It’s reported that Schwarzenegger will play The Exterminator, which is not exactly a complimentary title when applied to someone often mistaken for being German, a former black ops agent who trains the Toxic Avenger to fight polluters. Here are some confusing quotes from people who should know better:

“Moviegoers around the world were thrilled when Arnold Schwarzenegger returned to acting so effortlessly filling the gap that he left behind,” said producer and International Film Trust co-founder Michael Benaroya in a statement.

“Our film is a perfect combination of commercial genre, star power and award winning filmmakers to set it apart from other titles on offer at Cannes this year,” IFT president Ariel Veneziano added.

They do realize that Steve Pink made Hot Tub Time Machine, yes? I recall that film being passed over by the Academy. (Coming Soon)

Rest easy, Tromaville fans! The Toxic Avenger remake has found its writer/director, and his name is Steve Pink. His previous films includ Hot Tub Time Machine and Accepted. He will co-write the film with Daniel C. Mitchell.

Pink joins producer Akiva Goldsman, who acquired the rights to the film earlier this year. His credits include Lost in Space, Starsky & Hutch, Poseidon The Losers, and Jonah Hex. Jesus H. Christ, I take it all back! Do not rest easy, Tromaville fans! (Deadline)

Troma’s The Toxic Avenger film is a cult hit about a 98-lb weakling who mutates into a misshapen hulk after falling into a vat of toxic waste. He uses his newfound strength to rip evil-doers limb from limb and then sodomize them with said limbs. Today comes news that Akiva Goldsman has picked up the rights to remake The Toxic Avenger without including any of those good parts.

The new Toxie will be a green superhero who embarks on PG-13 adventures. Which means instead of introducing a thug’s head to his sphincter, he will now introduce thugs to brochures about recycling and Al Gore documentaries. (Deadline)