After his latest statements, I have decided that anyone who dares reach out to this man to change him will pull back a bloody stump. With his brand of drug-addled crazy, he seriously threatens to overtake Kanye West as the mayor of Insane-O-Ville. Mel Gibson will remain City Manager.

During an (initially) innocuous interview on “The Alex Jones Show,” Sheen:

• Offered to provide a urine sample in the interviewer’s mouth
• Slammed a porn star that didn’t join him to the Bahamas. (Don’t worry, he’s still got two more with him. Natalie Kenly and Bree Olson, for those scoring at home.)
• Called his boss, “Two-and-a-Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre, a handful of anti-semitic slurs, “a turd,” and claimed Lorre had an “un-evolved mind,” unlike Sheen, who claimed that his own mind was capable of curing his alcoholism.

His exact words? Per TMZ, he said “I have a disease? Bulls**t! I cured it … with my mind.”

When Alex Jones then told Sheen that he sounded like Thomas Jefferson (a compliment, I guess?), Sheen graciously replied, “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy!” They were afraid to teach us THAT in history class.

Right now, Charlie Sheen is the most entertaining man in America…with his mind.