I’m sorry. I’m nervous. After Cowboys & Aliens pooped its rucksack, I’m not sure there’s an audience for something as far out as this. So let’s band together as a nation and watch it so Hollywood keeps giving money to clever and creative fare. I’m sick of England getting all the cool stuff.

And I saw. And Hell followed him.

In other words, vampires of the south have been put on notice because now we have the first action-packed trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Give it a watch. I dare you to find any scenes that don’t look incredibly awesome. Bravo to Tim Burton, Timur Bekmambetov, and Seth Grahame-Smith.

Some time has passed since then and Wanted 2 is inching forward with the hiring of Michael Brandt and Derek Haas to write the script. The duo also wrote the original which saw bullet-curving ju jitsu, a magical loom that predicted the fate of man, Common acting, and a variety of other things that made little to no sense. We’ll see how the story develops and whether or not any of the original cast return for another astoundingly retarded film. (via The Playlist)

We now have a clear idea of exactly whom Abraham Lincoln will be hunting in Timur Bekmambetov‘s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Rufus Sewell has signed on to play Adam, the leader of the Southern vampires.

Britain‘s version of Jeff Goldblum is best known for his starring role in the cult favorite Dark City, but you may have also not seen him in the recently ignored film The Tourist. In Lincoln, he joins the previously cast Benjamin Walker, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Anthony Mackie, Dominic Cooper, Alan Tudyk, and Jimmi Simpson. The more I read about this film, the more excited I get. Sounds like a really awesome revisionist history story. I’d go out and read the book, but it’s a book. Yick! (Variety)

A spec script called Maggie set off a bidding war today with Timur Bekmambetov emerging as the winner with his most powerful enemy’s head on a pike and a still-beating heart clenched between his teeth. At least six bidders wanted a piece of the script that re-imagines the zombie mythos but more importantly, it can be done on the cheap. The clever plot centers on the titular 16-year old character who becomes infected by a zombie. Rather than dying quickly and rising from the dead, the process is elongated over six months. The film will follow her slow transformation as she continues to live with her family.

The film will be directed by visual effects maestro Henry Hobson and was written by screenwriter/title effects artist/NASA satellite guidance program programmer John Scott 3. James Franco, you have been bested. (Deadline)

In Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Stephen Douglas is in league with the vampires of the South. It’s just the type of role that Tudyk can grab a hold of and chew the scenery. Hopefully, he’ll debate Benjamin Walker‘s Lincoln with kung fu. That would be memorable enough to hopefully help Tudyk pull ahead of Alan Thicke’s Google position. It won’t be easy, but we have to believe it’s within reach. (Variety)

Cory Goodman, who effectively pitched the kung fu holy man actioner Priest somehow, sold the story to Summit Entertainment with Timur Bekmambetov attached. However, Bekmambetov is too busy slaying vampires dressed in powdered wigs to rise to the task. Enter Eisner, who is not afraid of alienating the witch and warlock portion of his fan base.

Story centers around one of the last remaining witch hunters who must stop witches and warlocks from getting freaky deaky and repopulating. I don’t envy that job. C-blocking a warlock has got to be one of the most dangerous jobs there is. Plus, 1099 work is a paperwork nightmare. (Deadline)

Just another morning at the high-profile rumor mill. Which one do you want first? We got some reeeeal hot rumors for you.

1. Charlie Sheen is being courted for a cameo in The Hangover Part II!? Principal photography has wrapped, but that’s not stopping the production from circling America’s (most recent) favorite high profile celebrity meltdown. The film comes out in May, so it remains to be seen what will happen with the man who runs on Tiger Blood (AKA cocaine and porn stars) between now and then. It’ll be interesting to see if he films a cameo in two weeks and flees to Mexico with a hooker in his trunk a month later. (SlashFilm)

2. Trent Reznor could be making a return to acting after a LONG absence. The Nine Inch Nails frontman and now Oscar winning(!) composer, who first acted alongside Michael J Fox in Paul Schrader’s 1987 film Light Of Day, might return to face the cameras as a vampire who (SPOILER ALERT!) kills Abraham Lincoln‘s mother in Timur Bekmambetov‘s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which Reznor is also scoring. We’ll see about that, as Reznor would really be effective as a vampire. No makeup needed on that pale genius! Slap some fake fangs on that guy and he’s ready. (JoBlo)

He’ll join other noteworthy cast members like Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Dominic Cooper, Anthonie Mackie, and Benjamin Walker in Timur Bekmambetov‘s feature film. The story, based on the novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, concerns an alternate reality in which a teenage vampire who saves Mary Todd Lincoln trains the president to fight and kill vamps. It starts shooting next month and is sure to delight nerds of all classification, especially those who prefer the made up genre of Historical Macabre Comedy.

Latino Review reported earlier in the week that Australian actress McLeavy had won the role after following up on a tip. A very wrong tip.

Take all of my Lincoln‘s wife jokes from Monday and apply them to Winstead. Apologies for any confusion. Last thing I want to do is undercut the artistic merits of this super-gimmicky film. (THR)

Australian actress Robin McLeavy has been cast as Mary Todd in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the film that re-imagines the 16th President of the United States as kick-ass vampire slayer. It’s said that McLeavy was in the running for the part along with Mary Elizabeth Winstead, but director Timur Bekmambetov opted to cast up and coming talent in the end. Which means less money spent on actors and more spent on decapitations and removing fake blood stains from stovepipe hats. (Latino Review)

"Up top! Nobody? No? Aw krikey."

Looks like Eric Bana won’t have a chance to play with his Christmas toys. He’s just signed on to a new crime thriller and has his eye on the presidency for another role.

Bana has signed on to Kin, opposite Olivia Wilde and Charlie Hunnam. In the film he and Wilde play siblings on the lam who encounter an ex-boxer played by Hunnam. Writer Zach Dean has said he came up with the idea while trapped on an airplane with faulty landing gear. I do my best thinking while crapping too.

In addition to Kin, Bana is practicing the proper pronunciation of Timur Bekmambetov‘s name before the two meet to discuss Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. It’s not a done deal by any stretch but if Bana can rock the stove-pipe hat, the role just might be his. Unless Liam Neeson steps up to the plate. We kinda owe him a Lincoln role. (via Variety and The Wrap)

Ground control to Major Harvey . The Weinstein Co. is preparing to launch production on Apollo 18, a film about the Apollo 18 moon mission. The project, which will be produced by Timur Bekmambetov and directed by Trevor Cawood, is based on the screenplay by Brian Miller, winner of the Astana International Action Film Festival screenplay competition.

You: “But Jame, there was no Apollo 18 moon mission.”

Shut up! I was getting to that. Although Apollo 18 was canceled, “conspiracy theorists believed the mission did launch as planned,” and the covert operation found “disturbing new evidence of other life forms.” So there! (LatinoReview)

Looks like someone is finally willing to make a movie about Abraham Lincoln. The unspell-checkable Timur Bekmambetov has signed on to direct Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Here he explains his plans with a dry, Tontoesque delivery:

"I’m prepping to direct myself. It is not a comedy at all – it is a very entertaining, epic history lesson for millions and millions of teenagers. If you remember ‘Nightwatch,’ it is maybe in the vein of that kind of movie. We are keeping the traditional look of Lincoln – the big hat and the beard. He has to be historically correct, but with a few special weapons. There is only one book, but there will be many opportunities to develop and explore this world if we get to do sequels. I hope we will start this winter. We are shooting in America."

I am excite to see this movie. No word yet casting of role of Abraham Lincoln. Actor will be tall. (Empire)

Olivia Thirlby seems ready to break away from her moody indie roots. The star of The Wackness, Juno, and movies I rent accidentally on Netflix has just been cast in Chris Gorak’s The Dark Hour. In the film, she’ll play an American traveller in Moscow when aliens invade unexpectedly. Thirlby will fight for survival alongside other tourists in the sci-fi epic from the production designer turned director. Between all the random attacks and driving on the wrong side of the road, it doesn’t sound that much different than a trip to Detroit.

Filming will begin this summer in Moscow at producer Timur Bekmambetov‘s custom-built production facility where film shoots you. (THR)