Here’s what the King of All Media had to say about the matter:

“I got a threatening kind of comment from one of the executives,” Stern told listeners on Tuesday, Aug. 21. “I was laughing my ass off. I said, ‘Do not tell me to not talk about Jay Leno. I will f—ing talk about Jay Leno for four hours if you tell me not to. I was done with Jay, now I’m all fired up again. F— Jay!”

Yes, yes. Fuck Jay.

It’s beginning to become clear that Anthony Bourdain and Howard Stern are kindred spirits when it comes to biting the hand that feeds them. Also, they kind of look alike. If Howard Stern starts railing on Emeril, though, I’m going to need to see both of them in the same room for confirmation they’re different people.

So the new documentary Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop takes us back to a time many one year and a few months ago, where O’Brien left “The Tonight Show” and embarked on a 32-state tour of the country called “The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour.” Looks like we’re getting a close-up look at the man behind the red mop… but will we like what we see?

Yeah, probably. Director Rodman Flender takes us into the Cone-Zone Jun 24, 2011 in limited release. You can read out our review of Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop here.

In a scene reminiscent of a sociopath feigning empathy, Jay Leno used self-deprecating humor to mask his seething rage over being snubbed at the Emmy nominations. During his nightly monologue, Leno "playfully" pointed out that while his show received four nominations, he received none. The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences instead chose to recognize Conan O’Brien, the man who Leno robbed of "The Tonight Show."

Sure, the entertainment news shows and the gossip columnists will claim Leno is a "class act" who is "being gracious in defeat." But watch this video for about 15 seconds, and tell me his fake smile and involuntary hand slaps aren’t vain attempts to hide the urge to kill! (Deadline)

See Jay Leno trying desperately to suppress his rage after the jump.

Last night on "The Tonight Show (with Jay Leno)," Slash donned a pin in support of Conan O’Brien. That top-hatted rocker couldn’t stop being a rebel if he tried, even though his act on defiance was the equivalent of pinning a "Molest Me" sign on your Chemistry teacher’s back. We always took it up a notch in m high school. (BuzzFeed)

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In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, we have an update about Conan O’Brien‘s comedy show. Those of us who weren’t able to surprise our girlfriends with tickets to "The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour" (what’s Jay Leno‘s excuse?) may be in luck today. Remember how you didn’t really watch "The Tonight Show" while he hosted and he was subsequently fired? Well, now you have the option to ignore a documentary about the upcoming tour too.

We don’t know what exactly to expect from the documentary but the tour itself is rumored to be off the wall with surprise guests and O’Brien’s guitar (unfortunately). The ousted host’s attempts to please "The Tonight Show" audience were lackluster due to the forced sanitization of his material so it will be fun to see him cut loose from the fetters of the network and crabby, old people. Always driving so damn slow and buying up all the Werther’s. (Deadline)

Conan O’Brien keeps finding ways to outfox NBC. Since refusing the network’s attempt to eff him over, he went on to rip them a new one night in and night out on his ill-fated Tonight Show. Then he walked away with $44 million dollars of what can only be described as "F*ck You" money. A clause in the contract precludes him from returning to television screens until September of 2010 but the show must go on. There’s news today that he’s kicking around the idea of doing live shows across the country.

Of course, he has all that aforementioned "F*ck You" money so why would he care about a few concert dates? Well, it would capitalize nicely with all the people who were suddenly with Coco, and that would help him secure a deal with another network. There’s no word on what elements from his NBC shows he would bring along with him, if any at all. It would be great to see him do a few of his crazier bits and really let loose. I just hope that he doesn’ break out his guitar. Oh crap. He’s totally going to break out his guitar, isn’t he? (Page Six)

NBC premiered the first promo for Jay Leno’s return to The Tonight Show during last night’s Olympics broadcast. The results were not so good. Actually it’s not entirely fair to call this a new promo. It’s literally the same footage he used for his The Jay Leno Show promo with the Beatle’s "Get Back" over-dubbed. Talk about polishing a turd. Get back to where you once belonged? I’ll tell you where you can get back to, Leno. You can get back to, um, elsewhere. (Burned him.)

Of course, Kevin Eubanks won’t come along for the ride but for now we can seek solace in knowing that someone out there will ask the hard-hitting questions. Like, "Hey Vince Vaughn. What is your favorite sandwich?" For the record, the answer is all of them. Vince likes all the sandwiches.

^{"If you come on my show, I’ll pay you twice what Conan did to masturbate half as much."}

The most recent Late Night Wars have taken another casualty. Kevin Eubanks, The Tonight Show‘s snickering sweater-enthusiast and band leader, is reportedly leaving the show after the March 1st debut of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: The Squeakquel. According to Extra, Kevin "wanted a change" which is Hollywood-speak for "f*ck this sh*t." There’s no word yet on what other opportunities Eubanks plans to pursue or how Leno will move forward without his only fan. Hootie and the Blowfish’s Hootie Darius Rucker is rumored to be replacing. He’d better work on his Hibbert.

Good move Jay. Now how are we supposed to know when you’ve told a joke? (Extra)

Conan O’Brien has redefined the term "fu@% you money." Hours ago, he finalized his exit deal with the network that will pay him $32.5 million, executive producer Jeff Ross $4.5 million, and his staff $8 million. On top of that, he convinced the network to cave on their mitigation clause, meaning he can set up shop elsewhere and keep NBC’s payout. Ouch. No word on whether he’ll be able to bring his characters.

To make matters more costly for NBC, on last night’s show he announced that for the remainder of the week he will introduce “new comedy bits that aren’t so much funny as they are crazy expensive.” Much like Evan Almighty.

To kick things off, O’Brien "purchased" a Bugatti Veryon, the world’s most expensive car, and dressed it like a mouse while pumping "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones. Not a funny bit (but still funnier than Leno) but a very costly bit. So costly in fact that NBC has yanked it from Hulu and NBC.com for fear of paying music royalties. Luckily I decided to forego a day’s worth of my exorbitant blogger pay to bring the clip to you. Enjoy! (NY Times)

Will Ferrell helped Conan O’Brien start his run on The Tonight Show, and now he’s going to help him end it. Conan will be retiring from NBC this Friday night after calling the network home for seventeen years. When Ferrell appeared on Conan’s first Tonight Show episode he was carried out on stage by Egyptian slaves. This time I’m hoping he carries out a box of Molotov cocktails and him and Conan go apeshit on that shiny new studio Jeff Zucker built him. Sure, audience members might be harmed in the process, but there’s nothing like a few charred tourist corpses to get your point across.

Here is Conan’s final guest line-up:

Wednesday, Jan. 20: Adam Sandler, Joel McHale and musical guest Joss Stone
Thursday, Jan. 21: Robin Williams and musical guest Barry Manilow
Friday, Jan. 22: Tom Hanks, Will Ferrell

Tom Hanks is going to be there, too?! Oh man, that place would burn to the ground. (Movieline)

It was only a matter of time until the ruthless dictator made his opinion of The Tonight Show controversy known. He’s clearly on Team O’Brien, and is infuriated that NBC ruined his vacation to sunny Southern California. It was going to be suck a nice weekend for Hitler in Los Angeles. He was so looking forward to sitting in The Tonight Show audience and giggling joyfully at Conan’s floppy red hair. And now NEIN!

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Last night, late night television had a rip roaring good time ripping NBC a new asshole. Everyone is pretty amped up over the whole O’Brien/Leno debacle, and the hosts presented a unified front by expressing their disdain for the floundering network in their own special ways. David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Ferguson, and even Conan himself didn’t hold back.

I’ve posted a couple of my favorite clips below from last night’s roast of NBC. The first one shows Conan playing a game of Deal or No Deal with Howie Mandel in an effort to decide his future. The second is Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue, where he decided to impersonate a certain big-chined "funny"man.

Check them out, and then head over to Gawker if you want to see all the clips from all the late night hosts. 

_{And the fires from Heaven will rain down upon them, and only your chin will survive!}

Conan O’Brien is mad as hell, and he’s not going to take it anymore. The current Tonight Show host has released a statement telling NBC they can go suck it, in so many words. He refuses to host the Tonight Show after Jay Leno, as he believes shifting timeslots would compromise the integrity of what he considers the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. It was NBC’s plan to put Leno on at 11:35PM, followed by Conan at 12:05PM, but now that Conan is threatening to break his contract, the PeaCOCK is going to have to think again. 

FOX has made it more than clear that they think Conan would be a perfect fit at their prosperous network. No formal offers have been made yet, but inside sources say one is extremely likely in the near future. I imagine now that Conan has told NBC what’s what, FOX is gathering its gaggle of lawyers together as I type this.

Check out Conan’s press release in its entirety after the jump.

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

(via NewYorkTimes)

_{As ordered by NBC, Leno administers the two-fingered enema.}

The gloves are off in the NBC/Leno/O’Brien debacle! Yesterday we reported that Leno might be replacing Conan on The Tonight Show, and now today we’ve learned it’s not so much replacing as it is violently nudging. Apparently the suits over at NBC have given Leno his 11:30PM time slot back. Conan has the choice of either taking the 12:00AM, in which case Leno’s show would be a half hour, or he can also decide to f*ck off completely. If Conan tells NBC brass to go screw themselves then Leno will get a full hour. So much hostility. Sto fighting, mommy and daddy, you’re doing harm to the children!

I suppose poor ratings for both shows can be blamed on this trist, or the fact that old people find Conan awkward looking and obnoxious, but it really all comes down to one super villain… You guessed it: Studio Mogul-Man.

Smug son of a bitch…

(via TMZ)

^{"Take him." "Take him."}

TMZ is reporting that NBC has a plan to fix their Leno problem but unfortunately it doesn’t solve our Leno problem. Due to very poor ratings, the network is reportedly moving Leno back to his 11:30pm timeslot. No word yet on the validity of this report or how it will effect The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien. Will Conan be pushed back an hour or ousted completely? This treatment is a bitch slap in the face to O’Brien considering his years with the network and the fact he uprooted to sunny California for the hosting gig. Don’t they realize the sun can turn a ginger to ash? (TMZ)

Last night on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog visited a spa in Los Angeles that caters entirely to dogs. The experience was so revolting he urged Conan to move back to NYC. If Triumph wants to see something really revolting I suggest he visit any Hollywood club on a Saturday night. After five minutes of wading through a sea of douchebags he’ll be on the next red eye out of LAX.

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Last night, Snookie and "The Situation" from MTV’s the Jersey Shore were "guests" on The Tonight Show. I say guests with a twinge of sarcasm because it wouldn’t be unlikely for the two emotional Guidos to crash the talk show, get pissed off that the deli meat tray in the green room didn’t have any capicola, and then strut out to the couch to provide Conan with a nick name of his very own. Also, they talk about abdominal muscles.

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