Screen Junkies » tim tebow http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Sun, 30 Nov 2014 14:24:21 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Tim Tebow To Become An Inspirational Stories Correspondent On ‘Good Morning America’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/tim-tebow-to-become-an-inspirational-stories-correspondent-on-good-morning-america/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/tim-tebow-to-become-an-inspirational-stories-correspondent-on-good-morning-america/#comments Fri, 12 Sep 2014 17:55:18 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=265012 Well, this is pretty on-the-nose, isn't it?

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Now that Tim Tebow has been claimed as property of ABC/ESPN as a correspondent on ESPN‘s SEC Network (sorry for all the acronyms), the conglomerate has realized that Mr. Tebow can’t be contained by a college football conference. He needs to be mass-marketed.

So now he’s gonna be on ABC’s Good Morning America, bringing us what Deadline calls, “a wide-range of reports that motivate and inspire.”

Have we lost you yet? If so, we can’t blame you. Have a nice day. If you’re still with us, this should do the trick:

The Sentinel in Carlisle Pennsylvania  reports Tebow’s first report will be about 10-year-old Deven Jackson of Perry County, who recently played in a midget football game, three years after losing both legs to a rare illness. Tebow spent the day with Jackson and his family, and spoke to Jackson’s midget football team and the league that’s trying to raise $10K to purchase equipment for Jackson.

Go take a shower.

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Tim Tebow To Remain In Our Lives As An ESPN Analyst http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/tim-tebow-to-remain-in-our-lives-as-an-espn-analyst/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/tim-tebow-to-remain-in-our-lives-as-an-espn-analyst/#comments Tue, 31 Dec 2013 22:04:33 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=258542 Pay attention, Jeremy Lin.

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Tim Tebow, the Hesiman winning QB who had extremely low expectation in the NFL, then wildly exceed those expectations for a season with the Broncos, then reverted to meeting those expectations, will be leaving the field for ESPN‘s studios. This move comes as no surprise, as his pro prospects fizzled, but buzz around the sensation remained.

The 26 year-old renowned Christian will be an analyst, not for ESPN’s NFL coverage, but rather for their dedicated channel to the SEC. It doesn’t exactly sound like a golden ticket. He’ll also be making appearances on SportsCenter, because SportsCenter LOVES Tim Tebow.

It’s being reported that his contract with ESPN won’t preclude him from pursuing playing opportunities in the NFL, but his talent very well may.

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7 ‘Bachelor’ Hopefuls More Eligible Than Tim Tebow http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-lists/7-bachelor-hopefuls-more-eligible-than-tim-tebow/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-lists/7-bachelor-hopefuls-more-eligible-than-tim-tebow/#comments Tue, 06 Mar 2012 22:19:12 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=246886 Here you go, girls. Get a load of these heartbreakers.

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Though he’s likely too busy being married to God, The Bachelor host Chris Harrison has announced that he spoke with Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow about joining the show. “I’ve actually met Tim Tebow. I met him about becoming our next Bachelor,” says Harrison. He went on to say that Tebow said yes but the demands of his football career will prevent his inclusion.

That’s fine because there are at least a million candidates btter suited for The Bachelor. In fact, of those million, here are the top seven. Here you go, girls. Feast your eyes on these heart breakers.

Franck Ribery

What women wouldn’t swoon at the opportunity to romance an international footballer? These guys are wealthy, tremendous athletes who are adored all over the world. Even Franck Ribery, who looks like the offspring of Michael Richards and Sloth. The man is a national treasure in France. Sure, you might have to compete with underage prostitutes for his affections, but boys will be boys.

Ted Williams

Ted Williams is off the streets, rehabbed, and has rebuilt his life. In other words, dude is ready to mingle. And that voice, that silky, golden voice that so perfectly purrs the time and temperature. America’s ready to get to know the new and improved Ted Williams. And I’m sure the lovely young succubi on The Bachelor would be more than ready themselves.

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9 Movies Tim Tebow Will Be Watching During The Super Bowl http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-movies-tim-tebow-will-be-watching-during-the-super-bowl/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-movies-tim-tebow-will-be-watching-during-the-super-bowl/#comments Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:01:58 +0000 Nicholas Pell http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=244448 Poor widdle Timmy Tebow and his Broncos didn’t make it to the Super Bowl. Tim and company choked hard, hopefully presaging the Broncos future as the new Buffalo Bills. Don’t...

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Poor widdle Timmy Tebow and his Broncos didn’t make it to the Super Bowl. Tim and company choked hard, hopefully presaging the Broncos future as the new Buffalo Bills.

Don’t mind — I’m just a bitter Raiders fan.

Anyway, since Timmy will be sitting at home watching the tube with mommy on Super Bowl Sunday, I’m guessing he won’t be watching the big game. It would only serve the purpose of reminding him that he’s a boy in a game of men. Here’s some stuff Timmy might be watching on game day while men battle it out on the gridiron.

Left Behind

Obligatory. While Tom Brady and Eli Manning are battling it out, pass for pass, Timmy can comfort himself with this Kirk Cameron classic. Because even though one of them will be getting a ring (and probably an MVP), none of that will matter on the day that Jesus comes back and throws them both into the fiery pits of hell. We’ll see if their Super Bowl rings will save them then.

Veggie Tales

Or maybe Timmy will be feeling a little more childish. Mommy will pop some corn and get him his bankie and he’ll cuddle up with his Veggie Tales tapes. Sometime around 9:30 at night Timmy will get all Tuckered out and pops will have to carry little Timmy up to bed. Then he’ll suckle his thumb in his footy pajamas and dream of a world where he won’t be an irrelevant joke in five years.

Knute Rockne: All American

I know literally nothing about this movie except that it’s about some football player from the 17th Century and it stars a young Ronald Reagan. Right? Shit, I seriously have no idea and I can’t be bothered to look it up on Wikipedia. Point is, Tebow likes Ronald Reagan and football, so he’ll probably be pretty into watching this. Can someone have the intern write a new paragraph where this one is? Thanks.

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19 Ways Madonna Can ‘Bring Gay’ To The Super Bowl http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/19-ways-madonna-can-bring-gay-to-the-super-bowl/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/19-ways-madonna-can-bring-gay-to-the-super-bowl/#comments Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:08:18 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=243695 This article contains phrases like "bear," "pig bottom," "riding crop," and "Tim Tebow."

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The completely infallible New York Daily News gossip section claims to have overheard from one of Madonna’s dancers that she is planning on “bringing gay to the Super Bowl.” Considering there hasn’t really been an exciting Super Bowl halftime show since Sir Paul McCartney beat his ex-wife Heather Mills with her own prosthetic leg (may have just been a dream I had), I am completely on board with Madonna doing anything she can think of to break up the monotony of familiar medleys and fireworks.

The question is, how does one “gay up” the Super Bowl? You can’t very well have men or women penetrating each other on stage, so you need to take a less obvious path to gayness. Fortunately, I’ve been tasked with suggesting a few very subtle ways to homosexualize the Super Bowl. Pay close attention to subtext and symbolism here, because, like I said, these are very subtle.

19. Start off her Super Bowl set with, “If your erection lasts longer than four hours…GET UP AND DANCE!”


18. Force Clay Aiken to kick all the extra points

17. Madonna and the NFL Present: A Salute to Drunken, Three-Hour Brunches


16. Sodomize Criss Angel: Mindfreak with a searing-hot Lombardi Trophy that has been resting over burning coals


15. Don a #8 jersey, with the last name “Proposition” stitched on it, then have Justin Tuck tackle her midway through her performance, making a powerful statement about gay marriage


14. Get Carson Kressley to dress Bill Belichick and Tom Coughlin in the same outfit, then at halftime, have the fans in attendance decide “Who Wore It Best?”


13. Assemble 11 shirtless male dancers into an offensive formation known simply as “pig bottom”


12. Pay tribute to the unsung, non-Chicago bears that keep magazines like American Grizzly afloat

11. Do a cover of “It’s Raining Men” while every player in the NFL over the past 20 years parachutes out of a C-130 cargo plane into the stadium (Note: This is only effective if the top of the stadium is open)


10. Do her usual set, just from the inside of a Mini Cooper


9. I dunno…do something with like, a gay Jesus or something?


8. Perform a bunch of Coldplay songs


7. Flash her wrinkly old vagina to the camera, turning an entire nation gay. Except for the women. They’d be straighter than ever.


6. Perform a duet with Cher, then fingerbang the hell out of her


5. Convert the t-shirt cannons to tank top cannons

4. Midway through her set, instruct the audience to reach under their seats, where they will find a small dog in a sweater. Everyone receives a small dog in a sweater whether they want one or not


3. Have Tim Tebow come out of the closet during the halftime show in an event that NBC teases as “the one Super Bowl halftime show TOO SHOCKING to miss!”


2. Talk about the BCS and how “gay” it is that college football doesn’t have a playoff system. Prepare for strong reactions from both BCS supporters and that NoH8 organization


1. Declare, in the event of a tie at the end of regulations, that the winner will be decided based on penetrations. Offer no other explanation and see what happens

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