Screen Junkies » Timecop

The 7 Most Awkward Sexual Encounters In Film

Joseph Gibson — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 00:13:55 +0000

The best orgy-based comedy to come out in quite some time, A Good Old-Fashioned Orgy, will be available soon on Unrated DVD. But if you want awkward sex, the magical world of the movies has plenty of delightful options for you. It can range from funny to sad to just bizarre, but a good awkward sex scene sticks in your memory, probably forever. Here are some of the most awkward, intentional or otherwise

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Vacation

Clark Griswold probably doesn’t get to do it with his wife that often – after all, they are married. So when the opportunity presents itself, Sparky doesn’t let the fact that they’re crammed in a tiny sleeping bag with a feral mutt at their feet stop him. The result is one of the funniest awkward sex scenes around, although they admittedly don’t get that far into the amorous process. Damn dog.

Pusher II

Tonny’s been in jail for a while, and it hasn’t exactly been good for his sex life. The possibly permanent brain damage he suffered at the hands of a friend he sent upriver isn’t helping either. That becomes painfully clear in this harrowing scene, in which Tonny struggles dutifully to get it up in front of two prostitutes. It’s a pretty tough scene to watch – in fact, “awkward” is probably an understatement.

8 Villains Who Made The Mistake Of Pissing Off Jean-Claude Van Damme

Joseph Gibson — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 13:00:13 +0000

Even though Jean-Claude Van Damme is universally recognized as a dangerous badass, people seem to believe that they can piss him off and get away with it. Even today, in 2011, with the release of his latest thriller Assassination Games, bad guys all around seem to think they can handle the JCVD. In the interest of learning vicariously from the mistakes of others, here are a few of their stories. For your reading pleasure, 8 villains who made the mistake of pissing off Jean-Claude Van Damme.

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Chong Li, Bloodsport

I guess it would be difficult to blame Chong Li for thinking he could take on Jean-Claude Van Damme. After all Bloodsport was one on JCVD‘s first starring roles, so his reputation was not as set in stone as it is today. He learned his lesson the hard way, though, being forced into submission after trying to blind Van Damme with an underhanded trick during their climactic kickboxing match. Even cheating won’t save you once you piss off Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Fender Tremolo, Cyborg

Some villains make the mistake of thinking that they can get away with pissing off Jean-Claude Van Damme just because they live in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. WRONG. In Cyborg, Fender Tremolo has a band of pirates to back him up, and he still ends up hanging from a meat hook, courtesy of Jean-Claude Van Damme.

‘Timecop’ To Be Remade As Big Budget Blockbuster

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

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The film that dared to bring us two Ron Silvers is coming back. Universal has announced that they plan to actually write the word "Timecop" down on paper, follow it with more pages featuring description and dialogue, hire a director to wear a baseball cap that reads "Timecop" on the front, convince an actor to play a "Timecop," and then spend money on actually getting this thing made, and mass-produce billboards and other marketing materials that say "Timecop."

Sadly, they will not cast Jean Claude Van Damme to reprise his role as the cop who cops time for this one. Good luck finding an actor who can make his foot hover in front of people’s faces. They don’t teach that skill. You’re born with it. (What’s Playing)