Screen Junkies » The Weather Channel http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 28 Nov 2014 16:30:46 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 The Weather Channel Will Be Naming Storms Now, And There’s Nothing Any Of Us Can Do About http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-weather-channel-will-be-naming-storms-now-and-theres-nothing-any-of-us-can-do-about/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-weather-channel-will-be-naming-storms-now-and-theres-nothing-any-of-us-can-do-about/#comments Tue, 02 Oct 2012 21:36:24 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=251265 Finally, some news we care about!!!

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Did you know that you have been subjected to the tyrannical whims of the National Weather Service when it came to naming the tropical and summer storms? Well you have. But now, The Weather Channel has seemingly taken it upon itself to name all the winter storms that are coming our way.

And to pull from their website, “if y’all don’t like it, y’all can go ahead and fuck yourselves.”

Ok. Their website doesn’t say anything like that, but it’s still a pretty cavalier move. Perhaps it’s the latest in their new COO‘s platform.

Hat tip to the A.V. Club, who brought this pressing story to our attention, and constructed a list of the names that is much easier to cut and paste than the one on The Weather Channel’s site.

..and here’s that list:

- Athena: The Greek goddess of wisdom, courage, inspirations, justice, mathematics and all things wonderful.
- Brutus: Roman Senator and best known assassin of Julius Caesar.
- Caesar: Title used by Roman and Byzantine emperors
- Draco: The first legislator of Athens in Ancient Greece.
- Euclid: A mathematician in Ancient Greece, the father of geometry.
- Freyr: A Norse god associated with fair weather, among other things.
- Gandolf: A character in a 1896 fantasy novel in a pseudo-medieval countryside.
- Helen: In Greek mythology, Helen of Troy was the daughter of Zeus.
- Iago: Enemy of Othello in Shakespeare’s play, Othello.
- Jove: The English name for Jupiter, the Roman god of light and sky.
- Khan:
 Mongolian conqueror and emperor of the Mongol empire.
- Luna:
 The divine embodiment of the moon in Roman mythology.
- Magnus:
 The Father of Europe, Charlemagne the Great, in Latin: Carolus Magnus.
- Nemo:
 A Greek boy’s name meaning “from the valley,” means “nobody” in Latin.
- Orko:
 The thunder god in Basque mythology.
- Plato:
 Greek philosopher and mathematician, who was named by his wrestling coach.
- Q:
 The Broadway Express subway line in New York City.
- Rocky:
 A single mountain in the Rockies.
- Saturn:
 Roman god of time, also the namesake of the planet Saturn in our solar system.
- Triton:
 In Greek mythology, the messenger of the deep sea, son of Poseidon.
- Ukko:
 In Finnish mythology, the god of the sky and weather.
- Virgil:
 One of ancient Rome’s greatest poets.
- Walda:
 Name from Old German meaning “ruler.”
- Xerxes:
 The fourth king of the Persian Achaemenid Empire, Xerxes the Great.
- Yogi:
 People who do yoga.
- Zeus:
 In Greek mythology, the supreme ruler of Mount Olympus and the gods who lived there.

The prospect of naming naming a storm “Xerxes” already makes me yearn for the days of Snow-Mania! and the other asinine names that the local news would bestow on a snow flurry.

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9 Things The Weather Channel’s New COO Needs To Fix http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/9-things-the-weather-channel%e2%80%99s-new-coo-needs-to-fix/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/9-things-the-weather-channel%e2%80%99s-new-coo-needs-to-fix/#comments Mon, 05 Mar 2012 15:23:37 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=246681 Less weather-related programs, more cake-related programs.

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Last week, The Weather Channel announced that Chris Walters will be stepping in as the network’s COO. Needless to say, this is a very exciting time for everyone who loves The Weather Channel. Chris Walters is a handsome, young go-getter who is the perfect choice to shake up the stale and broken network.

In the past few years, TWC has lost its way, succumbing to sensationalism and greed in a manner that would make Rush Limbaugh and Pablo Escobar blush. Walters NEEDS to help the network find its way again, and I’ve proposed nine tactics that should right the ship in a matter of minutes.

Change The Music During Local Forecasts

I get that the Weather Channel’s goal is not to offend, but the music they play during those things is so bland that it’s actually offensive. Rather than play mindless elevator ditties, may I suggest something like Skrillex, especially early in the morning, when I need an eye opener?

Also, I’m pretty much in love with the new Fucked Up album David Comes To Life, so maybe you could include a few of those deep cuts on there? That’d be sweet.

Stop Over-Representing Tornadoes On Your Channel

I feel like The Weather Channel gives way too much exposure to tornadoes, leading viewers to believe that there are more tornadoes than there actually are. I don’t have any data to prove this, but my hunch is normally right about things like this, so if Chris Walters wants to restore the reputation of The Weather Channel, he should probably dial back on the tornadoes and allocate more of that coverage to things like wind advisories and rainbows.

Get On The Reality TV Bandwagon

I don’t know how to shoehorn a reality competition or program into TWC’s lineup, but I’m sure there’s a way. Maybe they could do something like The Real Lighthouse Attendants of Portland (Maine) or West Coast Thermometer Builders that focuses on a ragtag group of glass blowers and mercury handlers who build artisanal thermometers for celebrities and heads of state.

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