“‘Engine’ details how the downy-cheeked-but-web-savvy Kohlmann — dubbed “the Doogie Howser of Terrorism” by an FBI agent when he was just 23 — has helped convict 23 defendants in federal courts and Guantánamo Bay tribunals with his expert witness testimony. Now 31, Kohlmann is a controversial figure who has made testifying at such trials his principal source of income and earned a reputation in some circles as “working in the ‘guilty-verdict industry.’”

It remains to be seen if Eisenberg will actually take this part. It’s superficially reminiscent of Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network, but it also appears to be a very interesting character in its own right. In any case, apparently Eisenberg is waiting for a script before he makes a decision. Maybe he’ll take it if his girlfriend breaks up with him. (Vulture)

Best Movie
Black Swan
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Inception
The Social Network
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Best Comedic Performance
Adam Sandler — Just Go With It
Ashton Kutcher — No Strings Attached
Emma Stone — Easy A
Russell Brand — Get Him to the Greek
Zach Galifianakis — Due Date

Best Jaw-Dropping Moment
James Franco — 127 Hours, Cuts Off His Arm
Justin Bieber — Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, Performance Spectacular
Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page — Inception, Paris Café Scene
Natalie Portman — Black Swan, Mutilation: Pulls The Skin Off Her Finger
Steve-O — Jackass 3D, Port-A-Potty Bungee Stunt

Best Female Performance
Emma Stone (Easy A)
Emma Watson (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 1)
Jennifer Aniston (Just Go With It)
Kristen Stewart (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Natalie Portman (Black Swan)

Best Male Performance
Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 1)
Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network)
Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Taylor Lautner (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Zac Efron (Charlie St. Cloud)

Best Kiss
Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt — Inception
Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe — Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson — The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner — The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis — Black Swan

The six other categories can be seen at MTV’s website and meditated upon. Commit them to memory so you can take part in The Great Conversation. (MovieLine)

I think Mark just found a new career.

Here’s a rundown of the awards, which I edited myself by removing the student category:

BEST EDITED FEATURE FILM (DRAMATIC):

“The Social Network”

Angus Wall, A.C.E. & Kirk Baxter

BEST EDITED FEATURE FILM (COMEDY OR MUSICAL):

“Alice in Wonderland”

Chris Lebenzon, A.C.E.

BEST EDITED ANIMATED FEATURE FILM:

“Toy Story 3”

Ken Schretzmann & Lee Unkrich, A.C.E.

BEST EDITED HALF-HOUR SERIES FOR TELEVISION:

“Modern Family: Family Portrait”

Jonathan Schwartz

BEST EDITED ONE-HOUR SERIES FOR COMMERCIAL TELEVISION:

“The Walking Dead: Days Gone Bye”

Hunter Via

BEST EDITED ONE-HOUR SERIES FOR NON-COMMERCIAL TELEVISION:

“Treme: Do You Know What it Means”

Kate Sanford, A.C.E. & Alexander Hall

BEST EDITED MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE FOR TELEVISION:

“Temple Grandin

Leo Trombetta, A.C.E.

BEST EDITED DOCUMENTARY:

“Exit Through the Gift Shop”

Tom Fulford & Chris King

BEST EDITED REALITY SERIES:

If You Really Knew Me: “Colusa High”

Rob Goubeaux, Jeremy Gantz, Hilary Scratch, Ken Yankee, Mark S. Andrew, A.C.E., Heather Miglin, John Skaare &amp Paul J. Coyne

So for all you potential editors and editoresses out there, keep this moment in mind and don’t forget to cut back to it when you need a little inspiration. Sorry, I can’t do much with editing jokes, come on. (via Variety)

Anyhoo, if you find yourself single, fear not. While being alone on Valentine’s Day might seem like a fate worse than death, the fact of the matter is that being in a relationship can be just as bad. As they say, the grass is always greener. Don’t believe me? Well, here are 9 films that prove you’re probably better off alone.

The Social Network

The Social Network begins with Mark Zuckerberg being dumped by his girlfriend. As a result of being spurned, he goes on the create Facebook, and becomes the youngest billionaire in the world. If that’s not an endorsement of being single, I don’t know what is. Sure, then the film ends with Zuckerberg pining for the same girl that dumped him, but that’s just screenwriter Aaron Sorkin being an asshole.

Basic Instinct

Yeah, having sex with a hot blonde girl sounds like a lot of fun, but what if she turns out to be some crazy bi-sexual? I don’t mean “crazy” in the good, three-way related way. I mean “crazy” in the “I’m going to stab you to death with an icepick” kind of way. Basic Instinct alerted the world to this ever present danger, and after watching the film, I chose to abstain from sex with hot women. Why risk it? It’s much safer to stay in and watch reruns of “Home Improvement.”

About Schmidt

You think being single is bad? Try being a widower. It’s basically like being single again, except you’re totally unprepared to function on your own because you’ve become dependent on your partner. Plus, you have to deal with the emotional baggage that comes with the loss of a spouse. As About Schmidt shows us, we’re all going to die alone, anyway. Why not cut out the middle man and just stay single?

Kramer vs. Kramer

When you’re resigned to the fact that you’re going to die alone, watching your friends get married can be difficult. But the next time you feel jealous of a married couples’ happiness, check out Kramer vs. Kramer, and remember that half of all marriages end in divorce.

War of the Roses

If divorce isn’t bad enough, how about death? War of the Roses tells the story of a married couple who grow so tired of their marriage that they end up killing each other. And that’s not the worst of it. In the film, the vengeful wife ends up biting her husbands penis. The odds of such a thing happening to a single person are dramatically lower, especially for those without house pets.

MacBeth

Having a loveless marriage is one thing, but it’s better than having an evil, manipulative spouse. Just ask MacBeth. His wife convinced him that killing the king would be a good idea. It turns out it wasn’t. As a bonus, this film was directed by Roman Polanski. He tried his hand at marriage, and his pregnant wife ended up getting murdered by the Manson Family. This tragic event caused him to wise up and enjoy the single life. Of course, his idea of “the single life” was drugging and sexually assaulting 13-year-old girl, but you don’t have to be that drastic.

American Beauty

Everyone knows that married life in the suburbs is boring. But what you might not have known before American Beauty is that ending up in a loveless marriage can result in you getting your head blown off by your closeted gay neighbor. Who knew? I’ll stay single, thank you very much.

Shawshank Redemption

Getting married is just setting yourself up for disappointment. Not only are you committing to monogamy, which is stupid, but you’re also running the risk of getting cheated on. Just ask Andy Dufresne. His wife ended up fooling around with a golf pro, and Andy ended up going to jail for a crime he didn’t commit. The moral of the story: don’t get married.

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

Relationships are all about trust. And after seeing Confessions of a Cheating Housewife, I could never trust another woman again. They’re all just waiting for the chance to have sex with the delivery guy. You’re much better off getting a job with UPS than getting involved in a relationship.

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY  Inception, Written by Christopher Nolan; Warner Bros.

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY   The Social Network, Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin; Based on the book The Accidental Billionaires by Ben Mezrich; Sony Pictures

DRAMA SERIES  ”Mad Men,” Written by Jonathan Abrahams, Lisa Albert, Keith Huff, Jonathan Igla, Andre Jacquemetton, Maria Jacquemetton, Brett Johnson, Janet Leahy, Erin Levy, Tracy McMillan, Dahvi Waller, Matthew Weiner; AMC

TV EPISODIC DRAMA – any length – one airing time  “The Chrysanthemum and the Sword” (“Mad Men“), Written by Erin Levy; AMC

TV COMEDY SERIES ”Modern Family,” Written by Jerry Collins Paul Corrigan, Alex Herschlag, Abraham Higginbotham, Elaine Ko, Joe Lawson, Steven Levitan, Christopher Lloyd, Dan O’Shannon, Jeffrey Richman, Brad Walsh, Ilana Wernick, Bill Wrubel, Danny Zuker; ABC

TV EPISODIC COMEDY – any length – one airing time  “When It Rains, It Pours” “30 Rock“), Written by Robert Carlock; NBC

The most interesting thing here is Christopher Nolan getting an award for Inception, after what many perceived as a snub when the Oscar nominees were announced. And the fact that “Mad Men” took both the overall series category AND the episodic category just goes to show that it’s the best show on TV.

Here are some more winners, and you can see a complete list at Deadline.

COMEDY / VARIETY – (INCLUDING TALK) SERIES

The film portrays her father, King George VI, as an uptight stutterer who eventually goes on a ridiculous swearing binge. Up until now, nobody on Team King’s Speech — Colin Firth, director Tom Hooper — knew what the subject of the hidden track on “Abbey Road” thought of their film. Now they know, because The Sun reports:

“[S]he found it moving and enjoyable. She was clearly amused by some of the lighter moments.”

The Queen is also a documented Nintendo fan, so I’m sure she’s greatly anticipating “The King’s Speech: Stutter Busters” for Wii. It comes with a phonograph peripheral.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was also as-gracious-as-can-be-expected about his biopic The Social Network, even appearing on SNL with star Jesse Eisenberg, pretending to be cool about everything. Damn it, why aren’t these people more outraged about Hollywood taking liberties with their lives? Back in the good old days, if William Randolph Hearst didn’t like your movie about him, he would bury your film in the papers and attempt to buy all the negatives so he could burn them. Now that’s what I call a kickass reaction to a biopic. (TheWrap)

What’s most shocking here is that Taylor Lautner is coming in at #9, which means not only did he out-earn EVERY WOMAN IN HOLLYWOOD, but all but eight of the men as well. According to Vanity Fair, he scored $33.5 million for his work in the two final Twilight installments, as well as simply showing up to film the stinker-in-waiting Abduction. That’s it. I’m gonna start doing 10-15 sit-ups every day.

Some other takeaways that may leave you wanting to kick down the walls of your cubicle:

• James Cameron leads the pack with $257 million from his film about tall blue people. Glad to see he’s back on his feet.
• Johnny Depp commands what we in the industry refer to as a “shit-ton” of money for his films, collecting $50 million for Alice in Wonderland, $35 million for whatever Pirates of the Caribbean movie they’re up to now, and $20 million to get seduced by Angelina in The Tourist. Can we take away his remaining indie credibility now?
• People made a lot of money off of Inception, Iron Man 2, and Twilight.
• Adam Sandler will not stop making crap movies if he keeps “earning” $50 million per year for being a pudgy schlub.
• Where did all The Social Network money go?

If you didn’t see your favorite actor or actress on this list, don’t worry. They’re still obscenely rich. (A.V. Club)

All of Hollywood woke up early today to find out the nominees for the 2011 Academy Awards. Except for M. Night Shyamalan. He’s going to sleep in. And then eat some waffles that he later discovers are ghosts.

Without further ado, here are the nominees that will have to struggle to keep eye contact with co-host Anne Hathaway.

Best Picture

‘Black Swan’

‘The Fighter’

‘Inception’

‘The Kids Are All Right’

‘The King’s Speech’

‘127 Hours’

‘The Social Network’

‘Toy Story 3′

‘True Grit’

‘Winter’s Bone’

Best Director

Darren Aronofsky, ‘Black Swan’

David O’Russell, ‘The Fighter’

Tom Hooper, ‘The King’s Speech’

David Fincher, ‘The Social Network’

Joel and Ethan Coen, ‘True Grit’

Best Actor

Javier Bardem, ‘Biutiful’

Jeff Bridges, ‘True Grit’

Jesse Eisenberg, ‘The Social Network’

Colin Firth, ‘The King’s Speech’

James Franco, ‘127 Hours’

Best Actress

Annette Bening, ‘The Kids Are All Right’

Nicole Kidman, ‘Rabbit Hole’

Jennifer Lawrence, ‘Winter’s Bone’

Natalie Portman, ‘Black Swan’

Michelle Williams, ‘Blue Valentine’

Best Supporting Actor

Christian Bale, ‘The Fighter’

John Hawkes, ‘Winter’s Bone’

Jeremy Renner, ‘The Town’

Mark Ruffalo, ‘The Kids Are All Right’

Geoffrey Rush, ‘The King’s Speech’

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams, ‘The Fighter’

Helena Bonham Carter, ‘The King’s Speech’

Melissa Leo, ‘The Fighter’

Hailee Steinfeld, ‘True Grit’

Jacki Weaver, ‘Animal Kingdom’

Cinematography

Matthew Libatique,’Black Swan‘

Wally Pfister, ‘Inception’

Danny Cohen, ‘The King’s Speech’

Jeff Cronenweth,’The Social Network‘

Roger Deakins,’True Grit‘

Best Animated Feature Film

‘How to Train Your Dragon’

‘Illusionist’

‘Toy Story 3′

Best Foreign Film

Mexico – ‘Biutiful’

Greece – ‘Dogtooth’

Denmark – ‘In a Better World’

Canada – ‘Incendies’

Algeria – ‘Outside the law’

Best Original Screenplay

‘Another Year’

‘The Fighter’

‘Inception’

‘The Kids Are All Right’

‘The King’s Speech’

Best Adapted Screenplay

‘127 Hours’

‘The Social Network’

‘Toy Story 3′

‘True Grit’

‘Winter’s Bone’

Best Art Direction

‘Alice in Wonderland’

‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I’

‘Inception’

‘The King’s Speech’

‘True Grit’

Best Costume Design

‘Alice in Wonderland’

‘I Am Love’

‘The King’s Speech’

‘The Tempest’

‘True Grit’

Best Original Score

‘How to Train Your Dragon’ John Powell

‘Inception’ Hans Zimmer

‘The King’s Speech’ Alexandre Desplat

‘127 Hours’ A.R. Rahman

‘The Social Network’ Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

Best Documentary

‘Exit through the Gift Shop’ Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz

‘Gasland’ Josh Fox and Trish Adlesic

‘Inside Job’ Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs

‘Restrepo’ Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger

‘Waste Land’ Lucy Walker and Angus Aynsley

Best Film Editing

‘Black Swan’

‘The Fighter’

‘The Kings Speech’

‘127 Hours’

‘The Social Network’

Best Makeup

‘Barney’s Version’

‘The Way Back’

‘The Wolfman’

Best Sound Editing

‘Inception’

‘Toy Story 3′

‘TRON: Legacy’

‘True Grit’

‘Unstoppable’

Best Sound Mixing

‘Inception’

‘The King’s Speech’

‘Salt’

‘The Social Network’

‘True Grit’

Animated Short Film

“Day & Night”

“The Gruffalo”

“Let’s Pollute”

“The Lost Thing”

“Madagascar, carnet de voyage (Madagascar, a Jouney Diary)”

Live Action Short Film

“The Confession”

“The Crush”

“God of Love”

“Na Wewe”

“Wish 143″

Visual Effects

“Alice in Wonderland”

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1″

“Hereafter”

“Inception”

“Iron Man 2“

He commented on the scenes involving cocaine and a Victoria’s Secret model. “I wish my life was that cool.” His girlfriend must be TH-RILLED right now.

“The part of the movie that frustrated me most was when the character played by Justin Timberlake who just happens to have my name – writes a cheque to Eduardo who I remain in contact with and consider a friend, and throws it at his face and has him thrown out of the building. That’s just rude. I mean who would do that?”

Umm, I don’t know, people who are hilarious? That’s how Screen Junkies pays me. Am I to believe this is not standard practice in the business world? If so, I’m sooo not wearing that ball gag when I blog from now on. (The Next Web)

With “Sports Night” and “Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip” under his belt, it should come as no surprise that the setting of the new show will be behind the scenes of a cable news show. It’s about time someone made CNN fun to watch.

I’m excited to see what he does with the inevitable Bill O’Reilly character. Though it makes me sad that Phil Hartman isn’t around to play him. So sad, in fact, that I’m going to dump out this 40 oz. that I was planning to have for lunch. (BBC)

Enlisting the help of his girlfriend and another girl, both NASA interns (pimp), Thad planned an Ocean’s Eleven-style heist to steal heavily-guarded moon rocks. Seems like a lot of trouble, but to each their own. He could have just bought some on Amazon for $170.00 plus shipping. Or $130.00 if he’s approved for the Amazon.com Rewards Visa Card. (Deadline)

The Social Network

Awards like these can be indicators of how the Oscars are gonna go. I thought The Social Network was terrific, but I’m pulling for Toy Story 3 to win Best Picture, just like director / noted foot fetishist Quentin Tarantino. Are industry types willing to give the prestigious title of “Best Picture” to the third film in a series about action figures who fight mean children and evil teddy bears? Hopefully! But as long as they can ghettoize Pixar films to the Best Animated movie category, Buzz and Woody’s Best Picture chances may end up in the incinerator. Also, remember how terrified you were during that scene? Yeah, that shit was crazy.

A little more interesting is Inception sleep-stealing the most awards of the evening with 6, but they’re mostly art direction awards, which means they’re entirely worthless. The Fighter pounded its way to two awards for Best Supporting Actor and Actress Christian Bale and Melissa Leo. Also, Natalie Portman won Best Actress for Black Swan. Wasn’t Mila Kunis going down on her enough of a reward?

Here’s the full list of winners from Cinema Blend:

Best Picture: The Social Network
Best Actor: Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
Best Actress: Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale, The Fighter
Best Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo, The Fighter
Best Young Actor/Actress: Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Best Acting Ensemble: The Fighter
Best Director: David Fincher, The Social Network
Best Original Screenplay: David Seidler, The King’s Speech
Best Adapted Screenplay: Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network
Best Cinematography: Inception
Best Art Direction: Inception
Best Editing: Inception
Best Costume Design: Alice in Wonderland
Best Makeup: Alice in Wonderland
Best Visual Effects: Inception
Best Sound: Inception
Best Animated Feature: Toy Story 3
Best Action Movie: Inception
Best Comedy: Easy A
Best Picture Made for Television: The Pacific
Best Foreign Language Film: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Best Documentary Feature: Waiting for Superman
Best Score: The Social Network

Of course, if that were the case, his show would still be a lot better than the January Jones episode.

Meanwhile, Dana Carvey will return to 30 Rockefeller Plaza on February 5th, which brings up an interesting question: really?

I know he’s an SNL legend, and Church Lady can (and should) kick all of Kristen Wiig‘s running characters’ asses, but usually hosts have something to promote or have been working recently. Eh, y’know, screw it. If Mike Myers is there and the whole episode is a giant Wayne’s World reunion, then I say, “party on, Dana Carvey!” *Plays Air Guitar* (TV Squad)

They’ll start reading the pages and pages of dialogue that they already saw in the movie, get bored around page 23 and log into the actual social network, where they’ll write on their Facebook wall about how great the screenplay is. When their quote unquote screenwriter friends see these posts, the cycle will repeat itself for a few sad days. Meanwhile, all their quirky dramedy spec scripts will spend yet another day unfinished.

And some asshole blogger will point that out and will feel kinda bad, but not really. (Deadline)

Hello, Junkies!  Ronnie Pudding here, once again participating in the state parole board’s work release program by taking a look at the front runners for the 83^rd Academy Awards and writing about it on the internet.  Hard to believe 2010’s already been tossed in the dumpster like a dirty syringe but there it is, festering with HIV and broken dreams.  Or maybe that’s an actual dirty syringe; after all, Ronnie’s writing this from the dumpster behind Starbucks of Toluca Lake (not the worst dumpster I’ve spent the night in and hey, free WiFi). Seems like just yesterday I was comparing the Oscar prospects of films like Avatar, Up in the Air and The Hurt Locker. Of course that could be due to the fact that I spent the last eleven months in a paint-huffing-induced coma. Or perhaps because the resulting brain damage gave me the short term memory recall of Guy Pearce’s character in Memento. Or maybe it’s because… what was I writing about again? And what’s that tattoo on my scrotum? Oh yeah… the Oscars.

Unlike last year, there’s no one film gobbling up media attention like a paternal-love-deprived stripper at a daddy convention. And that’s probably a good thing. Because while it went on to become the highest grossing movie of all time, 2009’s Avatar has aged about as well as Maria Conchita Alonzo in a pair of Z Cavaricci pants. Luckily, there are a number of actual good films in contention for this year’s Best Picture shiny gold dude. Films such as The King’s Speech, Inception, 127 Hours Black Swan True Grit, Amputee Sluts 5 (a solid improvement over the franchise’s 4^th installment) and the subject of this week’s article, The Social Network.

I was admittedly skeptical when I heard the news that a Facebook movie was in the works.  After all, the Friendster movie had spiraled into obscurity as quickly as it rose to prominence and the MySpace movie turned out to be nothing more than a garish display of tasteless narcissism, shameless self-promotion and sparkly unicorn GIFs. However my initial misgivings were put to rest when I actually saw the film. While David Fincher’s probably most known for his visual flourishes – and for a film taking place mostly in dorm rooms and board rooms here and there are plenty – his best work can be found in his loving handling of mentally deranged misanthropes such as Fight Club’s schizophrenic protagonist, the serial killers from Se7en and Zodiac and now perhaps the most misanthropic of them all, Facebook creator and Mark Zuckerberg. The slick editing capture the spirit of the internet age, zipping from scene to scene like someone scrolling through a lady friend’s Facebook gallery hoping for a drunken panty flash or nipple shot. But what really stood out was Aaron Sorkin’s dialogue, which comprised a litany of instantly quotable lines rattled off at a machine gun clip not unlike a smarter version of Tarantino’s coked-up motor-mouthisms. For a film populated almost entirely by privileged Ivy League douchebags, The Social Network was utterly engaging.

But was it an Oscar winner? Let’s see where it stands in the in the major categories that drive the Academy’s voting.

RETARD STRENGTH (2.5/5): While Jesse Eisenberg had previously made a career of being the discount Michael Cera, with his portrayal of Facebook head honcho Mark Zuckerberg, he finally stepped out of George-Michael’s shadow and into his own spotlight. His Zuckerberg was deliciously complex; too villainous to be an anti-hero, too pathetic to be an actual villain.  He was misanthropic, misogynistic, sociopathic, and perhaps a bit Aspberger’s afflicted. But unfortunately, a flawed character does not a retard make.  As I explained last year: If you qualify for the Special Olympics, you’re retarded enough for an Oscar — so long as you adhere to the “full retard” rule posited in Tropic Thunder. But while Zuckerberg’s personality flaws made him a more interesting character, they did not provide obstacles for him to overcome on his journey (which culminated in him becoming a multi-billionaire). If anything, they helped. A lot.

SOCIAL RELEVANCE (4/5): While the Prius-driving, Mac-using, plastic-rimmed-glasses set will remind you that they abandoned Facebook for Twitter (or was it Tumblr) like a thousand-million years ago, no amount of hipster elitism can hide the fact that Facebook is a genuine social phenomenon. It has transcended the ephemeral nature of most “killer apps” and for the moment at least, seems to be a permanent addition to our cultural zeitgeist. Want proof? Ask your mom. Not only does she know what Facebook is, she’s actually on it — tagging you in embarrassing family photos and posting irony-oblivious comments under your snarky status updates. Eff yeah, Facebook’s relevant.

EPICOSITY (2/5): While The Social Network’s cinematography would make for an amazing episode of “Saved by the Bell,” it hardly contains the sort of epic grandiosity that leads to an easy Oscar win. This is not a knock on David Fincher or his cinematographer Jeff Cronenweth; The Social Network necessarily takes place in visually banal locales such as Ivy League dorms, generic office buildings and Palo Alto computer geek hovels. But while this certainly serves the film, if they were hoping to serve the tastes of Academy voters they should have the thrown in the occasional helicopter shot of the Grand Tetons, or a camel caravan crossing Saharan Tunisia.

UPLIFT (1/5): Are you a wealthy, silver-spoon-chewing douche-nozzle whose massive ego is only dwarfed by your gargantuan sense of entitlement? Do you have zero regard for personal relationships, viewing your friends as ultimately disposable stepping stones toward attaining the success that is your birthright? Well according to The Social Network, if you play your cards right, you might wind up being one of the wealthiest men in America before your 30^th birthday.  This is probably pretty uplifting to the handful of you reading this from your Phillips-Exeter dorm rooms as you arbitrarily select which nannies you’ll frame for stealing the family silver over sprin break. But for the rest of us – we actual humans with actual souls — it only serves as a grim reminder that success is all too often built on the knife-adorned backs of those foolish enough to trust their fellow man.

TOTAL POWER RANKING (2.375/5): Is The Social Network a great film? Certainly. Given the degree to which social networking has inexplicably affected (and infected) our daily lives it is the most relevant film of the year – perhaps even the decade — and a best adapted screenplay trophy for Sorkin is virtually guaranteed.  But I don’t see it taking home a Best Picture Oscar on February 27^th. Perhaps The Twitter Movie will be the internet film to finally pull that off.

Oh, and hey, don’t forget to “like” this article on Facebook! LOL! Fart.

"Now, observe how the two girls use the cup."

Good news! You’re going to have the opportunity to spend another $12 on seeing The Social Network this weekend. Then, on Tuesday you can go out and spend more money on your own copy when it’s released on home video. Your ticket purchase will help push it to $200 million worldwide, and in turn you get a warm place to hang out for a few hours. Maybe you can get some nachos too. It’s a good deal for everybody.

Sadly, the nasty side-effect to this is that Justin Timberlake is an actor now. We have to just accept it, I guess. Or you could stay home in protest and not see this year’s Best Picture. Then you’ll look like a jerk. Oh God, this is Slumdog Millionaire all over again, isn’t it? (Variety)

I knew it was only a matter of time before The Social Network inspired a copycat film. But I hardly expected said film to be a biopic on Karl Rove with Shia LeBeouf playing the Republican strategist. But like Costco on Acid, Hollywood can be a very strange place.

In the wake on The Social Network‘s success, the L.A. Times brings word that the new hot biopic circulating in Hollywood is the Wes Jones script for College Republicans, a dramedy about Karl Rove’s college bid to become chief campus conservative under the tutelage of Lee Atwater. Among the many young hotties vying to play Rove (only in Hollywood!) is Shia LaBeouf…

Now that I think about it, I can totaly see why this might come together. A lot of people seem to hate Karl Rove, a lot of people seem to hate Shia LeBeouf, and I always have to pretend I know who they both are so I don’t look stupid. It’s the perfect fit. (Vulture)

_{Get outta there, Tom! You don’t belong there!}

Here are your weekend links.

The Social Network‘ Stars Geek Out (_Moviefone)

_{6 Extremely Ethically Questionable Psychological Experiments (Asylum)}

_{8 Priests Arrested For Something Other Than Touching Kids (Ranker)}

_{Colorado Zombie Cops: The Reckoning (HolyTaco)}

_{Frotcast: Lindy West, Wall Street, Jackass 3D Screening (FilmDrunk)}

_{Hot Pictures Of Kelly Brook (Maxim)}

_{Carla Giraldo SOHO Topless Photo Shoot NSFW (BarStoolSports)}

_{5 Celebrities Who Were One Hit Wonders (EgoTV)}

_{It Was A Graveyard Smash: "The Munsters" Are Back!!! (Pajiba)}

_{6 Six Things A Person Needs To Create A Successful Kid’s TV Show (Unreality)}

_{30 Hot Hockey Girl Pics (TotalProSports)}

_{The Social Network & 7 Other Websites That Has Movies (Smosh)}

_{The 25 Hottest Women Born In October (BroBible)}

_{Miley Cyrus Has Cholera (CelebJihad)}

_{CagePotato Comments Of The Week: NSFW (CagePotato)}

_{Shia LaBeouf Won’t Drop Beef With Frankie Muniz (PopEater)}

In honor of The Social Network, here are 13 classic betrayals from the world of cinema.

SPOILER ALERT – THE WHOLE DAMN LIST IS A SPOILER!

Marcus Brutus – Julius Caesar (1970)

What list of classic betrayals would be complete without mention of Brutus from Julius Caesar. For well over 2000 years, the story of his betrayal has been making the rounds. And while there are many examples to choose from, I went with Jason Robards’ portrayal from the 1970 film. Why not James Mason’s 1953 version? F**k James Mason, that’s why! Limey git.

Judas Iscariot – Passion of the Christ (2004)

Another “must have” figure on any list involving betrayal, Judas Iscariot is synonymous with back stabbing. He’s a lot like Brutus, in the sense that people have been talking about him for over 2000 years. But unfortunately for Judas, the guy he killed turned out to have a pretty powerful father with a lot more clout than Caesar. To this day, billions of people curse his name.

The Bride – Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2 (2003 & 2004)

A lot of people like to pretend The Bride was the victim in the Kill Bill films. Those people are jerks. Clearly, Bill is the one who was wronged. He trained the woman, gave her a career, and loved her above all others. And how did she repay Bill’s kindness? By running off to marry some other dude while she was pregnant with his daughter. What an ungrateful trollop! Can you blame bill for massacring her wedding rehearsal? It’s a man’s world, Beatrix.

Holly Martins - The Third Man (1949)

Sure, Harry Lime (Orson Welles) is a callous prick who sells watered-down penicillin to sick children. But he’s charming! More importantly, he was your friend. Well, not your friend. But he was friends with Holly Martins (Joseph Cotten). And how did Martins repay his friendship? By exposing his whereabouts to the police who had previously thought he was dead. Choosing a bunch of sick kids over your friend? That’s pretty low.

Robert the Bruce – Braveheart (1995)

Technically, Robert the Bruce unwittingly betrayed William Wallace at the end of Braveheart. Bruce’s sexy looking father was actually the one to blame. But considering his earlier betrayal, secretly siding with the English at the Battle of Falkirk, we’re still adding him to the list. Of course, the movie’s 90% bullsh*t anyway, so perhaps Mel Gibson’s betrayal of history should be on the list instead of Robert.

Elsa -Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

What’s worse than finding out a woman has been sleeping with you for information? A lot of things, actually. One of them is finding out she’s a Nazi spy. Another is finding out she’s already boinked your old man! Supporting National Socialism is bad enough, but tricking someone into taking sloppy seconds from their dad is an unforgivable betrayal.

Price – Stalag 17 (1953)

Again with the Nazis? This time it’s Price (Peter Graves), a spy on the inside of a German POW camp who is trying to glean information from his “fellow Americans.” After thwarting several escape attempts and getting the escapees killed in the process, Price is on the lookout for another prisoner who is hiding somewhere in the camp. Luckily, Sefton (William Holden) was done putting up with his Nazi bunk, and exposed Price to the other prisoners. They didn’t take kindly to his treachery, and gave him a very special sendoff.

Dr. Charles Nichols – The Fugitive (1993)

Dr. Charles Nichols had developed a new wonder drug that was going to make him a lot of money. The only problem was that his friend, Dr. Richard Kimble, figured out it caused liver damage. Rather than lose out on all that cash, Nichols had a better idea: kill Kimble. That’s where things got a bit hairy. The hit man hired to do the job accidentally killed Kimble’s wife, instead, inadvertently framing Kimble for the crime. The rest, as they say, is mediocre movie history.

Nicky Santoro/Joey La Motta – Casino (1995)/Raging Bull (1980)

If I was Robert De Niro, I would keep my wife as far away from Joe Pesci as humanly possible. It seems Joe just can’t keep his hands of off Robert’s women, at least in the movies. In both Casino and Raging Bull, Pesci’s characters commit the ultimate betrayal by sleeping with De Niro’s characters’ wives. It was a little worse in Casino, since he also tries to have De Niro’s character killed, but at least he gets what’s coming to him at the end.

Lando Calrissian – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

When Lando first sees Han in The Empire Strikes Back, he greets him with the following line: “Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler.” That’s what we psychology minors like to call “projecting.” By the time Han arrived, the fix was already in, and Lando had sold-out his old friend to the Empire. Granted, he redeems himself at the end of the film, but not before his friend is frozen solid and shipped of to a gangster’s crime palace. Too little, too late, Lando.

Fredo Corleone – The Godfather Part II (1974)

“I’m smart! I can handle things!”

Apparently not, since Fredo (John Cazale) was dumb enough to sell his brother Michael out to Jonny Ola and Hyman Roth. It’s understandable that he’d be upset about getting passed over as Godfather by his younger brother, but still. You never go against the family. Poor Fredo learned that the hard way, and now resides at the bottom of Lake Tahoe.

Lisa – The Room (2003)

If there is a more poignant tale of treachery and betrayal, I have yet to see it. Imagine discovering your future wife was only interested in you because she thought you could buy her a house. Now imagine that she’s been cheating on you with your best friend. That’s enough to tear any man apart, even our stoic hero, Johnny (Tommy Wiseau). Eventually, Johnny can no longer take the cruel torments of his two-timing fiancée, and takes his own life is a scene that can only be described as a cinematic tour-de-force.

What did I miss? Stab me in the front in the comments section.

The Social Network is the movie of the year. If Coppola were into computers, this would be The Godfather. Should I have gone with Scorsese and Goodfellas? I think it’s the cooler reference but The Godfather is more legendary and Social Network deserves the comparison.

The dialogue is so Aaron Sorkin, meaning they skip around a conversation to be clever, or two brothers speak like one person. It’s an awesome balance of keeping up with the threads and conveying all the information. It makes me love the writer but hate the characters for talking like that. After all, you’re supposed to hate Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg).

Bravo for a film having an unlikable protagonist. These are the outlaws. They’re mean, amoral and criminal, but damned if they’re not admirable. They’re so smart and powerful, these are people you don’t want in your life but he’s fascinating. 

Master editing conveys the excitement of this world. You understand all the hacking, and a small world goes on behind Mark’s head. This makes computers more exciting than any hacker movie I’ve seen previously.

It’s the little details that elevate the filmmaking to master status. Fincher captures the tone, the sound, the lighting of administration meetings, boardrooms, hearings, lecture halls. Club music actually drowns out dialogue. It’s not reinventing film language. It’s just using the tools correctly. It’s also got the best use of closing text (the “where they are now” info) I’ve ever seen.

The rhythm of the dialogue creates a lot of the film’s excitement. Forgive the cliché, but it’s pulse pounding because it literally speeds up your listening rhythms. You feel the rise and fall of the dramatic build. The ambient musical score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross helps too, along with the staging and editing.

Little elements of our modern culture ar buried in the story. All the abbreviations we now commonly use online get their start somewhere, the lingo gets invented or scenes are devoted to the creation of Facebook profile elements like relationship status.

The performances are so distinct; the characters are unlike any of the stereotypes they represent. Jocks, nerds and rich kids are individuals in this movie, barely identifiable by their superficial identifiers. It’s true, Justin Timberlake gives a transformative performance. You may think he’s playing Sean Parker as the rock star, but you realize he’s actually the Devil. Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield) becomes the heart and soul of the movie.

There’s one scene I thought looked like the cold breath was added in CGI and it looked fake. If I’m wrong, then that means nature looks fake. Another fun observation that’s just Hollywood conceit is that all the computer programmers are thin and have good skin. Hey, if you’re doing the glamorous version of the Facebook story, that’s the way to do it. As The Social Network brilliantly proves, glamorizing computers can in fact be cool.

The kid stays in the picture! Of course, the "picture" in question is The Social Network, and by "kid" I mean a controversial coke party scene featuring Justin Timberlake. According to Vulture, the scene in question features Napster co-founder Sean Parker (Timberlake) at a party where two girls offer coke to guests via their naked breasts. One of the girls is only 17. Director David Fincher has decided to leave the scene in the film despite the fact that a researcher involved in the production has admitted it is almost entirely fictional.

Representatives for Facebook have taken issue with the scene as well, but are you really going to trust what they have to say? They also claim to do everything in their power to kee predators from accessing their network, but I’ve never received so much as a warning.

There’s already been a MySpace parody of The Social Network trailer and now comes the inevitable YouTube parody. It adds as much drama to a movie about a video website as anyone could hope for. Keyboard Cat even makes an appearance, although I’m not sure why he isn’t a bigger character. His lackadaisical ivory-tickling still keeps YouTube afloat to this day.

Check out the parody trailer after the jump…

The Video Website Social Network Parody – Watch more Funny Videos

(/Film)

_{Jesse not happy.}

A few weeks ago we showed you the full length trailer for David Fincher’s The Social Network and you loved it as much as I did (don’t defy, Daddy). Now FirstShowing has dug up what is most likely a one-minute commercial airing on some channel somewhere at some point in time. It replaces Radiohead’s "Creep" with Kanye West‘s new single "Power," you know, for the kids. I watch a buttload of TV and haven’t seen it yet, but I still have a slew of "Say Yes to the Dress" episodes sitting on my DVR. Sorry, I can’t attend your thing tonight. My Friday is booked. 

Check out the spot after the jump…

_{Someone’s been watching ‘A Beautiful Mind’ in their dorm room.}

The first official full length trailer for David Fincher’s The Social Network has dropped, and it is wow. I was a little skeptical after seeing the first and second teaser, but I apologize for doubting the project and may the shadow demons from Ghost have mercy on my soul. The trailer is constructed beautifully. Fincher must have been keeping a choir rendition of Radiohead’s "Creep" in his back pocket for years. The song just wouldn’t work when synced with Brad Pitt. Most Radiohead tracks don’t.

The Social Network friends theaters October 1, 2010.

Check out the trailer after the jump…

The Social Network Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

_{Aaron Sorkin burn.}

The second teaser for David Fincher’s The Social Network has dropped, and it doesn’t give us much more than the first one. It swaps bold, dramatic text with scrolling Facebook status updates written by the film’s characters. The whole thing seems like a bad idea from a legal standpoint. Why would Mark Zuckerberg want all of his backstabbing documented on the very site that made him millions? And why do none of the updates inform me who’s drinking alone tonight, who just heard their favorite song on the radio, and who just made a killer grilled cheese sandwich? It’s those mundane details that will cement the realism of the narrative.

Check out the second teaser after the jump…

_{Trent just loves FarmVille.}

Trent Reznor and David Fincher are now friends.

At least we assume they are, now that we know the Nine Inch Nails’ front man has scored the soundtrack to Fincher’s upcoming Facebook docudrama, The Social Network. Hell, at this point, we wouldn’t be suprised if they were poking.

Reznor, whose music was also featured in the soundtrack for Fincher’s Se7en, is big fan of the director. And like many of his fans, he was confused as to why Fincher would choose to make a film about Facebook. However, after being involved with the project, he seems happy with the end result.

"I’ve always loved David’s work but quite honestly I wondered what would draw him to tell that story," said Reznor before quickly explaining, "It’s really f*cking good!"

Reznor’s involvement in the film is somewhat ironic, given the fact that he made headlines in 2009 (online headlines, not the real kind) for publicly pledging to tune out from online social networks.

"I will be tuning out of the social networking sites because at the end of the day it’s now doing more harm than good in the bigger picture and the experiment seems to have yielded a result. Idiots rule." (Empire Online)

Columbia Pictures has released the teaser trailer for David Fincher’s The Social Network. The minimalist approach seems to love the smell of its own farts. Utilizing voiceover and bold text, Mark Zuckerberg is called a genius and a prophet. He almost made Jesus status, but he has yet to walk on water. …Loser. Regardless, the film is directed by David Fincher which means it’s mandatory viewing for humans.

The film stars Jesse Eisenberg as Zuckerberg, Justin Timberlake, Andrew Garfield, and Joe Mazello. It hits theaters October 1, 2010.

Check out the TEASER after the jump…

The Social Network Teaser Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos

Columbia Pictures has released the poster for David Fincher’s new film The Social Network. Jesse Eisenberg plays Mark Zuckerberg, the co-founder of Facebook, alongside Justin Timberlake, Andrew Garfield, and Joe Mazello. The film’s subject material differs from Fincher’s usual M.O., so I’m very curious to see how he tackles "Pokes" and "Add a Friend." Social networking is a far cry from the backwards-aging man of Benjamin Button and the strap-on knife dildo of Se7en. But then again, I guess it all depends on who you follow. (/Film) 

^{"Are those Bagel Bites?!!"}

Columbia is eager to work with David Fincher again after seeing him work on The Social Network. Variety is reporting that he’s attached to re-up with the studio for Pawn Sacrifice, a movie about chess nerd Bobby Fischer’s 1972 match against Boris Spassky. That sounds exciting, huh? Well, more exciting than Ridley Scott’s Monopoly anyway.

But Variety is also reporting that Fincher has his eye on the US remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (which sounds more like a Fountains of Wayne song than it does a movie). Also note that Fincher may be involved with the 3D version of Heavy Metal as well as his previously reported HBO series. It’s doubtful that he’ll take on all these projects due to his demanding schedule. Same old story. You know how he is. I’m still waiting for him to clean out the damn rain gutters like he promised he was gonna do. (Variety)