We at Screen Junkies take it upon ourselves to remind the world that, although there will be some terrific movies coming out in 2012, there will also be the requisite amount of crap that comes in the form of unnecessary sequels, remakes no one asked for, and just horrible, horrible films overall.

Review the dates and make plans to go camping, or just stay in bed over the following weekends. You’ll be glad you did.

Underworld: Awakening – January 20

Unless the working title was Underworld: Kate Beckinsale’s Nubile Tits, this probably isn’t going to be on my radar. Actually, because it’s the 73rd entry in a franchise no one will own up to seeing, and it’s being released in late January, I’m guessing it won’t be on many people’s radar.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island – February 10

Just looked up the original Journey to become familiar with it. Turns out the first film was the ill-fated Journey to the Center of the Earth in 2008. Shockingly, the film managed to rake in $100 million bucks so there’s no way there wasn’t going to be a sequel. Good news, though; Fans of The Rock and Michael Caine will finally get to see them together.

Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance – February 17

By all accounts, early buzz on this film is that it’s far worse than the poorly-received original. But wait! It’s in 3D! Nicolas Cage is running around telling everyone “it’s not a sequel.” Like anyone cares. It’s another Ghost Rider movie that no one wants or asked for. The big crime here is dragging resident badass Idris Elba into this monstrosity. Being crappy is one thing, but bring Stringer Bell into your crappiness is another affront altogether.

Moe Howard, The Three Stooges

Long considered the immortal King of the Bowl Cut, Moe of the comedy troupe The Three Stooges remains the bowl cut by which all other bowl cuts are judged. And unlike many of the cinematic bowl cut wearers to follow, Moe isn’t some milquetoast dork – he’s a badass who makes his points through violent eyejabs if necessary.

Jim Carrey, Dumb and Dumber

In order to embody the character of Lloyd Christmas in the Farrell brothers‘ breakthrough Dumb and Dumber, star Jim Carrey chose to enter the ranks of cinematic bowl cuts. So legendary was Jim Carrey’s bowl cut in this movie that he has completely divorced himself from the bowl cut for the rest of his career. Might The Number 23 have been a box office success if he’d worn a bowl cut in it? The world … may never know.

John Paul, George, and Ringo, A Hard Day’s Night

The four clean lads otherwise known as The Beatles might be more famous for the shaggy mop-style hair they wore later in their careers, but photographic evidence shows that they were definitely rocking bowl cuts in this, their first movie.  It’s not known whether they were going for comedic effect, or if they just thought bowl cuts looked cool. Either way, it’s The Beatles, man.

Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men

Anton Chigurh, much like the bowl cut itself, has often been referred to as the embodiment of evil itself. So it only makes sense that Javier Bardem would stretch his head to fit the bowl when he signed on to play Mr. Chigurh. According to Hollywood lore, when Bardem saw his bowl cut for this first time, he was heard to say “I’m not going to be laid for three months.” A small price to pay for fashion!

Damien, The Omen (2006)

While the 70s and 80s were considered the heyday of the bowl cut, here’s an example of what some may call bowl cut irony: The original The Omen, from 1976, featured a Damien without a bowl cut, while the 2006 remake, well after the era of the bowl cut, had a bowl cut Damien for its tiny antichrist/son of Satan/whatever Damien is. And why not? Can you think of a more demonic hairstyle than the bowl cut? It makes a spiky mohawk look like a Stephen Colbert professional newsman ‘do.

4 photosSofia Vergara Being Abused On 'Three Stooges' Set

She will join Larry David and Jane Lynch, who are also playing women of the cloth, as Sister Rosemary, alongside the Stooge trio of the fat guy from “MadTV,” Jack from “Will & Grace,” and some good-lookin greek dude. It’s a murderer’s row of talent! Also, a beat-up Sofia Vergara is in it as well, which is so funny, because a battered Sofia Vergara is in all my sex dreams as well.

At the risk of stating the obvious, the casting for this film has taken some very strange turns. Aside from possibly Jane Lynch, it doesn’t seem as though any of these names belong in this film. While it will certainly keep it from becoming a stale remake, it could result in an unholy mess of randomness. Either way, it’s piqued the curiosity of a couple generations who aren’t familiar with the original show, so…nice work? (Deadline)

I’m just playin’, y’all! The above set pics provided by On Location Vacations were taken during the filming of a car crash scene. The ones that Sofia herself tweeted are supposedly a result of the same scene, but I also know how Moe gets when his hand towels aren’t on the rack straight. Don’t let him intimidate you, girl. There are people who can help if you’re willing to let them.

Craig Bierko has TV credits (of course), but he’s best known for roles in Cinderella Man and Scary Movie 4. He’ll play a villain named Mac in Three Stooges. Will this movie be a cinematic masterpiece on the level of Scary Movie 4? I’ll let the Academy Award voters decide.

Meanwhile, the producers have no “Moe” problems, now that Chris Diamantopoulos has been confirmed for the role of Moe. See what I did there? Cause I don’t. (Deadline)

That’s right. Larry David is finalizing his deal to play Mother Mengele, which will in no way put him in a bad position at his synagogue. Mother Mengele is the nun that runs the orphanage where the Stooges grew up and learned to raise carnage. I had guessed he’d play an abusive uncle who taught them their violent ways, so I was half-rightish. Which I feel is deserving of a CALLED DAT SHIT (kinda)! (Deadline)

There’s a role in the film for Larry David should he choose to take it. We don’t know exactly what that role is. Maybe he’s the guy that Sofia Vergara is trying to convince the Stooges to murder. Or maybe he plays an uncle from an older generation of Stooges who taught them their Stooge ways of verbal and physical abuse. Hate like that isn’t just born. It’s handed down from generation to generation.

Otherwise, let’s just expect him to play the guy who holds his arms awkwardly whenever on camera and looks like he’s going to crack a smile during the tensest moments. (EW)

Diamantopoulos is best known for his work i”24,” though it was his portrayal of Robin Williams in a made-for-TV movie that caught the eye of the Farrell brothers. Both Johnny Knoxville and Hank Azaria had been considered for the role as well.

The movie, set for release in 2012, will consist of three half-hour “PG” segments, which should still require too much focus for most audiences. They should consider webisodes.

Who will play Three Stooges movie? While Will Sasso has been cast as Curly, and Sean Hayes landed the role of Larry, the fate of Moe is stil up in the air. Hank Azaria and Johnny Knoxville have been rumored for a while, but nobody really knows for sure. Rather than wait around for an “official announcement” like some sort of ass, we’ve decided to get the ball rolling with following five possibilities.

Rob McElhenney

McElhenney is certainly funny enough, but does he look the part? Well, sort of…around the eyes. Ah, who cares. You can slap a bowl cut on anyone and turn them into Moe.

Johnny Galecki

Galecki as been on several hit television shows including “Roseanne” and “Big Bang Theory.” Even before his work in television, he starred along side Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation. The next logical step is the Three Stooges movie. OK, that’s an exaggeration, but he’s definitely in contention.

Judah Friedlander

Judah Friedlander is hilarious on”30 Rock“, among other things. Plus his names is Judah. All the Stooges were Jews, but not one has been cast thus far. Someone has to represent for the tribe!

Nick Kroll

With shows like”The League” and “Best Week Ever” under his belt, Kroll certainly has an impressive resume. And the fact that he was involved with “Cavemen,” the sitcom based off the GEICO ads, shows that he’s prepared to handle failure, which will come in handy when Three Stooges inevitably bombs.

Nick Offerman

People seem to love Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson on”Parks and Recreation.” So why wouldn’t they love him as Moe Howard? Oh, because it’s a drastically different character that looks nothing like Offerman? I see. Still, he’s often hurtful with his words on “Parks and Rec.”. This would give him the chance to be hurtful with his finger pokes.

The part of Curly in their Three Stooges reboot, once rumored to be played by somewhat bankable movie star Jim Carrey, went instead to “MadTV” star Will Sasso. However, at least the casting makes sense, because Sasso is a proven physical comedian who looks the part. Now, the role of Larry, once rumored to be played by Oscar winning actor Sean Penn, will instead go to a very different Sean: Sean Hayes (“Will and Grace”), aka “Just Jack!,” aka ”I had to look up what Jack McFarland’s catch phrase was, because it’s been so long since I’ve even thought about ‘Will and Grace’.”

Maybe the Farrelly’s have been poked in the eyes / clobbered over the head too many times? Or maybe these are the only folks who will sign on to a project with directors who haven’t produced a hit in over a decade.

Fox is distributing, and the film will be broken into 27-minute segments, rather than a feature length narrative. (Variety)

Sasso actually brings a lot to the table, except for name recognition, despite the fact that he’s a regular on the popular sitcom “Shit My Dad Says.” He looks the part, he’s a funny impersonator and physical comedian, plus the film will be broken into three long Three Stooges sketches, which should make him feel right at home. Like he’s back at his terrible previous job.

20th Century Fox and the Farrelly’s are now on the lookout for their Larry and Moe. Who else wants to throw their faith behind the guys who just made Hall Pass? Anyone? (Hollywood Reporter)

“[A] PG film that will be told in three interconnected, short films. The plan will also find the directors recreating classic gags, but re-interpreting them and re-contextualizing them a contemporary setting.”

One possible reason for Sasso’s being considered so strongly is his sketch comedy background might make him useful in a movie with three interconnected vignettes. Plus, no matter what, it will undoubtedly be funnier than “MADTv.” (via The Playlist)

Knoxville was considering the role, but wisely backed away before serious negotiations took place. Unlike the Farrelly’s, Knoxville has made several hit movies in the past decade, though both their filmographies include movies about bad things happening to dudes’ balls. I’m guessing Hall Pass was Knoxville’s pass out of Stoogeland. So that leaves the gross out brothers with three roles to fill, rather than two.

Knoxville is eyeing other projects, including a merging of the Jackass and Broken Lizard crews in a film amazingly titled Mustache Riders. He’s also producing, and possibly starring in, a movie about a man whose wife runs for president. It has the less amazing title of First Man and will be written/directed by Max Winkler. (Hollywood Reporter)

Looks like they’ve moved away from trying to win an Oscar and have focused exclusively on comedic actors. While making the rounds for Hall Pass, the Farrellys have revealed the current state of casting. In competition for the role of Moe are Hank Azaria and Johnny Knoxville, Will Sasso leads the charge for Curly, and Larry has been offered to Larry David, Woody Harrelson, and Justin Timberlake.

Hmmm… really interesting choices in there. If it were up to me, I’d say Azaria, Sasso, and Harrelson are all perfect. As much as I’d like to see Justin Timberlake poked in the eyes, he’s just not the right fit. (via The Playlist)

“It’s all new material. It’s not a biopic. We want to give a matinee feel to it. But none of the studios had any interest in it at the beginning. There was a lot to prove. We even had to show that in the script, despite all the hitting the Stooges were known for, it could be a PG movie.”

You know, that quote could also be about the band The Stooges and you wouldn’t have to change anything.  Set your Twitter hashtags to #DelToroforIggyPop. (The Playlist)

Peter and Bobby Farrelly are on board to direct the film, which was originally part of MGM‘s lineup before financial troubles forced the studio to abandon the project. It’s a shame MGM couldn’t hold onto the rights. Mel Gibson did a TV movie based on the Stooges a few years back, and look at him now!

The change in studio oversight is accompanied by a tentative start date for the comedy: Twentieth Century wants to begin shooting on March 14, 2011. An ambitious milestone, but whether it’ll actually happen hinges on how soon Bobby and Peter Farrelly can secure a cast. So far, things are looking shaky. At one point, Sean Penn, Jim Carrey, and Benicio Del Toro were on board to play the trio of lovable idiots. That lineup was all but lost, however, when Penn and Carrey both dropped out, leaving questions about whether Del Toro would stay on. At the moment, there are no official cast confirmations, but the Farrellys remain optimistic.

“The script is ready to go, and we are opening up these roles to the world right now,” Peter Farrelly said. “We’ll make it with the best possible people. Our feeling is that no star is too big to audition and no matter who it is, we’re going to have to see him in the role. This is not ‘The Flintstones.’ You’ve got to be Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard, and that could be a major movie star or at unknown.”

The script, which was written by the Farrellys and actor Mike Cerrone, will place the Stooges in the present day, starting from their shared childhood at an orphanage and following them through adulthood. I’m already doubting the realism of this film considering that these days any child who displays the sort of erratic behavior that characterizes the Stooges is immediately prescribed massive amounts of Ritalin and/or enrolled in special ed. Looks like I just gave you your hook, boys. Sean Penn might return to the project if he can play a retard. (Deadline)

The Three Stooges movie may be dead. At least, according to serious actor, Jim Carrey (Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, Batman Forever). He shot down any hope of seeing him portray Curly in The Farrell Brothers stab at the classic masochists. His main reason? Jim Carrey does not fat suit. He bent over and told MTV via his butt:

“For me, I don’t really want to do anything halfway, and I don’t feel like a fat suit does it. I started experimenting with it a little bit, and I gained 35, 40 pounds. I wanted to gain another 30, 40. When you’re [Robert] De Niro in your 20s or early 30s, you can kind of come back from that. It’s a tough thing to come back from when you’re upwards of 30. Your body can’t carry it or you can have a cardiac arrest.”

The fat suit doesn’t do it? Did he see Shallow Hal? Jack Black‘s fat suit looked so realistic in that. Gwyneth’s was okay, but Black’s was like a shroud of chub. You could nestle up and nap in that thing.

Sean Penn was attached to play Larry in the Farrell Brothers‘ big screen The Three Stooges film last winter. Shortly after, he dropped out to work on his marriage with actress Robin Wright Penn. The couple have since decided to call it quits once and for all and so with that news, Penn is back on board Stooges alongside Benicio Del Toro‘s Moe. Problem is, noted actor and craft services fan Paul Giamatti picked up the Larry role after Penn put hoes before Farrelly Bros.

Earlier plans were to hold a nationwide American Idol-esque casting call to find an actor who could take on the role of Curly. Perhaps Giamatti could fill those shoes with his porcine feet. Heck, he’ll do anything. Can the star of Shoot ‘Em Up really claim that a role is beneath him? (WENN)