a porn set. They were also hilarious. Here are five of them, in no particular order.

I’m not having sex today. I’m just here for the fight scene.

- Lee Stone

If Lara Croft can fight aliens, I’m sure she can f*ck two girls at the same time. Wait, does she fight aliens?

(Stage Hand) No, she raids tombs.

Oh, right.

- Chanel Preston

I don’t know. Sometimes tribing is fun.

- Chanel Preston

Can I put my clothes back on, now?

- Gracie Glam or Dani Daniels (They were both wearing veils)

Can I please have a baby wipe?

- Gracie Glam or Dani Daniels (They were both wearing veils)

Photo Credit: G4

‘Tomb Raider’ Reboot Hires Really Good Writers For Some Reason

Wookie Johnson — Thu, 05 May 2011 12:14:36 +0000

GK Films’ attempt to hunt for treasure in the long-forgotten catacombs of the Tomb Raider franchise is gaining steam. Mark Fergus and Hawk “Awesome Name” Ostby have been brought in to write the action-heavy reboot script. Best known for writing Iron Man and Cowboys & Aliens for Jon Favreau, the pair are on the rise in the world of blockbuster action films. They’ve definitely got a great track record and intriguing pedigree, so it looks as though audiences will be drooling over more than just an exposed midriff when the movie reaches theaters. To which I say, what the Hell? Why spend your budget on expensive writers and action set pieces? We both know what the target demographic is looking for in a Lara Croft film. Something like, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Sudsy Car Wash, or, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: Oops, I Dropped This Fossil would be more in order. (Deadline)

‘Tomb Raider’ Gets Rebooted, Reboobed

Geoffrey Golden — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 07:02:53 +0000

Lara Croft, the astoundingly boobacious adventurer, is one of the most recognizable characters in gaming. Yet for some reason, I think a lot of people are less excited by her than by a fat plumber in overalls. Maybe it’s because Mario only made one shitty movie, and there are two shitty movies in the Tomb Raider series. Wait, check that – three. Or if GK Films has their way, twenty million. Ughhh.

GK Films announced that they’re rebooting the Tomb Raider franchise with “daring new adventures for the young and dynamic Lara Croft.” This will likely mean no more expensive “old” Angelina Jolie – a cheap young hottie will likely wear two gun holsters and not much else from now on. They’re aiming to launch the first movie in 2013.

Can GK Films return Tomb Raider to its rightful place of making a lot of money but nobody really giving a crap? Sure, why not? (/Film)

My New Favorite Street

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

It should be the law to have one in every city.

Kim Kardashian May Give Non-Porn Movies a Try with ‘Tomb Raider’ Reboot

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

_{Let’s raid some tombs!}

Noted pornographer and reality television mainstay Kim Kardashian is in talks to star in a reboot of Tomb Raider, according to "Hollywood insiders." Of course, the term "Hollywood insider" is often applied to forty-year-old bloggers who still collect their dead mothers’ Social Security checks, so take it for what it’s worth.

If the rumors are true, the film will reportedly be shot in 3D and will be aimed at a "teen" audience, a brilliant move considering how much teens love giant bouncing breasts.

Kardashian would also play "something very different to Angelina’s Lara," which we can only assume means there will be even less talking and even more interracial-sex. (ShowbizSpy)

Lara Croft and Slave Leia Snowball Fight

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Lara Croft and Slave Leia Snowball Fight Funny Videos” classid=”clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000″ type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” id=”1762160″>
Lara Croft and Slave Leia Snowball Fight – Watch more Funny Videos

Apparently I need to go to Sundance next year. Forget the films and the free swag, Lara Croft and Princess Leia are throwing snow at each other! What two actresses of that caliber are doing in a completely random duel is beyond me, but Angelina totally pwns Carrie. I guess now we know where tomb raiders stand among members of royalty. Quick, to the presses! There are history books that need sexy revisions! (BuzzFeed)